₦airaland Forum

Plead:
Women who don’t have a tangible source of income shouldn’t be getting married! They won’t hear ... let them continue rushing into marriage without money/job

97% of women who stay in abusive (physical or emotional ) marriages are staying because they lack funds to get their lives all together again if they leave . They depend on their husbands for survival and as such can’t leave irrespective of the treatment being meted to them . Such a shame

crackhaus:
Getting her to the hospital and getting in touch with the friend she asked for, is all the best the OP needed to do.

Any other thing that was done after the victim herself told her to withdraw the police case is oversabi, because she does not know the full story of what is going on between husband and wife.

ornicus:
It is not about money. There was a lady who was carrying her unemployed husband. Bank worker woman. The husband was doing all of this and more. The guy eventually killed her. I am trying to remember her name.

Our society has conditioned most women to stay in abusive marriages

There is no support system as police will usually push the woman back to the man

Our religious institutions are also not helping

In all, you will have to be a person with a very very strong will.

It is about far more than money. I am sure you will find that that man's financial contributions are insignificant

The woman was titilayo arowolo. In the end her husband stabbed her to death,

bukatyne:
I wish you were right.

ANY woman who wants to leave an abusive marriage will do so with or without a job.

Quote me anywhere.

blesskewe:
Last last na death go end am

shadeyinka:
No!
It's not that easy especially in a country with no social security like Nigeria. If you are jobless and with no home support, the tendency is to justify the abuse. No body will prefer a slow death due to hunger and homelessness to intermittent boxing brawls.

The wife knows she had committed a blunder of choice but she's trying to save face by pretending that all is well...she can handle the "minor glitch"

femtex007:
Lets say. Love conquers all. Most of those divorcees are regretting their actions

computergeek:
Update On The Wife Battery Case: She Went Back To The Abusive Man

What's up people? This is an update thread on the wife battery case. This one might also be a bit lengthy, so bear with me. Lots of people have been asking me about the case, and I had to make this update to fill everyone in at once.

So about two weeks ago I brought an issue here about my neighbor who usually watches my four-year-old boy for me.

Read the previous thread here:

https://www.nairaland.com/5483166/wife-battery-should-drop-police

Just a little summary. She's a stay-at-home mom of two with a nursing baby and a boy who is my son's age. I used to leave work to pick the two boys up and take them to her house while I return to my office. I didn't know this before, but her husband is a very abusive man and my son unfortunately witnessed him beat her to near death twice.

The second time, he was the one that called me with her phone and I came and took her to hospital.

The issue then was that she didn't want to go ahead with the police case my husband and I filed for her. The man nearly murdered her and threatened over the phone to kill her if she ever comes back to his house. We had the call recorded but she insisted that he was only angry and would calm down soon enough.


She begged us not to call her family or report to anyone, that she can handle it by herself. One of her friends came to help her in the hospital while I took her one-year-old girl with me. I actually insisted.

,......

So that terrible incident happened on a Friday, while I created the thread on a Sunday. On Thursday, the evil man finally came home. He hadn't called once to ask of his children. His son David was in the hospital and wasn't even going to school that week. I had to take the little baby to my office with me, and my only luck is that she's not the feisty sort.

He didn't come over to my house to check on the girl. I wasn't even sure he knew that she was with me. A fence separates our house and theirs but I heard his car rev in for the first time in days.

My husband and I had decided to bring her family into the case rather than just let it die off like that. We contacted her elder brother without her knowledge and told him everything. They are local people but we felt he would be more enlightened than others. He told us he would take things from there and that we should go and withdraw the police report. At least, we had done our bit and cleared our consciences.

My son kept asking me when David would resume school, but I told him to let David be with his mom. I didn't know how to tell the kid that he wouldn't be staying at David's house after school again. I can't have him in a toxic environment. I'd started picking him up and bringing him back to the office with me, and that's how I intend to keep things for now.


The lady came home last Friday, after about a week in the hospital. She called me everyday to ask after her child and I visited once with the baby while she was still at the hospital. She still has bandages on her arms and face and still can't open her left eye properly. She came to my house in the evening with her younger sister to collect her baby. I noticed she was embarrassed. She just said a word of thanks and demanded for the girl. I packed the girl's things (even the ones I bought with my money) and handed her over.

Before she left, she told me not to worry about David anymore, that she would start going to get him herself. I told her that even though my son returns to my office with me now, I can still pick up her son because I have to pass the street's entrance on my way back to work. She could be waiting for him whenever I'm about to drive by. She said no. That she'll be fine.

Well, we did our bit. We took some pieces of advice here and got her family involved. But we withdrew the police case for peace to reign. The woman has vehemently refused to take her life and kids seriously, but we've done our best. I don't know what her brother did, but I think he spoke to the lady's husband. I remembered seeing her on Thursday when I went to get my son from school. She was waiting to pick up David. I greeted her and offered them a ride. She refused, saying she'll order an O'Trike (Keke Napep that's like Uber).

