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Hey guys, I really don't know what to do.
I met my boyfriend when I was 18 and I'm 22 now. He's cool and funny as hell. Our love and intimacy grew so well that I thought he came straight out of my fantasy. We have our ups and downs like every other couple but we've always made up. I am rarely around because I go to school and he has never given me any reason to doubt him until I heard rumours about how a great playboy he is. I received threatening texts from the other girls including his sisters warning me to stay away from their brother. Am this type of person that rarely show emotions. I was heartbroken and angry so I made sure he couldn't get in touch with me. For months we lost all communications until he eventually found me. He begged me to take him back and promised to be a better person, I did and I saw he's putting great effort to it. My mom hates him even without knowing my relationship with him being that we stay in the same estate.
Now, he wants to marry me but is afraid coming to my house because he thinks that my mom will be aggressive to him and that's not far from the truth. I've always known he's been trying to get me pregnant but he's never been more serious than now. He said the only way my mom is going to allow us work is if I get pregnant for him, that a month-in is enough for him to do the rites. He's even calculating my monthly calendar to know the right time to visit me in school.
My parents have high hopes for me and I never want to disappoint them. How will I face them knowing am pregnant outside wedlock? Am now left to choose between him and my parents. He's 29.
Please overlook my grammatical errors and help a sister out.

My mom hates him even without knowing my relationship with him being that we stay in the same estate.

Why did your mom hates him?

See this one... u want to get pregnant for a guy with history of infidelity just to help him with his lack of confidence and fear in approaching your mother....
Do U even care about a mothers blessing, true blessing doesn’t come from the mouth, it’s from the heart... if Ur mother doesn’t like the dude u want to go with her heart won’t bless u for real

If he can’t man-up and enter your Mum’s good books to marry u the right way instead of ambushing your mum with your pregnancy... he should fvck off.....

madridguy:
My mom hates him even without knowing my relationship with him being that we stay in the same estate.

Why did your mom hates him?

He was a ladies man

My suggestion is that you invite him to your house when you're around, make sure your mom see him. I'm sure she will query you about him then you tell her he's now a good guy. You alone can paint him white and don't buy the ideal of getting pregnant for him. Getting pregnant for him will make your mother hate him more.

Sammy435:
He was a ladies man

What's up with all these stories of ladies getting pregnant before a man marries you. Una no they wise?

1StopRudeness:
See this one... u want to get pregnant for a guy with history of infidelity just to help him with his lack of confidence and fear in approaching your mother....
Do U even care about a mothers blessing, true blessing doesn’t come from the mouth, it’s from the heart... if Ur mother doesn’t like the dude u want to go with her heart won’t bless u for real

If he can’t man-up and enter your Mum’s good books to marry u the right way instead of ambushing your mum with your pregnancy... he should fvck off.....

Eeh noted. thanks

At least talk to your mum first about him and hear what she has to say. Tell her you are both dating and want to get married. Find out why she even has reservations about him. You need to tread carefully and think deeply before you make a decision. Because marriage is deep

madridguy:
My suggestion is that you invite him to your house when you're around, make sure your mom see him. I'm sure she will query you about him then you tell her he's now a good guy. You alone can paint him white and don't buy the ideal of getting pregnant for him. Getting pregnant for him will make your mother hate him more.

lol. Am even afraid to try that stunt

ImaIma1:
At least talk to your mum first about him and hear what she has to say. Tell her you are both dating and want to get married. Find out why she even has reservations about him. You need to thread carefully and think deeply before you make a decision. Because marriage is deep

I swear I don't even know how to start with her

''Ana agwo ibi o na eto afo''.

I Dont know what is wrong with some single ladies All of a sudden .

You want to get pregnant so ur parents will succumb ?
You must think You are doing them.

Sammy435:
I swear I don't even know how to start with her

Don't you think it would be worse approaching her when you are pregnant? That's if you decide to take that option. What's the worse that could happen? She will shout, overreact, etc. It's better than doing nothing about the situation

Womb na ur own,heart na ur own,parent na ur own and boyfriend na ur own...choose wisely..for hope is anchored in the soul.

Smh. Nigerian women these days don't value themselves.

