₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
Because I’m not pretending like all of you hypocrites?

This thread: talk trash about how she’s supposed to leave and bla bla bla. (like any of you actually care about domestic violence). Nigerian women too like marriage. (Hmm I wonder why though )

Next thread : Time to shit on divorced women and shame single women. Old cargo, after-one nobody will marry her. Evening newspaper.

Next time: pretend like you don’t understand why they refuse to leave.

You are all complicit.

So stfu

.. First time I agree with you.

You are an intelligent human being. I observed that half the writeup is about her family. The things she bought for the lady's daughter, taking care of the lady's son, her son's recreational activities, her job, her car.
It sort of gives her marriage a perfection which may not be quite true.
She makes it clear that she is a working class woman while the other lady is a stay-at-home-mom.
I mean she could have stated that her son is doing things to help keep and heal his mind from the horrific sight he witnessed, rather than mentioning all the 'fun' things he's doing.

CHoccolaTE:
It's not only because useless husbands are tired of being breadwinners.

You embody enormous bitterness and it permeates all your contributions and topics on this platform. A large percentage of your topics/submissions reeks of weird and naive feminist advocacies. Tilting towards extremes in a bid to satisfy the reservoir of hatred built in you due to personal experiences can only consume your sanity. Hence I’ll advise you drink water, sit down and learn the principle of the Golden mean when analyzing issues.

Yinibixema:
Stfu arindin. A stubborn and disrespectful wife deserves real time beating from time to time

If you come across one don't fail to beat her

Beat her until you can no longer raise your hand up

If she goes marry another one and beat her also

When you now get tired of beating her, just go and hang yourself

If you fail to hang yourself, then the seed you planted in her will deal with you

Yinibixema:
Stfu arindin. A stubborn and disrespectful wife deserves real time beating from time to time

This is disturbing....but then judging from the stfu line appearing in most of your comments, I think it’s more of a neurological issue you’re battling with. Find a psychiatrist who can diagnose the degree of the deterioration for the sake of a less toxic social media space.

computergeek:
Update On The Wife Battery Case: She Went Back To The Abusive Man

What's up people? This is an update thread on the wife battery case. This one might also be a bit lengthy, so bear with me. Lots of people have been asking me about the case, and I had to make this update to fill everyone in at once.

So about two weeks ago I brought an issue here about my neighbor who usually watches my four-year-old boy for me.

Read the previous thread here:

https://www.nairaland.com/5483166/wife-battery-should-drop-police

Just a little summary. She's a stay-at-home mom of two with a nursing baby and a boy who is my son's age. I used to leave work to pick the two boys up and take them to her house while I return to my office. I didn't know this before, but her husband is a very abusive man and my son unfortunately witnessed him beat her to near death twice.

The second time, he was the one that called me with her phone and I came and took her to hospital.

The issue then was that she didn't want to go ahead with the police case my husband and I filed for her. The man nearly murdered her and threatened over the phone to kill her if she ever comes back to his house. We had the call recorded but she insisted that he was only angry and would calm down soon enough.


She begged us not to call her family or report to anyone, that she can handle it by herself. One of her friends came to help her in the hospital while I took her one-year-old girl with me. I actually insisted.

,......

So that terrible incident happened on a Friday, while I created the thread on a Sunday. On Thursday, the evil man finally came home. He hadn't called once to ask of his children. His son David was in the hospital and wasn't even going to school that week. I had to take the little baby to my office with me, and my only luck is that she's not the feisty sort.

He didn't come over to my house to check on the girl. I wasn't even sure he knew that she was with me. A fence separates our house and theirs but I heard his car rev in for the first time in days.

My husband and I had decided to bring her family into the case rather than just let it die off like that. We contacted her elder brother without her knowledge and told him everything. They are local people but we felt he would be more enlightened than others. He told us he would take things from there and that we should go and withdraw the police report. At least, we had done our bit and cleared our consciences.

My son kept asking me when David would resume school, but I told him to let David be with his mom. I didn't know how to tell the kid that he wouldn't be staying at David's house after school again. I can't have him in a toxic environment. I'd started picking him up and bringing him back to the office with me, and that's how I intend to keep things for now.


