Was he blind when he decided to marry an educated woman? Did he broach the subject with her before making that unilateral decision over someone else's life?

She is compelling because it is her damn life. SHE chose to go to school, get a job and if being a housewife was in the plan, it won't be such a problem.

What is wrong with you people?

Desric:
You see why I said its all about conception and playing safe? After all, it's about ego. They should just find a way to massage one another's ego and be fine, from the woman's tone, she's sounding she's compelling the man, telling him that she's educated and cannot afford to waste all that or be idle instead of appealing to her husband to allow her work so as to assist him in taking care of the financial needs of their young family.

Her way of presentation might just be the wahala here. I know what I'm talking about, my own wife is a civil servant by the way.

So because she is not submissive, she should be not be allowed to earn an income.

He could as well flog her like his child to remove that unsubmissive spirit.

This is the first madness. Their child is just two. If someone can make this kinda of demoralising decision over another adult. She should sit tight, she is in for a very long ride.

May God not give us wicked parents!

midnighter:


I'm not sure of your reasoning.

We know that it's her right and we know that he was wrong to break the agreement. I'm sure even he knows that.

BUT since he is refusing on the basis of submissiveness then the next thing is to prove him wrong, by being submissive.

She has been fighting and struggling and it's making it worse plus her family is not even supporting her. From her replies here we can see that she's not ready to compromise or consider anything else. That doesn't sound like submissiveness to me.

This is not about quoting rights but about achieving her aim, which is why I suggested that she changes her approach.

He seems to be unhappy with her actual behaviour eg the way she treats their child. Is it not better to try to alter some of the attitudes that he doesn't like so that he will be more willing to listen to her request?

The guy is willing to go even further than this until he totally messes her up, with her parents consent. The parents consent is even the crazy part that is taking the wind out of her sails.

He's the one who caused the issue but she's the one who is suffering it so I suggest that she uses her smarts to get what she wants instead of trying to drag with him when he is clearly not interested.

Or, to use an adage that I learned on here, "stoop to conquer".

To me, if she were actually serious about working she would leave the human rights talk and appeal to his sympathy by working on his psyche.

He clearly doesn't care about her "rights" right now! So she should take another avenue and get him to feel like he's the one helping her and not that she deserves it

fairfora:
My advice...I once told my wife same. In fact, I asked her to resign from her job as manager in an FMCG company which she accepted, though after much persuasion. Our daughter was barely 2 years old and she was always asleep by the time we got to the nanny who used to take care of her. The nanny would go pick her up after school and take care of her until our arrival from work, during which my lovely daughter would have been deeply asleep.

One day, the nanny said to us that her husband wasn't feeling comfortable anymore the way we kept our daughter under her care. She said we were always coming back from work late.

I had to sit my wife down and persuaded her to quit her job. I told her I'd be giving her allowance at the end of the month, like 15k as of 2008 which she accepted. She was a full-time housewife for 9 years. When the last born of our 3 kids was age 4, I called her and said, dear now is time to start doing some business, if you're interested in one, pls let me know. She eventually opted into one, in which she's doing very well now. I always empower her financially and she's a leader in that line of business where her shop is located on the lagos mainland. I made sure no maid was employed, though not easy but she accepted, for the sake of our children. Now our kids are all grown up with 2 of them already in boarding school whilst the last born would soon join them.

Marriage entails alot of sacrifices and understanding. For you to really enjoy your home, you have to be submissive to your husband afer all, its for the good of both of you. The aspect I don't seem to like in your explanation was his thinking that you'd not be submissive, should you get employed. That doesn't apply in all cases. A good woman builds her home. For the sake of your home and children, try and reason with him. You may be surprised he would be the one to encourage you to work later.

You have said it all just a little Patience, you go see work you go tire

fairfora:
My advice...I once told my wife same. In fact, I asked her to resign from her job as manager in an FMCG company which she accepted, though after much persuasion. Our daughter was barely 2 years old and she was always asleep by the time we got to the nanny who used to take care of her. The nanny would go pick her up after school and take care of her until our arrival from work, during which my lovely daughter would have been deeply asleep.

One day, the nanny said to us that her husband wasn't feeling comfortable anymore the way we kept our daughter under her care. She said we were always coming back from work late.

