₦airaland Forum

Eze2000:
It was right after the civil war. Everything was chaotic and difficult to accomplish then. I understand he tried but failed then took up a teaching job. And that is how I became the son of a teacher.

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

simonlee:
Your brother's money is not your money!
just develop your self and live in contempt as long as you have good health and meet your basic needs.
as for your brother, keep in touch, wish him happy birthday and notify him of basic developments in your life. he will do the same as long as you don't turn him to ATM or he'll keep avoiding you.
nobody owes you anything, not even your brother!

1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Eze2000:
When they say Nigerian youths are useless, rude and can't read, the same Nigerian youths think we mature adults are insulting them. Just look at these two talking trash to me when they don't have all the information about my family or me. Mynd44 how can people ever be expected to answer a question honestly with dedicated trolls like these running wild on this website?





When you are greatly offended in life you have 2 choices.

1. Fight for yourself or
2. Let God fight for you.

In fighting for yourslef you can do so physically or with the aid of evil powers i.e witches and native doctors. I chose number 2 above and that means waiting for God to deal with him. And hey, before you start trolling me about waiting in vain let me inform you that the multi-millionaire of yesterday is now finding money difficult today, has already shut down 3 business and sold one of his 3 cars in Nigeria.

God may be slow in action but never fails. I chose him.





My father was a young captain in the Biafran war. He fought in war fronts until Canada started helping Biafra by supplying it food and so translators of French to Igbo were needed. That was how my dad, an Igbo man who spoke French fluently, got promoted to Captain and given an administrative job. After the war, one of the white men he worked with took him to Canada. My dad was in Canada when his only brother was jailed for rape in the village in Nigeria and no one among the illiterate villagers could help because it was a policeman's daughter he allegedly raped and the guy jailed him even while the case was yet to get to court. My father returned to carry that case so his brother would not go to jail and damage his life. Unfortunately, in his haste, he came back without the right papers and could not return.
My father made huge sacrifices that turned his only brother from a primary school dropout selling acara in an Igbo village to a highly qualified secondary school teacher. Some of those sacrifices world have sent my dad to jail if caught. For example, when this same secondary school teacher got a chance to go to America he could not pass the English exam. Guess who took it for him? Before that guess who forged his papers with govt stamp so he could go to Teachers Training College after failing the exam?

My dad was a man who did not build houses or buy cars in his main years but spent all he had on his brother first, then his own kids later in life. The family agreement was my Uncle would train me in the USA and I train my younger ones. My dad fell seriously ill just after I left secondary school and it lasted for 15 years. His brother did one of the most famous vanishing acts you will ever see till my dad died five years ago. During this time, i was told to get ready to go to the USA for studies 3 times only for it to be called off.

After my dad died without seeing his brother, I blocked the man in my heart for life. I've turned down more pacifying gifts in dollars within the last five years than both of you trolls will ever see in your life. My rejection carried spiritual consequences due to the circumstance and so my uncle, in desperation offered one of his cash gifts to a struggling younger brother of mine. He accepted and that was how he found the huge capital needed to become a money exchanger and bitcoin trader. He's a millionaire now and doesn't bother with Nairaland again where he learnt the trade.

So how about me. I'm a self-taught writer and author waiting to answer my calling as a man of God in an international church. I have to answer that calling because not answering it since it first came 20 years ago has affected my life in a way you cannot understand. It has also preserved it. Yes, I did not mention that my uncle is diabolical... a user of native charms who has to return to Nigeria to renew his evil power yearly. People die in our house every 4 years now and a lot of destinies have been tied down. He has poisoned me via food 2 times and tried to drive me mad 3 times - God stopped all five attempts. I can't feel my toes well till today from the first attempt in 1998. Check my profile you will see me pleading for advice from doctors in the health section just 2 moths back to save a woman's life. That was my stepmother, she is dead now from a simple leg injury that worsened and spread incredibly fast.

