Ladycewhy:
I see ,i need to learn this ,i can apologize when wrong, but not when i have been wronged ,i would rather tell you how you wronged me and tell you i forgive you instead of telling you to forgive me for wronging me.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Once you keep having it in mind that the other party is wrong,you will find it difficult to take this step.What I normally do is put myself in his or her shoes and tell myself that im not perfect either. The next is to tell him or her"sorry I didn't mean to provoke you into acting or behaving this or that way"and before I could even finish my statement,the other party is already apologizing and the problem is solved. It's our pride and ego that makes us not to do the right thing most times.

Ladycewhy:
The first son that raised a cutlass on him while they were still kids because he was beating their mum has mended fences but they are just cool,na still all man for himself you know those kind of hi hello kind of relationship, but my cousin my mum raised that one nor wan hear o, still addresses him as old man. Lol

midnighter:


Yes, everybody is different and has their own way of dealing with the past

But at least they have all the facts, its left to them to decide whether to have a relationship or not

Ladycewhy:
i disagree, if i am hurting from being wronged, what is there is pain not pride or ego .

Martinez39:



These are the malicious and wicked souls who insist, subtly, that op maintain the discord between him and his father. Even though IceColdVeins never mentioned specifically what his mum suffered in the hands of his father, they readily assumed his father was a cold-hearted beast who meted cruel and grievous treatments to his wife. Of course, these three women, in typical fashion, act like women can do no wrong and men are beasts. IceColdVeins, I congratulate you on bonding with your father. Do not let these three demons and their kind sway you from what you have done. It's a shame that they cherish the discord in family because of their "women are angels, men are beast that should be hated and punished" mentality.

Notice how Graxie disdains the fact that children try to establish connections with their fathers (to hear their own side of the story and, possibly, reconcile) even though the mother brought them up. To her, the children distancing themselves from their fathers is an apt reward to a mother who brought them up. Notice how she typed "some will even claim you manipulated them" as though this is a misapprehension in all cases of parental alienation. To her, bringing up children is not worth it if they would try to make up with fathers in future. This mindset of Graxie is shared by all women, especially feminists.

No human is perfect. If a human being own up to their offences and past misdeeds and are sincerely willing to make things right, who is to say they do not deserve a second chance? IceColdVeins, carry go.


CAPSLOCKED, Ubunja, emmaodet, JONNYSPUTE, AstroG, Omar09

I HAVE NEVER SEEN A WOMAN THAT IS NOT MALICIOUS.
THEY CAN NOT EVEN PRETEND TO HIDE IT. WHAT IS HAPPENING?

CAPSLOCKED:
MARTINEZ39
AFTER ALL THE LASHES WE TOOK, IT'S GLADDENING THAT YOUR "HATEFUL" THREAD (ACCORDING TO THESE BITTER SOULS) HAS FIXED ONE FAMILY, AND CAN EVEN FIX MORE IF MORE MALES THROW AWAY THE FEMININE TRAITS THEY'VE PICKED FROM THEIR MOTHERS, AND ACTUALLY READ THESE INFORMATION WE PROVIDE ON THIS FORUM FOR FREE. A LOT WILL BE BETTER FOR THE MEN FOLK IF THEY CAN JUST FREE THEMSELVES FROM THE SHACKLES OF MATERNAL SLAVERY. AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOU, AND THE GREAT UBUNJA.

JONNYSPUTE:
Exactly why I said the pain will always be there if you keep remembering the wrong he or she did. It's not an easy stuff but once you learn it,you will be at peace with yourself first and have a much happy life.Where I meant ego and pride is for people who find it difficult to apologize,wether they are wrong or right.

Nashoji:
people like you are the problem we have in this country. You justify one bad character when it suits you and you make case for another bad character when it doesn't go your way. You want him now to ask his mom the reason why she behaves badly towards the dad in other to justify what ever thing she was putting up to the day but you are at the same time saying the OPs dad doesn't have any reason to justify what he did. Who knows if the mom shuts the father out completely just to prove a point, who knows if the father tried several times to reach out to the children but the mom swore never to see that happen. See eh, you are a child today, you will also become a parent tomorrow, then you will understand how all these things works. Hope your husband don't manipulate your children in believing everything he says thereby abandoning you sha.

CAPSLOCKED:
MARTINEZ39
AFTER ALL THE LASHES WE TOOK, IT'S GLADDENING THAT YOUR "HATEFUL" THREAD (ACCORDING TO THESE BITTER SOULS) HAS FIXED ONE FAMILY, AND CAN EVEN FIX MORE IF MORE MALES THROW AWAY THE FEMININE TRAITS THEY'VE PICKED FROM THEIR MOTHERS, AND ACTUALLY READ THESE INFORMATION WE PROVIDE ON THIS FORUM FOR FREE. A LOT WILL BE BETTER FOR THE MEN FOLK IF THEY CAN JUST FREE THEMSELVES FROM THE SHACKLES OF MATERNAL SLAVERY. AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOU, AND THE GREAT UBUNJA.

Ladycewhy:
I can actually find peace without enabling the abuser. You see i keep hearing of this "forgive for yourself" . This is for people who hold on to it. If you wrong me, i delete you,i will barely even remember your existence so i won't even need to apologize to you for wronging me just because i want to have some form of closure. Maybe i am just different sha.

KanuSE:


Of course you are different, just like a closed-cup mushroom but it's a good step in the right direction that you're beginning to identify who you are.

