₦airaland Forum

nahzyla:
Op lightbulb story made me laugh I remembered my own that I have at home that will not do one single house work even if it starts inconveniencing him. If you no sweep him no go sweep, if you mo clean dust e no go clean am, he no even fit feed him own pikin.
In his mind it's women's work. I once traveled for one solid month and came back to meet dirty bathroom and black filthy tiles. He didnt wash it the entire duration of my absence.
I also contribute financially before anyone asks.

calgaryFriend:
There is no point getting into any discussion with you , looking at your response, it shows you lack the capacity to reason and iterate .
You quoted a bible verse to do what ? You are an example of a typical Nigerian youth, very lazy, mentally, physically and psychologically.
You are quick to quote the scripture without any intelligent analysis, an attempt to cover up your intellectual deficiency.

I am not your typical dumb Nigerian youth that you bamboozle with scripture, or an ignorant member of your fake church.

I asked the lady a simple question that she or neither you have been able to provide any response to...

How does celebrating/not celebrating birthdays become a factor of existence, and the question came up cos the poster write up that I quoted showed she considered her/her parents inability to celebrate her birthday to be a sort of anomaly or aberration.
If your parents cannot afford to celebrate birthday for you, its not a crime...

Very weak minded and entitled generation of youths...

ireneidiva:
You knew he was like that and you married him. So you have to live with it o

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

calgaryFriend:
There is no point getting into any discussion with you , looking at your response, it shows you lack the capacity to reason and iterate .
You quoted a bible verse to do what ? You are an example of a typical Nigerian youth, very lazy, mentally, physically and psychologically.
You are quick to quote the scripture without any intelligent analysis, an attempt to cover up your intellectual deficiency.

I am not your typical dumb Nigerian youth that you bamboozle with scripture, or an ignorant member of your fake church.

I asked the lady a simple question that she or neither you have been able to provide any response to...

How does celebrating/not celebrating birthdays become a factor of existence, and the question came up cos the poster write up that I quoted showed she considered her/her parents inability to celebrate her birthday to be a sort of anomaly or aberration.
If your parents cannot afford to celebrate birthday for you, its not a crime...

Very weak minded and entitled generation of youths...

nahzyla:
Wow...
Na wa oo...

And you're female.

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

ZIMDRILL:
courtship never brings out the true you, because you only see each other for fee hours and all needs and wants of your boy/girlfriend are not your full and sole responsibility


whereas the moment you get married, there is too much expectations from each other then extend families, finally life its throws in stones and boulders, trying to navigate through all that thats when you might realise that your thinking of how marriage is run is based on how you grow up

and how you grow up and now are different times and challenges. what worked for your parents doesnt mean it works for you and wife


with my little experience we fail, to ask and let your partner explain according to them how they think over an issue at hand, instead one enforce his/her way of thinking and solving an issue instead to hear the view of your other half and understand were there are coming from

usually it works in realising that your thinking are different and you can quickly find were you clash and find a solution to the clash and then proceed to find a solution to the problem

bukatyne:
I am going to use myself as an example.

I met my husband when I was 17+ in 100L and by then, I was very self-aware and knew the kind of man I did not want.

I also knew that money was not important to me and a kind, respectful and thoughtful man who would let me soar was it.

In short, I knew I would either wither with a typical Nigerian man or kill him. The latter more likely.

I am also not a creature of habit and hate rigidity.

Now, I met my husband/ he met me and we became best friends learning stuffs about each other which spilled into the relationship.

Some of the stuffs we learnt about each other from obversation, interaction and watching engagements with other people:

Decision making: he would say no and I would have to cajole him. When he would finally be convinced and say yes, he will package it as his idea. E.g. I brought up the idea of a local vacation last year and settled for Whispering Palms due to cost and experience. He initially said no and I said I was going with/without (I doubt I would have sha, don't like such outings alone). He said OK and asked I explain the stuff which I did. We had to go a day later than planned due to his schedule and since then, It is vacays are good. When is the next one, where are we going this year?
For me, you don't order me. You want me to do Z, tell we why and we discuss or negotiate if necessary. When we agree, I will even do pass wetin you send me.

2. I am someone who is led by example. He is someone who leads by example. For instance, he liked us to be fully accountable to each other. So he started by 'I did XYZ today. The B I told you I was doing, I couldn't meet up and did C instead. So how was your day?' and so I reciprocated. It spilled to finances and every aspects of our lives. It also meant no stringing of opposite sex friends, having 'friendships' other party couldn't know about etc.

3. We harness our resources together. We know our strengths and weaknesses and fill in for each other Irrespective of what is conventional. I remember we used to move our clothes to house where there was water and we wash together. We read together, fvcked in between and went back to our books. We shared our pocket money together and drafted text messages of 'projects' together to aunties and uncles when we were broke.

I am tired of typing however my point?

We knew ourselves 92% before we got
married.

calgaryFriend:
This is an example of what the OP is saying, who told you that birthday must be celebrated ?
How does not celebrating/celebrating birthdays become an issue...

