₦airaland Forum

ginaolo:
I’m being patient but until you are in my shoes you won’t understand. You don’t know the feeling of going to a place where everybody is with their gf and wives and I have to go alone because she wants to stay at home. People are constantly asking you where your gf is, and you have to make excuses all the time. It’s not fair, it’s weighing me down.

Are u dating her to show off or feel among?.

If she is cool with u, my brother enjoy. with time, she will be cool with everyone.

Having such woman, comes with peace of mind o, u will be rushing home to relax, knowing fully well she is there for u.

Give her time. And mind you, u are dating for the love u both share, and not to impress friends and family people.

ginaolo:
Bros she can’t even meet my family or friends, she will start misbehaving and panicking as if somebody wants to kill her. This is not normal na and I’ve tried to be patient with her, but her shyness is taking over her. I want someone who will represent me well and someone who will be a good mother to my kids.

Your wife to be is highly introverted,she should be a phlegmatic/melancholy,read up on TEMPERAMENT, you will know more about her strengths and weaknesses,Focus on her strength, with time she will get better,note that she won't change but can make an appreciable adjustment..its here personality,there are other factors that mould our temperament(family background,environment, education n more)..

Get the book:
*Why You Act The Way You Do
*Spirit Controlled Temperament both by Tim Lahaye...

Its very important for would be couple to know about their temperament

Her being reserved doesnt stop her from being a good mother..Hope this helps..

Awww.. She is just like me..

Haa... It's no big deal. This is the kind of lady many guys love to be with. The main thing you need is already in her. You said she is kind, compassionate and encouraging. Make your family realize the kind of lady she is. The way you present her is the way they will take her. You have more work to do. Don't leave a calm lady for the ones that will be doing jau jau , Lau Lau upandan jare.

Stay in love jor. Odabor ...

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

I hope you won't lose a gem because of social activities. Such women have more to offer than lousy ones. Do you want a wife that will spend all your money on parties and Aso Ebi?

First of all, accept her for who she is. When you go to social gatherings, keep her company by urself. Women like her can keep family things family. You won't have a lot of intruders in ur marriage. One caveat is that, if you offend her, she may not open up on time. She can keep enduring and she will burst one day. That day, you will wish ground swallow you. So, don't take advantage of her silence.

ginaolo:
I met her randomly on the road it wasn’t in a social setting. But how do I deal with her not wanting to meet family and friends? It’s disrespectful to me. As a wife you have to be open to meet my family atleast, when they are always asking about her, I can’t keep on making excuses for her na. People think there’s something wrong with my gf even though I’ve told them she is the shy type.

Disrespectful....you sound like a proud maniac man...

You should know people are born with different traits....you said she's good, motivates you and loving when around you and not acting that way cos she's proud but that is her nature, that is how she's built (her flaw if u may call it that).

Learn to be patient and encourage her...believe me she will grow into it (ur family, ur friends), teach her and motivate her, like she motivates you and stop bitching and being too proud of your self.

saajus:
I hope you won't lose a gem because of social activities. Such women have more to offer than lousy ones. Do you want a wife that will spend all your money on parties and Aso Ebi?

First of all, accept her for who she is. When you go to social gatherings, keep her company by urself. Women like her can keep family things family. You won't have a lot of intruders in ur marriage. One caveat is that, if you offend her, she may not open up on time. She can keep enduring and she will burst one day. That day, you will wish ground swallow you. So, don't take advantage of her silence.

Exactly....

ginaolo:
Bros she can’t even meet my family or friends, she will start misbehaving and panicking as if somebody wants to kill her. This is not normal na and I’ve tried to be patient with her, but her shyness is taking over her. I want someone who will represent me well and someone who will be a good mother to my kids.

Valcon888 did say it all... It ur choice.... For me check how she feel around people she see as her friends/ her nuclear and extended family, if she 's cool around them, then her brain just registered them(ur people) as strangers. With regular come-over-to-my-place things, things will get better.

