Skmoda:

It's because Igbo people used to demand alot for bride price and so on ....

true, not only igbo though, alot of african traditions.

kongolo:
That U.N. news story is fake.
P.S.The archaic practice of marriage is difficult everywhere in the world and weddings are expensive everywhere on earth.Travel and see

i never said weddings isn't expensve man. Everything should be willingly not societal pressure. And marriage is difficult everywhere by 30% and very difficult here in Africa by 97%, thanks to society.

Kapeter:
@bolded is actually one of the many reasons i made it african thing. The westerners can easily divorce when things are no more going well and remarry buh society here doesn't make it easy for us to just divorce our spouses even at the face of death. You see, things change, people change, things don't remain same forever and in such a case where your husband/wife doesn't want you anymore caused by many reasons, instead of staying put forcing yourself to make things work at the detriment of your mental health and peace of mind, it should also be easy to let go without the society pointing fingers and abusing you for doing the right thing. Marriage should be that easy, from the start to the very end. There are many women most african in an abusive marriage buh walking away from it isn't easy for them because of what society will say unlike the westerners that hold nothing against it. When it's bacoming unbearable, they easily walk away and they get another partner before you know it buh you know what's up down here, men hardly marry a lady that gave birth outside wedlock self tagging them after 1, after 2 and all not to talk of someone coming out of a marriage.

So you see why i actually made it African thing?

The western culture of Marriage that you praise so much has lead to the death of many men, homelessness of men, inability for them to see their children, false allegations, their properties been taken away from them and lot more.

And who told you divorce in the western world is easy, it always comes with its consequences whether financially, mentally and emotionally for the couple and their children

marriage isnt easy any where, it is hard work, if you dont want it, you dont do it, the only reason women go to marriage is because of stability, thinking that when they marry their financial situation will be solved.

Most men on the otherside, do not want to go into marriage but through the manipulation of women it works out, when her expectation and idealisation doesnt work out, she wants to walk out but that is impossible because of the investment she has invested in the marriage, she has kids that need care, need to go to school, she cant just divorce when her herself does not have any income to survive on her own talkless of taking care of her kids.

so if you think divorce is easy get into one and see if you can divorce after enough investment. you can separate but to divorce is hard.

marriage isnt simple anywhere in this world, waking up to the same person everyday is hard whether in Africa or in Europe.

Kapeter:
not saying if they are special or not buh try visit the best African country someday and then visit the worst european country and make comparison. Thanks.

And to your last paragraph, what you call a mess is what a marriage should be, you must make your decision to enter marriage without societal pressure and if the marriage failed to work, then you must also be able to walk away without fingers been pointed at you. That's how easy marriage should be, not the rubbish we practise down here.

Every where in the word, society force you to marry

Most men do not want to marry but thanks to pressure from women.

Kapeter:
i never said weddings isn't expensve man. Everything should be willingly not societal pressure. And marriage is difficult everywhere by 30% and very difficult here in Africa by 97%, thanks to society.

There is societal pressure on men and women to get married in every community,society and country on earth.Marriage is 100% difficult in Africa,Asia,north and south america,Oceania,Europe and antarctica.Travel and see

some nigerian guys have borrowed millions of naira from the bank or from money lenders
just to do a wedding and after the wedding they are in perpetual debt .

lilwetdick:


The western culture of Marriage that you praise so much has lead to the death of many men, homelessness of men, inability for them to see their children, false allegations, their properties been taken away from them and lot more.

And who told you divorce in the western world is easy, it always comes with its consequences whether financially, mentally and emotionally for the couple and their children

marriage isnt easy any where, it is hard work, if you dont want it, you dont do it, the only reason women go to marriage is because of stability, thinking that when they marry their financial situation will be solved.

Most men on the otherside, do not want to go into marriage but through the manipulation of women it works out, when her expectation and idealisation doesnt work out, she wants to walk out but that is impossible because of the investment she has invested in the marriage, she has kids that need care, need to go to school, she cant just divorce when her herself does not have any income to survive on her own talkless of taking care of her kids.

so if you think divorce is easy get into one and see if you can divorce after enough investment. you can separate but to divorce is hard.

marriage isnt simple anywhere in this world, waking up to the same person everyday is hard whether in Africa or in Europe.

many of my points in the initial post buh it's okay. Let's rest

Kapeter:
many of my points in the initial post buh it's okay. Let's rest

but you said, marriage isnt hard, we cant make it simple

[qumoote author=Kapeter post=82675837]

I don't know what the problem with African is though buh it seems it's not God that created others that also create us sha cuz in everything we are totally different and it's obvious.

[/quote]

Who should we be like? That is our Culture... do the Chinese do the same as the Americans? ...do the Indians do the same as the Latinos? Isn't it the same God that created them all?... and yet you don't see them as difficult... but we are... difficult and different. Again... who should we like?

