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Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by sulasa07(m): 6:43pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
ginaolo:Send me her number,that's the kind of person I'm looking for 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by tivta(m): 6:50pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
midnighter:I will say it for the last time, there is nothing wrong with her, just let her be, after all the guy said he met her on the road, if she was what you say she is she would have never agreed to give him her number. 4 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by tivta(m): 6:51pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
sulasa07: Guy shift, I asked first... |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by midnighter(f): 6:53pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
Hipsofagoddess: I don't understand you...what has age got to do with this |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by midnighter(f): 6:55pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
tivta: That's exactly what I said if you read my earlier posts But if they insist that it's social anxiety then let her get help and let OP help her Can you people try to read what I actually said instead of quoting me and talking off point?? You are just writing what you feel like without knowing my own position |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Nobody: 7:04pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
midnighter: How old were you when you finally decided to improve? Weren't you older than 24? |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Spacewalker(m): 7:06pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
Op,the description u gave corcerning ur gal is exactly how I am.Am an introverted person by nature.I will tell that I didn't know until I got to my ss1,I swear.its like I didn't know who I really was.I was mocked for being different. People saw me as a snob.Even my teachers, my family relatives and friends in school taught I was forming(pride) But I was and I am still humble,yes sometimes I might seem unfriendly or hostile but I like to make friends. Though its quite hard but I had to force myself and come out of my shell. Am still an introvert,but am not as shy and reserved as I used to be.I have gained more confidence because I accepted myself the way I am.That's just the thing sha,its my nature,I can't change it.Even though it greatly affected my social skills and I lost my self esteem,going out with friends was very hard,and nobody understood me.Everyone was saying I was being a snob,and hostile but I did not blame them because it was out my hands. Well Op,what I am trying to say is ur gal may be an introvert, that's why she is shy.Although she might not hate socializing, but sometimes she can't help it.She may want to go out and have fun and all,but it dosent change the fact that she is who she is.So I suggest u examine her character more closely and there is no change,then it means she is just like that.And also I feel u should try to love her the way she is, accept her and her queer nature,don't try to force her to be what she is not.I know this because,for many years I wished I was someone else,I didn't have many friends in school and it really affected me.Even up till now,I still remember what some persons said about it,they laughed at me and ridiculed me for being quiet. Even teachers called me out to shame and embarrass me in front of the whole class,it was really painful.I cried and felt everyone hated me, they did not understand my behaviour.I hated myself for being different and I wished I was the person everyone wanted to be,but in the end I embraced my nature and began to love myself and things seemed to work out fine for me. Bottimline:Just don't judge her too much,try to understand why she is that way and lastly love her for who she is,I promise u,she won't change even if u force her.That's my advice though, based on my personal experience. Goodluck 3 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by sulasa07(m): 7:12pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
tivta:If the guy starts swearing at us now,we asked for it
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Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by midnighter(f): 8:00pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
Hipsofagoddess: You don't need to be rude, did I quote you? You can decide to take hold of your problems at any age, stop promoting victim mentality If she's old enough to find a partner and maintain a relationship then she's old enough to take control of her personal issues. If you don't know there are people with such severe social issues that they can't even interact with the opposite sex or someone they like Don't bother quoting me again since you don't know how to talk |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Nobody: 8:10pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
midnighter:. |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Tpresh(f): 8:10pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
That's her kind of person and changing her won't be an easy task, it's either you accept her the way she is or you look for a compatible partner. I'm also a shy person and only loosen up around people I'm very close to. From what you said, I don't think she can change cos that's who she is. Respect her person or find someone that's sociable like you. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Nobody: 8:11pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
midnighter: I asked a simple question which deserves a simple answer. FYI, I don't think you've improved anything because you sound like that reserved girl who keeps to herself because she thinks everyone is against her. 2 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by lookingfly: 8:16pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
ginaolo:op you try ooo, how you take toast her sef...... I've notice gals of that nature come my way always. One even said she can't stand my presence, she always feels like melting in front of me and has resorted to chats.toasting them is a problem. |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by lagosminded: 8:40pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
What is rude in asking you how old you were when you changed? You are the one that is rude and defensive. Simmer down, it seems you’re trying to overcompensate because your stance on this topic is not the popular one. midnighter: 1 Like |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by litaninja(m): 8:43pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
Did you not know that when you started dating? ginaolo: 1 Like |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by tivta(m): 9:03pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
sulasa07:I dare him nonsense, didn't he know she was the reserved type from day one? Imagine putting the poor girl through all that issue. I dare him. 2 Likes |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by tivta(m): 9:08pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
midnighter:Now you are being clear, but I honestly doubt if she has any disorders, the guy just wants a trophy wife to show off to his family. As for me I will hid her from the world to avoid unnecessary stress. Reminds me of a story I read here, it goes that a guy met a woman who asked him if he would want her to be beautiful during the day or at night. I am sure that op would have chosen day so as to show off to his friends and family. Then at night he would be stuck with a ugly being. I am serious pissed with the op, but it's his life he should just free the poor girl. |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by midnighter(f): 9:23pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
