₦airaland Forum

AwkaetitiBabe:
That's why I love oyibo mentality, he would have turned into the house husband to help you d bread winner out pending when he gets a job.

MamaFryo:
What is this one even saying biko? Is he not meant to be the bread winner of the home as the society takes it. So when the woman now starts acting as the bread winner is there not something wrong? That is not even the issue, if he were to be the one working and the wife is at home, won't he expect the wife to do the house work? Now that he is the one at home, why is he not doing the house cleaning?

edward1106:
A normal white man would have committed suicide after the job loss. They rarely settle for less. Its mostly the black men abroad who do such.

xaggar:
Was it directed at you?

That's how you bring trouble home for your husband or brothers. Poking your "flat nose" into what isn't your business.

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

farady:
OP, thank God for using you to keep the home running, still loving you husband etc. Your husband really need some time to chill off and some bit of counseling preferably from someone he greatly respects to give him new "factory settings".

His behavour which is normal with men that have experienced job loss can be really traumatic. To him, he has lost that his economic power (which defines his masculinity) to provide for the family and in fact lost it to you................Look whether you bring in a cleaning company or not, his attitude will not change for the better, it will grow worse. At this moment, he need the support and encouragement of everyone, friends and family.

Get someone he truly respect to talk to him. On your part, go on kneels and commit him to God in prayers. Next, as you run the affairs of the home, please be kiafu make you no go mis-yarn. For instance you come dey hala like "I think you people have finished this milk that i bought just 2 days ago" or "I don't understand what you people are boiling with gas oh, that cylinder I just filled it with N4k last week and the way the cooker is burning, its like the cylinder is getting empty"...............When we men hear things like that, some of us get very upset, cause he would start thinking all these years he has been spending, nobody heard anything.

I pray God will visit your home and He who sees your sincere heart will restore joy and happiness to your home by settling your husband in Jesus name, Amen!

Berankis:
I don't have any advice really. I lost interest at the point you began stating how you pay rent and feed the family from your salary. I hate this statement! He was paying the family's bills and feeding everyone before he lost his job and nothing was posted on social media or broadcast around, how come its when a wife helps that the whole world will get to know how you have been taken care of your own family?

maiahsaiah:
Sorry, I’m not one of those people that stand by and watch injustice. I don’t need to bring home trouble, I tackle them myself as I am capable. Show me what you’ve got.

P.S: I’ve got a pointed nose.

MamaFryo:
I need to arrest your husband right away. That guy needs to be locked in the cell for his head to be correct. Tell him to kukuma kill you na!


Let me book space here to hear from other people...

SKYloafFISH:
domain kor website ni

Abeg shiftt

MamaFryo:
I need to arrest your husband right away. That guy needs to be locked in the cell for his head to be correct. Tell him to kukuma kill you na!


Let me book space here to hear from other people...

jeff1607:
And you were born and raised in Nigeria


wehdone ma

farady:
OP, thank God for using you to keep the home running, still loving you husband etc. Your husband really need some time to chill off and some bit of counseling preferably from someone he greatly respects to give him new "factory settings".

His behavour which is normal with men that have experienced job loss can be really traumatic. To him, he has lost that his economic power (which defines his masculinity) to provide for the family and in fact lost it to you................Look whether you bring in a cleaning company or not, his attitude will not change for the better, it will grow worse. At this moment, he need the support and encouragement of everyone, friends and family.

Get someone he truly respect to talk to him. On your part, go on kneels and commit him to God in prayers. Next, as you run the affairs of the home, please be kiafu make you no go mis-yarn. For instance you come dey hala like "I think you people have finished this milk that i bought just 2 days ago" or "I don't understand what you people are boiling with gas oh, that cylinder I just filled it with N4k last week and the way the cooker is burning, its like the cylinder is getting empty"...............When we men hear things like that, some of us get very upset, cause he would start thinking all these years he has been spending, nobody heard anything.

I pray God will visit your home and He who sees your sincere heart will restore joy and happiness to your home by settling your husband in Jesus name, Amen!

IDERAWOLE:
@blissbliss, I want to thank you for the candid opinion you gave here. I've read quite a number of them, yours sounds so pragmatic, how I wish the lady will try this option, if it fails, she can always stop. But I'm so sure something positive will show up in the husband's attitude.

Meanwhile, I was curious to know which area you are active in on nairaland. Amazingly, I saw you in technology, Auto section etc. You can be sure I'll be following you.

If you have property request, let me know o!

God bless the woman in question.

PietraK:
There are deeper issues that you did not include in your post.

You obviously came out because your marriage is already going south. If you care about your happiness, please consider house chores your responsibility and also teach your children to help out.

2. Always put him first. Whatever decision you need to take, talk to your husband first. Seek his opinion and let him decide. He is still the head of the family. And to get a favorable response, be calm when presenting your points. Let him see reasons why you think a maid is needed. Tell him you don't have extra time to do it and that it will be unfair of you to allow your crown "him" to do house chores.