Well, everybody should dey their own dey. God knows I've tried.

Thank you all for the advice and genuine guidance. For those who were more concerned about my son because of the violence he witnessed, he's fine. He misses playing with David and Sandra, but my network admin has two boys aged 5 and 8 who also hang out in the office after school. At least my son gets to play with them in the conference room. He's happy and I'm keeping him occupied with activities so his mind won't switch on those memories. My husband enrolled him in a new kids' football club and they go to play on Wednesday and Saturday evenings.

The best security a woman can have is her own gainful source of income. If that woman has something doing, I'm not sure she'd go back to an adulterer who beat her with the intent to murder. Women, please be careful with your lives. Think about your kids. If you die, who will look after them? Don't let society pressurize into marrying beasts.

computergeek:
Update On The Wife Battery Case: She Went Back To The Abusive Man

What's up people? This is an update thread on the wife battery case. This one might also be a bit lengthy, so bear with me. Lots of people have been asking me about the case, and I had to make this update to fill everyone in at once.

So about two weeks ago I brought an issue here about my neighbor who usually watches my four-year-old boy for me.

Read the previous thread here:

https://www.nairaland.com/5483166/wife-battery-should-drop-police

Just a little summary. She's a stay-at-home mom of two with a nursing baby and a boy who is my son's age. I used to leave work to pick the two boys up and take them to her house while I return to my office. I didn't know this before, but her husband is a very abusive man and my son unfortunately witnessed him beat her to near death twice.

The second time, he was the one that called me with her phone and I came and took her to hospital.

The issue then was that she didn't want to go ahead with the police case my husband and I filed for her. The man nearly murdered her and threatened over the phone to kill her if she ever comes back to his house. We had the call recorded but she insisted that he was only angry and would calm down soon enough.


She begged us not to call her family or report to anyone, that she can handle it by herself. One of her friends came to help her in the hospital while I took her one-year-old girl with me. I actually insisted.

,......

So that terrible incident happened on a Friday, while I created the thread on a Sunday. On Thursday, the evil man finally came home. He hadn't called once to ask of his children. His son David was in the hospital and wasn't even going to school that week. I had to take the little baby to my office with me, and my only luck is that she's not the feisty sort.

He didn't come over to my house to check on the girl. I wasn't even sure he knew that she was with me. A fence separates our house and theirs but I heard his car rev in for the first time in days.

My husband and I had decided to bring her family into the case rather than just let it die off like that. We contacted her elder brother without her knowledge and told him everything. They are local people but we felt he would be more enlightened than others. He told us he would take things from there and that we should go and withdraw the police report. At least, we had done our bit and cleared our consciences.

My son kept asking me when David would resume school, but I told him to let David be with his mom. I didn't know how to tell the kid that he wouldn't be staying at David's house after school again. I can't have him in a toxic environment. I'd started picking him up and bringing him back to the office with me, and that's how I intend to keep things for now.


The lady came home last Friday, after about a week in the hospital. She called me everyday to ask after her child and I visited once with the baby while she was still at the hospital. She still has bandages on her arms and face and still can't open her left eye properly. She came to my house in the evening with her younger sister to collect her baby. I noticed she was embarrassed. She just said a word of thanks and demanded for the girl. I packed the girl's things (even the ones I bought with my money) and handed her over.

Before she left, she told me not to worry about David anymore, that she would start going to get him herself. I told her that even though my son returns to my office with me now, I can still pick up her son because I have to pass the street's entrance on my way back to work. She could be waiting for him whenever I'm about to drive by. She said no. That she'll be fine.

Well, we did our bit. We took some pieces of advice here and got her family involved. But we withdrew the police case for peace to reign. The woman has vehemently refused to take her life and kids seriously, but we've done our best. I don't know what her brother did, but I think he spoke to the lady's husband. I remembered seeing her on Thursday when I went to get my son from school. She was waiting to pick up David. I greeted her and offered them a ride. She refused, saying she'll order an O'Trike (Keke Napep that's like Uber).

Well, everybody should dey their own dey. God knows I've tried.

Thank you all for the advice and genuine guidance. For those who were more concerned about my son because of the violence he witnessed, he's fine. He misses playing with David and Sandra, but my network admin has two boys aged 5 and 8 who also hang out in the office after school. At least my son gets to play with them in the conference room. He's happy and I'm keeping him occupied with activities so his mind won't switch on those memories. My husband enrolled him in a new kids' football club and they go to play on Wednesday and Saturday evenings.

The best security a woman can have is her own gainful source of income. If that woman has something doing, I'm not sure she'd go back to an adulterer who beat her with the intent to murder. Women, please be careful with your lives. Think about your kids. If you die, who will look after them? Don't let society pressurize into marrying beasts.

bukatyne:
Trust me, most DV cases I know, the wives had their own money .

