₦airaland Forum

I am someone that is not really a sex freak kind of person. I could be very romantic to the core but when it comes to sex, it could be once in a blue moon.

I met my woman about almost two years ago now, we got really close and though I tried to avoid the sex thing at the beginning because I wasn't sure if I was ready for a long time relationship, we had really romantic moments that eventually led to sex. I guess we had sex just about three times within 3 months and the next thing was that she is pregnant.

She insisted she will keep the pregnancy and I had no choice but to take responsibility, see her family, inform my family and we arranged a small single traditional wedding. During the course of the pregnancy we had sex very few times and there were times she would want sex and I will refuse because I wasn't in the mood, then she starts giving mean emotional tears which I will still ignore.

However, she got use to the fact that am I not keen on sex and decided to deal with it that way until she gave birth to our baby. She actually had to do a CS and she and the baby are doing fine.

Now the problem is that for almost a year now since she gave birth to our baby, we haven't had sex. I just don't know why I am not moved and sometimes I feel really bad and sorry for her because she gets scared to ask me for it knowing that I might refuse. I have tried to put my state of mind in a position that will enable me think of having sex with her but it doesn't work.

Not that is isn't beautiful anymore or she isn't sexy anymore. As a matter of fact I love taking her out because I love when people see her and the baby looking so cute together. We sleep on the same bed everyday and wake up happy. She treats me very well and she is very loyal. She keeps herself busy everyday (except Sundays) with the small restaurant I opened for her just in front of our house. All our neighbors like us a lot because they always see us happy and as a matter of fact no one has ever seen us having any issue before.

We look very happy because I take care of them both as a man not even paying any attention to her own restaurant business and how much she makes and she is just living very fine like we have no issue.

But deep down inside me I know we have a problem and I am the problem because I have denied her sex for almost a year now why we stay inside the same house all these time.

I just don't know if this is a spiritual problem or its just normal that I can try to do something about it.

Please no insults, I am just being sincere and straight forward.

it has nothing to do with spirituality

some men sexually lose interest after their wives gives birth, the changes in a woman body after child birth might have affected you.. you might be experiencing PTSD of the CS your wife went through.

another stuff might be over familiarity or hygiene it reduce interest too.

to digress a little, i am against a man seeing his wife give birth, the stress and trauma it gives on a man can also make some men stop having sex with their wives.

lilwetdick:
it has nothing to do with spirituality

some men sexually lose interest after their wives gives birth, the changes in a woman body after child birth might have affected you.. you might be experiencing PTSD of the CS your wife went through.

another stuff might be over familiarity or hygiene it reduce interest too.

to digress a little, i am against a man seeing his wife give birth, the stress and trauma it gives on a man can also make some men stop having sex with their wives.

I don't think its about the child birth because if you don't see my wife with a baby, you might hardly know she has given birth. As for the CS I also even preferred the fact that she did the CS instead of the naturally birth because if it were natural, I would have even thought that might be the cause because of the mentality that her vigina might not be like before. But to me I just don't understand because we play a lot, do stuffs together but sex just don't fit in.

By the time she seek satisfaction somewhere don’t complain o. You think her body is firewood abi? Even the Bible advice couples not to deny each other but you’re there denying your wife.

maak400:
By the time she seek satisfaction somewhere don’t complain o. You think her body is firewood abi? Even the Bible advice couples not to deny each other but you’re there denying your wife.

The reason am trying to sort it out before it gets to that level. Sometimes I just feel like I don't care because if I catch her it's just to go our separate ways. But I don't want it to get to that level anyway.

Make I park my benz here

SugarBozz:
The reason am trying to sort it out before it gets to that level. Sometimes I just feel like I don't care because if I catch her it's just to go our separate ways. But I don't want it to get to that level anyway.

Wether you feel like having sex or not, perform your duty in the other room. It’s a marital obligation commanded by God.

SugarBozz:
I am someone that is not really a sex freak kind of person. I could be very romantic to the core but when it comes to sex, it could be once in a blue moon.