I had to sit my wife down and persuaded her to quit her job. I told her I'd be giving her allowance at the end of the month, like 15k as of 2008 which she accepted. She was a full-time housewife for 9 years. When the last born of our 3 kids was age 4, I called her and said, dear now is time to start doing some business, if you're interested in one, pls let me know. She eventually opted into one, in which she's doing very well now. I always empower her financially and she's a leader in that line of business where her shop is located on the lagos mainland. I made sure no maid was employed, though not easy but she accepted, for the sake of our children. Now our kids are all grown up with 2 of them already in boarding school whilst the last born would soon join them.

Marriage entails alot of sacrifices and understanding. For you to really enjoy your home, you have to be submissive to your husband afer all, its for the good of both of you. The aspect I don't seem to like in your explanation was his thinking that you'd not be submissive, should you get employed. That doesn't apply in all cases. A good woman builds her home. For the sake of your home and children, try and reason with him. You may be surprised he would be the one to encourage you to work later.

You have said it all my brother, just a little Patience madam, you go see work you go tire

Fairfora, it is in his place to suggest it but it is not his right to command her not to work. If she doesn't want to give up her job or she feels the reasons aren't fair enough, a reasonable man would respect that and they could try and work around it.

I am sorry, nobody in her right mind will take your word for it. That is your story, family and your wife was very willing. However, it is a very risky choice to make for a woman, who cares about herself and her children. In fact, no one should have to give up their financial means without a goddamn good reason and their consent.

fairfora:
My advice...I once told my wife same. In fact, I asked her to resign from her job as manager in an FMCG company which she accepted, though after much persuasion. Our daughter was barely 2 years old and she was always asleep by the time we got to the nanny who used to take care of her. The nanny would go pick her up after school and take care of her until our arrival from work, during which my lovely daughter would have been deeply asleep.

One day, the nanny said to us that her husband wasn't feeling comfortable anymore the way we kept our daughter under her care. She said we were always coming back from work late.

I had to sit my wife down and persuaded her to quit her job. I told her I'd be giving her allowance at the end of the month, like 15k as of 2008 which she accepted. She was a full-time housewife for 9 years. When the last born of our 3 kids was age 4, I called her and said, dear now is time to start doing some business, if you're interested in one, pls let me know. She eventually opted into one, in which she's doing very well now. I always empower her financially and she's a leader in that line of business where her shop is located on the lagos mainland. I made sure no maid was employed, though not easy but she accepted, for the sake of our children. Now our kids are all grown up with 2 of them already in boarding school whilst the last born would soon join them.

Marriage entails alot of sacrifices and understanding. For you to really enjoy your home, you have to be submissive to your husband afer all, its for the good of both of you. The aspect I don't seem to like in your explanation was his thinking that you'd not be submissive, should you get employed. That doesn't apply in all cases. A good woman builds her home. For the sake of your home and children, try and reason with him. You may be surprised he would be the one to encourage you to work later.

UyaiIncomparabl:
I swear, I'm tired of this marriage bullocks! I fear for this thing called marriage seriously. Everywhere, rules and regulations just to keep these sets of overgrown urchins called 'men'. In the end, we're not favored.

Ehn, be submissive, watch war room, don't let his food go stale, always be punctual to make a hot bath for him, I've been in marriage for 47 years and I served my husband all through. Wo! I don't like what I hate o!

This attitude of insecurity, immaturity, insensitivity and a seeming need to be controlling from the male folks is seriously nauseating. Imagine that one who said men are big babies, and should be pampered. Chai, I no fit laugh. Thunder from above!

That's their way

Nigerian men are so selfish and entitled, they truly, honestly believe women are on earth to please them and obey them, that women should not have a life or ambition outside her husbands wishes. Na wa

They claim they are big babies but they want to be leaders that control other people. How can someone with a baby's mentality think of leading another person?

UyaiIncomparabl:
I swear, I'm tired of this marriage bullocks! I fear for this thing called marriage seriously. Everywhere, rules and regulations just to keep these sets of overgrown urchins called 'men'. In the end, we're not favored.

