₦airaland Forum

Ryan03:
its always like this. Lemme give you a short story. A woman passing through similar stuff went to report to the police after the last beating almost ended her life, the police decided to invite her husband over but she refused (later found out it were her neighbours who pressurized her into reporting). She said she only wanted to make a complaint, she dont want her husband arrested. You can't force a woman to do otherwise hence she was asked to leave cause such cases can't be incidented as complaint. Two weeks later, news came that she was dead, died from assault by her husband, he was arrested and charged to court, he pleaded not guilty, remanded in jail and case adjourned. My bro, the case still dey on, funny enough, they have four kids

Chivadoski:
You tried but to get husband no easy that's why you see most abused wife still going back to their husbands, In Nigeria who wants to marry an already married wife, only few men would, even if he really want to, families won't allow, the one that has given birth for that matter.

studentofTruth:
I can bet that she's dependent on the man for her feeding, shelter, and upkeep. Without financial Independence, they will insist on taking the beating.

Kalixx:
Why do u always sound so acrid?

Plead:
Women who don’t have a tangible source of income shouldn’t be getting married! They won’t hear ... let them continue rushing into marriage without money/job

97% of women who stay in abusive (physical or emotional ) marriages are staying because they lack funds to get their lives all together again if they leave . They depend on their husbands for survival and as such can’t leave irrespective of the treatment being meted to them . Such a shame

Asetime:
You sound so much better now. With the choice of words, we pass so many emotions even though we may not have meant it that way. You are very right.
However, I have already expressed the grievances I had with you.

cococandy:
Because I’m not pretending like all of you hypocrites?

This thread: talk trash about how she’s supposed to leave and bla bla bla. (like any of you actually care about domestic violence). Nigerian women too like marriage. (Hmm I wonder why though )

Next thread : Time to shit on divorced women and shame single women. Old cargo, after-one nobody will marry her. Evening newspaper.

Next time: pretend like you don’t understand why they refuse to leave.

You are all complicit.

So stfu

Ayotemide:
[s]I have read your comments half heartedly; "what is going on between husband and wife" you say?

The person who you have mentioned so far has a lot of humanity in him/her and that is evident; you however thinks life-threatening and injuries is a function of 'what is going on' in some damned marriage?

You are speaking without EQ, it is not some bitter truth but rather brash way of telling anyone what to do in such a situation.

Abeg go sit this one out.[/s]

Kalixx:
Madame, you had better quit all this unnecessary display of nairaland machismo and squarely face your whatever current underlying real life woe u may have.

You never pass a point without ever making your personal life's pain so obvious - honestly, you sound so afflicted.

computergeek:
Update On The Wife Battery Case: She Went Back To The Abusive Man

crackhaus:
With all your humanity, I wonder why you have not offered to take up this case yourself.

You might need to shut your trap.

Ayotemide:
LOL

As though I expected anything better from you that thinks brashfulness would somehow be the solution.

You are still sitting this one out until it comes home to you and you know how to respond with some EI.

Ryan03:
its always like this. Lemme give you a short story. A woman passing through similar stuff went to report to the police after the last beating almost ended her life, the police decided to invite her husband over but she refused (later found out it were her neighbours who pressurized her into reporting). She said she only wanted to make a complaint, she dont want her husband arrested. You can't force a woman to do otherwise hence she was asked to leave cause such cases can't be incidented as complaint. Two weeks later, news came that she was dead, died from assault by her husband, he was arrested and charged to court, he pleaded not guilty, remanded in jail and case adjourned. My bro, the case still dey on, funny enough, they have four kids

seunmohmoh:
97% is not because of money.

DameB:
Breaking the abuse cycle is very very very difficult if the woman has no financial, emotional and social support. A broken spirit that's no thought for its safety.

"What will people say" will kill you faster than some diseases.

Our society doesn't do much to support the domestic abused woman/man. There was absolutely nothing wrong with reporting a battery case to the police. When that woman dies everyone in that vicinity will still be questioned

pcguru1:
If she had C.R.E.A.M all these would be easily avoidable

computergeek:
Update On The Wife Battery Case: She Went Back To The Abusive Man

What's up people? This is an update thread on the wife battery case. This one might also be a bit lengthy, so bear with me. Lots of people have been asking me about the case, and I had to make this update to fill everyone in at once.

So about two weeks ago I brought an issue here about my neighbor who usually watches my four-year-old boy for me.

Read the previous thread here:

https://www.nairaland.com/5483166/wife-battery-should-drop-police

Just a little summary. She's a stay-at-home mom of two with a nursing baby and a boy who is my son's age. I used to leave work to pick the two boys up and take them to her house while I return to my office. I didn't know this before, but her husband is a very abusive man and my son unfortunately witnessed him beat her to near death twice.