Me that can't stay in the same room with most people from my father's place...all depends on how some of us grew.

**modified**

Try ur best to make her use to everyone one by one... some introvert are just irritated by crowd or flowing around multiple communicators

baby124:
Exactly my point. Normal person whether shy or not will want to know who she is marrying. How do you know who you are marrying without getting to know his family and friends?

Something is not right and the OP obviously cannot see it because, he can’t understand it. Everyone presents their best selves to an extent before marriage and if this is her best self. Then LOL . I pray the real self is not worse than this.

Personally, my brothers did not marry any girl that did not like their family. All my in-laws and our spouses are like siblings. We all have our character traits but one thing that we take seriously is our family bond. That’s because family is important to us.

The family you marry into is so important. One should be very very interested in knowing them and the type of friend your husband keeps.

Introverts are naturally cautious and analytical. Always interested in reading unexpressed thoughts and understanding situations. This woman here is not introverted.

Hope you finally read about social anxiety?Because your comments were embarrassing. And I hope you're not an introvert because it will be more embarrassing. Why? Introverts are inquisitive and would have rushed to Google social anxiety before arguing.

ValCon888:
One man's meat is another man's poison.
If you know how many men are looking for a reserved homely wife like that you will thank God for many blessings.

It is your duty to explain to them she's the shy type so they can meet her half way.

I don't understand how you could say what you said in the first paragraph and then end with what you said in the second.

I would have thought your conclusion would have been that he should let the woman go to find a man who is best suited for her!

Having good traits and being compatible are two different things. Which is why one man's meat may be another poison.

midnighter:
I'm not castigating her at all, did you read my post? Nobody has to be like me, it was just an example of how I overcome reservedness with people I don't necessarily like/know...that's what the topic was about

If you are incapable of doing something, can't you at least try to improve on it? Must you stay the same way forever??

Inability to do something doesn't mean people should coddle you and leave you to stagnate because they don't want to offend you or make you feel bad

People are saying OP leave her alone, leave her alone without offering practical solutions on how he can help her

If our parents and teachers left us alone, where would we be

How old are you now! Aren't you older than 24? You have to understand age plays an important role when it comes to improving certain aspects of your life.

SmartyPants:
I don't understand how you could say what you said in the first paragraph and then end with what you said in the second.

I would have thought your conclusion would have been that he should let the woman go to find a man who is best suited for her!

Having good traits and being compatible are two different things. Which is why one man's meat may be another poison.

I said it in the interest of both parties working things out. But I stand to be corrected.

ginaolo:
Bros she can’t even meet my family or friends, she will start misbehaving and panicking as if somebody wants to kill her. This is not normal na and I’ve tried to be patient with her, but her shyness is taking over her. I want someone who will represent me well and someone who will be a good mother to my kids.

Take her for therapy it's a phobia, but me I no know wetin be the name of this phobia o. Don't ask me biko.

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

I love quiet, shy girls..... Maybe try talking to her about it

ginaolo:
I’m being patient but until you are in my shoes you won’t understand. You don’t know the feeling of going to a place where everybody is with their gf and wives and I have to go alone because she wants to stay at home. People are constantly asking you where your gf is, and you have to make excuses all the time. It’s not fair, it’s weighing me down.

You sound like someone that is not mature enough for marriage. Am sure you have your own issues that she is willing to endure. Everyone cannot be extroverted or social. If she doesn't meet your standards, let her be.

GrossPrice:
Your the problem at this point and not your future bride.

As men we must not forget our duties are not only to provide financially, but as men and leaders we must constantly remind ourselves that our wives or wives-to-be need other things from men apart from money and the occasional "I love you's" plus the activities that come with it.

Emotional security, Stability, Congruence and Support (not financial) are important virtues. As men it is in our benefit that we nurture or at least attempt to attain all or many of these virtues.

