₦airaland Forum

computergeek:
So I’ve never actually brought a personal issue to this forum, but this one is beyond me and I don’t know the best course of action to take here. I believe that there are people here who may have had a similar experience or might know what best to do. This may be a bit long.

So there’s this neighbor of mine whom I have an after-school agreement with. She’s a stay-at-home mum with two kids (a nursing baby and a four-year-old) while I have one child (also four). I usually leave my office at 4:00pm, so the agreement is, after-school at 12:30pm, I’ll go pick up the kids (they go to the same school) and return to work while she watches my son for me. I get my son his lunch and snacks before he goes there, even though she’s begged me to stop doing that, but I can’t saddle her with feeding a child that’s not hers.

The issue now is, a lot of violent things have happened in that house and as of this week, my son won’t be returning there. But I fear for the woman. Our homes are separated by a wall, but we often hear the arguing and crying sometimes. I knew she was having marital issues but I didn’t know the extent.

About two weeks ago, I went to get my son from the house and I noticed he wasn’t talking as usual. My son is the very boisterous type who likes to bounce as he walks, and he’ll usually try to take the key from my hand so he’ll open the door himself. That day, he wasn’t talking as usual. He seemed scared and shaken up. I knew the woman would sometimes punish the kids by asking them to kneel down when they fought, but she wouldn’t hit them. I asked him what the issue was, if anyone at school or home had been looking for his trouble, the guy said no.
He’s very close to his father (they are best friends), so when my husband came home I asked him to talk to the boy because he couldn’t choke his food down. After about a while, my son opened up. Apparently, he’d witnessed a very violent beating that he was struggling to find the right words to explain. He said that David’s father had been punching his mother in the passage with two hands at a time, and when she’d tried to run, he brought her back and beat her more. He said that he and David had to hide under the table because they were scared of getting hurt. He then said the mother raised a flower vase and hit him on his head, but the man continued beating her and shouting at her.

I didn’t know what to say. My son had witnessed a violent beating and it traumatized him. We soothed the boy and told him to forget about it. I then knew why the woman didn’t come out to hand him over as she usually did when I went to get him. He just came to me by himself.
The next day, I was skeptical about taking my son back there but he said he doesn’t want to stop playing with David and Sandra (the one-year-old baby). After school, I picked the boys up and drove them home. David’s mom came to the door and her face was badly bruised. I had to ask her what was wrong, but she hurriedly said she fell down and then took the kids from me.

On Friday last week, two days ago, the worst happened. It was around 3:00 or 3:30 when the woman called me at work. I picked the phone up and it was my son. He said that David’s mummy was lying on the floor and wasn’t opening her eyes. He said she was still moving but she couldn’t open her eyes. That blood was coming out her nose and mouth and their daddy had driven away. My heart literally flew out of my chest.

I called my husband as I was driving home and told him to meet us at the hospital. Long story cut short, she was badly battered and torn apart, almost about to give up life. I took her and all the kids to the hospital. While they were cleaning her wounds and hooking her up to the IV, I sorted out the bills. My husband tried to reach out to hers but he was rejecting the calls, so he went to make a statement at the area police command. They told us to contact them once she wakes up to give her statement. The police doesn’t usually like to dabble into marital issues but the woman was disfigured beyond imagination.

Sadly, you won’t believe what she said when she came to after a few hours. She started begging us to not report to anybody and not even call her family. That she’ll refund us the hospital bills and we should just call her friend that lives in New Haven to come and look after her. She was trying to protect the beast that had beaten her and left her for dead. We tried to reason with her because the man would certainly kill her sooner or later. She said he’s her husband and the father of her kids, bla bla bla. She told us that she’d been confronting him about a girl he’d been gallivanting openly with him, and that’s been the cause of all their issues.

She told me to use my number and call her husband because he doesn’t have me as a contact. I called him and told him the wife he tried to kill was in the hospital. He told me that she had better remain there because he’ll kill her if she ever comes near his house again. He hung up on me. She’s still insisting that he doesn’t mean it and she must go back once she’s discharged.

The issue now is, should we withdraw the police report or take the case up? The woman’s life is in danger and she doesn’t seem to understand the seriousness of her situation, writing it off as momentary anger. I don’t know why women choose to remain in these violent situations even when they have children to live for. She’s not even thinking about her one-year-old who has been with me all weekend.