The second time, he was the one that called me with her phone and I came and took her to hospital.

The issue then was that she didn't want to go ahead with the police case my husband and I filed for her. The man nearly murdered her and threatened over the phone to kill her if she ever comes back to his house. We had the call recorded but she insisted that he was only angry and would calm down soon enough.


She begged us not to call her family or report to anyone, that she can handle it by herself. One of her friends came to help her in the hospital while I took her one-year-old girl with me. I actually insisted.

,......

So that terrible incident happened on a Friday, while I created the thread on a Sunday. On Thursday, the evil man finally came home. He hadn't called once to ask of his children. His son David was in the hospital and wasn't even going to school that week. I had to take the little baby to my office with me, and my only luck is that she's not the feisty sort.

He didn't come over to my house to check on the girl. I wasn't even sure he knew that she was with me. A fence separates our house and theirs but I heard his car rev in for the first time in days.

My husband and I had decided to bring her family into the case rather than just let it die off like that. We contacted her elder brother without her knowledge and told him everything. They are local people but we felt he would be more enlightened than others. He told us he would take things from there and that we should go and withdraw the police report. At least, we had done our bit and cleared our consciences.

My son kept asking me when David would resume school, but I told him to let David be with his mom. I didn't know how to tell the kid that he wouldn't be staying at David's house after school again. I can't have him in a toxic environment. I'd started picking him up and bringing him back to the office with me, and that's how I intend to keep things for now.


The lady came home last Friday, after about a week in the hospital. She called me everyday to ask after her child and I visited once with the baby while she was still at the hospital. She still has bandages on her arms and face and still can't open her left eye properly. She came to my house in the evening with her younger sister to collect her baby. I noticed she was embarrassed. She just said a word of thanks and demanded for the girl. I packed the girl's things (even the ones I bought with my money) and handed her over.

Before she left, she told me not to worry about David anymore, that she would start going to get him herself. I told her that even though my son returns to my office with me now, I can still pick up her son because I have to pass the street's entrance on my way back to work. She could be waiting for him whenever I'm about to drive by. She said no. That she'll be fine.

Well, we did our bit. We took some pieces of advice here and got her family involved. But we withdrew the police case for peace to reign. The woman has vehemently refused to take her life and kids seriously, but we've done our best. I don't know what her brother did, but I think he spoke to the lady's husband. I remembered seeing her on Thursday when I went to get my son from school. She was waiting to pick up David. I greeted her and offered them a ride. She refused, saying she'll order an O'Trike (Keke Napep that's like Uber).

Well, everybody should dey their own dey. God knows I've tried.

Thank you all for the advice and genuine guidance. For those who were more concerned about my son because of the violence he witnessed, he's fine. He misses playing with David and Sandra, but my network admin has two boys aged 5 and 8 who also hang out in the office after school. At least my son gets to play with them in the conference room. He's happy and I'm keeping him occupied with activities so his mind won't switch on those memories. My husband enrolled him in a new kids' football club and they go to play on Wednesday and Saturday evenings.

The best security a woman can have is her own gainful source of income. If that woman has something doing, I'm not sure she'd go back to an adulterer who beat her with the intent to murder. Women, please be careful with your lives. Think about your kids. If you die, who will look after them? Don't let society pressurize into marrying beasts.

desoul2004:
Op you tried but the only area I'm not comfortable with is the way you always present your own family as a perfect one. Those that talk like you in my office have more internal crises in their family than others. Marriage is not an easy institution and also unpredictable. Shalom!!!

Plead:
Women who don’t have a tangible source of income shouldn’t be getting married! They won’t hear ... let them continue rushing into marriage without money/job

97% of women who stay in abusive (physical or emotional ) marriages are staying because they lack funds to get their lives all together again if they leave . They depend on their husbands for survival and as such can’t leave irrespective of the treatment being meted to them . Such a shame

bukatyne:
I wish you were right.

ANY woman who wants to leave an abusive marriage will do so with or without a job.

Quote me anywhere.

computergeek:
Update On The Wife Battery Case: She Went Back To The Abusive Man

What's up people? This is an update thread on the wife battery case. This one might also be a bit lengthy, so bear with me. Lots of people have been asking me about the case, and I had to make this update to fill everyone in at once.

So about two weeks ago I brought an issue here about my neighbor who usually watches my four-year-old boy for me.

Read the previous thread here:

https://www.nairaland.com/5483166/wife-battery-should-drop-police

Just a little summary. She's a stay-at-home mom of two with a nursing baby and a boy who is my son's age. I used to leave work to pick the two boys up and take them to her house while I return to my office. I didn't know this before, but her husband is a very abusive man and my son unfortunately witnessed him beat her to near death twice.

The second time, he was the one that called me with her phone and I came and took her to hospital.