If a child is scared of the dark, and still must pass through a dark room or corner to reach a destination; how would you encourage this child to do so?
If a woman you love, has mediocre culinary skills, how do you ensure the woman you love develops exceptional culinary skills?

Men should not recoil at a challenge because it has to many sharp bends, or because it seems like an insurmountable hurdle. For, is it not through our dogged determination we went from walking to flying, from huts to skyscrapers and from the cold hands of death to chloroquine.

I dare not say women have achieved nothing, because they have. However, I am talking to you - man to man, as such I must speak as a man!

When you go to family events do you stay close to her and hold her hands as you speak to people. You know when she is accustomed to your family members her phobia will subside.

And, when you go out with friends, do your friends come along with their wives or wives-to-be; if they do, why don't you find a way to get her well acquainted with these ladies?

You cannot plant corn and yet hope to harvest wheat. If you want corn, you plant corn, and if you want a more social wife you must plant that seed and nurture it until it grows. Whatever you desire in your soul, being or spirit (in the spiritual), you must use your hands to work for ; before it manifests in the physical.

wow. Just wow.

Words of wisdom.

After one kid she would change trust me. I was like that at first.

Super extovert meets super introvert

Bro please come and carry my girlfriend oh biko ,shes outgoing very loud , body dey scratch her to comot daily she can break ur sister head if d tin enter her
PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR OWN GIRLFRIEND PLSSSSSSSSSS
take mine

bukatyne:
If you are serious about getting married, you notice what your intended complains about and work on it.

That she has social aniexty and wouldn't come out of her shell is pure bullshit.

I cannot marry a man who cannot stand socializing with my family. Max 5 hours in a week?

If the girl really loves the guy, she would be coming of her shell. Attend events, greet everyone and sit on her own. Next time, she packs plates and washes. The third time she joins in the kitchen.

By the 10th time, she would have made progress.

She needs to help herself.

I used to like reading your comments before until recently.

This comment of yours is insensitive.

ginaolo:
All I’m trying to say is too much of everything is bad. I want her to loosen up a little, because her nature is worrying

leave her alone!! you are not meant for her, it will end in tears!!! social anxiety is real and crazy. don't blame here. free her, look for ur own

baby124:
By the way, I am not someone that goes to party everyday. In fact hubby is more social. But I don’t joke when it comes to family and mutual friends function. I show up, decked up and come out of my shell.

She can make the effort if she wants to, there are no extremes in life. If something is important to who you love as long as it does not compromise your health and safety, you will try to make them happy. Any extremist is a no-no in any situation. Run from extremists, they will destroy you.

How can someone be reluctant to meet your family and friends before marriage, is she mad? It’s even for her own good to see if she can belong to such a family or even marry you.

How will she feel if you refuse to meet her family members at all? If you act like her you won’t even meet them for introduction and you will never attend her family functions. Women can’t take that you know? Please and please flee from this woman. This one will not want to see anybody in your house. Trust me.

i thought you were smarter

baby124:
By the way, I am not someone that goes to party everyday. In fact hubby is more social. But I don’t joke when it comes to family and mutual friends function. I show up, decked up and come out of my shell.

She can make the effort if she wants to, there are no extremes in life. If something is important to who you love as long as it does not compromise your health and safety, you will try to make them happy. Any extremist is a no-no in any situation. Run from extremists, they will destroy you.

How can someone be reluctant to meet your family and friends before marriage, is she mad? It’s even for her own good to see if she can belong to such a family or even marry you.

How will she feel if you refuse to meet her family members at all? If you act like her you won’t even meet them for introduction and you will never attend her family functions. Women can’t take that you know? Please and please flee from this woman. This one will not want to see anybody in your house. Trust me.