Mature advice is needed here. Pease push to front page. I don’t know if we’ll be overstepping our boundaries by trying to help her.

Hand over the case to a human right association

BabaAlabi:
You have to understand that you are dealing with humans that possess different levels of intelligence and kindness. Some people are evil but too cowardly to carry out the act of killing, so what do they do, they offer advice like 'mind your business'. What do you expect from the same fools that drive past accident victims clearly in need of help?

She can help her without the woman knowing where the help is coming from. In my experience when we helped our neighbour she didnt even know who called domestic voilence team. First, some one has educate her about predicament, and possible demise if she continue along that path of silence.

computergeek:
So I’ve never actually brought a personal issue to this forum, but this one is beyond me and I don’t know the best course of action to take here. I believe that there are people here who may have had a similar experience or might know what best tko do. This may be a bit long.

So there’s this neighbor of mine whom I have an after-school agreement with. She’s a stay-at-home mum with two kids (a nursing baby and a four-year-old) while I have one child (also four). I usually leave my office at 4:00pm, so the agreement is, after-school at 12:30pm, I’ll go pick up the kids (they go to the same school) and return to work while she watches my son for me. I get my son his lunch and snacks before he goes there, even though she’s begged me to stop doing that, but I can’t saddle her with feeding a child that’s not hers.

The issue now is, a lot of violent things have happened in that house and as of this week, my son won’t be returning there. But I fear for the woman. Our homes are separated by a wall, but we often hear the arguing and crying sometimes. I knew she was having marital issues but I didn’t know the extent.

About two weeks ago, I went to get my son from the house and I noticed he wasn’t talking as usual. My son is the very boisterous type who likes to bounce as he walks, and he’ll usually try to take the key from my hand so he’ll open the door himself. That day, he wasn’t talking as usual. He seemed scared and shaken up. I knew the woman would sometimes punish the kids by asking them to kneel down when they fought, but she wouldn’t hit them. I asked him what the issue was, if anyone at school or home had been looking for his trouble, the guy said no.
He’s very close to his father (they are best friends), so when my husband came home I asked him to talk to the boy because he couldn’t choke his food down. After about a while, my son opened up. Apparently, he’d witnessed a very violent beating that he was struggling to find the right words to explain. He said that David’s father had been punching his mother in the passage with two hands at a time, and when she’d tried to run, he brought her back and beat her more. He said that he and David had to hide under the table because they were scared of getting hurt. He then said the mother raised a flower vase and hit him on his head, but the man continued beating her and shouting at her.

I didn’t know what to say. My son had witnessed a violent beating and it traumatized him. We soothed the boy and told him to forget about it. I then knew why the woman didn’t come out to hand him over as she usually did when I went to get him. He just came to me by himself.
The next day, I was skeptical about taking my son back there but he said he doesn’t want to stop playing with David and Sandra (the one-year-old baby). After school, I picked the boys up and drove them home. David’s mom came to the door and her face was badly bruised. I had to ask her what was wrong, but she hurriedly said she fell down and then took the kids from me.

On Friday last week, two days ago, the worst happened. It was around 3:00 or 3:30 when the woman called me at work. I picked the phone up and it was my son. He said that David’s mummy was lying on the floor and wasn’t opening her eyes. He said she was still moving but she couldn’t open her eyes. That blood was coming out her nose and mouth and their daddy had driven away. My heart literally flew out of my chest.

I called my husband as I was driving home and told him to meet us at the hospital. Long story cut short, she was badly battered and torn apart, almost about to give up life. I took her and all the kids to the hospital. While they were cleaning her wounds and hooking her up to the IV, I sorted out the bills. My husband tried to reach out to hers but he was rejecting the calls, so he went to make a statement at the area police command. They told us to contact them once she wakes up to give her statement. The police doesn’t usually like to dabble into marital issues but the woman was disfigured beyond imagination.

Sadly, you won’t believe what she said when she came to after a few hours. She started begging us to not report to anybody and not even call her family. That she’ll refund us the hospital bills and we should just call her friend that lives in New Haven to come and look after her. She was trying to protect the beast that had beaten her and left her for dead. We tried to reason with her because the man would certainly kill her sooner or later. She said he’s her husband and the father of her kids, bla bla bla. She told us that she’d been confronting him about a girl he’d been gallivanting openly with him, and that’s been the cause of all their issues.