I met my woman about almost two years ago now, we got really close and though I tried to avoid the sex thing at the beginning because I wasn't sure if I was ready for a long time relationship, we had really romantic moments that eventually led to sex. I guess we had sex just about three times within 3 months and the next thing was that she is pregnant.

She insisted she will keep the pregnancy and I had no choice but to take responsibility, see her family, inform my family and we arranged a small single traditional wedding. During the course of the pregnancy we had sex very few times and there were times she would want sex and I will refuse because I wasn't in the mood, then she starts giving mean emotional tears which I will still ignore.

However, she got use to the fact that am I not keen on sex and decided to deal with it that way until she gave birth to our baby. She actually had to do a CS and she and the baby are doing fine.

Now the problem is that for almost a year now since she gave birth to our baby, we haven't had sex. I just don't know why I am not moved and sometimes I feel really bad and sorry for her because she gets scared to ask me for it knowing that I might refuse. I have tried to put my state of mind in a position that will enable me think of having sex with her but it doesn't work.

Not that is isn't beautiful anymore or she isn't sexy anymore. As a matter of fact I love taking her out because I love when people see her and the baby looking so cute together. We sleep on the same bed everyday and wake up happy. She treats me very well and she is very loyal. She keeps herself busy everyday (except Sundays) with the small restaurant I opened for her just in front of our house. All our neighbors like us a lot because they always see us happy and as a matter of fact no one has ever seen us having any issue before.

We look very happy because I take care of them both as a man not even paying any attention to her own restaurant business and how much she makes and she is just living very fine like we have no issue.

But deep down inside me I know we have a problem and I am the problem because I have denied her sex for almost a year now why we stay inside the same house all these time.

I just don't know if this is a spiritual problem or its just normal that I can try to do something about it.

Please no insults, I am just being sincere and straight forward.

You are more mature than your age....

You have always been, I perceive you are a deep thinker and you do not make any moves until you can see the whole yard... AND ITS GOOD... INFACT GREAT

But your issue is NOT SPIRITUAL SIR, rather it is PSYCHOLOGICAL... you are not even cheating on her, so its NOT about her... its just that you live on a HIGHER PLANE OF LIFE where SEX is not so much of a priority.


But there again, a woman has needs, I understand the circumstances surrounding your union with her was not what you planned for your life and you may be disappointed or not happy in your core at how things went, BUT you simply need to take HERBAL SUPPLEMENTS THAT BOOST LIBIDO.

yes, once you start taking them, you will get more hormonal changes that are required to satisfy your wife.
Also, I believe you should watch romantic movies and not crime/action/adventure stuff... listen to good songs for couples... so you condition your soul to begin to adjust to this new wonderful life that you have.

its well with you brother. i celebrate you

maak400:
Wether you feel like having sex or not, perform your duty in the other room. It’s a marital obligation commanded by God.

Thank you sir. Well noted.

greatnaija01:
You are more mature than your age....

You have always been, I perceive you are a deep thinker and you do not make any moves until you can see the whole yard... AND ITS GOOD... INFACT GREAT

But your issue is NOT SPIRITUAL SIR, rather it is PSYCHOLOGICAL... you are not even cheating on her, so its NOT about her... its just that you live on a HIGHER PLANE OF LIFE where SEX is not so much of a priority.


But there again, a woman has needs, I understand the circumstances surrounding your union with her was not what you planned for your life and you may be disappointed or not happy in your core at how things went, BUT you simply need to take HERBAL SUPPLEMENTS THAT BOOST LIBIDO.

yes, once you start taking them, you will get more hormonal changes that are required to satisfy your wife.
Also, I believe you should watch romantic movies and not crime/action/adventure stuff... listen to good songs for couples... so you condition your soul to begin to adjust to this new wonderful life that you have.

its well with you brother. i celebrate you

Okay sir. That's really a nice advice.

