₦airaland Forum

LilMissFavvy:

djbussy:
You write too much. If you were speaking, I will say you talk too much. No man is perfect. Manage what God has given you. Get married, 4rk him so well, give him good food and treat him like your baby. Let me ask you, if ur baby S. H. I. T. In pant, will you throw the baby and pant away to get another baby and pant? Your answer should be "No". You keep taking care of the baby till the baby grows up and stops. S. H. I. T. I. N. G in pants. That how to manage a man or woman. If you like read and apply, if you like, throw my advise in your lawma waste bin so someone else can pickup to recycle . Full stop

Goodbloke:
If all you said here is the complete truth without mincing words , then I suggest you dump his sorry ass.

How can a man behave like this? It beats my imagination honestly, the guy is insecure, jealous and very toxic if you end up marrying this kind of person am really sorry for you.

The guy sef don dey give you knock for head , and also embarrasses you in full public view .

My sister run for your dear life

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to..........

[s]He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me.[/s] Do I stay or quit?

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

dannyla:
I pray for wisdom because when you're in a predicament, you find it hard to think well so I appreciate everyone who helped/is helping me think. Thanks for the contributions and advices, both the kind and angry sounding ones. I appreciate the time and effort.

I'll find a way to quietly walk away from him.

Daboomb:
Did yo notice that it is mostly ladies, that are advicing you to WALK AWAY from him, calling him all sort of names and warning you of impending danger, if you continue with him? WHY IS THAT? is it that Women love themselves more (and the Men are dumb) or Women hate to see one of their succeed in marriage? Do they sound like that your friend called "Grace", or not?
Reflect for a minute,, over this situation.

You said this man loves you to a fault (your own words).
You attributed the rancour between both of you to misinformation from your Friend "Grace" and some other people running you down, with him.
- What l can infer from these is that your differences (things that causes fight) are EXTERNAL to both of you mostly.
So, can you work on those external factors and remove most of them?

He seems to be the "jealous type" (some call it "insecure" but l bet that nobody feels insecure, over something they dont cherish, so it can be a good thing, if properly harnessed).
Why cant you, for the sake of your "fragile relationship" (if it is that important to you), make effort to cut-off those people, especially those predator-men he does not like seeing in your company or with your, making amorous advances at you?
There is no smoke, without fire and most men know that women are only as strong as when there no "cunnyingly desperate man trying to raise their skirt! It is better you dont expose your wife to these "predator-men" than bank on her ability to withstand their advances.

I do tell my wife that no woman can ressist me, if l am really bent on having her but l have decided to remain faithful to my wife, because l am certain she is faithful to me and as a matter of Policy, my respect for another man will not let me do any married woman, God forbid.
But l will not allow another man to share a hotel room overnight with my wife, claiming they are work-buddies.
Mbaanu, l nor dey take such risk, call me insecure, if you like. I odnt use my nose to sniff what l know l wont eat.

Maybe your man is just like that, someone who does not like to "risk" his future wife, in the compnay of randy men (Some women even claim such men used jazz on them, when they eventually fall for him! Maybe true, maybe not, but the damage is already done!).
Why dont you just agree with his way, stay away from rolling with such men (by chat, text or phone-calls) and let him verify such, to build confidence in yoru relationship?

Now, l dont like when things get to the point where the man has to raise his hand, it is a sig that you have both hit rock-bottom.
He abuses you and you insult him back in return, that much is evident from your post but do you know that "when the sea is trough, you cannot paddle your canoe roughly at the same time"? (Proverb!).
For any relationship to work, bith parties cant be "fire-for-fire" at the same time.
The "weaker" person has to calm down and stay calm, when tempers are boiling or ONE PERSON has to be the SHEEP (quiet, not insutling and calm) when the other is playing the GOAT (Angry, insutling and in fits!).
This is the secret of a successful marriage. Subdued Ego.

And yes, some men are temperamental (like me) but my beautiful wife has so much sense in managing my temper that we have never had any physical fight for decades. She knows when l am Goat and my Goat knows to apologise when he is wrong, thereafter.

I counsel young families, especially newly married and the golden advice l give the wife is "manage yoru husband, like you will manage a business you want to be successful, despite all the challenges".
And l tell the husband, love your wife, respect her and be her husband and Daddy. It works a lot.

Finally, your relationship has all the ingredients of being successful, you just need to set your priorities right, avoid the "GRACES" in your life, be less combative in the relationship when their is an arguement and communicate more openly with your Man.

But if you want to walk-away, its your choice, you may or may not be that lucky to find someone who "loves you to a fault", that is the most difficult part of any relationship because after all the "Raggae" of courtship, comes the stark "Blues" of staying married..... and it is love that sustains it thereafter because there will certainly be challenges, lots of challenges in the first five years of marriage.