She told me to use my number and call her husband because he doesn’t have me as a contact. I called him and told him the wife he tried to kill was in the hospital. He told me that she had better remain there because he’ll kill her if she ever comes near his house again. He hung up on me. She’s still insisting that he doesn’t mean it and she must go back once she’s discharged.

The issue now is, should we withdraw the police report or take the case up? The woman’s life is in danger and she doesn’t seem to understand the seriousness of her situation, writing it off as momentary anger. I don’t know why women choose to remain in these violent situations even when they have children to live for. She’s not even thinking about her one-year-old who has been with me all weekend.

Mature advice is needed here. Pease push to front page. I don’t know if we’ll be overstepping our boundaries by trying to help her.

Just don't meddle in the affair(
The Lady has said that to you indirectly. Try and listen to Ebenezer Obey's song in that regards)

The major reason a man beats a woman is by counter replying during brawls. She perhaps knows that her husband can't manage such and he is highly tempered.

Don't because he beats her and think he is a beast. It takes an extra in a man not to hit a woman that runs mouth. That "extra" might be lacking in him. (he might need a psychologist or a counselor)

The best way to keep your friend/neighbour alive to enjoy the fruit of her labour in that man's house is to; keep silent whenever an issue is leading to arguments since she loves him so much that she can't leave him even with the incessant beatings.. Op, your friend loves his husband very well, but as aforementioned , he can't manage argument as known by the wife.

If the man is cheating, lol, it is just a matter of time, he would soon be back home(hope not with a disease or empty pockets). It won't long. But;

let the woman address the fundamental issues that is causing the current marital imbalance( a wife can turn her husband to whatever she desires of him). She might be expecting the man to change whereas she is the one who needs to change for the better.

As for police follow up, back off ma. If your body no gree u, send a text anonymously to his family.

Your concern only is enough to gain you rewards race whom you serve

No, he won't kill her otherwise watch as she hones back the man she married.

For your child that see the place as a second house because David, I admonish u to abort so he doesn't grow to another David's dad(hope not).



I commend your good writing skills.

Bless u

almarthins:
She can help her without the woman knowing where the help is coming from. In my experience when we helped our neighbour she didnt even know who called domestic voilence team. First, some one has educate her about predicament, and possible demise if she continue along that path of silence.

As long as she gets help. Nonetheless, they will still know she was involved and it's safer to be involved fully if it means that woman's life is saved.

Dshocker:
Hand over the case to a human right association

Nigerian police na oloshi group with official uniform. Sm of them dont even know their job. Dem believe say na only thief be there job, other matters are out of bound. Human right association is the best for this case, dem sabi conjure police to perform.

BabaAlabi:
You have to understand that you are dealing with humans that possess different levels of intelligence and kindness. Some people are evil but too cowardly to carry out the act of killing, so what do they do, they offer advice like 'mind your business'. What do you expect from the same fools that drive past accident victims clearly in need of help?

seriously is annoying hw some of this women think at times, ur fellow woman is in dare need of help, and a woman like u is struggling to help her, all u could do is to advice her to mind her business and avoid the family, who made some of us?

Pity. Dis is what u get wen u rush in with any man. She beta leave him b4 God leave her.U see d warning/ his lifestyle but still paddle d marriage thinking he'll change. .Wen u marry a weed smoker/ drunkard. Be ready to be em black and blue.@Op,stop taking ur lil man to her house b4 d useless man show him how to beat girls.

computergeek:
So I’ve never actually brought a personal issue to this forum, but this one is beyond me and I don’t know the best course of action to take here. I believe that there are people here who may have had a similar experience or might know what best to do. This may be a bit long.

So there’s this neighbor of mine whom I have an after-school agreement with. She’s a stay-at-home mum with two kids (a nursing baby and a four-year-old) while I have one child (also four). I usually leave my office at 4:00pm, so the agreement is, after-school at 12:30pm, I’ll go pick up the kids (they go to the same school) and return to work while she watches my son for me. I get my son his lunch and snacks before he goes there, even though she’s begged me to stop doing that, but I can’t saddle her with feeding a child that’s not hers.

