₦airaland Forum

GrabHisBalls:
Stop saying she pressured you. I don't think women easily pressure men into doing things they don't want. I could even deduce you married her 'cause a child was involved which you had a choice to say 'No' to. Inasmuch as she may have fooled you, you have your own share of the blame. Couples undergo series of test like genotype, blood group, HIV status before marriage. If you'd both done this, you would've known her status prior to the marriage. That would've informed you that she's infected since you're lucky to have been immune to the virus.

talking fast as usual

GrabHisBalls:
Stop pushing blames. She didn't force you into marriage. This is why I dislike getting pregnant out of wedlock and suddenly getting the man marry you. Most men who marry in such conditions only do so for the child, not for the woman. Davido impregnated 2, didn't marry any and wasn't forced. Even the Chioma he claims to have so much affection for is pregnant just like the other ladies. Question is, would he have married her if not for the pregnancy? Wizkid has his and wasn't forced. At least, not yet. Own up to your mistakes 'cause you could've said 'No' and nothing would have happened.

What happened to having your medical records before marriage? How insensitive were you that your wife was taking a particular drug for 5 good years under your nose and you had no idea? Just thank God you and your son's are immune to the virus.

is this all u av to say? women can be funny

Facts

Op you're not positive not because of luck

You are simply negative because she has been taking her drugs (adherence to treatment)

You are negative because her drugs has been effective thereby leading to low load of virus in her system (viral suppression)

If she continues to take her drugs the right way, she will remain virally suppressed and you cannot contract it from her

None of your children will get it from her if these conditions still remain (including the unborn if you still have strength)

She might be wicked but she cannot deliberately infect your boys with the virus. They are her boys too and she their mother

If you begin to treat her bad, it might affect her psychologically

If this happens, she might become non adherent to her treatment

If that happens, you will be at risk of contracting it tomorrow

Summary

Most couple live in peace with one partner being positive while the other negative

If you support her, you will remain negative

Good luck

Hobbsandshaw:
Even doctors are suprised.We have been doing skin to skin for over 6yrs now.From what I gathered, she discovered her status sometime in 2014.

Many positive married women their husbands are negative.

This is typical example of marriage by deceit....

instead of expecting apology, run for your life

This is no case and at the same time, it is a case.

No case because there are processes and procedures for divorce. A marriage under a false pretence is no marriage.

It is a case on the other hand. Because according to you, she is carrying the virus before marriage and she kept it away from you. The onus is now on you to proof that beyond a reasonable doubt at the court of law.

I think she was probably afraid of losing you? It can happen to anyone.

Confront her and encourage her to tell you the truth and assure her of your support, alm the way, if she did tell you the truth in time - as that's the only way you can trust her again. If she does and she's remorseful. Forgive her and continue to live in happiness. If not, then she could be a friend to the devil. You need to get out of the home as quick as possible, dont give her an inkling of your plans.

All the best.

The woman is very smart I most say. Trust me it is your fault for falling into her trap.

That's why I say No to premarital sex. You are not suppose to sleep with her in the first instance because you guys are not married and that is why I don't envy couples that get married because the partner is pregnant.

In this jet age, you agreed to marry a lady that you don't know her simple health records (HIV,Blood group and genotype)

How insensitive were you that your wife was taking a particular drug for 5 good years under your nose and you had no idea?

If were you which I wish not to be, I will divorce her and take custody of my kids.

Bro, YOU ARE A CARRIER OF THE VIRUS, BUT IT CANT affect YOU, IF U SLEEP WITH ANOTHER WOMAN SHE WILL GET THE DEADLY VIRUS.... IS YOUR BLOOD GROUP A?

She is not positive to HIV, the test procedures is detecting something else mistaking it for HIV. From what you posted, it is clear that these is not HIV. Please don't divorce her. She is not infected with HIV. Misdiagnosis is in place here. They should run other tests on her and treatment administered to her. Let her stop taking the anti retroviral drugs. The test strips are detecting something else. Because the test principle is detecting antibodies of HIV, it can also mistake natural antibodies for HIV antibody. I hope you understand this.

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

You know all the right terminologies for someone that is not living positively. Are you selling us a fiction?

Count yourself lucky sir. God loves you so much. Take it gently with her, understand she has nothing to lose while you have much at stake. She appears to be less perturbed too by the situation, so my advise is, get a court order for divorce and disappear with your kids. Make sure you don't feature within her radar. Best of luck, God be with you.
Meanwhile...
Are you a teacher?
Get FREE access to the best compilation of school lesson notes/plans, curriculum and exams. Visit my signature for details...

