₦airaland Forum

Unrated900:
Have you worked with joro before niiiii?

I'm sorry, please pardon my ignorance.
What's Joro

abdullahi45:
What a well articulated writeup that reflects its author's sagacity.

May the most High increase you in knowledge and preserve you upon goodness. Aameen

Thanks. Ameen!!

djbussy:
You write too much. If you were speaking, I will say you talk too much. No man is perfect. Manage what God has given you. Get married, 4rk him so well, give him good food and treat him like your baby. Let me ask you, if ur baby S. H. I. T. In pant, will you throw the baby and pant away to get another baby and pant? Your answer should be "No". You keep taking care of the baby till the baby grows up and stops. S. H. I. T. I. N. G in pants. That how to manage a man or woman. If you like read and apply, if you like, throw my advise in your lawma waste bin so someone else can pickup to recycle . Full stop

Her friend has already picked and about to recycle

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

The earlier you leave that relationship, the better for you. Any man who lays hand on a woman no matter what, is not fit to be called a man.

IAmStrange:
I'm sorry, please pardon my ignorance.

What's Joro

That man who always give advise and shares story of couples on Facebook


He is a popular person

Your advise seems similar to his written line as

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

Ur last paragraph shows a lot about ur misconception about love. A man who loves u does not lay his hands on u no matter what!!!

Love is not obsession and vice versa, also u are faced with a highly jealous man with a temper who from the looks of it can be manipulative.

While there is absolutely nothing wrong in going through ur fiancé fone, in my dictionary same rule must apply to him. U must be able to go through his fone. If he disagrees U may have a potentially of an oppressor. Yes ur oppressor can clai to love u in a twisted or faulty manner.

Ur relationship has sm major foundation issues. Too many people involved trying to intervene and sort out issues for u at such early stage. My rule is if u can’t sort out ur issues by urselves amicably without 3rd parties u have compatibility issues or yet to understand urselves to delve into marriage.

Both of u should be able to resolve ur issues by urselves and agree during the dating phase it’s important. If u can’t know where both of u make compromises so it works perfectly pls let each other go. He not the only man so what’s the desperation and it marriage issues like this only get worse. He will be more controlling, ur parents and sisters or whoever will be resolving petty and big issues every other day in ur house. That’s if the man doesn’t take matters into his own hands.

It makes no sense at all until/unless u can understand urselves and know where if at all compromises can be made.

Note: ur relationship has been filled with issues and major conflicts from day one with other people intervening to settle disputes. Arguements and Sm physical abuse. Bad sign and possiblE red flag.

Solution: STOP ALL 3RD PARTY INTERFERENCE EITHER TO RESOLVE OR HELP AND SEE IF THIS RELATIONSHIP CAN WORK OR LAST.

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

. This is what happens when you have no self worth and value....Run to avoid RIP.

Do you want to wait till he kill you?

That was never a relationship, you were already in hell baby.

Take a long walk from him and gather up yourself.

dannyla:
He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am,

I hope that the use of present (continuing?) tense here is a typo.

Darevofpeace:
Do you want to wait till he kill you?

That was never a relationship, you were already in hell baby.

Take a long walk from him and gather up yourself.

Abi now.
Is marriage by force?
Must every woman and man get married?
Are there not people who are successfull with enduring legacies who were never married and had no child?

Nice Story cuz you are still alive.

Maybe you want to wait for the end before appreciating the gift of life and peace, just because you want to get married.

Activate your self-love above all else abeg.

Yes, yes you are.

And I didn't have to read your epistle.

Good luck.

dannyla:
I pray for wisdom because when you're in a predicament, you find it hard to think well so I appreciate everyone who helped/is helping me think. Thanks for the contributions and advices, both the kind and angry sounding ones. I appreciate the time and effort.

I'll find a way to quietly walk away from him.

You should also try to see a psychotherapist to clarify your thoughts and focus the healing of your self esteem, which obviously has been thoroughly bashed.
Peace sis.

Living in bondage I hope you don't endure all these because he has a car.
Beautiful u are too young to died an untimely death.

dannyla:
Yes ma, over love sef but sometimes people's opinion can make you doubt your sanity or ability to choose right

Do you plan to get professional help to deal with the highlighted?

You already know what is right for you. Going by all you have written, you both have no business being with one another.
I can't even imagine that a full grown adult is unable to restrain himself, commits an offence against you and then blames his temper.

Stop dating him.

Whoever said you must marry now, or marry at all.