The lady came home last Friday, after about a week in the hospital. She called me everyday to ask after her child and I visited once with the baby while she was still at the hospital. She still has bandages on her arms and face and still can't open her left eye properly. She came to my house in the evening with her younger sister to collect her baby. I noticed she was embarrassed. She just said a word of thanks and demanded for the girl. I packed the girl's things (even the ones I bought with my money) and handed her over.

Before she left, she told me not to worry about David anymore, that she would start going to get him herself. I told her that even though my son returns to my office with me now, I can still pick up her son because I have to pass the street's entrance on my way back to work. She could be waiting for him whenever I'm about to drive by. She said no. That she'll be fine.

Well, we did our bit. We took some pieces of advice here and got her family involved. But we withdrew the police case for peace to reign. The woman has vehemently refused to take her life and kids seriously, but we've done our best. I don't know what her brother did, but I think he spoke to the lady's husband. I remembered seeing her on Thursday when I went to get my son from school. She was waiting to pick up David. I greeted her and offered them a ride. She refused, saying she'll order an O'Trike (Keke Napep that's like Uber).

Well, everybody should dey their own dey. God knows I've tried.

Thank you all for the advice and genuine guidance. For those who were more concerned about my son because of the violence he witnessed, he's fine. He misses playing with David and Sandra, but my network admin has two boys aged 5 and 8 who also hang out in the office after school. At least my son gets to play with them in the conference room. He's happy and I'm keeping him occupied with activities so his mind won't switch on those memories. My husband enrolled him in a new kids' football club and they go to play on Wednesday and Saturday evenings.

The best security a woman can have is her own gainful source of income. If that woman has something doing, I'm not sure she'd go back to an adulterer who beat her with the intent to murder. Women, please be careful with your lives. Think about your kids. If you die, who will look after them? Don't let society pressurize into marrying beasts.

Go back and focus on your own marriage! Are you a coded lesbian? How come your own son is more closer to his Dad than you? Yet you are the mother. Something must be off about you!

The signs are all there. You are only interested in her case because she is a woman you like to go down with. Why else would you go to this length?
See, I don't support domestic violence whether it is against a man or a woman but something about this your story for me puts more focus on your own marriage.

You are not close to your own Son, why?

I see these new trend of codes lesbians who picked up the deadly habit in secondary schools keeping an unnatural distance from their sons! But embracing their daughters with all seriousness!

I sincerely hope that is not the case with you.

Neurotika:
This is disturbing....but then judging from the stfu line appearing in most of your comments, I think it’s more of a neurological issue you’re battling with. Find a psychiatrist who can diagnose the degree of the deterioration for the sake of a less toxic social media space.

Ode shut up

frozen70g:
If you come across one don't fail to beat her

Beat her until you can no longer raise your hand up

If she goes marry another one and beat her also

When you now get tired of beating her, just go and hang yourself

If you fail to hang yourself, then the seas you planted in her will deal with you

I’ll continue beating till i find the one who’s more respectful and very submissive to her lord

Yinibixema:
I’ll continue beating till i find the one who’s more respectful and very submissive to her lord

Na you go tire, na your type women dey put inside bottle

frozen70g:
Na you go tire, na your type women dey put inside bottle

No be only bottle, na bucket. So far she is submissive, listens and worship me, then we are cool

crackhaus:
Getting her to the hospital and getting in touch with the friend she asked for, is all the best the OP needed to do.

Any other thing that was done after the victim herself told her to withdraw the police case is oversabi, because she does not know the full story of what is going on between husband and wife.

You are wrong on this....
There's no oversabi....
At that stage, there has to be a 3rd party for sanity to reign in that house....
Whatever the case, the woman's death warrant has been postponed for a while....
The op action bought more time for the poor lady on this earth....
That is invaluable, maybe she can reassess the situation in her home n make a better judgement for her sake n her kids...
I believe in minding my business, but not in a matter of life n death....
The op did well, kudos to her....