All those stubborn wives do as they pleases without giving a duck about how d partner feels.

Their conclusion is she has kids for him and there is nothing he can do again.. If you talk she yaks back even. Can't be Controlled and manipulative.if she is still not showing remorse? Am sorry to say.. You can go for divorce bit Thia woman will hurt you real bad. If she doesn't stab you while sleeping g.

No so pregnancy den disappear? Even when some loose pregnancy.. They might cry for months but she seems to just take it like there was none there.. Deceitful is when she was taking retro drugs for years and you did not suspect.. Same way she will be sleeping g around and still won't give no sign

HarunaWest:
You speak like a very dull weak man with short d*ck like the other dude rightly posted..A woman you call your wife breached Trust which is a sacred oath of marriage here and your here talking parables,talking of son and her stubborness..
So you don't know the way to police station or no court to file for divorce around your environs?


Ye are actually a weakling sha,that's how she convinced you to marry her at the beginning..
I don't advice plebs

HARUNAWEST Man! daris actually a host of ways u could choose to communicate reasonably besides, which one is ur own there sef? y are u taking it to hrt...naa advice den ask u, if u cnt giv one, gladly jus kip quiet instead f speakn like a chyld. who know's, mayb ur a child!

LadySarah:
I must say you are one lucky man.Have been doing skin to skin all these yrs and still negative?

You are special

Modified:Science or not,taking drugs religously and having low viral load,i still maintain he is special. .If you so believe yourselves,go and experiment with a carrier .

The mentions haff do

if you are on retro u will not be infective.

Hobbsandshaw:
Even doctors are suprised.We have been doing skin to skin for over 6yrs now.From what I gathered, she discovered her status sometime in 2014.

sorry to say this..your wife is a very wicked woman.

For all of you that thinks I'm consoling myself by saying I'm negative,well I don't owe you any prove.But for your information, I've gone for test in IDH(Infectious Diseases Hospital,Yaba),LASUTH, private labs and one of the military hospitals in Lagos at 6months intervals, can they all be wrong?

You can also Google Luck! or Google and
check "Discordant couple" on WHO website.

I only put it out on this forum because I know the sensible people here outnumber the nonsense ones.

misterme:
"In sickness and in health remember"

Well it doesn't work like that. I was a Catholic for many years before I "decamped". One thing I like about the Catholic Church is the clarity of their doctrine (even if wrong at times).

The Catholic position on this is that any marriage contracted under any kind of deception (especially the type that bothers on sexuality and reproduction) is null and void. In fact in situations like this, they say there was no marriage abinitio. That means even though men (priests) erroneously join you together in the physical, there was no marriage spiritually and before God. God does not recognize it because it's foundation is falsehood and deception.

If the offended party discovers the truth later in life and decides to end the marriage, the Catholic Church will dissolve the union because there was never a marriage in the first place. The Catholic Church does not believe in divorce, can never grant divorce and has never granted divorce. The may grant separation if the couple come to a point where they believe they can't live together again. As long as they were properly married (no deception, no hidden secret capable negatively impacting on the marriage later), the Catholic Church will not grant divorce.

But its a different ball game if there was deception. The church will say there was no marriage in the first place. Thus there is nothing to dissolve. Examples of deceptions capable of leading to what I have discussed above include (but not limited to) hiding a known disease condition capable of impacting negatively on the marriage, children or partner in the future, hiding or changing your genotype in order to marry someone whose genotype does not match yours, hiding the existence of a previous properly contracted marriage, hiding HIV status (if you are position), belonging to a dangerous secret cult or society and not disclosing same to your partner.

Cases are judged on their individual merits. Each situation is adjudicated in a Canon Court (Catholic Church Court) by competent Canon Lawyers and Judges (usually Catholic Priests who have degrees in both Church and secular laws). It often take years to get through this process. And the final approval to end the "marriage" comes ONLY from the Pope (who would have received briefings from the Canon Court). A relation of mine went through this process and it took about 5 years for her to be "extricated" from her former "husband". She is the ONLY person I know who wedded TWICE in the Catholic Church

As a catholic , what u said is correct. Catholic Priest never like to divorce married couples except on rare occassion like this one the OP painted. But still the priest will continue to counsel the couple to forget divorce . If there is no way for living together. A letter is sent to Rome whereby it will be decided by only the pope based on the judicial court set up to investigate the case. If the pope find it ok to seperate the couple, he gives the go ahead order. But bros, I must say that the process is not easy at all. It take years and during those years , they will be waiting to see if there is any reconciallation from both parties. If not, the seperation is granted and both parties are free to marry and wed in the church.