I have seen wives who made up their minds to leave, saved up, learnt a trade, sold the luxurious items they had, kept their heads low and disappeared one day without a trace.

Don't you wonder that if the men send them away, they make something good out of their lives no matter how rough it is initially?

Cc: Viking07

Jewessgratitude:
Hmmm.... Now Op... I didn't read the previous story but from what I read here I can get a picture of what the matter is all about. But Op, the tone of this your message gives you away as a mocker as in the tone is one of sarcasm and not sympathy. Even your actions towards her is not so pleasant, reason she refused further gestures from you.
I'll explain each part of all I describe up there about your actions and tone.

"Not Pleasant Actions": You immediately stopped dropping your children with her because of what she's passing through. Do you know how that makes her feel? Like Her family is some bad influence (of course they are) but you didn't need to make it so obvious. And to think all this while she's been looking after them at no cost,n ow you making it seem shes a plague? She has every right to refuse your gestures too.

Secondly

" Sarcasm " this is you coming here to tell us how drive a car and use it to drop her children and she hires a keke NAPEP because you're a "working class woman" and she is a "house wife" who should go and work like other women forgetting her being a house wife favored you in the beginning when she was baby sitting your children alongside hers.
Also letting us know how your boy is getting along with other kids in the office and how "the dad engaged him in sports bla bla and goes with him to play every weekend.. Like seriously Is this about your son or the said woman? Like putting your family pari pasu this woman's family shows you're only mocking her or simply saying you're better than her. Which is uncalled for.
The woman has probably read all these actions and decided to keep you out of her life.

Everyone has their family issues and know the gravity of it. While you viewing from outside/afar might not know the weight of the matter and be acting otherwise. So let her be and stop painting your family as the best and role model for society and others as a bad influence cos you too have your own marital issues only difference is it's not been sounded on high cymbals. People have different ringtones. Some are coded and low while some are loud hut empty barrels.

I hope you understand and take this piece of advice and not see it as an attack. Even if I come across as attacking, take it in good faith.

As for the woman, shes mature enough to know when to take to her heels. No woman likes the whole world to know what is happening between her and her husband to avoid mockery such as this.

The best you can do is to pray for her and f you're truly concerned and not spread and keep giving updates here about her marital issues.

cococandy:
Because I’m not pretending like all of you hypocrites?

This thread: talk trash about how she’s supposed to leave and bla bla bla. (like any of you actually care about domestic violence). Nigerian women too like marriage. (Hmm I wonder why though )

Next thread : Time to shit on divorced women and shame single women. Old cargo, after-one nobody will marry her. Evening newspaper.

Next time: pretend like you don’t understand why they refuse to leave.

You are all complicit.

So stfu

computergeek:
I don't remember telling you that my husband beat me into the hospital. Even if we have issues or argue about something, he can never hit me. Trust me, some men are still like that. So let's focus on the one who was nearly blinded and killed, and forget about me.

NoToPile:
Should she let her son continue witnessing the abuse?

So she shouldn't have offered them a ride ?


As far as I understand OP only explained in detail the whole incident so that readers will understand, and yes its also about her son because he is in the middle of all this, she only let us know how he's faring after witnessing such horrific incidents, how he's overcoming that traumatic experience and mingling with other children despite missing his former playmates, he was the one that called his mum to rescue the woman when she was in her own blood.

Read the previous story you will get why she's explaining so much about her son.

bukatyne:
Trust me, most DV cases I know, the wives had their own money .

I have seen wives who made up their minds to leave, saved up, learnt a trade, sold the luxurious items they had, kept their heads low and disappeared one day without a trace.

Don't you wonder that if the men send them away, they make something good out of their lives no matter how rough it is initially?

Cc: Viking07

Jewessgratitude:
Hmmm.... Now Op... I didn't read the previous story but from what I read here I can get a picture of what the matter is all about. But Op, the tone of this your message gives you away as a mocker as in the tone is one of sarcasm and not sympathy. Even your actions towards her is not so pleasant, reason she refused further gestures from you.
I'll explain each part of all I describe up there about your actions and tone.

"Not Pleasant Actions": You immediately stopped dropping your children with her because of what she's passing through. Do you know how that makes her feel? Like Her family is some bad influence (of course they are) but you didn't need to make it so obvious. And to think all this while she's been looking after them at no cost,n ow you making it seem like shes a plague? On that note She has every right to refuse your gestures too.