The power required to change your mom's perception about your lover is in your hands. But put this in mind that your cool, jovial and funny lover may someday cheat on you (majority of men will, anyway).

whatever you do, don't get pregnant to coerce your parents to accept him. 29 years old and still thinking like a child. Odiegwu! All the time he's using to calculate your monthly calendar can be used to build a relationship with ur mum.

It seems u are doing everything to please him. Its clear u love him more than he loves u. Please finish school first . What's in it for u anyway? U will disappoint ur mom, get pregnant and give birth out of wedlock cos HE is like something out of a FANTASY. ITS MERE INFATUATION .
How old re u? sense to fall on u.

You are just 22, why do you want to put yourself in this kind of mess. Finish school, get a job, enjoy your life and get ready for marriage. Everybody is trying to upgrade themselves but you are trying to degrade yourself by getting pregnant for a man that has zero value for you.. You will get stuck along the line. He will frustrate you and you will have no place to run. Listen to your parents, sometimes when they disagree, its because they know something you don't. Think twice but at the end whatever rocks your boat

My pulse raced as I read all you wrote cos I could clearly see a young woman making costly mistakes and about to make the costliest one that she will look back in less than 10 years from now and wonder how she got there..

What happened to your self worth and basic common sense? Why should a man who is not married to you be calculating your periods for you so he can get you pregnant for free? Do you think motherhood and marriage is child's play? Do you have a tangible source of income to cater for yourself and a child? What your boyfriend is asking you to do clearly shows you his character and what he stands for and you are too blinded by puppy love to see it for what it is!

He is using your brain and you are allowing him to use it! At 22, what's the rush? His sisters followed to warn you to leave their brother alone and you are still smiling and entering into fire?
Start by telling your mum you guys have been dating and want to get married and listen with an open heart all her reservations against him and truthfully ask yourself if they are really true or not before you take the next step which should definitely not be getting pregnant before marriage except you want to play with hot burning fire!!

Incase you didn't read all that I typed above, let me summarize it for you: Tomorrow is the sum total of our decisions today!
I pray God to give you wisdom!

Ahhh aunty get sense na

Simpleandsweet:
My pulse raced as I read all you wrote cos I could clearly see a young woman making costly mistakes and about to make the costliest one that she will look back in less than 10 years from now and wonder how she got there..

What happened to your self worth and basic common sense? Why should a man who is not married to you be calculating your periods for you so he can get you pregnant for free? Do you think motherhood and marriage is child's play? Do you have a tangible source of income to cater for yourself and a child? What your boyfriend is asking you to do clearly shows you his character and what he stands for and you are too blinded by puppy love to see it for what it is!

He is using your brain and you are allowing him to use it! At 22, what's the rush? His sisters followed to warn you to leave their brother alone and you are still smiling and entering into fire?
Start by telling your mum you guys have been dating and want to get married and listen with an open heart all her reservations against him and truthfully ask yourself if they are really true or not before you take the next step which should definitely not be getting pregnant before marriage except you want to play with hot burning fire!!

Incase you didn't read all that I typed above, let me summarize it for you: Tomorrow is the sum total of our decisions today!
I pray God to give you wisdom!

Honestly, you took the words out of my head! What kind of irresponsible play is this? Where are young women dropping their brains? Get pregnant to win your mother's approval? Wonderful! Hopefully, the pregnancy will also win you his family's love, right? You are thinking like a child with self-esteem issues.

Even worse, the relationship is partially long distance, hence the reason why it seems like a fantasy. He only shows you his wonderful side. You would be in the class of people to get married and then come back and tell us your husband has changed. He's showing you all the signs now but you are determined to walk int this. His family doesn't like you, your mom doesn't like him, he's a supposedly former ladies man, he's spineless and manipulative, he likes to cut corners and he puts his own ambitions first regardless of anyone else.

Here's what men who have lots of experience do, they play the field while sustaining a semi-comfortable relationship with a gullible younger girl, most likely one they disvirgined themselves. They marry her before she clues in on things and give her few babies to occupy her time. Then they go back to their life of carousing, at which point, said young wife is too exhausted, hurt or disillusioned to fight. Because she is as weak as they imagined, she keeps quiet and they live nappily ever after. Or not.

Not that i am saying this is your fate, but be wise. You still have time to get your brain out of whatever locker you kept it and utilize it.

God help you!

Sammy435:
lol. Am even afraid to try that stunt

You're afraid inviting your boy friend over to meet with your mom because you you're not sure your mom will welcome him. Don't you think it will be worse when you're pregnant.