This generation is so weak and very dependent on attention, what happened to giving praise to God for a new day and moving on ?
Must you call everybody and give them food and drinks on your birthday ? What if for some reasons you cannot afford to do that , is your happiness going to be affected ?

Damn

Dbeautyy:
@ Jossy4u1, Derawiz and for others who are interested in getting the books, pls Pm me or drop your email here. Thanks

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

yvesboss:
OP on point

ireneidiva:
You knew he was like that and you married him. So you have to live with it o

Hamachi:
Does, that mean he cant help out?

ireneidiva:
When he has been that way right from time and she decided to marry him, how will he change? If she tolerated it from the beginning, that is how she will continue. How can someone not clean his house in one month and comfortably live inside?

bukatyne:
3. We harness our resources together. We know our strengths and weaknesses and fill in for each other Irrespective of what is conventional. I remember we used to move our clothes to house where there was water and we wash together. We read together, fvcked in between and went back to our books. We shared our pocket money together and drafted text messages of 'projects' together to aunties and uncles when we were broke.

Hamachi:
pls can i have the book ?

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

crackhaus:
You mean pre-marital sex?

I don't believe it, it's a lie

ZIMDRILL:
if it courtship worked for you in knowing each other to 92 percentage it doesnt mean it applies to everyone

our focus here is on those, who find out change or the other side of person, when they thought they had fully known his/her person during courtship

the honest truth is during courtship most roughly 70 percentage dont show their true self mainly because of 2 reasons 1 life its has not tested both of you as couple who live with each other 24/7 and having fully responsibility to yourselves, 2 we tend to show the good side only during courtship

so you and your courtship and then marriage are the few 30 percent that showed the true self during courting

bukatyne:
I am going to use myself as an example.

I met my husband when I was 17+ in 100L and by then, I was very self-aware and knew the kind of man I did not want.

I also knew that money was not important to me and a kind, respectful and thoughtful man who would let me soar was it.

In short, I knew I would either wither with a typical Nigerian man or kill him. The latter more likely.

I am also not a creature of habit and hate rigidity.

Now, I met my husband/ he met me and we became best friends learning stuffs about each other which spilled into the relationship.

Some of the stuffs we learnt about each other from obversation, interaction and watching engagements with other people:

Decision making: he would say no and I would have to cajole him. When he would finally be convinced and say yes, he will package it as his idea. E.g. I brought up the idea of a local vacation last year and settled for Whispering Palms due to cost and experience. He initially said no and I said I was going with/without (I doubt I would have sha, don't like such outings alone). He said OK and asked I explain the stuff which I did. We had to go a day later than planned due to his schedule and since then, It is vacays are good. When is the next one, where are we going this year?
For me, you don't order me. You want me to do Z, tell we why and we discuss or negotiate if necessary. When we agree, I will even do pass wetin you send me.

2. I am someone who is led by example. He is someone who leads by example. For instance, he liked us to be fully accountable to each other. So he started by 'I did XYZ today. The B I told you I was doing, I couldn't meet up and did C instead. So how was your day?' and so I reciprocated. It spilled to finances and every aspects of our lives. It also meant no stringing of opposite sex friends, having 'friendships' other party couldn't know about etc.

3. We harness our resources together. We know our strengths and weaknesses and fill in for each other Irrespective of what is conventional. I remember we used to move our clothes to house where there was water and we wash together. We read together, fvcked in between and went back to our books. We shared our pocket money together and drafted text messages of 'projects' together to aunties and uncles when we were broke.

I am tired of typing however my point?

We knew ourselves 92% before we got
married.

bukatyne:
Hahahahahahaha

It was with my husband noni even though we were not patient.

That was the only thing you saw abi?

bukatyne:
OH well, people should learn to be observant during courtship.

Also pray and discern.

Dbeautyy:
I will advice every single lady/man or married couple's to read the book titled " Five love languages " and "Things i wish i had known Before We Married" By Gary Chapman there was a particular section dedicated to what you just stated above. For anyone who needs a pdf copy, I can send it to you if you will read it. We are shapened by environment, upbring ing, knowledge, events... And all of these goes a long way to affect us either positively or negative and in turn speaks in the way we relate with our spouse.

ImaIma1:
To an extent it does, but it's not only our family upbringing that moulds us. Well except we were caged at home all our lives and didn't go out to see what the world was about.

I grew up in a home where we never celebrated my parents bdays. I didn't even know their birthdays but we the kids celebrate ours.

Even if we grow up in a setting where some things were not done, other external factors could change that.

We go to school, boarding or day, university, etc, we make friends and we see how things are done. We go to church, mosque and listen to teachings on relationship/marriage, attend marriage counseling before wedding (i don't know about Muslims)

So someone cannot come and say she doesn't know she's supposed to submit because her mother didn't submit or that he doesn't know he will provide for the family because his father didn't. It doesn't add up. It's mostly someone trying to turn a blind eye, shun responsibilities or duties and conveniently using upbringing as an excuse.

That is a personal flaw except the person was home schooled and locked up at home till it was time to get married.