And Sister "Grace" is waiting in the wings, anyway.

Wish you the best.

Macsjebs:
This is too much, but who are my to Judge...
This is just 'pre-wedding treatment'; how will 'after wedding treatment' now be, so u shouldn't interact with other males or what...Jealous people can do weird stuffs sha and he is already showing signs of a jealous 'husband to be'....
Make he no go put u under house arrest in the end

Daboomb:
Did yo notice that it is mostly ladies, that are advicing you to WALK AWAY from him, calling him all sort of names and warning you of impending danger, if you continue with him? WHY IS THAT? is it that Women love themselves more (and the Men are dumb) or Women hate to see one of their succeed in marriage? Do they sound like that your friend called "Grace", or not?
Reflect for a minute,, over this situation.

You said this man loves you to a fault (your own words).
You attributed the rancour between both of you to misinformation from your Friend "Grace" and some other people running you down, with him.
- What l can infer from these is that your differences (things that causes fight) are EXTERNAL to both of you mostly.
So, can you work on those external factors and remove most of them?

He seems to be the "jealous type" (some call it "insecure" but l bet that nobody feels insecure, over something they dont cherish, so it can be a good thing, if properly harnessed).
Why cant you, for the sake of your "fragile relationship" (if it is that important to you), make effort to cut-off those people, especially those predator-men he does not like seeing in your company or with your, making amorous advances at you?
There is no smoke, without fire and most men know that women are only as strong as when there no "cunnyingly desperate man trying to raise their skirt! It is better you dont expose your wife to these "predator-men" than bank on her ability to withstand their advances.

I do tell my wife that no woman can ressist me, if l am really bent on having her but l have decided to remain faithful to my wife, because l am certain she is faithful to me and as a matter of Policy, my respect for another man will not let me do any married woman, God forbid.
But l will not allow another man to share a hotel room overnight with my wife, claiming they are work-buddies.
Mbaanu, l nor dey take such risk, call me insecure, if you like. I odnt use my nose to sniff what l know l wont eat.

Maybe your man is just like that, someone who does not like to "risk" his future wife, in the compnay of randy men (Some women even claim such men used jazz on them, when they eventually fall for him! Maybe true, maybe not, but the damage is already done!).
Why dont you just agree with his way, stay away from rolling with such men (by chat, text or phone-calls) and let him verify such, to build confidence in yoru relationship?

Now, l dont like when things get to the point where the man has to raise his hand, it is a sig that you have both hit rock-bottom.
He abuses you and you insult him back in return, that much is evident from your post but do you know that "when the sea is trough, you cannot paddle your canoe roughly at the same time"? (Proverb!).
For any relationship to work, bith parties cant be "fire-for-fire" at the same time.
The "weaker" person has to calm down and stay calm, when tempers are boiling or ONE PERSON has to be the SHEEP (quiet, not insutling and calm) when the other is playing the GOAT (Angry, insutling and in fits!).
This is the secret of a successful marriage. Subdued Ego.

And yes, some men are temperamental (like me) but my beautiful wife has so much sense in managing my temper that we have never had any physical fight for decades. She knows when l am Goat and my Goat knows to apologise when he is wrong, thereafter.

I counsel young families, especially newly married and the golden advice l give the wife is "manage yoru husband, like you will manage a business you want to be successful, despite all the challenges".
And l tell the husband, love your wife, respect her and be her husband and Daddy. It works a lot.

Finally, your relationship has all the ingredients of being successful, you just need to set your priorities right, avoid the "GRACES" in your life, be less combative in the relationship when their is an arguement and communicate more openly with your Man.

But if you want to walk-away, its your choice, you may or may not be that lucky to find someone who "loves you to a fault", that is the most difficult part of any relationship because after all the "Raggae" of courtship, comes the stark "Blues" of staying married..... and it is love that sustains it thereafter because there will certainly be challenges, lots of challenges in the first five years of marriage.

And Sister "Grace" is waiting in the wings, anyway.

Wish you the best.

dannyla:
I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me.

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.


Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

Macsjebs:
This is too much, but who are my to Judge...
This is just 'pre-wedding treatment'; how will 'after wedding treatment' now be, so u shouldn't interact with other males or what...Jealous people can do weird stuffs sha and he is already showing signs of a jealous 'husband to be'....
Make he no go put u under house arrest in the end

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

BENEAMATA:
great comment i must first agree . But i'll negate all those words of advise you gave by saying EVERYONE'S LIFE SHOULD BE WORTH MORE THAN Poo ! you see ?