₦airaland Forum

Offpoint:
Being single is one privileged I can't trade for a billion naira, marriage is equivalent to life imprisonment.


The fear of someone standing at the door demanding to know where I was coming from by 11pm scare the shít outta me.

Tajbol4splend:
Have you read the history of this world?

omoharry:
That is why the world is diverse with thier unique way of doing things. The way of the polish people cannot be the same in places like India or China or other countries that have their peculiar way of marriage and tradition..

You cannot use another country and their way of life and style of marriage as a yardstick to measure your own continent..it shows you do not have an identity. You are always quick to put down your own because it is convenient for you to accept their style of living, then why don't you take every package that comes with marriages in the western world where the woman rules and the laws favors her if she does not want the marriage anymore. You think sey na here wey you be master of the house?where you can do and undo and society will tell your wife to bear your nonsense and pray for her husband? whilst she continue to be the good wife of keeping the home front running as you gallivant around with your guys around town and a couple of side chicks...

Applying the western culture means you have to be involve with the domestic affairs of the home 50/50..including helping out with the work around the house as well as the children, cleaning them up caring for then as at when due, both of you will be sharing roles and there wont be " I am the man of the house" both of you will share income 50/50 and no body is the head of the house.

You dare misbehave in anyway with another woman or any mistake of unfaithfulness then you are a goner..you will not only loose all your properties, you will lose full custody of your children ,you will be allowed visitation right(that is if she really mean to deal with you)

So marriages everywhere has their pros and cons..it now depend on you to know which one you can cope with. You can travel and marry a foreign woman with just 20 dollas /pound if you so wish..it is your life and we should choose what will make us happy.
Abeg nor dey rubbish our culture ooo..! I am sure that even within Nigeria we have marital rite that are very cheap and less fun fare..it varies from ethnic group to group and families to families

lefulefu:
some nigerian guys have borrowed millions of naira from the bank or from money lenders
just to do a wedding and after the wedding they are in perpetual debt .

omoharry:
That is why the world is diverse with thier unique way of doing things. The way of the polish people cannot be the same in places like India or China or other countries that have their peculiar way of marriage and tradition..

You cannot use another country and their way of life and style of marriage as a yardstick to measure your own continent..it shows you do not have an identity. You are always quick to put down your own because it is convenient for you to accept their style of living, then why don't you take every package that comes with marriages in the western world where the woman rules and the laws favors her if she does not want the marriage anymore. You think sey na here wey you be master of the house?where you can do and undo and society will tell your wife to bear your nonsense and pray for her husband? whilst she continue to be the good wife of keeping the home front running as you gallivant around with your guys around town and a couple of side chicks...

Applying the western culture means you have to be involve with the domestic affairs of the home 50/50..including helping out with the work around the house as well as the children, cleaning them up caring for then as at when due, both of you will be sharing roles and there wont be " I am the man of the house" both of you will share income 50/50 and no body is the head of the house.

You dare misbehave in anyway with another woman or any mistake of unfaithfulness then you are a goner..you will not only loose all your properties, you will lose full custody of your children ,you will be allowed visitation right(that is if she really mean to deal with you)

So marriages everywhere has their pros and cons..it now depend on you to know which one you can cope with. You can travel and marry a foreign woman with just 20 dollas /pound if you so wish..it is your life and we should choose what will make us happy.
Abeg nor dey rubbish our culture ooo..! I am sure that even within Nigeria we have marital rite that are very cheap and less fun fare..it varies from ethnic group to group and families to families

khiaa:
So in other words, Africans have less divorces because the wife is totally dependent on the husband and can't provide for the kids and herself so she remains in a unhappy miserable marriage.

Pettyprincess:
This is one of the things i dnt like about us,many guys are in debt after their lavish wedding just to impress family nd friends.
What i know is that on my wedding day it will be very simple with just family nd close friends,i will rather use the money to establish myself nd hubby.

Ugosample:
and just so you know

it's the societal chains and all that has kept divorce rates somewhat lower in Nigeria
not because the marriages are better

Let Nigeria slide away from that
and you will see

Ugosample:
@Hadampson

I see you here

surprisingly

Hadampson:
Lol.. Boss, i just checked the thread out of curiosity

Offpoint:
Being single is one privileged I can't trade for a billion naira, marriage is equivalent to life imprisonment.


The fear of someone standing at the door demanding to know where I was coming from by 11pm scare the shít outta me.

ijesuoboikxp1:
African marriage is so special that is why money speaks....

Ugosample:
You are marrying a Deutsch woman

this thread no concern you

oya waka

Xisnin:
You just confirmed my post that you are a kid. And adult should know the difference between a negotiation and use
of force.
An adult will also know that you cannot use force unless you have leverages such as being physically stronger, well-connected
or above-average wealth.

You are just like a child who doesn't understand why they told him to look left and right before crossing a busy road
but choose to rebel instead.