Donjazzy12:
Go back and focus on your own marriage! Are you a coded lesbian? How come your own son is more closer to his Dad than you? Yet you are the mother. Something must be off about you!

The signs are all there. You are only interested in her case because she is a woman you like to go down with. Why else would you go to this length?
See, I don't support domestic violence whether it is against a man or a woman but something about this your story for me puts more focus on your own marriage.

You are not close to your own Son, why?

I see these new trend of codes lesbians who picked up the deadly habit in secondary schools keeping an unnatural distance from their sons! But embracing their daughters with all seriousness!

I sincerely hope that is not the case with you.

Your stupidity makes my chest hurt So trying to help a friend has made me a lesbian? Oga this forum was opened in 2006, long before you were born for matured adults to bring issues and discuss solutions. Go back to learning how to tie your shoes.

My son is my life and he and I share a deep bond, but I'm so happy he's also attached to his father. He's growing into a fine young man, and will hopefully never see gay in everything like you that's an undercover homosexual...

crackhaus:
Like I told you in the beginning...if you don't understand a comment, ask for clarification.

I have not typed anything different in all my comments. You're the one who didn't understand where I was coming from when I used that phrase.

Here we go again...

Jewessgratitude:
Hmmm.... Now Op... I didn't read the previous story but from what I read here I can get a picture of what the matter is all about. But Op, the tone of this your message gives you away as a mocker as in the tone is one of sarcasm and not sympathy. Even your actions towards her is not so pleasant, reason she refused further gestures from you.
I'll explain each part of all I describe up there about your actions and tone.

"Not Pleasant Actions": You immediately stopped dropping your children with her because of what she's passing through. Do you know how that makes her feel? Like Her family is some bad influence (of course they are) but you didn't need to make it so obvious. And to think all this while she's been looking after them at no cost,n ow you making it seem like shes a plague? On that note She has every right to refuse your gestures too.

Secondly

" Sarcasm " this is you coming here to tell us how you ride a car and use it to drop her children and she hires a keke NAPEP because you're a "working class woman" and she is a "house wife" who should go and work like other women, forgetting her being a house wife favored you in the beginning when she was baby sitting your children alongside hers.
Also letting us know how your boy is getting along with other kids in the office and how "the dad engaged him in sports bla bla and goes with him to play every weekend.. Like seriously Is this about your son or the said woman? Like putting your family pari pasu this woman's family shows you're only mocking her or simply saying you're better than her. Which is uncalled for.
The woman has probably read all these actions and decided to keep you out of her life.

Everyone has their family issues and know the gravity of it. While you viewing from outside/afar might not know the weight of the matter and be acting otherwise. So let her be and stop painting your family as the best and role model for society and others as a bad influence cos you too have your own marital issues only difference is it's not been sounded on high cymbals. People have different ringtones. Some are coded and low while some are loud hut empty barrels.

I hope you understand and take this piece of advice and not see it as an attack. Even if I come across as attacking, take it in good faith.

As for the woman, shes mature enough to know when to take to her heels. No woman likes the whole world to know what is happening between her and her husband to avoid a mockery such as this.

The best you can do is to pray for her if you're truly concerned and not spreading and keep giving updates here about her marital issues.

I understand your sentiments, but all my actions were in good faith. I knew that a lot of people would misconstrue the issue, but that's okay. If you had read the first post, you would know we had a mutually beneficial agreement. I'll leave my office buy my son's lunch, drive to school and pick my son and her son, bring them home and he'll stay with her for about 4 hours.

You should notice I've been on this forum for three years and this is my first time of ever bringing an issue here. I didn't even consider creating a new account. I was distraught and needed advice as to how to fix the issue. I know she doesn't know about NL though.

About the mockery thing, that's one way to perceive it but it's not. I'm just stating facts. My family is not perfect but I'm not the one currently in the limelight.

Dear, the issue is that when we read about such things, we tend to make our own conclusions but when placed in the situation in reality, it becomes a different thing all together.

bukatyne:
For some reasons, I never followed the first thread.