My dear I want to believe this story is real . If it is, here us my advice :

A man that threatened to beat you up , calls you name A, insults your siblings , has very chronic true issues etc ..and shows it this much even before marriage ..

PLEASE RUN AWAY NOW ! In fact you ought to have done that yesterday.....

And to the issue of love ? He doesn't love you , he is only obsessed with you and obsession it's a dangerous state of mind.

PLEASE FLEE NOW .

dannyla:
Hmmmm,
My mom was deflowered by a rapist and all she ever asked of me was to get married as a virgin. Till today, she doesn't know that I was raped too. She once told me she will die a sad woman if I don't keep her request. My father died when I was a girl. My mother sold her clothes to raise us.
If I leave, he'll tell her I'm not a virgin anymore and she will never have that peace she has now. I can't watch my mum suffer for something she didn't do. My mum once used to be hypertensive. What if it comes back due to shock? My aunt used to mock my mom over the rape before our very eyes and my mum simply told her that one wasn't her fault but her children will marry honourably. My mother's pride is the reason I let the rapist walk free. This man knows and will tell everyone.

I'm not yet strong enough to relocate us very far away or foot any drastic bill. That's a major reason I've been tolerating. The advise from those around me doesn't help either. That's why I seek public opinion

Stop holding yourself hostage to a potential blackmailer.
Slowly drop hints and break it down to your mum in order to free yourself of this yoke. The best way to deal with a blackmailer is to own up to the threat source that he would use.
Be wise, sis.

shut up. i dont know why u hoes feel coming here to say one side of the story helps. u keep talkingof messages u recieve from male collegues but will never say what the message is. bitch if you are my gf and i see you exchanging dirty messages with male collegues in the name of there is nothing there, omo na sorry go be your name. imagine me reading a dirty message from your make collegue that says hey, that your big yansh , the day i go Bleep am, u go leave all other guys. etc etc. i think he should leave you. he s tryng to turn a hoe to a wife and that single mistake have put so many men into early graves. imagine you publicly accepting that you flirt with male colleagues and some idiots here are busy defending you . if he was the one doing same , no one will hear word. 99% of the people in these comments are bastards. this is exactly the same thing that transpired btw ine of my guy and his then wife, his wife will flirt with every guy in the off and tell him that its nothing, they are just naughty colleagues. omo after marriage na there the guy found out that she has almost bleeped all the guys that where busy sending her all the dirty messages. on one occasions she even bleeped 4 guys at a time. bitch u are nothing but a hoe trying to form victim. we don see your type tire. i am not saying your bf dosnt have fault, but behind every smoke there is fire and i am more concerned about the fire than the smoke

GHoJes:
And you think there were no women lining up before he met you or you think you are the first best. They all borrowed senses and left him after knowing who he is. The ones lining up will do same if they come on board and leave him for unfortunate victims like you willing to trade your life for nothing. Know this from today, if you see any financially ok man proposing to a lady immediately he met her, he is highly likely hidding something he doesn't want her to find before the point of no return.

As for your mum's case, I see you inherited some kind of low self esteem without knowing. Girl you have failed your mum already. Your mum feels the way she does due to her lack of exposure and family abuse but you with all your exposure in this day can't correct your mum's orientation before she goes to the grave then you have failed her. If she goes the other side of life and find out that it wasn't her fault she was raped and you could have helped her all her life change that life long burden then....
Let me tell you, you will send your hypertensive mum to her grave earlier the day you marry this guy because if your mum dare question his actions to you he will not fail to tell her all your colleagues raped you, so brace for a life time of living in fear. But I beg to please see your rape as an avenue to free your mum from a life long burden, react differently from her, set the example, hold your head high instead of bowing down in shame knowing that your God will revenge your rapist.

Note there's hardly a thread that you will not find more than one opinion because even if devil come phisically to earth he will still get followers but up to 3 pages and counting there's only one opinion yet you want find a reason to still look away.

God bless you for your comment, especially the highlighted.
Stay blessed.

IAmStrange:
I have come to notice that most times when human beings fall in love, we lose our willpower. People mistake it for sense - meaning we lose our sense but it's not true in many cases.

The person who is in love can actually have His sense intact and functioning and in every event, he knows the right thing to do... But he just doesn't do it because he has lost his willpower and his resolve has become weak so he runs around seeking advice from people so that their comments can serve as a sort of motivation to carry on with what he already thinks or knows he should do.

Secondly, you were saying he loves you to a fault. I don't want to dispute that. But I want you to know that "love" is not the only thing to be considered when choosing a spouse. You must not - I repeat - you must not marry someone JUST because he loves you. Love is not the only thing that guarantees happiness in a marriage.