lagosminded: She can ask how old I was when I changed without being nasty about it. Why dont you check your tone when speaking to people instead of typing the first thing that comes into your head I am not bothered on whether its popular, we are all discussing an issue here and must have differences of opinion. If its popularity that is bothering you then go and look for it elsewhere instead of quoting me out of context to salve your ego You are the one making it personal and being spiteful over nothing, you can go ahead and simmer down yourself. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Nobody: 9:40pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
ginaolo: One man food is another man's poison... I like a reserved lady... Because I'm a reserved person... But I hardly see... Pls hold her tight ... For a reserved lady to date you, definitely she has a lot to do for you... |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by midnighter(f): 9:42pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
Hipsofagoddess: You can ask me without being nasty about it, and you dont deserve anything. I thought maybe you didnt mean it rudely/offensively, which I why I asked you to clarify your statement Fortunately for me it doesnt particularly matter whether you think I have improved or not since your online judgements on my character dont mean one iota. |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Nobody: 9:42pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
Hello @ginaolo, I had planned writing an epistle because all I saw in the first pages of the thread was sympathy and people telling you to endure with your anxiety disordered fiancée until I saw the later pages which had knowledgeable comments. To the females who are suffering from a similar disorder [i](not being reserved, or shy now. Those ones are minor behavioral patterns) [/i]and pacifying themselves, try to visit a sound psychiatrist and you would come back to thank me. First, anxiety disorder may be hereditary or developed over time from the society. It is developed when a person feels hopeless and have a lot of thought processes on how to survive which triggers low self esteem and eventually lead to the terrible anxiety disorder. This is a mental defect which she cannot control. You said it that she is normal with you. Therefore, she could be normal with every other person as well but that couldn't happen because of this disorder. The fear is always ' I won't make sense', I can't do it '' I'm bad' and so on. Since you have made her realize that she makes sense and she's okay then you will experience her normal cognitive behavior. Until others go through that process, she won't be able to cope with them. Just like every sickness and disease, you need to manage or perhaps, cure her. This can be done through therapy and medication by a psychiatrist. - you better go to a standard one. After taking the medications for some time, she would see how it feels to be a normal human being which she had been locked from for years. The journey may be rough though, I believe the psychiatrist would school you on that. With that, 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by humblemikel(f): 9:50pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
[quote author=ginaolo post=83098190]Hi I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl. My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7. Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please? This Lady is the second Me, We are rear and we deserve men who loves the odd part of us. Brother, please if you are not comfortable with her reservedness, do well to quite now. Many are praying for women like us and will do anything to have us in their home. Go look for your slay-Outing-Outspoken-Partying kinda lady We can't change who we are just to fit u. Find who fits your specification of lifestyle God bless. 1 Like |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Nobody: 9:56pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
@OP, kindly know that many would give comments that suit their tastes & not yours. I won't believe she's a shy type unless she rejects having an elaborate wedding. And even if she does, I may still think maybe she's a renown retired Olosho Men are not contented |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by midnighter(f): 9:57pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
tivta: Yeah that was my point. If she doesnt have a disorder, fine. If she has, let them help themselves I dont think its to do with trophy wife.. he feels that she should make more of an effort with his family even if she is reserved. So I am saying that if he wants her to do that then he will have to understand/help her with practical techniques She too should understand that some social life is important to him, whether she has a condition or not. Saying he should just leave her to do as she feels like is an extreme, at the same time forcing her to go out all the time when its not in her nature is not necessary. both of them can meet in the middle if the relationship is important to them The problem Im seeing here is people trying to justify wallowing in their own issues instead of offering a practical way to address what the OP complained about If somebody is ill or in trouble why not help them to get better? instead of leaving them to get worse because they're comfortable that way If he complained that his girlfriend is obese and keeps eating too much will they tell him to leave her alone because they cant stop eating either? |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Nobody: 10:00pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
superlanny: It's affecting my social life. Imagine the people i've been living with for almost two years are still complaining of me been so quiet and reserved. Sittnng in the midst of people makes me so uncomfortable. It makes feel me like i'm in a bondage. Did i forget to tell you that i could stay in my room for 24hrs? My peeps here have tried to make me stay in the living room but all to no avai. So the kuku comot hand for my matter . I just find a natural joy when people around me start going out and i'm been left at home all alone. Chai! nothing sweet me reach this one Well, i can be a talkertive if i'm free and comfortable around you |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by saucecoder: 10:05pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
lagosminded:Lmao, doitforyou is this you? |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Toseenlove: 10:41pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
We gonna have couples spring up from here. God bless u ginaolo for putting up this Post. Please leave Introverted people alone. We love ourselves. |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by osesology(m): 10:44pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
For me, l don't see anything wrong with her. She's just the type of woman that doesn't like to socialize a lot. You just have to understand her and learn to live with it. Don't try to change her or you might not like the result. When she starts going out too much now na you go still come here come dey tell us say your wife too like to dey go out. Bro, love her like that, or leave her for some one that likes that type of woman. |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by agbo2345(m): 11:34pm On Oct 14, 2019 |
GrossPrice:baba mi u dey talk haba u are a raw talent kilode make I no lie I too envy you bro |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by ABOVEDELAW: 3:43am On Oct 15, 2019 |
HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF INTROVERTS, LONERS, SOLITARY PEOPLE BEFORE? SHE NEEDS SUPPORT AND YOU NEED TO COPE WITH HER. ginaolo: |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by ABOVEDELAW: 3:52am On Oct 15, 2019 |
YOU ARE THE WORST ADVISER IN THE WHOLE WORLD, BEING A WOMAN FOR THAT MATTER, PLS JUST SHOVE IT. baby124: 1 Like |
Re: My Wife To Be Is Too Reserved by Yksaeb: 7:31am On Oct 15, 2019 |
Op, she has social anxiety, you should know it's not easy for her to go out and socialize. How about other good traits she has? Cos of one trait you don't seem to like, you're thinking something else. Why not try to understand her and not be selfish. Many people would even want reticent woman. You should focus on helping her rather than condemning her |
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