SugarBozz:
I don't think its about the child birth because if you don't see my wife with a baby, you might hardly know she has given birth. As for the CS I also even preferred the fact that she did the CS instead of the naturally birth because if it were natural, I would have even thought that might be the cause because of the mentality that her vigina might not be like before. But to me I just don't understand because we play a lot, do stuffs together but sex just don't fit in.

i am not a therapist but may be stress or fatigue could be a factor.

just work on your self, do lot of exercise to reduce stress and boost up your testosterone level which will surely increase your sexual desire for your wife.

Try taking supplements,dates,exercise,watch porn togeda,talk dirty not all at once but start from somewhere have a talk with her admit deres a problem and you want to fix it talk about old times and wat used to attract her to you...goodluck

U need to see this as a problem.. And its a problem on your part. First of all, is there something ur not telling us? Does she stink down there. D treatment for that might not even cost her more than N600 drug. If thats not d case and your problem is just poor libido. Try watch porn, Go to strip club etc. Its worth it. Else don't blame her if she cheats..

bell1255:
U need to see this as a problem.. And its a problem on your part. First of all, is there something ur not telling us? Does she stink down there. D treatment for that might not even cost her more than N600 drug. If thats not d case and your problem is just poor libido. Try watch porn, Go to strip club etc. Its worth it. Else don't blame her if she cheats..

I don't even perceive a damn thing down there, I use to watch porn before to learn stuffs but now I don't even feel it that much again. I go to strip clubs and have private lap dances just for the fun of it. I get good erection and just enjoy the fun of it because am definitely not going to penetrate anyway. So sir, my case seems complicated right?

Eleyi gidigan o. Egbon, diz wan pass my power. Eez a strange and mysterious somtin.



Seriously though, I think either there's something on your mind which even you haven't identified, or there's something about your marriage which you're subconsciously avoiding.

Look deeply in the mirror and confront the truth.

U Neva really loved her...m I lying?

Phenomenal16:
U Neva really loved her...m I lying?

Not just about her, he said he doesn't have the drive for sex totally

SugarBozz:
I don't even perceive a damn thing down there, I use to watch porn before to learn stuffs but now I don't even feel it that much again. I go to strip clubs and have private lap dances just for the fun of it. I get good erection and just enjoy the fun of it because am definitely not going to penetrate anyway. So sir, my case seems complicated right?

bro if u do get erection, then I'm going to beg u to pls give her sex.. She doesn't deserve to be starved of sex.. Just do it for her. For a happy marraige

This your own get as e be. Bro pls u just have to look for a way before things get out of hand. Common! She's human abeg.

Wetin Jubril no go see for London

Make una sha dey spin all kinds of yarns. You sleep with your woman on the same bed every night for about a year now, and you people did not have sex, and she has not torn you to pieces like hyena wen smell blood? You are a wicked selfish being.

Abeg, may your reservoir of yarns never run dry.

Oga o... Different types of people dey this world o.

Well you might be a gray asexual or asexual
Check these terms out on wikihow or Wikipedia for a simple explanation. But let us shift a little bit from here. In the baldest of terms are you saying that your wife forced you into a marriage and now can’t get “it”? I need a context here. Or were you, like I am guessing, initially reluctant but later got into the whole process? I am also guessing the reluctance stemmed mostly from the fact of your disinterest in, or aversion to se.x?

Either way, did you tell her you are not so much into se.x before all this?
Cos if you didn’t, you have set her up for extramarital sexual liaisons (she is not asexual at all and has needs)
How are you going to deal with this?
Are you going to allow her do other men? Or will it be a divorce?
Sometimes some people have low se.x drives, it’s natural. However they must disclose it to their partners in the beginning. I am not thinking you did this shaa.

Hope you guys sort this out
Another thing, what about the thoughts of being with other women? Do you have these and/or have you acted these out? If yes, then it is not what I said you should browse for. But I somehow feel your answer here will be no
No? By the way, I like your honesty. It’s a cool thing

bell1255:
bro if u do get erection, then I'm going to beg u to pls give her sex.. She doesn't deserve to be starved of sex.. Just do it for her. For a happy marraige

Hehehehehe
What about his own happiness?
The issue might be more than what you think, and beyond “just insert it and thrust to make her happy”