I am concerned about your son: please do not tell him to forget what he witnessed, that memory is etched forever.

Let your hubby use it as an opportunity to teach him right conflict resolution skills, manhood and marriage.

That way, he has seen the bad in that family and the right thing in yours.

It is well.

this is really good advice. OP please take note

computergeek:
I understand your sentiments, but all my actions were in good faith. I knew that a lot of people would misconstrue the issue, but that's okay. If you had read the first post, you would know we had a mutually beneficial agreement. I'll leave my office buy my son's lunch, drive to school and pick my son and her son, bring them home and he'll stay with her for about 4 hours.
I
You should notice I've been on this forum for three years and this is my first time of ever bringing an issue here. I didn't even consider creating a new account. I was distraught and needed advice as to how to fix the issue. I know she doesn't know about NL though.

About the mockery thing, that's one way to perceive it but it's not. I'm just stating facts. My family is not perfect but I'm not the one currently in the limelight.

Dear, the issue is that when we read about such things, we tend to make our own conclusions but when placed in the situation in reality, it becomes a different thing all together.

God Bless your understanding and kind heart. Like you rightly said, we all see things differently. I prolly misconstrued the intent of your post. That was my own perception though I stand corrected; which you just did.

Thanks for your mature response. Respect earned!
God bless you.

computergeek:
I understand your sentiments, but all my actions were in good faith. I knew that a lot of people would misconstrue the issue, but that's okay. If you had read the first post, you would know we had a mutually beneficial agreement. I'll leave my office buy my son's lunch, drive to school and pick my son and her son, bring them home and he'll stay with her for about 4 hours.
I
You should notice I've been on this forum for three years and this is my first time of ever bringing an issue here. I didn't even consider creating a new account. I was distraught and needed advice as to how to fix the issue. I know she doesn't know about NL though.

About the mockery thing, that's one way to perceive it but it's not. I'm just stating facts. My family is not perfect but I'm not the one currently in the limelight.

Dear, the issue is that when we read about such things, we tend to make our own conclusions but when placed in the situation in reality, it becomes a different thing all together.

God Bless your understanding and kind heart. Like you rightly said, we all see things differently. I prolly misconstrued the intent of your post. That was my own perception though and I stand corrected; which you just did.

Thanks for your mature response. Respect earned!
God bless you.

Keep your phone lines open Incase she calls for help at anytime. But pls any amount you help her pay for hospital bills, be sure to get her to refund it. Maybe when she starts making a budget ahead of time for treating the injuries her husband gave her, her eyes will open. Don't try to advise her anymore. She won't listen. It has to come to her naturally.

computergeek:
Update On The Wife Battery Case: She Went Back To The Abusive Man

What's up people? This is an update thread on the wife battery case. This one might also be a bit lengthy, so bear with me. Lots of people have been asking me about the case, and I had to make this update to fill everyone in at once.

So about two weeks ago I brought an issue here about my neighbor who usually watches my four-year-old boy for me.

Read the previous thread here:

https://www.nairaland.com/5483166/wife-battery-should-drop-police

Just a little summary. She's a stay-at-home mom of two with a nursing baby and a boy who is my son's age. I used to leave work to pick the two boys up and take them to her house while I return to my office. I didn't know this before, but her husband is a very abusive man and my son unfortunately witnessed him beat her to near death twice.

The second time, he was the one that called me with her phone and I came and took her to hospital.

The issue then was that she didn't want to go ahead with the police case my husband and I filed for her. The man nearly murdered her and threatened over the phone to kill her if she ever comes back to his house. We had the call recorded but she insisted that he was only angry and would calm down soon enough.


She begged us not to call her family or report to anyone, that she can handle it by herself. One of her friends came to help her in the hospital while I took her one-year-old girl with me. I actually insisted.

,......

So that terrible incident happened on a Friday, while I created the thread on a Sunday. On Thursday, the evil man finally came home. He hadn't called once to ask of his children. His son David was in the hospital and wasn't even going to school that week. I had to take the little baby to my office with me, and my only luck is that she's not the feisty sort.

