₦airaland Forum

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

Hobbsandshaw:
I dare not show her any sign at all.I know her very well, she won't mind poisoning me

elda2303:
Bro, I don see things on my practice ur story na small walahi... But honestly in as much as there is a scientific explanation, u r very lucky.

Come to think of it do you realize that if u had tested positive she would have blamed you as the offending party and that was the plan all along.. see it happen evrytime... as it stands der was deceit all along and no marriage can survive on lies.

IMO baba walk away, but pls be supportive of her as much as u can cos u guys are connected via ur kids & ders no changing that. Would hv advocated u staying if she had told u ab initio, which a lot of people do, however since she didn't value ur life don't see why u should hold onto something that's for all intent a mirage.

However that's my opinion but think u should pray and seek proper counseling

Hobbsandshaw:
You are right.She was very eager to know my status.
I'm very supportive now because she just had CS,I can't risk PTSD for her.

Kalixx:
Im not the one who will tell this guy he married a harlot

Wait, are grownup males really this slow and unwise in this current day and age?

Just walk past any hotel / brothel and see how girls (even women) are always taken in by guys with obvious signs they are not their partners.

Watch how a guy with a clean ride comes to a hostel and picks 5 girls at a time. Even men that do not have wealth, but with just enough sweet mouth or looks, lay multiple girls; sometimes sisters or even friends.

See COZA's case as an example; 'prophet' Iginla too.

How do you guys see all these around you, and not harbour a feeling that you are currently dating a cheat or a past harlot? Why allow their soft and gentle looks fool you? Nawa o.

Come on, the chances are too high that you will end up with a currently bad or formerly used 'product'.

My message is not to you the poster cos Im disappointed but to young men who are too trusting, too simple and too godly. It may have worked in the past generation but not this one. Believe me, you'll be the end loser. You have to become very bad too, as in evil. You need to make money and freshen up and treat girls with disdain and disrespect, because it is what most of them deserve. You should not be loyal.

When I was young, I always resented elderly men who slept around. What did I know? Unless you started dating your girl at a young age and you're certain about her acts, you should remain faithful and loyal. But watch.

Im lucky to be in a relationship with a young girl who I love and trust. But I swear to you, if we should break up for anything whatsoever, any lady I meet from age 21 and above, can just never know anything like loyalty from me. Any lady u meet above age 21, you just have to accept that different kinds of sperm have been sprayed around and into her pussy and lead to touching stories like this.

Hobbsandshaw:
Even doctors are suprised.We have been doing skin to skin for over 6yrs now.From what I gathered, she discovered her status sometime in 2014.

Hobbsandshaw:
Even doctors are suprised.We have been doing skin to skin for over 6yrs now.From what I gathered, she discovered her status sometime in 2014.

Hobbsandshaw:
She wasn't even pregnant, she staged the pregnancy.She went as far as getting fake pregnancy test and results and pressured into doing the traditional marriage because according to her,her parents must not know she gets pregnant out of wedlock.
As for the drug,I honestly don't know how she was doing it.

Hobbsandshaw:
That woman that I know will deliberately infect me if I offend her, she is capable of any thing when she is angry (I found that part of her out after we got married) I'm in my mid thirties, how long can I leave "perfectly" with her?

Shugargal:
My only question to you Oga is how did you find out all these after years after you have been so careless? you gat to even continue to run for HIV test to ascertain you're free because I no trust the results you have at hand now.

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

CHARLOE:
U know how dangerous ur wife is, do d needful asap: do a DNA on ur 2 kids, it's obvious ur wife has been cheating even b4 marriage. 2.Dont sleep in same room wit her, sleep in d visitors room n ensure door is locked b4 going to bed. 3. Inform an elderly, trustworthy man in ur family n ur parents. 4 confront her with ur evidence n move out same day. File for divorce. But if u don't value ur life, remain in d house n listen to nl feminist n some pussy nights telling u to forgive n stay. Do d needful now while she's still recovering, cos when she's strong, she fit poison u (like u rightly pointed out) or stab u, once she gets a hint of ur plan. Lastly, admit youre a pussy niga n learn to b Street smart.