3. I guess you always brought in ugly maids. Please get a smart, beautiful and cheerful maid. Your husband will smile withing...But that can be dangerous anyway...Lol

4. Do not! I repeat. Do not report him to anyone be it his family or yours. And lastly, never! I repeat, never speak of you paying the bills and feeding the family. Not directly to him or anyone. You will put a bail to your marriage once you start making it obvious.

In addition, how do you manage your salary? Does he know how much you get and how you spend it? Do you carry him along or just do your thing the way you feel right?

Getting a cleaning service without consulting him first proves that you don't recognize him as your head anymore because he doesn't have a job and money. And he had to fight for his position by insisting that you get a refund. Always ask for his direction and you will hardly get it wrong.

Do you trust him with money, if you do, consider handing over your salary to him to manage the house and always request for money to do whatever needs to be done.

These advise is meant for you if you genuinely want your marriage to be sweet. For a feminist, this is tantamount to suicide. So its yours to consider.

Thanks.

xaggar:
Poking your "flat nose" into what isn't your business.

Fountainofyouth:
You are just going in circles explaining what I don't understand, are you saying the term "six figures" can only be used by americans because the explanation google gave is in dollars?

And @bolded, how does earning six figures previously mean he earns less than 100,000 naira? I don't understand......

You problem previously was that naira has no value like dollars, now you brought up Zimbabwe's dollars, if we should go by that, isn't a six figures Nigerian salary higher than the Zimbabwean dollars?

Now you had to bring up another google screenshot cos the previous screenshot didn't suit you?

Brother Obi, stop displaying inferiority complex here, certain English words isn't designated for a particular country cos an example was given in a certain currency, grow up.

truthsayer009:
OK no problem. I know you are not dumb enough not to realise that when someone is explaining a point, he or she provides proof to back it up, which now makes it a factual information hence the screenshots.

I already explained that the word "6 figure salary" isn't just an English word but a term used by Americans.

I am very sure that Deep down, my message has been passed across, you now know what 6 figures actually mean from henceforth.

Adios.

chihes:
My sister, I think the only reason why he insists you do the house chores is because he doesn't want you to start rubbing shoulder with him as the head of the family. He understands your job very well and he knows your king of work as you said needs a house assistance. But he still wants you controlled on house things, not for any other reason, but there this kind of feeling in a man when they say you should stop and you stopped. He's no longer working for now, he stays at home always, yet he refused to assist at home...my dear, that is men for you(though only one out of 100 may be different). He doesn't hate you, or enjoys you taking care of all the responsibilities, but its their nature. After all, didn't he allow the house helps before he lost his job. The only solution to this is to keep talking to him about your stress lovingly. Tell him he's still your head no matter what. When he sees your attitude towards him is still submissive and humble, he will allow you have your way. You can never force a man to bend...lie lie, it's against their nature, the best way to get a man by your side is showing him plenty care and submission. Mind you, you are not a fool when you still show him care and love despite you are the one providing, but that is the only way you can make a man do what you want. Above all, keep praying.

Fountainofyouth:
You clearly are a highly dumb individual, google explanation didn't tell us it is not an English term, same google you screenshot didn't also tell us it us mainly used by Americans only, lmao, I am perplexed and amused, pls don't say this outside or in your reality, it's shameful.

genq:
Here we go again! Another topic posted for the sole purpose of inviting frustrated NL femcels to come bash your husband.

Just a quick question based off the highlighted statement below. Why is it that a man can feed, house and even clothe a woman and the children all of his life but you will never hear him announce this to the hearing of others - but let a woman pay the bills for just one out of thirty years, the whole world must know and we won't hear the last of it!

nlPoster:
Who are you insulting now?


The question causing this ruckus was unnecessary.

Soundmind:
Madam,
am very sorry on what you are passing through, is highly painful and unexpected.
May i also told you that you majorly caused it. It is not because of ego problem of the man,
it is because he is filling that because of his joblessness and less financial contribution to
the family now, he is not getting respect due to him naturally and traditionally.
I blame you in asking him to help you in house chores now. You are belittling him.
Whatever you have not asked him to do you when thing was going well, don't ask
him to do it for you now, he will misunderstand you.
You added salt to injury by hiring a male helper without his consent. Pls, it could be
highly misunderstood. Sack the helper immediately.
Pls, don't take your family issue to pastor, talk it out with your man first.
Before going to Pastor, make sure that all his people and you people have heard of it
and make various imput that could not resolve the issue.
On rhe way forward, pls, take this man out and spoil him, pamper him and make him
feel that you enjoy him more now that he is jobless that when he have job.
If you do this, he will do all those house chores happily and even do more without
complain. He will be more relax and who knows, he will get a better job soon.
Just be submissive, love him more and care for him.
Thank you.

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?
Your husband is a good man..
What he is doing now is what every devoted man will do.. He is not working now and is so uncomfortable with it..Everything should be pissing him off right now..
Just take it easy and keep it cool with him...
Sure he will get over everything..
He will drastically return to normal when he gets a job..