People will always volunteer their opinion if you let them.
Should you travel out?
Should you further your education?
The good news is that they are not forcing you to do anything.

You can't claim to be a man and be behaving like a sissy.
If your mother tells you to get married, tell her to never mention it again and if your pastor
is disturbing you, change your church.
It will be a shame if you are still being controlled at your old age(allegedly).
Are you really being forced or you are afraid to stand for yourself and choose to become a doormat
to other adults who have their own lives?
Only you are to blame if you choose the coward way out.

This reminds me of some people who are learning different skills instead of proceeding to a tertiary
institution. Sure, somebody somewhere is not happy with their decision but they still went ahead with
it. They didn't come online to rant about being forced to go to school.

I think you should never marry for everyone's sake, we have enough monster husbands
already.
If you tell your boss that you need a raise and will probably resign if refused.

Are you forcing your boss to give you a raise?
Of course not, he can fire you on the spot, demote you in anger, hire someone else
or give you the damn raise.
It doesn't matter why you need the raise or if you deserved it.

Imagine the boss now complaining to the shareholders that you forced him to give you
a raise? He would be thought of as a fool and incompetent.

I now realize that some people can be forced into marriage. Half-wits, imbe ciles and other
psychologically underdeveloped humans may not have the means to say No.

Ugosample:
anyone who does not know that marriage is a sham, especially in Africa is fooling himself

If not for the societal chains Africans live with in their neck so gleefully
many sham marriages would have collapsed tey tey....

It's all for the societal appearances

Many men in Nigeria have been pushed into a lifetime of misery, fending for an ungrateful wife, and useless in-laws while his mental health is in decline....

many women in Nigeria have been pushed into a lifetime of misery as well, with what they have to suck up to and the heaping of undue responsibility here and there

Marriage of the last three centuries is a big sham
on that note I agree with the OP.

omoharry:
They certainly do.The op seems to compare African culture/marriage to that of the western countries ;he sees our marriage/culture as bleeped up but he will not like a situation where he can not to talk someone when his wife is misbehaving or out of order. African parent(good and responsible ones) do step in some times during crisis in their children's marriages so as to resolve some issues especially when they have gone astray, but the Oyinbos would not interfere becos they see it has rude, since the issue in question is between two adult. Divorce is the next action and everyone goes their separate way. Though the rate of Divorce here in Nigeria is relatively high but i am emphasizing on intervention from parents before the marriage finally hit the rock.
However, marriage should not be too much of a burden for young up coming couples, rather family and friends should encourage these young people to get settled with ease without any extra burden just because of societal expectations.

Kapeter:
you lied. Marriage isn't hard, Africans made it so with their barbaric reasoning. Many women don't want to leave abusive marriage because the society would look down on them, the youths don't wanna go into marriage not because they can't take care of themselves and their respective wives buh because they can't at the same time take care of extended families of their partners.

Same girls many guys are with right now can easily be married off by them buh they can't not because they can't feed them but because what tradition would request them to bring before they can officially hand over same girls to them, because extended family will never stop coming and then because many of these girls also only want the marriage because they are tired of fending for themselves.

Go to many western word and see how easy marriage is really is.

MoonWater:
Marriage isn't actually hard... It's the couple that will decide if they want it hard or sensible.
If you choose a simple wedding no one will arrest you.
If you choose to break the bank and add huge loan to it. Pray hunger doesn't strangle you

JONNYSPUTE:
In a way,i agree with the op. African culture made marriage a difficult task. Marriage is supposed to be btw a man,his wife and children but in Africa,when one gets married,he marries the whole extended family of his wife.

Kapeter:
and what are Africans ever good for? Most especially the ones stucked here in the continent. Did you even see the humiliation the African leaders suffered at the just concluded UNGA? The rest of the world left immideately African leaders started giving their speech. Why? Because they know Africans have nothing to offer.

Offpoint:
My brother there's no woman that will understand such o, dem go start dey accuse you of things you no do.

lefulefu:
some nigerian guys have borrowed millions of naira from the bank or from money lenders
just to do a wedding and after the wedding they are in perpetual debt .

Midas01:
And why should you return at 11pm if it's not work related or an emergency?

khiaa:
With the right woman you can have that understanding as long as you respect the marriage and she has the same freedom as well.

khiaa:
So in other words, Africans have less divorces because the wife is totally dependent on the husband and can't provide for the kids and herself so she remains in a unhappy miserable marriage.

Ryan03:
can you marry a woman that comes home by 11pm without a good reason? I believe one secret of marriage is to give only that which you can accept

khiaa:
Be fair and take care of the kids and let her have fun with her friends?

Offpoint:
Whoever I marry I grand total freedom...

She's free to go to hell and back, I'm cool as long as she'll ain't humping another dude.

edward1984:
And in the western world they have prenuptial agreement,, if you know the meaning