Ehn, be submissive, watch war room, don't let his food go stale, always be punctual to make a hot bath for him, I've been in marriage for 47 years and I served my husband all through. Wo! I don't like what I hate o!

This attitude of insecurity, immaturity, insensitivity and a seeming need to be controlling from the male folks is seriously nauseating. Imagine that one who said men are big babies, and should be pampered. Chai, I no fit laugh. Thunder from above!

Big babies?
Isn't it sexy?

Sterope:
So because she is not submissive, she should be not be allowed to earn an income.

He could as well flog her like his child to remove that unsubmissive spirit.

This is the first madness. Their child is just two. If someone can make this kinda of demoralising decision over another adult. She should sit tight, she is in for a very long ride.

May God not give us wicked parents!

Whether we like or agree with it or not, that's what the man thinks. That's what plenty of men think, unfortunately.

The guy is just something else.

I still can't believe her parents have nothing to say about it but maybe they're just brushing her off because they don't want her to get any ideas about packing out back to their house.

That is why I said her parents are wicked. I am surprised she doesn't have siblings that can call out their BS. If they have any iota of respect for their child, they would settle this issue amicably without making their child feel sad and alone

midnighter:


Whether we like or agree with it or not, that's what the man thinks. That's what plenty of men think, unfortunately.

The guy is just something else.

I still can't believe her parents have nothing to say about it but maybe they're just brushing her off because they don't want her to get any ideas about packing out back to their house.

UyaiIncomparabl:


Seriously?

You're very delusional, I must confess. What do you mean by 'it makes a man feels you can't be controlled'? Is that how your husband controls you? Is she a child to be controlled?

Madam. If that's how you thrive in your household, hold on tightly to it. Don't come on a forum like this to show your ignorance. You're seriously ignorant. And this advice belongs to the trash can.

LMAO when sensible women are contributing, this married ex Olosho is also commenting.

#FreeGreatResearcher.

UyaiIncomparabl:


What is that supposed to mean? But be truthful, can you agree for a man not to allow your sister work? Will you be happy?

This hypocrite funny die

When ur own skeletons full cupboard.

#FreeGreatResearcher

Sterope:
That is why I said her parents are wicked. I am surprised she doesn't have siblings that can call out their BS. If they have any iota of respect for their child, they would settle this issue amicably without making their child feel sad and alone

I think it's clear that they're not going to help which is why she needs to be realistic about her situation to give herself the best chance of getting what she wants without the whole thing exploding into something else.

If the parents and siblings had called a meeting I'm sure this thing could have been different.

She needs to handle it carefully because when some husbands realise that their wife doesn't have support they use it to start oppressing her.

It's not all parents who are bothered about their children's welfare

Leave him

Fountainofyouth:



Assumptions, speculations and conclusions, it is a faceless forum so you are free to type whatever you wish, you are a man who love the kitchen and sex only wife so keep shut with your wife bla bla bla, stop deceiving yourself, 10years whatever doesn't make you mature in marriage, we have manboys at 50 and I'm pretty sure you fall in that category, a man married for ten years telling me he'd behead me, childishness, pls buzz off.

it is not by my power but God. U are not in d position to say someone is not mature. If this is a faceless forum. Someone who think he or she is deceiving people is definitely deceiving himself/herself. Whatever situation my marriage is, nothing concern u. U dat hv not even tasted it if marriage is sweet or bitter. Pls dont take panadol for my problem. Your people go don fed up on u.

beezyblaze:
Lol...
I’m sure you’re not married...just the way I’m sure no guy will cope with you.
Wtf is this??
You call this an advice??
You have no idea what marriage is.
Smh

I am so shocked and amazed at what you and the rest are saying.
you men are the most confused set of people on earth.

u complain of dependent women, complain on women depending on men for survival, you say dont they have hands to work and make money.
Now it has gotten to the time to give such advice, no, you all are condemning someone that said what you all would have said on a normal day.

do u know what it means to stay at home for the rest of your life, do you know how unproductive you would become, aside having money of your own, doing nothing somehow makes u useless. I am not a feminist but it's very uncalled for in this age and time to stay and do nothing other than produce children. What's the essence of going to school, school fees and time wasted.
All to protect marriage. Men should stop been selfish. Women are people's children, their parents need to eat their sweat and the fruit of their labour too. If he doesn't want her to work, then he should open a good business for her QED.

crackhaus:

Na me you dey call your boy?
If I enter you ehn, you will not recognize yourself in front of mirror when I'm done with you.