Secondly

" Sarcasm " this is you coming here to tell us how you ride a car and use it to drop her children and she hires a keke NAPEP because you're a "working class woman" and she is a "house wife" who should go and work like other women, forgetting her being a house wife favored you in the beginning when she was baby sitting your children alongside hers.
Also letting us know how your boy is getting along with other kids in the office and how "the dad engaged him in sports bla bla and goes with him to play every weekend.. Like seriously Is this about your son or the said woman? Like putting your family pari pasu this woman's family shows you're only mocking her or simply saying you're better than her. Which is uncalled for.
The woman has probably read all these actions and decided to keep you out of her life.

Everyone has their family issues and know the gravity of it. While you viewing from outside/afar might not know the weight of the matter and be acting otherwise. So let her be and stop painting your family as the best and role model for society and others as a bad influence cos you too have your own marital issues only difference is it's not been sounded on high cymbals. People have different ringtones. Some are coded and low while some are loud hut empty barrels.

I hope you understand and take this piece of advice and not see it as an attack. Even if I come across as attacking, take it in good faith.

As for the woman, shes mature enough to know when to take to her heels. No woman likes the whole world to know what is happening between her and her husband to avoid a mockery such as this.

The best you can do is to pray for her if you're truly concerned and not spreading and keep giving updates here about her marital issues.

Olalan:
Quite unfortunate when women stay in abusive marriage majorly due to the fact that they are not financially independent.
BTW nobody should ignore red flags of violence in relationship

crackhaus:
Getting her to the hospital and getting in touch with the friend she asked for, is all the best the OP needed to do.

Any other thing that was done after the victim herself told her to withdraw the police case is oversabi, because she does not know the full story of what is going on between husband and wife.

Ryan03:
so a woman must be married before she can be seen as a responsible adult? Na una dey cause all these nonsense so. Women, you must not be married, marriage is sweet when you are with a responsible person, once your marriage is robbing you of physical and mental health, then its useless, get out of it immediately!

Jewessgratitude:
Hmmm.... Now Op... I didn't read the previous story but from what I read here I can get a picture of what the matter is all about. But Op, the tone of this your message gives you away as a mocker as in the tone is one of sarcasm and not sympathy. Even your actions towards her is not so pleasant, reason she refused further gestures from you.
I'll explain each part of all I describe up there about your actions and tone.

"Not Pleasant Actions": You immediately stopped dropping your children with her because of what she's passing through. Do you know how that makes her feel? Like Her family is some bad influence (of course they are) but you didn't need to make it so obvious. And to think all this while she's been looking after them at no cost,n ow you making it seem like shes a plague? On that note She has every right to refuse your gestures too.

Secondly

" Sarcasm " this is you coming here to tell us how you ride a car and use it to drop her children and she hires a keke NAPEP because you're a "working class woman" and she is a "house wife" who should go and work like other women, forgetting her being a house wife favored you in the beginning when she was baby sitting your children alongside hers.
Also letting us know how your boy is getting along with other kids in the office and how "the dad engaged him in sports bla bla and goes with him to play every weekend.. Like seriously Is this about your son or the said woman? Like putting your family pari pasu this woman's family shows you're only mocking her or simply saying you're better than her. Which is uncalled for.
The woman has probably read all these actions and decided to keep you out of her life.

Everyone has their family issues and know the gravity of it. While you viewing from outside/afar might not know the weight of the matter and be acting otherwise. So let her be and stop painting your family as the best and role model for society and others as a bad influence cos you too have your own marital issues only difference is it's not been sounded on high cymbals. People have different ringtones. Some are coded and low while some are loud hut empty barrels.

I hope you understand and take this piece of advice and not see it as an attack. Even if I come across as attacking, take it in good faith.

As for the woman, shes mature enough to know when to take to her heels. No woman likes the whole world to know what is happening between her and her husband to avoid a mockery such as this.

The best you can do is to pray for her if you're truly concerned and not spreading and keep giving updates here about her marital issues.

computergeek:
Update On The Wife Battery Case: She Went Back To The Abusive Man

What's up people? This is an update thread on the wife battery case. This one might also be a bit lengthy, so bear with me. Lots of people have been asking me about the case, and I had to make this update to fill everyone in at once.


The best security a woman can have is her own gainful source of income. If that woman has something doing, I'm not sure she'd go back to an adulterer who beat her with the intent to murder. Women, please be careful with your lives. Think about your kids. If you die, who will look after them? Don't let society pressurize into marrying beasts.

Jewessgratitude:
Hmmm....

Viking07:
You are right, but the fact remains - MAJORITY of women would rather stay put in abusive relationships due to their financial struggles or societal stigma. This particular thread is a good example.

Olalan:
Quite unfortunate when women stay in abusive marriage majorly due to the fact that they are not financially independent.
BTW nobody should ignore red flags of violence in relationship

adebobconed:
Then what could it be?

cococandy:
She’s a virtuous woman.

By NL misogynistic standards.

Maybe she’s on this forum and reads the posts.
Doesn’t want anyone to call her olosho who can’t keep her marriage.