Sterope:
I understand. My point was he could have lied about his motives, he could have forced her to give up her job for the home or he could have simply not kept to the end of his deal.

There are many possibilities. There are more examples of this situation ending badly than what not. Women who work still go through a lot of hell from some husbands because they earn more or earn less, how much a woman that does not work at all?

It is not to say the idea of a stay at home parent is bad. It is actually good for the family and it does not mean the family would suffer if the woman decides to follow her path. It is all about sacrifices for one another, that sacrifice can come from any party and I expect it to be reasonable.

Having no source of income is a lot of burden for any gender adult. It is worse if it is forced on an unwilling woman. The least anyone would pray for is a frustrated, depressed and unfulfilled partner and mother.

True. That's the worrying part. Too many possibilities. For example. If the next child requires an operation, or there's multiple needs that are equally important, can they be managed without issues? Asides financial aspect, there are too many possibilities.. Marriage is between a man and a woman. God help them. In the end, it's up to every couple to decide on a template for their marriage.


If I were a woman and a man tells me such. I'll start placing demands straight up. Seen a Zenith bank woman the hubby told to stay at home, immediately she asked for 500k monthly salary. Hubby paid. She resigned to watching TV at home. If there's flex money, then no yawa

Damilolacoker:


Cheat on me with our daughter ?

it shook me too.lol Stretching imaginations too far.kilode!

AwkaetitiBabe:
She wants to work and put her certificate to good use. If na like that, she for no go school. Anyways, I feel they can work things out.

Same certificate that is more or less useless to some certain degree?

More than 90% work so we can make money and nothing more

Would she agree to work for free?


Well, like U said "they can work things out"

Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

God bless you Bro. Advices like this is what keeps me on Nairaland.
You didn't just advice the OP but every ladies who hope for a happy home

AwkaetitiBabe:
Preach Pastor!

Thanks bae. Sorry for the short chat the other time, I was rushing to church.

How are you doing.

The husband knows the kind of parents she has. It is the reason he has their support.

midnighter:


I think it's clear that they're not going to help which is why she needs to be realistic about her situation to give herself the best chance of getting what she wants without the whole thing exploding into something else.

If the parents and siblings had called a meeting I'm sure this thing could have been different.

She needs to handle it carefully because when some husbands realise that their wife doesn't have support they use it to start oppressing her.

It's not all parents who are bothered about their children's welfare

Chi59:

Men are big babies. See how you defend bad behaviour! If a man complained his wife behaved like this, would you say men are big babies?

Babies have no fvcking business getting married. If you're gonna be childish, stay single! Stop frustrating someone's daughter with your childish tantrums. Marriage is not a rehabilitation centre for badly behaved men.

how I just love you for this post

kingkakaone:

Thanks bae.
Sorry for the short chat the other time, I was rushing to church.


How are you doing.

I'm good

Exactly, people should do what works for them and men should not act like assholes because they would prefer their wives to stay home.

healthserve:



True. That's the worrying part. Too many possibilities. For example. If the next child requires an operation, or there's multiple needs that are equally important, can they be managed without issues? Asides financial aspect, there are too many possibilities.. Marriage is between a man and a woman. God help them. In the end, it's up to every couple to decide on a template for their marriage.


If I were a woman and a man tells me such. I'll start placing demands straight up. Seen a Zenith bank woman the hubby told to stay at home, immediately she asked for 500k monthly salary. Hubby paid. She resigned to watching TV at home. If there's flex money, then no yawa

I agree, paying her a salary is also not ideal. That’s also a control tool.

PerseDew:


After about 20 yrs, those ones that didn't allow their wives to work will use those achievements their friends told them about their wives to taunt their own wives..asking her what has she achieved.

OP, some have said it already, your parents failed you. His reasons are enough for you to be adamant and make sure you find work or start a business.

Many have mentioned how you should be dependent on him if promises a salary or joint account. I say don't fall into that trap not only because he might use it as a means to subdue and control you but because life is too uncertain to depended on anyone. As long as being the sole bread winner does not make him immune to death, sack letter or incapability of any form, fend for yourself even if the profit is meagre. Also, as your child grows to pre teens and in teenage years, nurture any talent they have or you help them find what they like doing and develop it. Try as much as you can for them to enter Uni not just with brain but with a skill.