Why is it always the Sisters in law who got a problem? Now you are calling the Ops girlfriend mad. It makes me wonder how you will talk to your brother's wife. Calling somebody mad just because she's getting married to your brother. If it were your brother his in laws referred to as mad, just because of some lapses, let's see how you will feel.
Moreover, all these talk of We advised, we check, we confirm Bla bla. Who are the we? It just shows you are the ones wearing the pants and making the decisions on behalf of your brothers. In other words, your brothers are tightly tied to your apron strings (puppets) and that is why you want to choose an amenable woman that you can walk all over and continue your reign, even when she becomes the woman of the house. I wonder if those men are so lacking or if they were so badly raised that they cannot choose life partners for themselves, or if it is you the woman will live with for the rest of her life.

Everyone cannot be like you. Everyone cannot be a social butterfly. Besides if the sister in law were anything like you (judgmental and bitter), I wouldnt blame the gf for avoiding her.

Come for party, come for party. One would think you people want to bond and laugh. By the time she's there now, you people will ostracize her and keep her permanently with the firewood.

ginaolo:
I’m being patient but until you are in my shoes you won’t understand. You don’t know the feeling of going to a place where everybody is with their gf and wives and I have to go alone because she wants to stay at home. People are constantly asking you where your gf is, and you have to make excuses all the time. It’s not fair, it’s weighing me down.

Hey loser, it's obvious this is your first relationship and you're desperate to show it off. Eya, girls could probably smell your desperation and loser nature and they avoided you like the locust that you are.

Everybody here has talked and talked. Both of you are incompatible, not only are both of you incompatible, you're also selfish, immature and just idiotic.

Please let that girl go. Hopefully, you'll find another girl to date you before another 10 years.
Baby124, you're a disturbed individual. Get help.

ginaolo:
I’m being patient but until you are in my shoes you won’t understand. You don’t know the feeling of going to a place where everybody is with their gf and wives and I have to go alone because she wants to stay at home. People are constantly asking you where your gf is, and you have to make excuses all the time. It’s not fair, it’s weighing me down.

You are not even married yet,you are already feeling entitled like she is your property. Everything you said up there made ma angry,but this rubbish talk here is out of it,I had to comment.
If you don't marry her so fuc king what? Who is begging you,you appear to me as an arrogant fuc k who thinks the world revolves around him and his little money .
Free that girl,as you can see in the comments,most men pray for such,she will get another man who loves her. But you,that lousy party social woman you want,you will get. She will show you pepper,your food will burn while she's on her phone updating her status. You will wake up in the night to see her making calls secretly, she won't be home to do anything because every weekend there is somewhere to be. She will have thousands of male admirers she chats with.
Your family you wanted to please won't be there to cry with you . Write it down

ValCon888:
One man's meat is another man's poison.
If you know how many men are looking for a reserved homely wife like that you will thank God for many blessings.

It is your duty to explain to them she's the shy type so they can meet her half way.

Exactly my thoughts.

This life sef.

Op, your girlfriend could be a melancholic/phlegmatic or probably a combination of the two. Go and do your research on these personality temperaments.

Sensible people here have advised you on what to do. This is not a trait that can disappear but it can be managed. You just have to help her through it with a mature approach as have been advised.

But if you are not patient because you want a tear rubber extrovert trophy wife like mercy of bbn, biko allow the girl go and look for your type.

By the time you find your type, dem no go ask you where your girlfriend dey. Your friends go enjoy am wella.

Good luck.

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

Another man's garbage is another man's treasure. This is the type of lady I always wish fate would permit me to marry...

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

U dont know the value of the woman u av bro....So u want a woman who can club wella abi...Ur only painting her character black cus u love such.life....U will be making d biggest mistake of ur life if u let her go....abeg i need her number sef lemme help u marry her...

tohyorsih2:
I'm very fine.

Yes i am. I find it very difficult to associate

nice to know you fine, people are different and its not a crime to be reserved, shy or laid back, some people like weird me, I can be very reserved, but can switch to my social and outspoken persona when needed, but I still enjoy my alone time with me, myself and I, . People change tho, but hope its not affecting your social life tho.