With this your reasoning and conclusions you don't even know you are supporting what you are condemning. ... too young to marry... not mature enough. You want to be free to marry at 18...like the Americans and others.... they were already living on there own....earning for themselves... were you?...are you? As difficult as they may be....what is the divorce rate compared to the ehmmm.... easy marriage countries?

Kapeter:
and what's special about the nonsense?

Been happy about something special is not nonsense.... Is African way of life....

seconded....

skywalker240:

abeg e hard.
go marry ibo girl first.

that's what you think .

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Then it depends on you to make her to understand you. In my house,my wife knows I don't joke with my Friday nights hanging out with my guys.I will just let her know my location and that's it.

Do your wife have girls night out as well while you watch the kids? We all need our "me" time. Be fair.

Offpoint:

The fact I need to explain to her takes away my freedom.

I want to go where I want, when I want without being questionable or answerable to nobody.

COMPLETE FREEDOM

With the right woman you can have that understanding as long as you respect the marriage and she has the same freedom as well.

lilwetdick:


When i hear keywords like African, Babaric culture, i know that the writer must be brainwashed to think anything African is nonsense.

yeah Marriage isnt hard but the highest divorce rate are all in the western world

You must be confused, you wrote that Marriage is not for burden sharing but here in Nigeria,marriage is burden sharing that is why most African marriage last long

So in other words, Africans have less divorces because the wife is totally dependent on the husband and can't provide for the kids and herself so she remains in a unhappy miserable marriage.

lilwetdick:


How is African Tradition bleeped up?

so in western world, boys dont fear commitment and marriage?

Yeah the irresponsible boys fear marriage, but the men don't.

kongolo:
That U.N. news story is fake.
P.S.The archaic practice of marriage is difficult everywhere in the world and weddings are expensive everywhere on earth.Travel and see

A nice wedding do not have to be expensive, it's only expensive when you are trying to show out and impress others. Honestly it would be wiser to invest that money into your marriage not a one day affair like a wedding. Use that saved money to build a house, preparing for your first child, or saving for financial security.

khiaa:


With the right woman you can have that understanding as long as you respect the marriage and she has the same freedom as well.

lol, dear you're a lady and I know no woman will understand that.... none has ever understand that

khiaa:


Do your wife have girls night out as well while you watch the kids? We all need our "me" time. Be fair.

. Hahahahaha. She do have her girls afternoon hangout mostly on sundays,she goes with the kids.

JONNYSPUTE:
. Hahahahaha. She do have her girls afternoon hangout mostly on sundays,she goes with the kids.

Be fair and take care of the kids and let her have fun with her friends?

Offpoint:

lol, dear you're a lady and I know no woman will understand that.... none has ever understand that

She will understand if you give her the same freedom and don't make her a prisoner of the home.

khiaa:


Be fair and take care of the kids and let her have fun with her friends?

.. She enjoys going out with the two boys(kids)So its her choice.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. She enjoys going out with the two boys(kids)So its her choice.

Unless you have offered to keep the kids you wouldn't know that. You have boys, do some guy things with them.

khiaa:


Yeah the irresponsible boys fear marriage, but the men don't.

Marriage is for women not for men

Women love marriage because they know their financial problems is almost over

khiaa:

So in other words, Africans have less divorces because the wife is totally dependent on the husband and can't provide for the kids and herself so she remains in a unhappy miserable marriage.

Marriage in Africa is division of labour aka burden sharing and not all African marriages are miserable

if she is unhappy in the marriage, she can leave, it is up to her.

lilwetdick:


Marriage in Africa is division of labour aka burden sharing and not all African marriages are miserable

if she is unhappy in the marriage, she can leave, it is up to her.

I already explained the reason why they stay in a miserable marriage.

khiaa:

Unless you have offered to keep the kids you wouldn't know that. You have boys, do some guy things with them.

.. You want me to be answering many many questions. Just like I was home all through on Tuesday, they want to finish me with questions.But to be honest, mothers dey try.

Who talk am...Marriage is HARD...

Whites made it harder

Everyone says this, So I wonder who's been doing all these loud weddings that i see around.
Talk is cheap my dear, till you get there!

Pettyprincess:
This is one of the things i dnt like about us,many guys are in debt after their lavish wedding just to impress family nd friends.
What i know is that on my wedding day it will be very simple with just family nd close friends,i will rather use the money to establish myself nd hubby.

Lol op this more reason I married a white lady. For past 6 years I been with her not even a day I paid for her mama or papa things... Na them they join come give me sef as someone married to their daughter.

African mentality is so bad. My wedding was paid by my father in-law cos am not allowed to since am getting married to his daughter (not like I can't afford it they know very well I can)