@Enculer my attempts to survive have been superhuman spiritually and physically, something 10 of you can never do. I'm neither poor nor lazy. I earn well above minimum wage in a job no one taught me to do or helped. I own 3 houses all to myself in Lagos and Imo state. I battle demons to a standstill, eat poison and live, render the powers of some of the most powerful prophets you know useless because God is my power. The only area you can taunt me is being unmarried at 39 due to the fact that I have not found a godly woman I like in a society so rotten.



Please, please go away both of you and let me mourn in peace.

Farmafric:
I have a similar experience as that brother. I have bought four vehicles for my siblings, helped all of them in one way or the other in their businesses and even used several millions to build a family house. Placed my parents on monthly allowances and meet all possible needs of both in laws and immediate and extended family as much as I can but what did I get in return... You will be surprised! Hatred! Gossip! Evil insinuations, entitlement, and envy. Same attitude like OP, they feel I help outsiders but not them. I still spent millions on scholarships, etc but my younger brothers will not even respond to my greetings. Yes, I will greet them first if we meet but they will ignore me. One of them feel I should have made him a manager in my company another felt there is no reason why he should suffer when he has someone like me. Even classmates, friends, far relations all have similar entitlement mentality and they don't care if you have or not. My advice is simple, don't give in to pressure of people who thinks think they have right over your life. If you have any misfortune they are the first to laugh and make mockery of you. Plan for your immediate family and invest for retirement and nuclear family. Do the much you can for loved ones and leave the rest to God.

pocohantas:
I can accurately guess what part of the country you are from and this is not me being tribalistic. Always fighting their brother's wife, expecting him to throw her away and bring them in. Sorry, not every man would do that. You people should make peace with the wife first. Na from her una fit get your brother...

Till then, you all will remain like the Okoye's (i.e) PSquares

By the way, I noticed this thing is very common in large families. They will have different parties in one nuclear family- PDP, APC, APGA... I can't deal mehn...

If you are a Nigerian woman and you marry the pillar of a home, be very prepared.

madridguy:
I hope she realize her mistake before its too late.

midnighter:
Okay. Well sorry about that. Sorry again for this question, your story threw up so many in my head

How come your extended family doesnt have anything to say about this? How would you be facing all this alone Somebody should have fingered him as a witch by now

johnmba:
He did not deprive himself anything. He works with shell(manager) and helps alot of people in the company. Sometimes people he helped wondered why am working in a hospital for someone that read engineering.

pocohantas:
I can accurately guess what part of the country you are from and this is not me being tribalistic. Always fighting their brother's wife, expecting him to throw her away and bring them in. Sorry, not every man would do that. You people should make peace with the wife first. Na from her una fit get your brother...

Till then, you all will remain like the Okoye's (i.e) PSquares

By the way, I noticed this thing is very common in large families. They will have different parties in one nuclear family- PDP, APC, APGA... I can't deal mehn...

If you are a Nigerian woman and you marry the pillar of a home, be very prepared.

CanadianNaija:
He didn't deprive himself of anything? Do you hear yourself? See your mindset, are you in his pocket?

Your brother can not get you into Shell, whether he works there or not.
I know for a fact how rigorous their recruitment process is, especially if it is for a fulltime position.
There're companies that hire contract staff for Shell and others, that one is another matter.

If you finished within the age range for their engineering graduate trainee program why didn't you apply? Was your grade good? Did you pass the aptitude test, and their accessment day?
Their fulltime recruitment is centralized and done from out of country.

It's not a one man's business, you hear that he's helping people what kind of help? Do you know? Have you bothered to ask him?

You seem misinformed, you were all given the same opportunity i don't know why you seem so resentful and envious of him.
Shell is one company at least that you can get into on merit, people without connection do it everyday, it's not your brother's fault that you're an engineer that works in a hospital.

CanadianNaija:
Tell am! Maybe OP expects people to follow him and demonize the brother.

God knows how lonely the poor man must be, and what he must have experienced to make him keep everybody at arm's length.

iammiracle1:
Terrible mentality, what of if you die ist? Let go and become way big yourself that you don't have to bank on andestral land to pepper" a perceived enemy.