He didn't come over to my house to check on the girl. I wasn't even sure he knew that she was with me. A fence separates our house and theirs but I heard his car rev in for the first time in days.

My husband and I had decided to bring her family into the case rather than just let it die off like that. We contacted her elder brother without her knowledge and told him everything. They are local people but we felt he would be more enlightened than others. He told us he would take things from there and that we should go and withdraw the police report. At least, we had done our bit and cleared our consciences.

My son kept asking me when David would resume school, but I told him to let David be with his mom. I didn't know how to tell the kid that he wouldn't be staying at David's house after school again. I can't have him in a toxic environment. I'd started picking him up and bringing him back to the office with me, and that's how I intend to keep things for now.


The lady came home last Friday, after about a week in the hospital. She called me everyday to ask after her child and I visited once with the baby while she was still at the hospital. She still has bandages on her arms and face and still can't open her left eye properly. She came to my house in the evening with her younger sister to collect her baby. I noticed she was embarrassed. She just said a word of thanks and demanded for the girl. I packed the girl's things (even the ones I bought with my money) and handed her over.

Before she left, she told me not to worry about David anymore, that she would start going to get him herself. I told her that even though my son returns to my office with me now, I can still pick up her son because I have to pass the street's entrance on my way back to work. She could be waiting for him whenever I'm about to drive by. She said no. That she'll be fine.

Well, we did our bit. We took some pieces of advice here and got her family involved. But we withdrew the police case for peace to reign. The woman has vehemently refused to take her life and kids seriously, but we've done our best. I don't know what her brother did, but I think he spoke to the lady's husband. I remembered seeing her on Thursday when I went to get my son from school. She was waiting to pick up David. I greeted her and offered them a ride. She refused, saying she'll order an O'Trike (Keke Napep that's like Uber).

Well, everybody should dey their own dey. God knows I've tried.

Thank you all for the advice and genuine guidance. For those who were more concerned about my son because of the violence he witnessed, he's fine. He misses playing with David and Sandra, but my network admin has two boys aged 5 and 8 who also hang out in the office after school. At least my son gets to play with them in the conference room. He's happy and I'm keeping him occupied with activities so his mind won't switch on those memories. My husband enrolled him in a new kids' football club and they go to play on Wednesday and Saturday evenings.

The best security a woman can have is her own gainful source of income. If that woman has something doing, I'm not sure she'd go back to an adulterer who beat her with the intent to murder. Women, please be careful with your lives. Think about your kids. If you die, who will look after them? Don't let society pressurize into marrying beasts.

kindly update when she learn the hard way

glad you heed to withdrawing the case from Police. you might be tempted to come in when the husband start her madness but please play a deaf ears. ignore them totally and save yourself unproductive and unnecessary stress



I have seen a neighbor that was imprisoned over 5yrs now just because he went to separate his neighbor couples who were fighting then, on the process of separation he pushed the man that was hitting the woman so hard to leave her but the guy hit his head on something, he died on spot and he was charged for murder and the result is life imprisonment here in Lagos. except if favour found him, he's gone for life



my neighbor can kill themselves for all I care, since then I won't even stepped out not to talk of separating. we should know when to interfere in family matters and when to keep mute.


you've done your best, ignore and distant yourself from that family

computergeek:
Your stupidity makes my chest hurt So trying to help a friend has made me a lesbian? Oga this forum was opened in 2006, long before you were born for matured adults to bring issues and discuss solutions. Go back to learning how to tie your shoes.

My son is my life and he and I share a deep bond, but I'm so happy he's also attached to his father. He's growing into a fine young man, and will hopefully never see gay in everything like you that's an undercover homosexual...

Seriously, it's not everyone you dignify with a response on nairaland. Just read and ignore some posts.

computergeek:
Your stupidity makes my chest hurt So trying to help a friend has made me a lesbian? Oga this forum was opened in 2006, long before you were born for matured adults to bring issues and discuss solutions. Go back to learning how to tie your shoes.