mayordj4real:
Also depends on the kind of Virus and your immune system, the virus can be on your skin or body for 15yrs plus and you will never know until it actually gets in your blood.

prettysom:
You've really done well sir, by keeping calm up till now. Please forgive her and let this issue slide, I'm sure she was afraid of being stigmatized, that was why she hid it. This woman has been trying and you're still negative because she has been taking her medics judiciously. Please just encourage and support her to continue taking her medics and check her viral load to know her current state of health. HIV Is not a death sentence. Once she continues with her drugs, you and your children will still be negative.

prettysom:
You've really done well sir, by keeping calm up till now. Please forgive her and let this issue slide, I'm sure she was afraid of being stigmatized, that was why she hid it. This woman has been trying and you're still negative because she has been taking her medics judiciously. Please just encourage and support her to continue taking her medics and check her viral load to know her current state of health. HIV Is not a death sentence. Once she continues with her drugs, you and your children will still be negative.

SayginSA:
if what you are saying is true,then you are lying when you say you are HIV negative. Also what kind of hospital system is that allows you to be exposed to such a danger? Don't you have Social workers in Nigerian hospitals? In such situation in SA,hospital stuff would have gotten social workers would have interven. Dude stop lying to yourself that you are negative ,go to a private hospital and get a proper tests. Also if she was breastfeeding your son,then get him tested too and tell her not to breastfeed your new baby (if you both test negative,then your wife is HIV nefative too). Test every three months for a year,to be 100% sure. There is no single human being who is immune to HIV,not even those with strong immune systems.

GrabHisBalls:
Stop pushing blames. She didn't force you into marriage. This is why I dislike getting pregnant out of wedlock and suddenly getting the man marry you. Most men who marry in such conditions only do so for the child, not for the woman. Davido impregnated 2, didn't marry any and wasn't forced. Even the Chioma he claims to have so much affection for is pregnant just like the other ladies. Question is, would he have married her if not for the pregnancy? Wizkid has his and wasn't forced. At least, not yet. Own up to your mistakes 'cause you could've said 'No' and nothing would have happened.

What happened to having your medical records before marriage? How insensitive were you that your wife was taking a particular drug for 5 good years under your nose and you had no idea? Just thank God you and your son's are immune to the virus.

SayginSA:
if what you are saying is true,then you are lying when you say you are HIV negative. Also what kind of hospital system is that allows you to be exposed to such a danger? Don't you have Social workers in Nigerian hospitals? In such situation in SA,hospital stuff would have gotten social workers would have interven. Dude stop lying to yourself that you are negative ,go to a private hospital and get a proper tests. Also if she was breastfeeding your son,then get him tested too and tell her not to breastfeed your new baby (if you both test negative,then your wife is HIV nefative too). Test every three months for a year,to be 100% sure. There is no single human being who is immune to HIV,not even those with strong immune systems.

Enemyofpeace:
E just dey do me like sey make I use you do rituals

GrabHisBalls:
Stop pushing blames. She didn't force you into marriage. This is why I dislike getting pregnant out of wedlock and suddenly getting the man marry you. Most men who marry in such conditions only do so for the child, not for the woman. Davido impregnated 2, didn't marry any and wasn't forced. Even the Chioma he claims to have so much affection for is pregnant just like the other ladies. Question is, would he have married her if not for the pregnancy? Wizkid has his and wasn't forced. At least, not yet. Own up to your mistakes 'cause you could've said 'No' and nothing would have happened.

What happened to having your medical records before marriage? How insensitive were you that your wife was taking a particular drug for 5 good years under your nose and you had no idea? Just thank God you and your son's are immune to the virus.

Hobbsandshaw:
Like I said in the post,I found out when she wanted to start antenatal for our 2nd baby.
I've been getting 2nd,3rd,4th opinions at 6months intervals since I discovered.

ceeceeuwa:
Did she breast feed your first baby? If no, what was her excuse... this would have given you an insight.