Eze2000:
Witches or bad people in families tend to come in 2s. It's him and his immediate elder sister who was driving back from her husband's house in 1974 for witchcraft. She was childless and needed a place of refuge. My father let her stay in the family home, a mistake I am paying for.

I was made to understand that somewhere along the line she checked all our destinies and wared my Uncle that my father's children will be greater than his. She offered him a solution and he took it. My father had been warned of that evil pact while he was alive but always left it to God. That woman killed him.

Two December ago, due to the mysterious deaths in our village, particularly in my great-grand father's compound, a meeting was called and a prophet invited. That prophet was a woman and she disgraced my aunt calling her a witch to high heavens and that she had killed many and tied all our diestines in that family and even put enmity among us so we can never agree. That every evil was on her head.

After the prophetess left, the sons of the soil decided to take action against her but my uncle blocked them. He swore the prophetess was fake and had been put up to tell lies by the oldest man in the compound who had been critical of his treatment of my father. My uncle hast 2 high chieftaincy titles and had bought one for his first son at the time. He was a sitting king and no one could do a thing.

The woman is still there in my home now and the death and mysterious evil continues.

As for why I am suffering it alone, it is complex and worse than you think don't want to talk of it publicly yet but I will write my book one day and it will shock millions of people. For now, i will say that all of it is a punishment from God in that I rejected his calling and will end after I answer that calling.

The most important thing now is for me to bury my mom then find a woman I really like to light up my heart again then marry before Easter...

God promises that my enemies will one day kneel to beg me. I will wait.

ednut1:
Let him be. He does not owe you brotherly love

Babaalata:
Dont feel Entitled to his money. He has an immediate family to feed as his top priority. The fact that he works in a multinational doesn't make him a multi millionaire.
I made a decision never to depend on any family or family friends. I trusted them for my IT placement then, but was highly disappointed.

shadeyinka:
Three things:
1. Have you asked him for placement at Shell?
(Don't assume he aught to know: others too ask before he takes action).
2. Are you highly qualified for what you are asking for?
(Some cases are difficult to defend before your boss)
3. Does your brother's influence cover your area of expertise?
(Your area of expertise is Engineering but your brother may have his sphere of influence in Administration)

But the most important thing is to ASK him: prepare your CV like you are meeting a person not related to you.

Finally:
If you can all relate, let things be. I feel that Unconsciously you have all put the blame on the wife. Sorry, you cannot be his friend while rejecting his wife. It is not possible!

Become a friend of the wife and you will become his friend.QED!

Creamcustard:
@OP
It is shocking how you have downplayed the huge contribution your brother has made to your lives.He is your sibling and not your parent and yet he was paying fees, giving money for business and he even gave a car.You even said he did not deprive himself of anything to make these sacrifices.No wonder he avoids all of you.

You are saying no one is asking for money or anything but your posts are saying otherwise: 1. you have mentioned that people wonder why your brother works in shell and you an engineer in a hospital
2. You have said your elder brother is not moving. 3. He wanted to marry and did not receive any support from your family but got criticism on top of it.

Let's not kid ourselves here, once he let's you all in, the requests will start piling in.

It is extremely off putting and creates strains in relationships.

Maybe your brother cut you all off so he and his nuclear family can progress, i imagine if he kept carrying you all, he would be stuck catering to you forever and depriving his family of the kind of lifestyle appropriate.

The fact that he would rather render assistance to strangers than to you all speaks volumes and reinforces the fact that he must see you all as life draining and toxic to his well being.

Fortunately, relationships cannot be forced. Pour your energy into making yourself rich too and focus on your own family.

goodo20:
hello guy, go fine work do. leave your brother alone.

Bahddo:
he isn't missing anything. What is family if they cannot respect your choice of a mate and give you support? You cannot slap someone and dictate how they should feel about it or how they should react to it.

You weren't there when they were opposing; you don't know what they said or did; don't play the judge.