The issue now is, a lot of violent things have happened in that house and as of this week, my son won’t be returning there. But I fear for the woman. Our homes are separated by a wall, but we often hear the arguing and crying sometimes. I knew she was having marital issues but I didn’t know the extent.

About two weeks ago, I went to get my son from the house and I noticed he wasn’t talking as usual. My son is the very boisterous type who likes to bounce as he walks, and he’ll usually try to take the key from my hand so he’ll open the door himself. That day, he wasn’t talking as usual. He seemed scared and shaken up. I knew the woman would sometimes punish the kids by asking them to kneel down when they fought, but she wouldn’t hit them. I asked him what the issue was, if anyone at school or home had been looking for his trouble, the guy said no.
He’s very close to his father (they are best friends), so when my husband came home I asked him to talk to the boy because he couldn’t choke his food down. After about a while, my son opened up. Apparently, he’d witnessed a very violent beating that he was struggling to find the right words to explain. He said that David’s father had been punching his mother in the passage with two hands at a time, and when she’d tried to run, he brought her back and beat her more. He said that he and David had to hide under the table because they were scared of getting hurt. He then said the mother raised a flower vase and hit him on his head, but the man continued beating her and shouting at her.

I didn’t know what to say. My son had witnessed a violent beating and it traumatized him. We soothed the boy and told him to forget about it. I then knew why the woman didn’t come out to hand him over as she usually did when I went to get him. He just came to me by himself.
The next day, I was skeptical about taking my son back there but he said he doesn’t want to stop playing with David and Sandra (the one-year-old baby). After school, I picked the boys up and drove them home. David’s mom came to the door and her face was badly bruised. I had to ask her what was wrong, but she hurriedly said she fell down and then took the kids from me.

On Friday last week, two days ago, the worst happened. It was around 3:00 or 3:30 when the woman called me at work. I picked the phone up and it was my son. He said that David’s mummy was lying on the floor and wasn’t opening her eyes. He said she was still moving but she couldn’t open her eyes. That blood was coming out her nose and mouth and their daddy had driven away. My heart literally flew out of my chest.

I called my husband as I was driving home and told him to meet us at the hospital. Long story cut short, she was badly battered and torn apart, almost about to give up life. I took her and all the kids to the hospital. While they were cleaning her wounds and hooking her up to the IV, I sorted out the bills. My husband tried to reach out to hers but he was rejecting the calls, so he went to make a statement at the area police command. They told us to contact them once she wakes up to give her statement. The police doesn’t usually like to dabble into marital issues but the woman was disfigured beyond imagination.

Sadly, you won’t believe what she said when she came to after a few hours. She started begging us to not report to anybody and not even call her family. That she’ll refund us the hospital bills and we should just call her friend that lives in New Haven to come and look after her. She was trying to protect the beast that had beaten her and left her for dead. We tried to reason with her because the man would certainly kill her sooner or later. She said he’s her husband and the father of her kids, bla bla bla. She told us that she’d been confronting him about a girl he’d been gallivanting openly with him, and that’s been the cause of all their issues.

She told me to use my number and call her husband because he doesn’t have me as a contact. I called him and told him the wife he tried to kill was in the hospital. He told me that she had better remain there because he’ll kill her if she ever comes near his house again. He hung up on me. She’s still insisting that he doesn’t mean it and she must go back once she’s discharged.

The issue now is, should we withdraw the police report or take the case up? The woman’s life is in danger and she doesn’t seem to understand the seriousness of her situation, writing it off as momentary anger. I don’t know why women choose to remain in these violent situations even when they have children to live for. She’s not even thinking about her one-year-old who has been with me all weekend.

Mature advice is needed here. Pease push to front page. I don’t know if we’ll be overstepping our boundaries by trying to help her.

Don't blame her,blame the society that will sham her if she leaves him or report him .Women stay in horrible marriages because they will be shamed by the society,the society has bashed divorced mother's for not being able to keep their marriage...they stigmatise divorcees...

My mum used to advice me,"if you get married no matter what your husband do,don't leave him , because the day you step out of the house you will be replaced by another woman and the world will blame you for not being able to keep a marriage" and i replied "f.uck the world!"