Rafiq2:


lol, did you just say wailings, dude remember she raised up to this stage ALONE!! .Why do I feel like you are trying to blame her for what your dad did to you?.

Anyways I respect you for forgiving him & trying to reconnect that's very cool. And it's the right thing to do.

Parents will always have their differences, as their kids, never pick a side( unless absolutely necessary ). As for me, am extremely close to both, know what each of them want, so every time we converse na blessings them they just shower me.

Ryan03:
nobody is bitter that he is reconciling with his dad (I can only speak for my self tho) but him forgiving his dad doesn't mean everyone should, I can forgive tho but can't do such reconciliation. Everybody papa different, some people are just sounding like you must forgive him because even him didn't have it easy. Like what da heck? What if my mum abandoned us the way he did? Where would I have been today?

Ladycewhy:
go to page 11 and stop yapping. His mum and other siblings have long mend fences ,his mum and dad even now live together. The op is the only in his family still not on good terms with his dad. Maternal instincts my foot.

Ladycewhy:
what is this one saying? Shut up if you have nothing to say, you see how i have had a good conversation with the moniker i replied.

CAPSLOCKED:


I DID NOT MENTION YOU. WHO ARE YOU?
WHY FOR ONCE CAN'T YOU DIE ALONE WITH YOUR BITTERNESS AND ANGUISH?? MUST YOU SEEK TO EXTEND IT TO ANYTHING YOU PASS BY?

LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE. I DON'T HAVE STRENGTH TO START RECEIVING NAMES BECAUSE THAT'S GONNA BE YOUR NEXT MOVE.

KanuSE:


Just calm down ok.

I can see that you are opinionated but know that the Sweet Boys Association mean well.

Ladycewhy:
another gibberish ,you can always tell the sane from the stupid typical male nairalanders what next call me an olosho? Lol get lost boy.

Nashoji:
people like you are the problem we have in this country. You justify one bad character when it suits you and you make case for another bad character when it doesn't go your way. You want him now to ask his mom the reason why she behaves badly towards the dad in other to justify what ever thing she was putting up to the day but you are at the same time saying the OPs dad doesn't have any reason to justify what he did. Who knows if the mom shuts the father out completely just to prove a point, who knows if the father tried several times to reach out to the children but the mom swore never to see that happen. See eh, you are a child today, you will also become a parent tomorrow, then you will understand how all these things works. Hope your husband don't manipulate your children in believing everything he says thereby abandoning you sha.

MrFuckallday:
This op is delirious. Bleep his dad and every other deadbeat dad in the world

dominique:


He'll blame everything on the mum and the son will take his side. I thought it was bad enough that Nigerian men justify domestic violence, now they're doing same for child neglect using the same "the mother must have done something to deserve it" mantra. I shiver at the next bad behavior they will justify and push the blame on the mother, possibly pedophilia. Very sick generation of men we're breeding.

KanuSE:


Why the insult na? Imagine if your bf/husband sees how you behave on NL, do you think he would be glad to continue or have a rethink.

Put your feet up and swipe on lollipop ok.

BRATISLAVA:


Honestly wondering at the strangeness of it all. It's like a ticket to evil and they endorse it. Imagine neglecting you and then you running after the man. Men suck in emotions they say. Rubbish. If he valued his family he would put aside baseless pride and stoop to conquer. Rather they now demonize their mothers and sympathize with the fathers. Some form of Stockholm syndrome. The oppressor deserves some love, eh?

Zukky123:
I really commend your efforts to reconcile with your dad, it takes great courage and serious ego-breaking to that. Don't listen to anything anyone would say on this platform, cos I'm sure you are an adult and have taken time to put many things into consideration having thought this through. This is a bold step, I just hope that your mum would also benefit from this reconciliation and hope your dad does not relapse again, cos it would become another cycle or even worse when you interfere in their matters again. Just know this means you cannot meddle in the affairs of ur family hence forth as you've sold the rights to do so, unless you want to keep sucking up to him.

Me myself I'm a victim of this paternal negligence.
Since 2018 marchl haven't been able to talk to my dad simply because I tried to make peace between him and my mum when they had their usual rift. I tried so hard no to pick sides, I tried so hard not to be rude, I tried so hard not to challenge my dad,, but yet we have become strangers only because I said ""daddy please it hasn't gotten to the level of using curse words".
Because I want peace I've tried severally to apologise and reconcile with him but to no avail. I call, he doesn't take my calls, I text but still no positive response. Even when I got paid my first salary during my housemanship I went with his favourite wine, and again before my service, I went with another wine and he kicked me out, the second time leaving me in front of his officce and driving off at night. Few days back I turned 26 and messaged him, but still no response. I know some people would say certain nasty things, I just need sensible advice regarding this matter because I don't know what to do again. And I want peace and also don't want to sell my rights to resolving family conflicts as I'm the first child and son.

BLEMOSEDU:

I don't think any sane man will just wake up and abandon his child/children, unless those deadbeat fathers.
Some women make it very hard for a man to have any relationship with his children due to their personal issues, particularly those headstrong iron ladies.

IceColdVeins:
Nigga use your head.
I didnt run to him when I was suffering, why would your infitessimally loaded head think I need his money now that I am financially dependent?
Once again, use your head

IceColdVeins:
Bro I don't think I need that. There is almost no valid reason for treating one's wife and children badly.
He's an a$$hole yeah, I just want peace and nothing but peace since my mom is still with him

Ladycewhy:
wait, him and your mum have reconciled? Now this is more interesting

Cc ibkayee