Newguyhere:
upon say you Don marry, yansh still dey itch you to go taste outside prick bah .
Your husband is a fool for marrying a supposedly "educated" lady like yourself. .
Thats the usual excuse you guys use to start misbehaving. "I want to work"
work kee you dia.
Is taking care of the home and your kids not enough work

Red flag. You're not a man. Your insecurity and slut shaming is disgusting

kingkakaone:
OP please don't listen to the advice of some single ladies up there.
They will say all stuffs online and do otherwise if they are in your shoes.
Others are also ignorant of what marriage entails that's why their comments are like that.
Sincerely, most will do all within their capacity to find a solution, even begging the man instead of jumping ship like they've suggested.
Enough said.

Begging the man? He wants her to give up her career and she's the one to beg? Wow. Nigerian men have a long way to go. You people think women are still 'properties' bah? You go hear am for this century.

Sterope:
The husband knows the kind of parents she has. It is the reason he has their support.

Yes, I mean that's why she should be wise. She is already in a weak position

Hizzy:

Feminist spotted
They can never give good advice but some of them are feminist on nairaland but in real life they respect their spouse like maid
Op no listen to this home destroyer

Please try and look down the meaning of feminism. You're embarrassing yourself. And try not assuming stuff about women's life in an attempt to be 'savage', you're not smart for a grown man.

Pussywar:

Begging the man? He wants her to give up her career and she's the one to beg? Wow. Nigerian men have a long way to go. You people think women are still 'properties' bah? You go hear am for this century.

Go and get married before you talk please.

I don't have time for online gender battles.

Elina123:
Am a lady and let the truth be told.

U are a disrespectful woman and very stubborn.
For better for worse as it was said so stop complaining.

Lata u will say u are a Christian but the same Bible says lady's be submissive to ur husband.

Accept whatever e tells u and any one u don't like u bring it up with care and love not raising voices and quarrelling it makes the man feels u can't be controlled. The more u make him feel that the more he wants to do things to controlled u and make u obey everything he says.


So wan face ur marriage and don't disturb our peace.

Not everyone is a patriarchy princess and that's okay. You Want to be a maid, go ahead...submissive 'wife material'. Just don't advice other women to be like that, in fact hide yourself well. It seems they didn't raise you to know that women aren't properties and you're still hiding behind religion to be dumb.

kingkakaone:

Go and get married before you talk please.

I don't have time for online gender battles.

Did you get married before you talked? Please, be dense somewhere else.

imam07:
Have u ladies, no u are a girl as i sensed from your comment. U hv not heard d from d husband side if d story, but u hv jumped to conclusion.
The woman's parents themselves know their daughter is stubborn. That is d reason she was told to listen to her husband.

I'm torn between the choice of words to use on you, regarding your calling me a girl.
I don't need the husband's side of the story... All I made was a straight judgement... How many stories posted here have two sides to it? Many parents will gladly ask their children to remain in toxic marriages simply because of societal judgements. Their popular slogan is "I endured it, why can't you"?
Next time, look before you leap ... You don't even have to look where e no concern you; whether I am a girl or a lady is none of your business.

Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

Hello, I just wanted to let you know that just because you got 600 likes doesn't mean you made any sense in your comment. Go and learn to be a proper responsible human being because like the other Lady said, your brain is mixed with fufu. Thanks

cococandy:
It is actually her right to work if she wants to.

He agreed in the beginning and does not need to be begged now.
If it’s a deal breaker for her. Then he’s the person who needs to adjust his thinking in this situation.

Unless she’s not serious about working.

I think that woman was being sarcastic. I hope so, cos i laughed

lessonsoflife:


Let me tell you something

** Online could be the best, freedom

** You feel cut out from making friends hence you wont accept online job

** Many married working class women are praying they have a husband who will ask them to stop working as the man is capable of taking care of the family

** Many married women are laid easily at work place.

** My coworker will resign this month to go take care of her son. The assist manager has been on her for 6 and yesterday she jokingly told me she has settled him.

You see these days women are getting more useless.

Correct your daughter till you tire, girl wey go spoil go spoil. If you are faithful and your husband too, many of your children would be disciplined and faithful without stress but what do i know.