Try contact her family members,let them be the one to report to the police so she doesn't blame you for breaking her marriage. If you can't get across to them or they share the same views with her, you can take it up anonymously without her awareness

Cc: magnoliaa, Blackivy, budaatum, fuministicqueen, liberalchick,ryan03

Hmmmm..... this is serious. Your first duty is to protect your kid from the trauma. What he has witnessed ... no point telling him to forget it.... he will not. How much it has affected him... you will know as time goes by....it can be real bad. Is for you and your husband to never ever get any sort of disagreement in his presence.... that will reopen his wound. This is your primary business... to protect your family.
Now your neighbour. The victim is in desperate need of help.... disregard what her mouth is saying. No doubt... the beatings got worse... this was near death.... what would it be the next time? If she is beaten to death... would you then be telling the Police... and her family... and the media what was happening? Do you really believe you would be able to sleep peacefully at nights? What is your conscience telling you? You see where this is going..... make a report on the Police... let them know what is the situation.... that is your civic duty... you should be your neighbour's keeper. It is then up to the Police to do the needful. If they leave it alone...then whatever happens will be on them. If possible.... let her family know her present position..... it is for them to go visit her and extract the details. Just saying.

Forget the battery case.
Report to the police if she fails to refund your money immediately which obviously she can't. Let her sign undertaking of when she'll pay back. Bring her one year old to her, call her parents or other relatives you can access and hand everything over. Stay away from her, she is mad

Well in my candid opinion you are doing a very good thing trying to help her out and let her see reasons why she should have the guy cuationed because if proper care isn't taking it will send her to her early grave but here is the mean deal you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped if it's all dies down now you will be surprised you will be taking as the enemy no one will remember your good deeds and regarding those saying the man will try to bring the fight to you regarding that I guess he will think twice expect your husband is a pastor or doesn't talk if someone tries rubbish with my woman well such person will know that na education make man keep madness inside shirt and trouser but as for the woman if she refuse to listen to your candid advice well help me tell her R.I.P to her in advance.
I rest my case and I hope you read this

Advocate500:
seriously is annoying hw some of this women think at times, ur fellow woman is in dare need of help, and a woman like u is struggling to help her, all u could do is to advice her to mind her business and avoid the family, who made some of us?

To be honest I know how ladies think.
I have advised some friends about the asses they were dating. I ended up being the one they blamed for trying to put asunder...some even said is jealousy that is in my heart, even though the relationship didn't work out as I predicted.

Ladies will believe a guy than their ladies in dating talk more of marriage.
Their man/marriage is their pride,they will cover up,eat poo,neglect the female friends to save their man

Madam, if you don’t withdraw the case, this woman will quarrel with you when she has the strength. She and her husband will tell you off.

My advice is drastic but necessary for your sanity and safety. Avoid that family as much as possible. They are a terrible example for your son.

She probably thinks she’s the first virtuous, long-suffering wife ever, who endures the pains of the world. It’s like her ancestors are beckoning and she misses them. Let her continue collecting beating.

Let her village people finish the work they started.

I pity her and I really do pity her children. She’s trying to hold a marriage together, using her life as adhesive. If she continues to condone this nonsense, one day, the husband will go too far.


It’s not every couple that will celebrate 40 or 50 years together. If one person is habitually and unapologetically abusive, leave him or her in that marriage and move on.

Ishilove:
Hokay

I don catch you. So Naptu2 is your crush on this forum.

Michellekabod2:
To be honest I know how ladies think.
I have advised some friends about the asses they were dating. I ended up being the one they blamed for trying to put asunder...some even said is jealousy that is in my heart, even though the relationship didn't work out as I predicted.

Ladies will believe a guy than their ladies in dating talk more of marriage.
Their man/marriage is their pride,they will cover up,eat poo,neglect the female friends to save their man

It's because we have perpetuated a culture that accepts terrible things. In better countries that man would have been chilling in jail by now.

dominique:
Yes, at least file a case with the evidence on you though I don't think you will be able to press charges. It's up to the victim to do that. One thing about bullies is that they're cowards. Once you stand up firmly to them, they tend to retract. If he gets invited by the police and made to sign undertaking that he won't hurt his wife again, that could rattle him enough not to inflict injuries on her again. She needs to get something doing and start being less dependent on him though her safety is of topmost priority right now.