SensualMan1:
This hypocrite funny die

When ur own skeletons full cupboard.

#FreeGreatResearcher

Can you stop quoting me? You this inconsequential person.

oshe11:
You do NOT need help na SENSE You need




Just ask him to put You on monthly Salary and continue being a stay at home Wife



If a lot of Women had the opportunity to be in your shoes, You think they'd go out everyday to do Lebu work?


Continue frustrating your HUSBAND over frivolities till ANOTHER Woman literally step into your SHOES

She wants to work and put her certificate to good use. If na like that, she for no go school. Anyways, I feel they can work things out.

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Nothing that you are going true that we have not seen. Every thing you just stated here is tipical with Nigerian men. And Nigerian women who have matured in marriage sees these things as normal thing. So I don't see anything strange or abnormal in your story. I have been married for 8years now and believe me when I said ur story is not abnormal

Mindfulness:


Big babies?
Isn't it sexy?

What is sexy about being an overgrown baby?

@poster,
Please I am on my knees begging you, find a way to convince your husband to let you work.
I lost my dad and my mom was/is a house wife and life is very difficult for us. I don't even know what to call a man that won't let his wife work.

In my own opinion i suggest you follows what your husband wants. Men likes it when their women are submissive. If he doesn't want you to do office work again he should open a shop or supermarket for you. In that way you can keep a eye on your child and still be working.

Sterope:
Fairfora, it is in his place to suggest it but it is not his right to command her not to work. If she doesn't want to give up her job or she feels the reasons aren't fair enough, a reasonable man would respect that and they could try and work around it.

I am sorry, nobody in her right mind will take your word for it. That is your story, family and your wife was very willing. However, it is a very risky choice to make for a woman, who cares about herself and her children. In fact, no one should have to give up their financial means without a goddamn good reason and their consent.

Yes...GODDAMN GOOD REASON you said, which is FAMILY. The decision is the reason we're this successful today both in marriage and in business. My wife is very popular in her line of business and a successful major distributor in Nigeria.I dont want to mention her name here. She's very popular. I'd always be grateful to God for her. Marriage is a sensitive journey...our parents endured it with understanding from both sides. There's no magic about keeping once marriage..It takes understanding and submission.

kingkakaone:
OP please don't listen to the advice of some single ladies up there.
They will say all stuffs online and do otherwise if they are in your shoes.
Others are also ignorant of what marriage entails that's why their comments are like that.
Sincerely, most will do all within their capacity to find a solution, even begging the man instead of jumping ship like they've suggested.
Enough said.

Preach Pastor!

Newguyhere:
upon say you Don marry, yansh still dey itch you to go taste outside prick bah .
Your husband is a fool for marrying a supposedly "educated" lady like yourself. .
Thats the usual excuse you guys use to start misbehaving. "I want to work"
work kee you dia.
Is taking care of the home and your kids not enough work

U guys don't need ladies who work and contribute again?

CHoccolaTE:


That's their way

Nigerian men are so selfish and entitled, they truly, honestly believe women are on earth to please them and obey them, that women should not have a life or ambition outside her husbands wishes. Na wa

They claim they are big babies but they want to be leaders that control other people. How can someone with a baby's mentality think of leading another person?

My dear, it's so pathetic and even more pathetic with the kind of men we have around here. What boggles me is how all of them come together to support their ilks, but when the table is turned around, they lose control and set themselves on fire. Let's talk about double standards.

UyaiIncomparabl:


My dear, it's so pathetic and even more pathetic with the kind of men we have around here. What boggles me is how all of them come together to support their ilks, but when the table is turned around, they lose control and set themselves on fire. Let's talk about double standards.

Oh please shut up! What do u know about men?
When u have caged GreatResearcher ur husband.