There are more important things to be considered.

Do you really think those husbands that send their wives to the hospital after beating them thoroughly do not love their wives? in fact, they sometimes do that due to extreme love and protective jealousy for their wives?

Do you think all those men who womanize and cheat on their wives do not love their wives? In fact, in many cases, they do love their wives and give her all respect and love she deserves and would never allow any man come near her. Yet, they are serious cheats!!!

You are going to live with the character of your man and the character of your man is one of the major factors that will determine if he will make a good husband, father, in law to your people and if he will make a good "head of the family".

So cancel out that idea that "he loves me to a fault" if you think that that's enough for you to give in to him.

It's better for you to marry someone who loves you averagely and he treats you like the "queen" you are than get married to someone who "loves you to a fault" and he treats you like you are "serving a sentence as a prisoner" in his house.

Then thirdly, I want you to know that, that man has serious issues and if I were you, I will flee from entering into a marriage with such a person.

Please open your mind - that guy is going to cage you. He's probably going to make your life miserable.

- He has anger issues.
- He has trust issues
- He is uncultured (calling your sister a prostitute and hurling insults at you)
- He is a wife beater
- he jumps to stupid conclusions hastily (calling you a prostitute and going to the extent of taking your pictures)
- He checks your phone and wrongly accuses you of different things
- His jealousy is overboard

Believe me, A man who has all the above will probably make life miserable for you.

He may be the kind of man that will make you sit at home and cut you off the world. Then he maltreats you and doesn't take care of you, making you age faster and weaker as time goes on. Then he will be giving outsiders the impression that he is taking care of you and when you try to complain, they listen to him and not you.

And when you now start looking miserable, he ends up cheating on you with more beautiful girls out there while he leaves you at home to your misery.

There are men like this out there - that guy may be one.

So I advise you to flee from him. Do not listen to anyone. Don't let anyone pressure you into accepting him. They are not the ones to bear the pain and when you die and they get to know the true story, they will still blame you for accepting him.

That's life!

Then, please, do not also think low of yourself and pressure yourself into accepting him just because single men are not coming or because of your age.

Marrisge is a beAutiful thing but that's only when it's with the right person.

Being happily single is better than being miserably married

If you listen to the stories of many married women out there, you will thank your Lord and consider your single status a blessing, thanking God for saving you from what those married women have experienced.

I don't know your age but I think you are probably "not too old" yet.

Please, think positively of your God, yourself and aim for good.

Leave that man and after you have done that, pray to your Lord to bring you a good man you can settle down with.

And while you are still waiting, please be patient and understand that our major purpose on earth is to serve God. That's the major and true success.

Being single doesn't mean that you are a failure, don't let society pressure you into believing that.

The one who is married doesn't necessarily have more superiority in the eyes of God than the single one. The level of superiority is measured by how much you are close to God, how much of righteousness you achieve on earth and how much you do things that matter to the whole world - things that affect people positively.

Being single may turn out to be a blessing on its own. I know some people who went to very great heights of which it would have been difficult to achieve if they got married. What matters is your happiness, your wellbeing and how much your Creator is pleased with you.

So pray to your Lord and hope for good and be positive that he will send you a good man. But while you are waiting, try to do other meaningful things in your life that will bring you happiness.

Don't settle for a bad man who will make your life miserable.


May God soften your heart and grant you your desires.

dannyla

Dannyla. Here is the summary of the whole thing. I have nothing more to say. Its well with ur soul

Following

dannyla:
Hmmmm, all the contributions are soo true but I fear he may become violent and go extreme. I've heard crazy things from him before.

Reading through your write up reflects God's love for you my dear. What a divine grace?He overpowered his Will to show you you are about taking a life threatening decision and here you are defending a mentally unstable guy. Lemme shock you, that guy is unstable. Difficult to believe but that's what it is. Their type look so perfect on the outside but a beast on the inside. He'll not only riducule and reduce you to nothing but your entire family. Note one of the horrible things that can happen to parents is to have an uncultured son in law, he'll call them names and reduce them to nothing as well.
Marriage is no child's play. Don't, I mean DON'T ever get involved in such a person because he'll make life miserable for you and your innocent children. You'll ever regret ending up with him.
Here is how to go about it, make a report at a station about your intention to break up and let them know you did because of his violent nature just incase. Go to the nearest Barrack to you and do same just incase he goes gaga after the break up. Don't be fooled into marriage by anybody, not even your parents because you'll really wished you stood your ground.