The issue then was that she didn't want to go ahead with the police case my husband and I filed for her. The man nearly murdered her and threatened over the phone to kill her if she ever comes back to his house. We had the call recorded but she insisted that he was only angry and would calm down soon enough.


She begged us not to call her family or report to anyone, that she can handle it by herself. One of her friends came to help her in the hospital while I took her one-year-old girl with me. I actually insisted.

,......

So that terrible incident happened on a Friday, while I created the thread on a Sunday. On Thursday, the evil man finally came home. He hadn't called once to ask of his children. His son David was in the hospital and wasn't even going to school that week. I had to take the little baby to my office with me, and my only luck is that she's not the feisty sort.

He didn't come over to my house to check on the girl. I wasn't even sure he knew that she was with me. A fence separates our house and theirs but I heard his car rev in for the first time in days.

My husband and I had decided to bring her family into the case rather than just let it die off like that. We contacted her elder brother without her knowledge and told him everything. They are local people but we felt he would be more enlightened than others. He told us he would take things from there and that we should go and withdraw the police report. At least, we had done our bit and cleared our consciences.

My son kept asking me when David would resume school, but I told him to let David be with his mom. I didn't know how to tell the kid that he wouldn't be staying at David's house after school again. I can't have him in a toxic environment. I'd started picking him up and bringing him back to the office with me, and that's how I intend to keep things for now.


The lady came home last Friday, after about a week in the hospital. She called me everyday to ask after her child and I visited once with the baby while she was still at the hospital. She still has bandages on her arms and face and still can't open her left eye properly. She came to my house in the evening with her younger sister to collect her baby. I noticed she was embarrassed. She just said a word of thanks and demanded for the girl. I packed the girl's things (even the ones I bought with my money) and handed her over.

Before she left, she told me not to worry about David anymore, that she would start going to get him herself. I told her that even though my son returns to my office with me now, I can still pick up her son because I have to pass the street's entrance on my way back to work. She could be waiting for him whenever I'm about to drive by. She said no. That she'll be fine.

Well, we did our bit. We took some pieces of advice here and got her family involved. But we withdrew the police case for peace to reign. The woman has vehemently refused to take her life and kids seriously, but we've done our best. I don't know what her brother did, but I think he spoke to the lady's husband. I remembered seeing her on Thursday when I went to get my son from school. She was waiting to pick up David. I greeted her and offered them a ride. She refused, saying she'll order an O'Trike (Keke Napep that's like Uber).

Well, everybody should dey their own dey. God knows I've tried.

Thank you all for the advice and genuine guidance. For those who were more concerned about my son because of the violence he witnessed, he's fine. He misses playing with David and Sandra, but my network admin has two boys aged 5 and 8 who also hang out in the office after school. At least my son gets to play with them in the conference room. He's happy and I'm keeping him occupied with activities so his mind won't switch on those memories. My husband enrolled him in a new kids' football club and they go to play on Wednesday and Saturday evenings.

The best security a woman can have is her own gainful source of income. If that woman has something doing, I'm not sure she'd go back to an adulterer who beat her with the intent to murder. Women, please be careful with your lives. Think about your kids. If you die, who will look after them? Don't let society pressurize into marrying beasts.

frozen70g:
This issue is one particular issue I get tired with women who does not have a voice of their own or an option

The stupid culture is not helping matters, where they will advise the woman to remain in abusive local marriage

Women should brase up and defend themselves, if its not working out, walk away, your freedom of peace when you are alive is more important to you but your freedom at death is more important to your family because they are the one to Bury you

Get out of that house and do something that will earn you a living in case the animal in your husband comes out

And for you men treating women like a trash bin, you will get your rewards at old age when you can no longer help yourself, thats when you will know that women are good at revenge

computergeek:
Update On The Wife Battery Case: She Went Back To The Abusive Man

sassysure:
Ò dikwa serious

I wouldn't have gone that far as long as it's husband and wife matter. The person in an abusive relationship has brain. When the person is ready, he or she knows what to do but it may be too late.

Sometimes they will use u to settle their differences


She has already started avoiding you

Tuah!

bukatyne:
I wish you were right.

ANY woman who wants to leave an abusive marriage will do so with or without a job.

Quote me anywhere.

ornicus:
It is not about money. There was a lady who was carrying her unemployed husband. Bank worker woman. The husband was doing all of this and more. The guy eventually killed her. I am trying to remember her name.

Our society has conditioned most women to stay in abusive marriages

There is no support system as police will usually push the woman back to the man

Our religious institutions are also not helping

In all, you will have to be a person with a very very strong will.

It is about far more than money. I am sure you will find that that man's financial contributions are insignificant

The woman was titilayo arowolo. In the end her husband stabbed her to death,