CanadianNaija:
I read some comments including yours and am really shocked that the family system has deteriorated in Nigeria, i thank God i have a supportive family , so because your family demands money then you will totally withdraw yourself from them, That brother is suppose to help his siblings so the stop depending on him but from what the Op wrote he already has that trait from childhood and the siblings just choose to ignore because of the love the have for him and writing that getting a job in shell or other multinationals is merit i can categorically tell you that a top person in the company can actually help you get a job, most people wont understand the OP because most are already from a loveless home and dnt understand the importance of family , see the dangote and the dantata, the ikejis, iamEmoney and iamkcee etc , someone in these mentioned family climbed to the top and helped others, stop using negative examples and understand the op, my advice is that you should pray for your brother ,there is nothing you can do for now

He didn't deprive himself of anything? Do you hear yourself? See your mindset, are you in his pocket?

Your brother can not get you into Shell, whether he works there or not.
I know for a fact how rigorous their recruitment process is, especially if it is for a fulltime position.
There're companies that hire contract staff for Shell and others, that one is another matter.

If you finished within the age range for their engineering graduate trainee program why didn't you apply? Was your grade good? Did you pass the aptitude test, and their accessment day?
Their fulltime recruitment is centralized and done from out of country.

It's not a one man's business, you hear that he's helping people what kind of help? Do you know? Have you bothered to ask him?

You seem misinformed, you were all given the same opportunity i don't know why you seem so resentful and envious of him.
Shell is one company at least that you can get into on merit, people without connection do it everyday, it's not your brother's fault that you're an engineer that works in a hospital.

sassysure:
So because his family opposed his marriage, he is behaving like a spoilt boy?
Open a thread here on this topic, u will see that half of the married couple here didn't find it funny at the beginning especially the women but they readily are willing to make that sacrifice and win them over. Once u win them over, what again is your problem.
Unless there is another problem, this doesn't stand.
The family is good with the wife.

Why are u guys manufacturing problems where it doesn't exist?
Look for another reason but this doesn't hold. As long as they have apologised and is in good terms with the wife, case closed.
U guys are very hypocritical.
It's here I read where a mother in law is so wicked to daughter in law yet she will be told to bear it and that the man should love his mum more than his wife.
So many threads on this. Yet this man has refused to liaise with his mum.
Now we all are suddenly on his side. Since when did nairaland men start recognising that a man is one with his wife and not his parents and siblings? All of a sudden we all care about the wife.
Hypocrites.

sassysure:
They already regretted and apologised.
They have moved on with the wife.
What again do u want them to do?
If it's be sure of this, he is very revengful and should be kept at arm's length.
What about his mother?
He don't want to forgive her 2?

Lots of wives are living with families that hate them.
Even though the husband don't want their interference in his marriage, he shield his nuclear family away from extended yet has ways he communicate with his extended. It's very rampant occurance.

My submission was that he may have his reason but this shouldn't be part of it else he is a very cold hearted man.

shogsman:
Y’all just rushed to comment without taking time to read through the write up,dude doesn’t care about the money he just wants to bring his brother back.
My advice is to stop calling and let him go,the remaining 6 of you should keep that bond,eventually he will feel left out and rethink.

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

madridguy:
Is your mum still alive?

I keep laughing at people saying the OP should leave his brother alone and work for himself.

To me, in life we all need someone to lean on to climb our own ladder. A good example is Linda Ikeji, may God continue to bless her. I believe she hustle her way alone, but immediately she got to the top she never neglected her siblings. God bless her more.

I'm sure we all have different background and upbringing but none of my siblings can do this. We have community training and my father of blessed memory used to ring it to our ears before he passed on. He used to say, i pray you all get to the top, but you all cannot get there at once, but whoever get there first must make sure he/she help others. This is our motor in my own family.

Shibaraba:
Similar to mine ....
My advice
Leave him alone oooooo.
His money. His life. Na him Sabi.
I used my brothers success to propel myself. I hustled so hard so that they won't call me millionaires brother. "See that guy you no know am, two of his brothers na Oga for saipem. Them be millionaires ".
Nah. I changed it to "See that guy, na millionaire " Notice the difference? "
When the time comes their eyes dey open. It always does. God bless your hustle