If your boy friend achieved his aim and everything goes south, are you self sufficient to cater for your self and child? Remember he's a ladies man according to you and don't buy the bullshit that he has changed. Men like him have the tendency of maltreating the woman in his life unapproved knowing fully well she has no one to cry to.

He wants to get you pregnant first? imagine if your daughter was telling you this.

Pls finish you and make something of your self.
If you rush in, you will rush out.

Sammy435:
Hey guys, I really don't know what to do.
I met my boyfriend when I was 18 and I'm 22 now. He's cool and funny as hell. Our love and intimacy grew so well that I thought he came straight out of my fantasy. We have our ups and downs like every other couple but we've always made up. I am rarely around because I go to school and he has never given me any reason to doubt him until I heard rumours about how a great playboy he is. I received threatening texts from the other girls including his sisters warning me to stay away from their brother. Am this type of person that rarely show emotions. I was heartbroken and angry so I made sure he couldn't get in touch with me. For months we lost all communications until he eventually found me. He begged me to take him back and promised to be a better person, I did and I saw he's putting great effort to it. My mom hates him even without knowing my relationship with him being that we stay in the same estate.
Now, he wants to marry me but is afraid coming to my house because he thinks that my mom will be aggressive to him and that's not far from the truth. I've always known he's been trying to get me pregnant but he's never been more serious than now. He said the only way my mom is going to allow us work is if I get pregnant for him, that a month-in is enough for him to do the rites. He's even calculating my monthly calendar to know the right time to visit me in school.
My parents have high hopes for me and I never want to disappoint them. How will I face them knowing am pregnant outside wedlock? Am now left to choose between him and my parents. He's 29.
Please overlook my grammatical errors and help a sister out.

Some of these womanizers want to marry a good girl they know won't cheat and would be a good mother to their kids.

So, I'm sorry to burst your bubble dear, his incessant begging might not entirely be because he loves you.

He might truly love you but if he doesn't see anything wrong in cheating he will break your heart in marriage and you will be bitter all your life.

My mom also disliked my ex as soon as I described him to her ( old peoples experience)

Almost the same story as yours.

I just thank God for coming from a supportive family and prayerful family.

It took prayer and divine revelation for me to walk out of of the relationship that was leading to marriage.

His insistence on i

Acidosis:
The power required to change your mom's perception about your lover is in your hands. But put this in mind that your cool, jovial and funny lover may someday cheat on you (majority of men will, anyway).

You included abi?

Help me ask them ooooh. Me, I don tire.

Efewestern:
What's up with all these stories of ladies getting pregnant before a man marries you. Una no they wise?

Sammy435:
Hey guys, I really don't know what to do.
I met my boyfriend when I was 18 and I'm 22 now. He's cool and funny as hell. Our love and intimacy grew so well that I thought he came straight out of my fantasy. We have our ups and downs like every other couple but we've always made up. I am rarely around because I go to school and he has never given me any reason to doubt him until I heard rumours about how a great playboy he is. I received threatening texts from the other girls including his sisters warning me to stay away from their brother. Am this type of person that rarely show emotions. I was heartbroken and angry so I made sure he couldn't get in touch with me. For months we lost all communications until he eventually found me. He begged me to take him back and promised to be a better person, I did and I saw he's putting great effort to it. My mom hates him even without knowing my relationship with him being that we stay in the same estate.
Now, he wants to marry me but is afraid coming to my house because he thinks that my mom will be aggressive to him and that's not far from the truth. I've always known he's been trying to get me pregnant but he's never been more serious than now. He said the only way my mom is going to allow us work is if I get pregnant for him, that a month-in is enough for him to do the rites. He's even calculating my monthly calendar to know the right time to visit me in school.
My parents have high hopes for me and I never want to disappoint them. How will I face them knowing am pregnant outside wedlock? Am now left to choose between him and my parents. He's 29.
Please overlook my grammatical errors and help a sister out.

His insistence on getting you pregnant before marriage shows he is selfish even though you have been blinded by love.

A man that truly respects you will do everything in his power to convince your parents to see reasons with him even if it takes years.

There was a story I read on quora by an Indian guy about how he met and married his wife. You know Indians practise caste system which is worse.than tribalism in Nigeria.