RT

computergeek:
So I’ve never actually brought a personal issue to this forum, but this one is beyond me and I don’t know the best course of action to take here. I believe that there are people here who may have had a similar experience or might know what best to do. This may be a bit long.

So there’s this neighbor of mine whom I have an after-school agreement with. She’s a stay-at-home mum with two kids (a nursing baby and a four-year-old) while I have one child (also four). I usually leave my office at 4:00pm, so the agreement is, after-school at 12:30pm, I’ll go pick up the kids (they go to the same school) and return to work while she watches my son for me. I get my son his lunch and snacks before he goes there, even though she’s begged me to stop doing that, but I can’t saddle her with feeding a child that’s not hers.

The issue now is, a lot of violent things have happened in that house and as of this week, my son won’t be returning there. But I fear for the woman. Our homes are separated by a wall, but we often hear the arguing and crying sometimes. I knew she was having marital issues but I didn’t know the extent.

About two weeks ago, I went to get my son from the house and I noticed he wasn’t talking as usual. My son is the very boisterous type who likes to bounce as he walks, and he’ll usually try to take the key from my hand so he’ll open the door himself. That day, he wasn’t talking as usual. He seemed scared and shaken up. I knew the woman would sometimes punish the kids by asking them to kneel down when they fought, but she wouldn’t hit them. I asked him what the issue was, if anyone at school or home had been looking for his trouble, the guy said no.
He’s very close to his father (they are best friends), so when my husband came home I asked him to talk to the boy because he couldn’t choke his food down. After about a while, my son opened up. Apparently, he’d witnessed a very violent beating that he was struggling to find the right words to explain. He said that David’s father had been punching his mother in the passage with two hands at a time, and when she’d tried to run, he brought her back and beat her more. He said that he and David had to hide under the table because they were scared of getting hurt. He then said the mother raised a flower vase and hit him on his head, but the man continued beating her and shouting at her.

I didn’t know what to say. My son had witnessed a violent beating and it traumatized him. We soothed the boy and told him to forget about it. I then knew why the woman didn’t come out to hand him over as she usually did when I went to get him. He just came to me by himself.
The next day, I was skeptical about taking my son back there but he said he doesn’t want to stop playing with David and Sandra (the one-year-old baby). After school, I picked the boys up and drove them home. David’s mom came to the door and her face was badly bruised. I had to ask her what was wrong, but she hurriedly said she fell down and then took the kids from me.

On Friday last week, two days ago, the worst happened. It was around 3:00 or 3:30 when the woman called me at work. I picked the phone up and it was my son. He said that David’s mummy was lying on the floor and wasn’t opening her eyes. He said she was still moving but she couldn’t open her eyes. That blood was coming out her nose and mouth and their daddy had driven away. My heart literally flew out of my chest.

I called my husband as I was driving home and told him to meet us at the hospital. Long story cut short, she was badly battered and torn apart, almost about to give up life. I took her and all the kids to the hospital. While they were cleaning her wounds and hooking her up to the IV, I sorted out the bills. My husband tried to reach out to hers but he was rejecting the calls, so he went to make a statement at the area police command. They told us to contact them once she wakes up to give her statement. The police doesn’t usually like to dabble into marital issues but the woman was disfigured beyond imagination.

Sadly, you won’t believe what she said when she came to after a few hours. She started begging us to not report to anybody and not even call her family. That she’ll refund us the hospital bills and we should just call her friend that lives in New Haven to come and look after her. She was trying to protect the beast that had beaten her and left her for dead. We tried to reason with her because the man would certainly kill her sooner or later. She said he’s her husband and the father of her kids, bla bla bla. She told us that she’d been confronting him about a girl he’d been gallivanting openly with him, and that’s been the cause of all their issues.

She told me to use my number and call her husband because he doesn’t have me as a contact. I called him and told him the wife he tried to kill was in the hospital. He told me that she had better remain there because he’ll kill her if she ever comes near his house again. He hung up on me. She’s still insisting that he doesn’t mean it and she must go back once she’s discharged.

The issue now is, should we withdraw the police report or take the case up? The woman’s life is in danger and she doesn’t seem to understand the seriousness of her situation, writing it off as momentary anger. I don’t know why women choose to remain in these violent situations even when they have children to live for. She’s not even thinking about her one-year-old who has been with me all weekend.