#FreeGreatResearcher

There are many people like your wife who have a family and a job, their job! The gooddamn good reason is for them to decide not you!!! Would you in all sincerity be out a job for the same reason? Sacrifices can be made and it may or may not involve being a stay at home mum especially for a woman who is totally against the idea and whose husband never broached the topic with before marriage.

It is highly insensitive, unfair and dehumanising to force another to give up her career. You suggested it to your wife and she agreed with you. The decision not to go out to make money must be with her consent.

Submission does not explain why a full grown adult would be forced not to work. It hasn't helped many women who followed your wife's footsteps. Soon, you will also tell us how submission is not another form of slavery. Slaves don't get to choose a life, they submit to their master. Everything is all about your will, the understanding and submission are always from the women. Can we not make it like our fathers made one huge sacrifice that our mothers didn't make ten times over?

fairfora:
Yes...GODDAMN GOOD REASON you said, which is FAMILY. The decision is the reason we're this successful today both in marriage and in business. My wife is very popular in her line of business and a successful major distributor in Nigeria.I dont want to mention her name here. She's very popular. I'd always be grateful to God for her. Marriage is a sensitive journey...our parents endured it with understanding from both sides. There's no magic about keeping once marriage..It takes understanding and submission.

Sterope:
There are many people like your wife who have a family and a job, their job! The gooddamn good reason is for them to decide not you!!! Would you in all sincerity be out a job for the same reason? Sacrifices can be made and it may or may not involve being a stay at home mum especially for a woman who is totally against the idea and whose husband never broached the topic with before marriage.

It is highly insensitive, unfair and dehumanising to force another to give up her career. You suggested it to your wife and she agreed with you. The decision not to go out to make money must be with her consent.

Submission does not explain why a full grown adult would be forced not to work. It hasn't helped many women who followed your wife's footsteps. Sooner or later, you will also tell us how submission is not another form of slavery. Slaves don't get to choose a life, they submit to their master.

Not just suggesting to his wife. But most importantly his motive. Motive is what truly matters. Mr. Fairs motive and this one are worlds apart

That is true. Still, Mr Fair could have lied to his wife or force her to give up her job.

healthserve:




Not just suggesting to his wife. But most importantly his motive. Motive is what truly matters. Mr. Fairs motive and this one are worlds apart

Sterope:
That is true. Still, Mr Fair could have lied to his wife or force her to give up her job.

He appeased her for the sake of the home. Pays her salary. But didn't tell/instruct her forcefully to stop working so he could be the only source of financial flow. The mindset lies the motive and the nitty gritty of everything. It's more about selfish power play here than for the kids welfare. Also Mr. Fairs example with due respect to his family is one in a gazillion. Being subdued many times intoxicated the we older of financial resources to control and abuse that control. The delicate mess of where she is in the event of emergencies, future concerns, sudden job loss is a cause for concern. If the motive were pure, and they had mutual goals not one person kicking the barrel at the other, then staying at home could be part of a mutual bigger plan rather than a projected order

I understand. My point was he could have lied about his motives, he could have forced her to give up her job for the home or he could have simply not kept to the end of his deal.

There are many possibilities. There are more examples of this situation ending badly than what not. Women who work still go through a lot of hell from some husbands because they earn more or earn less, how much a woman that does not work at all?

It is not to say the idea of a stay at home parent is bad. It is actually good for the family and it does not mean the family would suffer if the woman decides to follow her path. It is all about sacrifices for one another, that sacrifice can come from any party and I expect it to be reasonable.

Having no source of income is a lot of burden for any gender adult. It is worse if it is forced on an unwilling woman. The least anyone would pray for is a frustrated, depressed and unfulfilled partner and mother.

healthserve:



He appeased her for the sake of the home. Pays her salary. But didn't tell/instruct her forcefully to stop working so he could be the only source of financial flow. The mindset lies the motive and the nitty gritty of everything. It's more about selfish power play here than for the kids welfare. Also Mr. Fairs example with due respect to his family is one in a gazillion. Being subdued many times intoxicated the we older of financial resources to control and abuse that control. The delicate mess of where she is in the event of emergencies, future concerns, sudden job loss is a cause for concern. If the motive were pure, and they had mutual goals not one person kicking the barrel at the other, then staying at home could be part of a mutual bigger plan rather than a projected order