But for over two years this guy was persistent about marrying the girl.

He risked being disowned by his parents and grand parents but persisted

Even the girl had earlier rejected his proposal because of the obvious barrier caused by their difference in castes she didn't see how the relationship would work but the guys persistence broke a barrier that had lasted thousands of years before they were born.

This is the full story if you are interested.

Answer to Have you found your soulmate? What are your views and experiences? by Anubhav Jain https://www.quora.com/Have-you-found-your-soulmate-What-are-your-views-and-experiences/answer/Anubhav-Jain-179?ch=3&share=c5733528&srid=3Tf1F


Don't marry a man/ woman who will not fight for you but is willing to take the back door or make you go against your principle to be with them.

Your inexperience with relationship is making you not see things clearly.

I will advice you as a big sister, If you marry that man who his sisters hate you against your moms wishes and he breaks your heart you will regret for the rest of your life.


Let time be the best teacher.

Don't push, don't fuss.

1. Tell him you can't get pregnant out of wedlock and stand by it.

2. If he begins to put pressure on you that he wants marriage instantly and will breakup with know he is selfish and thinking about himself.


Stop trying to convince your mom for a man who can't man up and do the convincing himself.

What's wrong with women these days.

Next you will go and pay your bride price and be feeding him in the marriage.
Tufiakwa.

Despite the fact that you are in love, always remember you are a lady.

A woman has so much to loose in marriage you can't afford to end up with a low life.


If you still want to be stubborn after all the advice you will receive today may you not be like mama Imade and mama Hailey. Everyday fighting for a man's attention. A man who didn't put in any effort into being with them but got them on a platter of gold.

bukatyne:
You included abi?

Nope, I won't/can't cheat on my wife.

what about your studies Dear? Have you completed it? Don't you want to empower yourself First by getting a Job..Do u have some savings for an unforeseen circumstances before jumping into this thing your man wanted.. because I believe it was not u that wanted it but him..

I don't even understand this logic.. are u trying to trap your parent into agreeing to this guy's advances by getting pregnant or are u trapping yourself when you are not ready to get pregnant?

Anyways if that's the kinda achievement you want and the kind of high hopes your parent have for you, Go ahead as long as it makes u happy ..

But I will be disappointed if the only assets you can boast while going into this adventure is good clothes, shoes and handbags without proper savings.. U are going for an adventure and u need money of your own.. You said your guy eyes dey red over other women? If that should occur again and u don't have money to cool off by renting for 5months, and u can't return to your parents.. what are u going to do? That is how depression starts.. There are red flag everywhere and u are not seeing it.

You have a whole opportunity to make it right

Sammy435:
Hey guys, I really don't know what to do.
I met my boyfriend when I was 18 and I'm 22 now. He's cool and funny as hell. Our love and intimacy grew so well that I thought he came straight out of my fantasy. We have our ups and downs like every other couple but we've always made up. I am rarely around because I go to school and he has never given me any reason to doubt him until I heard rumours about how a great playboy he is. I received threatening texts from the other girls including his sisters warning me to stay away from their brother. Am this type of person that rarely show emotions. I was heartbroken and angry so I made sure he couldn't get in touch with me. For months we lost all communications until he eventually found me. He begged me to take him back and promised to be a better person, I did and I saw he's putting great effort to it. My mom hates him even without knowing my relationship with him being that we stay in the same estate.
Now, he wants to marry me but is afraid coming to my house because he thinks that my mom will be aggressive to him and that's not far from the truth. I've always known he's been trying to get me pregnant but he's never been more serious than now. He said the only way my mom is going to allow us work is if I get pregnant for him, that a month-in is enough for him to do the rites. He's even calculating my monthly calendar to know the right time to visit me in school.
My parents have high hopes for me and I never want to disappoint them. How will I face them knowing am pregnant outside wedlock? Am now left to choose between him and my parents. He's 29.
Please overlook my grammatical errors and help a sister out.

What an elder sees sitting down, even if you climb a tree you won't see it. This one his family hates you, they'll frustrate if u marry the man.

DON'T DO IT! You're 22, don't you think you're still too young to tangle up yourself in such mess? Marriage isn't everything. I know he would manipulate you but listen to me if you follow his suggestion you MUST regret it.

An all round maturity is what you should work on.Aspire to step up please.All the best dear.