Mature advice is needed here. Pease push to front page. I don’t know if we’ll be overstepping our boundaries by trying to help her.

My dear, the reasons for wanting to go back to the man is staring you at the face — surprised you couldn't see it.

You stated it in your write up — 2nd sentence in the 2nd paragraph!

To help her, you must give her a way out — A source of income (job, business, etc) and an accommodation. I hope you can find any of those women empowerment groups that can help out — obviously, you can't do it alone.

Find those women group to help out in this two areas. Once, she's sure that she can fend for herself, she wouldn't need anyone to convince her!

A woman without a source of income is a danger unto herself and will never be valued by her husband.

BabaAlabi:
You have to understand that you are dealing with humans that possess different levels of intelligence and kindness. Some people are evil but too cowardly to carry out the act of killing, so what do they do, they offer advice like 'mind your business'. What do you expect from the same fools that drive past accident victims clearly in need of help?

In this case, telling her to mind her business is healthy and reasonable. Why? Because the OP offered help and it was turned down.

Domestic dispute is very slippery. The rescuer could easily become the villain. Madam OP took the right decision by reporting to the police but the victim has decided not to follow that path.

No offence, I don’t know how old you are but you’ll eventually arrive at a point in life when you’d realise you cannot force anyone to take wholesome advice. You will have to sadly watch them self-distruct.

I am passionate about balance and fairness in relationships, but I’ve learned through embarrassing situations, to stop offering advice (repeatedly) to people enduring toxic relationships. They, more often than not, never listen until after the fact.

This victim is determined to work out her marriage her own way. Let’s hope she survives it.

Ishilove:
My sister, if I were you I will dabble to the extent people will call me a witch. Not because of the silly woman but for the sake of her innocent children. I will go through her phone and call her family members. I will take pictures and broadcast it to them, making it seem worse than it already is. I will make noise to the extent people will call me busybody. I will even give policemen money to trump up charges like 'attempted murder.'

It's not meddling. It's called tough love.

If she dies from one of the beatings, you will feel guilty because you had a chance to try to save her but you didn't.

I really cannot wrap my head around women enduring domestic abuse. I know some people will advice her to pray, and yes prayer is one of the keys to turning around a bad marriage, but kindly pray far from where his iron fists can dislocate your jaw.

Don't stay in a toxic environment. Flee!!

Nope

Bad advise

Kendumazy:
Mheen! You had better leave the woman alone. It's very hard to help an uncooperative woman in an abusive marriage. Before you know it, she might even start saying you are the one who wants to destroy her marriage. Seen such happens. This one is even the breadwinner of the home, pay every bills in the house. The last time her husband paid the children school fees was when the first born was in KG 2, the boy is in JSS 3 now, never pay anything for second and third born. Even for the house wey the wife dey pay the rent, the man no Wan see any of his wife family members even for a visit. This is a very hard working and good woman. Mheen! Some people aren't just lucky.

Seen a similar case like this d only difference is that this ones have a very brilliant son only n d man pays no house rent,school fees for d fire brain first class only child,beats the woman,swore he was done with marriage, beat up pastors that tried to intervene, sent everyone out that came from church n village to make peace n all manner of Hell. I tried to help using women affairs in Abuja n Lagos I even involved my lawyer but do you know what she told me?? I should leave him that she's praying for him. He even bought a property they both saved for in his name alone. I just let them be.

OP I salute your courage for the extent you have gone for her.. pls I still need you to do a little more for her which to first involve her family.
Secondly support them through the involvement of the police. Thirdly, I do know there are NGOs that can talk to her & make her see reasons why she need to live for her children and possibly quit the marriage and also make d beast of a man pay for his actions. Pls help me secure such assistance. Thanks again and again

computergeek:
Babe me sef don tire. She's already seeing the repercussions of enduring domestic violence and how it affects her kids. I'm the one taking care of the baby while David is in the hospital with her. They are already suffering.

This kain matter just tire me. Her family is too local and would try to make peace and return her there.

Ishilove
Pocohantas
Naptu2

I need mature advice.

I don’t know why women choose to remain in these violent situations even when they have children to live for. S

So that Nairaland boys won’t mock her and call her olosho who couldn’t keep her marriage. What else?