So your brain just told you to come out here, bash women, display your toxicity and in the end make absolutely no sense? And you feel normal?

demarc001:


God bless you, you practically pointed out the causes of problems in marriages today. When most women gets settled in relationships they become to self centered and loose submisiveness. What they won't argue with their child or outsiders they start arguing with the husband
Respect they give outsiders they won't give their man yet they want to be treated like queens. How is that attainable

Rule of marriage:
Man love your wife, woman submit to your husband
If any party is not accepting this then he/she is destroying the union

Love births submission and submission fuels the love a man has for the wife.

A man approaching a lady must show love for her to accept him, she submits to him that is why he could take his money to go *pay* her bride price (who pays to get trouble if she didn't show submissiveness)

Now the problem starts when after marriage one of them ignores his/her function in the rule

Shut up, please. Enough with the submission talk. When will y'all realise that doesn't happen anymore? If you need a woman to place herself under you to be confident, you're the weakest thing. Bye

Pussywar:

I think that woman was being sarcastic. I hope so, cos i laughed

Nah, "that woman" was being 100% serious babe anything

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

For you to give such kind of advice, I doubt if you're married yourself. And even if you're married, probably you're rebellious at home. Ask successful married couples what they do. Communication, love, submission, negotiation, sacrifice etc is the key and not this nonsense you call advice.

Pussywar:

Not everyone is a patriarchy princess.

lol at patriarchy princess, I have never heard it before but it’s very apt.

Also, some of these (f)s are men.

midnighter:


Nah, "that woman" was being 100% serious babe anything

Oooh. Them nigga bitches that hide behind the 'f' for attention. I see you.

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

Women that are married to such insecure African men are the ones that finds it difficult to cater for the family if anything happens to the man.They can't even get a good job if they are older with no job experience. If they eventually start up a business if he is deceased,they tend to run it down.They always run around other men both old and young just to keep up with life and feed her children. Children has no choice than to fend for themselves in any means available.Of what economic importance and improvement is all this to our society? If you talk now,they will call you a feminist. God knows I will choke being with such an ignorant man. He can't give me such a burden.

The funny thing is that these people quoting human rights, female rights, telling her to fight for her rights are the same people who can't even tell the OP to correct herself.

You're overlooking the important details just to push your own agenda. But you dont know that youre just being impractical by applying your principles INAPPROPRIATELY to the WRONG SITUATION . You cant quote rights to somebody who doesnt care! The man doesnt care, her family doesnt care, his family doesnt care. So who is going to listen to her speech?

Begging or asking your husband for something doesnt remove anything from your body. It does not make you a "weak woman". It does not make you a fool. It simply means that you are smart enough to read your husbands emotions and respond to them instead of trying to force his hand.

She mentioned that the guy doesn't like the way she relates with their daughter, but you people will never mention that side. Is the daughter not a human He accuses her of going too far when scolding their child, but it doesnt matter as long as she gets to power off to her office every morning.

She mentioned that he is already unhappy with her to the extent that he doesnt eat her food, doesnt talk to her and no longer plays with her. Dont you think she should resolve some of that tension before embarking on the job crusade?

She mentioned that people have told her that she is stubborn. Even from what she has written here we can see that it's somewhat true.

Open business for you, no. Start online business while the baby is at school and make your own money, no. Must she go outside now now now?

Can't you compromise and work from home to show the man that you have taken what he said on board?

You people will not look at that side, just to tell her to rush outside and start looking for a job. The job he gave her to do with that baby, he's not okay with it but apparently that doesn't matter as long as she gets her dream job right this minute, at the ripe old age of 24 smh

Keep feeding people unrealistic advice everywhere until you get somebody thrown out of her house

Damilolacoker:

Trust me, I correct my daughter with so much love. I do not want to do an online business, i want a real job

Go for it girl.You are trying to be useful to him,your parents,your siblings, his siblings and to the society. No be prostitution or abomination you dey go do.You will forever regret not utilizing your youth age well in being productive. My aunt who worked in first bank was made to resign by her husband because he felt insecure of her job.With so many stories. 10 years down the line,the man called her jobless and useless to him as the burden is now too much on him.She practically told me she regrets her decision then as her colleagues are now earning higher and are at the peak of their career.

Pussywar:

Oooh. Them nigga bitches that hide behind the 'f' for attention. I see you.

Lol is that all you've got? Pathetic smh