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

Thank God you are still negative, if the boys are also negative I praise God for you. I will advice you stop at that two children, seek counsel on how you can live with her and not be infected especially through sex,avoid kissing, sharing of sharp objects with her, it is important you let her parents known so you will not be blamed in the nearest future

ra4fo:
HARUNAWEST Man! daris actually a host of ways u could choose to communicate reasonably besides, which one is ur own there sef? y are u taking it to hrt...naa advice den ask u, if u cnt giv one, gladly jus kip quiet instead f speakn like a chyld. who know's, mayb ur a child!

You are a Bastard....

MOD do the needful

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

I think she loves you and she's afraid of loosing you, since you already know Whats going on with her no need for divorce because I believe her viral load is understandable and such she can't infect anyone close to her move on with her don't let your children blame you tomorrow for throwing out there mother.

Smarttravels:
You know all the right terminologies for someone that is not living positively. Are you selling us a fiction?

I'm not a fool sir.These are informations you can easily get from Google.Read sir!

ur wife is selfish, heartless and absolutely wicked. she has not only offended u but those innocent children she brought into her mess. she needs to ask for forgiveness from God......ur marriage is based on lies, betrayal and deceit and such marriage will never last. just be thankful to God for ur life because of ur innocence and d true love u av for her.......divorce her, take ur kids and start a new life

Go to SARS and ask them for advise,this issue is a case that a reasonable man could decide within a second.bringing this here is just one thing that I don't understand

Men will always be blamed even when they are victims, blaming the victim is a huge disservice.

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

Let's talk in private.

op u can call dis radio program 99.3 fm Nigeria info later tonight around 11pm. d presenter/anchor of d show is a certified marriage and relationship counselor, he would give u d best advise on wat to do....u can decide to remain anonymous if u don't want people to know u. other people listening to the program will also call in to give u advice on wat to do. the lord is ur strength sir

GrabHisBalls:
Sir, you're now contradicting yourself. First, you claimed she pressured you into marriage. Now, you're claiming you loved her. What I am saying in essence is that you should drop the "I was pressured into marriage", admit you made some wrong decisions, make your wife tell you what you need to know and think of a way forward.

Madam shut up and go and sit. U can be in love with somebody and not ready to marry at that point. If she comes and say she is pregnant and her parents must not know....blabla...and ask u to marry...its pressure, to make it worse she even used a fake pregnancy to play the game. If he had said she remove the pregnancy or rejected her and the "pregnancy" u will be the first to say men are scum. The way some of u reason amazes me. Mtcheeeew.
U dont even have any point neither were u making any sense. U and the people liking ur comments.

Op, the reason God protected you and ur sons is bcux u were 100% ignorant/innocent of what's going on...now that u know, if u dare it, u will get infected.
Pls whichever decision u will take, try and stay safe henceforth.
It is well.

Hobbsandshaw:
Even doctors are suprised.We have been doing skin to skin for over 6yrs now.From what I gathered, she discovered her status sometime in 2014.

Bro, I don see things on my practice ur story na small walahi... But honestly in as much as there is a scientific explanation, u r very lucky.

Come to think of it do you realize that if u had tested positive she would have blamed you as the offending party and that was the plan all along.. see it happen evrytime... as it stands der was deceit all along and no marriage can survive on lies.

IMO baba walk away, but pls be supportive of her as much as u can cos u guys are connected via ur kids & ders no changing that. Would hv advocated u staying if she had told u ab initio, which a lot of people do, however since she didn't value ur life don't see why u should hold onto something that's for all intent a mirage.

However that's my opinion but think u should pray and seek proper counseling

NMJS:
Facts

Op you're not positive not because of luck

You are simply negative because she has been taking her drugs (adherence to treatment)

You are negative because her drugs has been effective thereby leading to low load of virus in her system (viral suppression)

If she continues to take her drugs the right way, she will remain virally suppressed and you cannot contract it from her

None of your children will get it from her if these conditions still remain (including the unborn if you still have strength)

She might be wicked but she cannot deliberately infect your boys with the virus. They are her boys too and she their mother

If you begin to treat her bad, it might affect her psychologically

If this happens, she might become non adherent to her treatment

If that happens, you will be at risk of contracting it tomorrow

Summary

Most couple live in peace with one partner being positive while the other negative

If you support her, you will remain negative

Good luck

That woman that I know will deliberately infect me if I offend her, she is capable of any thing when she is angry (I found that part of her out after we got married) I'm in my mid thirties, how long can I leave "perfectly" with her?