GrabHisBalls:
Why don't you and your husband mind your business? Your husband went too far by going to report that man on his own accord. If that environment isn't safe for your son, take him elsewhere and stop meddling in matters you shouldn't. When this woman needs your help, she'll contact you. For now, it's obvious she doesn't need one.

To you guys, she has a thousand reasons to leave, but in her head, she's stuck up there. Thinking of how to raise her children alone without a job, if she leaves. The best you can do for her is to help her start thinking of how to get something doing to be liberated

A human life is in grave danger, and you are saying the couple should mind their own business? Do you even have a conscience?

It became their business, the minute she was beaten and left half-dead, and they had to take her to hospital. If they hadn't taken her to hospital, you would have said they were heartless.

All they are trying to do now, is to prevent her from further endangering herself.

If the battered woman had been your sister or daughter, would you have said they should mind their business, when they saw her unconscious? Haba! The way you people think is scary!

Some folks will not arrange an intervention for a distressed person, but when that person dies, they will be the first to attend the funeral, and start eulogising the dead. Isn't that hypocrisy??

As far as I am concerned, the couple should NOT withdraw the case. Let the law take its' course, no matter what the woman says. If at the end of the day, she still goes back to him, they would know in their hearts, that they did their best to offer her an alternative, and prevent the worst from happening.

If her body turns up in the morgue tomorrow, they will not suffer from a guilty conscience....

If you can kindly get pictures of her bruises for safe keeps and possibly usage for future reference.
I do not think the police will handle such matters appropriately. You should assist them in getting in touch with the domestic violence team or human rights team in the state of origin to tackle the matter.


I detest men who beat up their woman for whatsover reasons.

Ode

BRATISLAVA:
nobody is asking to hear his side of the story. Maybe she's a nag. Maybe she opened legs for another man. It could be that her tongue is acid and the man reacted. These women can make a kitten become a tiger with their mouths. Who knows if she hit him first. She set him up. Where are the men with these questions? Waiting for them.

I usually don't judge a story from one side.... I will love to hear what will make a man beat his wife repeatedly like this.
I will love to hear from him first, but the truth remains they ought not to continue living together.

For those that want tough love and those who wants to pay boys to beat the man, yall never see case. U better enjoy ur freedom while u still have it.

There's nothing that can be done until the lady approves and asks for help. There's something the knows, feels, did, or attempted that she'ld rather take the beating than expose to another person. (don't downplayed that) She is in a marriage, and in the eyes of the law, u are an intruder with any unauthorized intervention and that includes posting her pictures wherever.

Finally, there's a reason why d woman doesn't want to squeal or involve family.
In my life, I have learnt that couples only grapple at straws while fighting. They dare not mention the real cause of the fight to outsiders.

BRATISLAVA:
nobody is asking to hear his side of the story. Maybe she's a nag. Maybe she opened legs for another man. It could be that her tongue is acid and the man reacted. These women can make a kitten become a tiger with their mouths. Who knows if she hit him first. She set him up. Where are the men with these questions? Waiting for them.

Any man that says such things should be jailed. What kind of irresponsible talk is that? Does that justify the kind of beating he gave her? Why not divorce her or send her packing? Why resort to violence?

LilMissFavvy:
Withdraw the police case, you are not her relative, so there is an extent to which you should handle the lady's marital issues. It's unfortunate that this lady's self esteem has been ruined to an extent that she feels an abusive husband is her only hope in life. As a caring friend which you are, it's not gonna be easy to know that she is still passing through hell, yeah, because she has chosen a hell of a marriage for herself, it's her life/choice.

Yes you must look for a nanny for your son, this is the right time to keep your son off such an environment. But make sure you talk to her for the last time. Tell her that if she dies, her husband will remarry, what becomes of her son? Why is she a stay-at-home mom? Tell her if she leaves now, there is hope to get another husband, but if she is maimed with life time injuries it would be worse. It's better to meet her family people, and show them the pictures (hope you took pictures) of her battered body, don't even meet her pastor for help, pastors won't be able to help, they will say divorce is sin. I don't know if women should die in marriages because divorce is sin. Check on her from time to time anyways.....hmm!

Silly advice....they shouldn't help her. They should withdraw the police case.

Then when she dies at the hands of the mad man, they will put on black suits to commiserate with her family, right? Nansense!