My son is my life and he and I share a deep bond, but I'm so happy he's also attached to his father. He's growing into a fine young man, and will hopefully never see gay in everything like you that's an undercover homosexual...

You made it clear that he is by far closer to his dad than your lesbian ass! Keep sucking other women's rotten pussies instead of being close to your first Son, tomorrow, you look for who to blame!

My advice, focus on your own marriage which is falling apart because of your lesbianism!

Try and confess to your unfortunate husband the truth!

Men haf suffa!

queenfav:
Seriously, it's not everyone you dignify with a response on nairaland. Just read and ignore some posts.

I knew well known lesbians like you will come to her aid. Tell your family what you do, so that an innocent man will not come and marry you tomorrow and be suffering sexual deprivation because of your lesbian activities!

computergeek:
Update On The Wife Battery Case: She Went Back To The Abusive Man

I don't think you could have done any better. You managed the situation at best. The shame is on our Law enforcement, I mean they were notified of a crime, they must have seen the victim but chose to let it slide. Talk of a failed society.

And I really do agree with you that women who put their source of livelihood in the hands of another have planned to fail miserably. I pray this woman does not end up dead before her time. Poor children and of course poor her.

If only she could have contacted one of those gender centres and see what help can be given to put her life on track. BTW, that man needs professional help I doubt he will get and he is more than likely to beat her again.

OP, well done, sha. You have tried o.

queenfav:
Seriously, it's not everyone you dignify with a response on nairaland. Just read and ignore some posts.

My dear. No be me go dey reply olodo

I just dey imagine say na my sister this kind thing dey happen to. The kind of strong thing that will be done to the husband
My sister is the only girl for family oo +6 boys. Na nuclear war be that oo becos am going to go the length to cut off someone's limbs

bukatyne:
I wish you were right.

ANY woman who wants to leave an abusive marriage will do so with or without a job.

Quote me anywhere.

Many women in that situation won't walk, take that to the bank! Do you live in this part of the world? What's she going to do? With two kids? No support, no lifeline? Speak of a scenario where even her own family depend on the peanuts she gives them from what her own husband gives her?

She is at a seriously disadvantaged position. Only very few women who are not afraid to grab the bulls by the horn will dare. We have seen women who are so unfortunate that move from frying pan to fire, giving the hypocrites what to say like she got what she deserved, she should have been patient, she is not virtuous and so on.

What is certain is for women to be proactive. Never depend on men to survive. Life Skill 101. However, I hope women like this one can find a way to believe in themselves for once, summon courage, take that bold step and find a way. It will be very hard, along the line they will even regret walking but Godwilling,they will turn out better.

MelaninGold:
You are an intelligent human being. I observed that half the writeup is about her family. The things she bought for the lady's daughter, taking care of the lady's son, her son's recreational activities, her job, her car.
It sort of gives her marriage a perfection which may not be quite true.
She makes it clear that she is a working class woman while the other lady is a stay-at-home-mom.
I mean she could have stated that her son is doing things to help keep and heal his mind from the horrific sight he witnessed, rather than mentioning all the 'fun' things he's doing.

I never expected that people would read the write up from that point of view, but oh well, fault finding is a human trait. You ladies don't actually know how embittered you both sound. If you had read the first post, you would have Known the trauma my son went through and why I was stating everything here in detail.

theButterfly:
Smh. I don't feel sorry for her anymore then. It's the children who are growing up in such an abusive, violent environment that I feel sorry for. If only they can be removed from that home.

It's quite unfortunate the children can't be removed from such abusive environment, if it is a saner climes, since the woman doesn't want to live such abusive home, the government will take custody of the kids and she will loose the kids to the government.

Neurotika:
You embody enormous bitterness and it permeates all your contributions and topics on this platform. A large percentage of your topics/submissions reeks of weird and naive feminist advocacies. Tilting towards extremes in a bid to satisfy the reservoir of hatred built in you due to personal experiences can only consume your sanity. Hence I’ll advise you drink water, sit down and learn the principle of the Golden mean when analyzing issues.

Hahahahahahaha


Thanks for the advice doctor Phil