Marriage is no a do or die affair please. Marry someone who finds amazing not the one who is already calling you and your sister prostitutes when you haven't married him. PLEASE RUN FOR YOUR DEAR LIFE.

Better don't make the mistake of marrying him. The signs are very obvious. Remember you are the only one to feel the heat in marriage. For me it's a no cor marriage. End it now .

I tot I'll write RIP at d end. Lucky u re still alive. Flee my sis. Flee and don't look back.

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

An obsessive lover is a dangerous potential hazard waiting to happen. He will kill you one day and those urging you to stay with him now will then type RIP, life continues. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Walk away while you are still alive. A dead person tells no tales about marriage. You are yet to see the worst of him. He doesn't love you, he is obsessed with you. RUN.

The guy must be your family meal ticket as they all want you to marry him just to satisfy their own gains..

you know what to do.. you just want to hear it from our mouth..

..Marry him and 1 year later..you will change your account again to post how he nearly killed you.

#LoveYourSelf

IprintMONEY:
shut up. i dont know why u hoes feel coming here to say one side of the story helps. u keep talkingof messages u recieve from male collegues but will never say what the message is. bitch if you are my gf and i see you exchanging dirty messages with male collegues in the name of there is nothing there, omo na sorry go be your name. imagine me reading a dirty message from your make collegue that says hey, that your big yansh , the day i go Bleep am, u go leave all other guys. etc etc. i think he should leave you. he s tryng to turn a hoe to a wife and that single mistake have put so many men into early graves. imagine you publicly accepting that you flirt with male colleagues and some idiots here are busy defending you . if he was the one doing same , no one will hear word. 99% of the people in these comments are bastards. this is exactly the same thing that transpired btw ine of my guy and his then wife, his wife will flirt with every guy in the off and tell him that its nothing, they are just naughty colleagues. omo after marriage na there the guy found out that she has almost bleeped all the guys that where busy sending her all the dirty messages. on one occasions she even bleeped 4 guys at a time. bitch u are nothing but a hoe trying to form victim. we don see your type tire. i am not saying your bf dosnt have fault, but behind every smoke there is fire and i am more concerned about the fire than the smoke

this is the only sensible guy here. no mind all these people wey just dey talk rubbish even after they can see that she is not talking the part of how she rolls with her make collegues

Macsjebs:
This is too much, but who are my to Judge...
This is just 'pre-wedding treatment'; how will 'after wedding treatment' now be, so u shouldn't interact with other males or what...Jealous people can do weird stuffs sha and he is already showing signs of a jealous 'husband to be'....
Make he no go put u under house arrest in the end

*Who am I to judge*

I wonder why very few respondents have called out the role of the hypocritical,evil and wicked so called friend,Grace in this episode. That character is nothing but a witch,an evil creature and most likely an agent of darkness released straight from hell to destroy the op's life.
Can you just imagine it,From handing out her contact without permission,to introduction of the potential boyfriend to family members, and frequent coordination with him to win this lady over. It didn't even stop there,this same lady was the one advising the friend to accept the proposal of such a pathetic excuse for a man and then turned around to start telling lies to get him for herself.My God!What a witch! Op,your satanic friend grace is the cause of your predicament and may God punish her severely for all evil schemes.

IprintMONEY:
shut up. i dont know why u hoes feel coming here to say one side of the story helps. u keep talkingof messages u recieve from male collegues but will never say what the message is. bitch if you are my gf and i see you exchanging dirty messages with male collegues in the name of there is nothing there, omo na sorry go be your name. imagine me reading a dirty message from your make collegue that says hey, that your big yansh , the day i go Bleep am, u go leave all other guys. etc etc. i think he should leave you. he s tryng to turn a hoe to a wife and that single mistake have put so many men into early graves. imagine you publicly accepting that you flirt with male colleagues and some idiots here are busy defending you . if he was the one doing same , no one will hear word. 99% of the people in these comments are bastards. this is exactly the same thing that transpired btw ine of my guy and his then wife, his wife will flirt with every guy in the off and tell him that its nothing, they are just naughty colleagues. omo after marriage na there the guy found out that she has almost bleeped all the guys that where busy sending her all the dirty messages. on one occasions she even bleeped 4 guys at a time. bitch u are nothing but a hoe trying to form victim. we don see your type tire. i am not saying your bf dosnt have fault, but behind every smoke there is fire and i am more concerned about the fire than the smoke

sense will not kee u