And about correcting your daughter, you have to tell us what about your parenting he doesnt like because you havent given enough information.

I dont really want to believe that he prefers his daughter to pee all over the floor so is it that you shout at her unnecessarily or what

Some women do go overboard with discipline because the blame and shame will be on them if the child turns out to be useless.

Are you sure youre correcting her from good intentions or out of your own vanity?

2 years old is rather early for "scolding" dont you think

At the same time going to check on her at school everyday is quite ridiculous, so maybe he is setting the scene for spoiling and future "Daddy's girl" because I personally dont understand that unless he doesnt trust the nursery teachers.

Damilolacoker:


Cheat on me with our daughter ?

No be you dey find advice for Nairaland? A forum with both the sound and the demented? Welcome sister.

SBL28:


Shut up there, chairwoman of the suffering and smiling club. The same view asked men to love their wives like Christ lives the church. What the OP's have is doing to her, is that an embodiment of love. Or the poster told you she has not discussed it with him calmly? Why should a man even want to control his wife. Is that what the Bible preaches So being submissive is letting a man ruin your life and then you wake up at 50, children have left the house and you have absolutely nothing to show Radarada.

It's now becoming a norm now for men in the name of marriages to deliberately ruin women lives. They don't know. They do this deliberately. That's what surprises me.

I cant laff , dude you are funny
.

Newguyhere:
upon say you Don marry, yansh still dey itch you to go taste outside prick bah .
Your husband is a fool for marrying a supposedly "educated" lady like yourself. .
Thats the usual excuse you guys use to start misbehaving. "I want to work"
work kee you dia.
Is taking care of the home and your kids not enough work

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

A simple instruction - Watch this movie - WAR ROOM - DOWNLOAD IT. THAT IS ALL YOU NEED. I TELL YOU, YOU WON'T REGRET IT. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS.

SBL28:


It won't break. The man will have to bend last last. She can't be crying at home without being proactive. She should get the job and they can take it up from there. Let him go and tell the world that he wants to divorce his wife because she's working and see whether they won't laugh at him.

Did u grow up under your legitimate parents? Because i cant just understand why u are giving such devilish advice. Abeg the pained woman is talking about marriage here, not just boys and girls relationship.

Fountainofyouth:



You see all that @emboldened, shows that though you have a functioning brain as evident in the rest of your write up, there is a little bit that is mixed with fufu.

Fufu wey don spoil.

imam07:
Did u grow up under your legitimate parents? Because i cant just understand why u are giving such devilish advice. Abeg the pained woman is talking about marriage here, not just boys and girls relationship.

No, i grew up under yours.

Elina123:
Accept whatever e tells u and any one u don't like u bring it up with care and love not raising voices and quarrelling it makes the man feels u can't be controlled. The more u make him feel that the more he wants to do things to controlled u and make u obey everything he says.

You have a point. BUT you forgot that the man is actually in the wrong here.

He promised her something and now he has gone back on his promise, is there anything Christian about failing to keep your word, to your wife for that matter

Theres actually nothing Christian about manipulating and bullying your wife so Christianity is not a basis here.

healthserve:



It's now becoming a norm now for men in the name of marriages to deliberately ruin women lives. They don't know. They do this deliberately. That's what surprises me.

Yes, they pretend during courtship. Once they have succeeded in marrying them, they start bringing out different archaic rules. Just like in OP's case, they had an agreement before marriage, only for him to turn around and change mouth. Is that not wickedness?

Just like Newguyhere said, work kee you there...
You want to flirt with all the wankstaz in the office abi..

You better listen to your husband, be his property and stop following all these useless, confused, bitter and dirty women words of mouth..

Don't allow society and some thirsty men deceive you, they (most of the men supporting women equality) are vampires who would gladly wish to have a taste or a lick of your bloody coochie too, after leaving your husband's house..

And would later dump your stubborn ass for the next emancipated single mother after several raw dogging..

SBL28:


It won't break. The man will have to bend last last. She can't be crying at home without being proactive. She should get the job and they can take it up from there. Let him go and tell the world that he wants to divorce his wife because she's working and see whether they won't laugh at him.

And what makes you think such decisions against the man's wish will not later break the union?
My dear, I won't ask you to be a full-time house wife since its not your thing, your parents especially your mother advised you well if you ask me, because the only way to man's heart is to fully respect his authority anything other than this will definitely not work, remember you can't have two captains in a ship. Lastly, find a way to talk things over with him, don't say it like you're competing with his authority to make final decisions in the family, if he refuses whenever you talk about it politely, you're a woman, use your feminism, but always give him that feeling that you're under his authority but that you really wish to work.

SBL28:


Yes, they pretend during courtship. Once they have succeeded in marrying them, they start bringing out different archaic rules. Just like in OP's case, they had an agreement before marriage, only for him to turn around and change mouth. Is that not wickedness?

It is o. I've seen many and the hell they put my sisters through. Ladies should be wise o. You did an excellent job in that your comment. Don't blame the ones that abuse you, they don't know.

The crux of the matter is many men are Using marriage to destroy their wives lives and purposely.

SBL28:


Shut up there, chairwoman of the suffering and smiling club. The same Bible asked men to love their wives like Christ loved the church. What the OP's husband is doing to her, is that an embodiment of love. Or the poster told you she has not discussed it with him calmly? Why should a man even want to control his wife. Is that what the Bible preaches
So being submissive is letting a man ruin your life and then you wake up at 50, children have left the house and you have absolutely nothing to show Radarada.

The bible that you are so quick to refer to says thou shall not steal...is the bible controlling you?

SBL28:


It won't break. The man will have to bend last last. She can't be crying at home without being proactive. She should get the job and they can take it up from there. Let him go and tell the world that he wants to divorce his wife because she's working and see whether they won't laugh at him.

First try get yourself a serious man and see if you will see things the same way again.

If I'm the Op I will take this advice, I know of a family who are currently going through same issue, as a woman u need to understand that some men really have their fears and if u find your home very pleasing and always a happy place why would you want to cause problem to ur marriage, she should find the peace she threw away before someone else find it, if the man wants to set a business for her then it's advisable she go with that, the fears of most men is their wife's working place and the safety of the woman is what the husband is scared of.

Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

If all you said is true, then I'm sorry to say YOU MARRIED A BOY

Damilolacoker
U married too early 22yo and you're married, hmm

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

First, I commend your write-up, I enjoy reading posts from intelligent people.

Second, please sit him down and explain to him that life can have an happenstances, let him understand he can kick the bucket tomorrow, what then happens to you and the daughter he loves so much since he wants you to sit at home.

Third, please convince him to allow you work and have some earnings, it can also amount to a huge form of support to him.

Lastly, keep your head intact, a man would always be a man, once you don't contribute anything to the home financially and he has financial challenges, you become irritable, please don't wait until things dip that low. Not all men can retain their sanity in such situations.

We wish you all the best.

Once again, post aptly written, nice one.

healthserve:



It's now becoming a norm now for men in the name of marriages to deliberately ruin women lives. They don't know. They do this deliberately. That's what surprises me.

Sometimes I wonder what women like you really wants, if the asks you to be doing the work while he sits at home, you'll call him lazy, now the man is saying let me be the man and work, and you're still saying no. Women like you always claim that it's the man's duty to provide for the family, which the man is simply doing, so what else do you want to go out there to do?

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Firstly, I appreciate your efforts in trying to seek advice to resolve issues currently facing your marriage. You said '' I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him''. Men that don't like when women who argue or refuse to obey their instructions. I see you as a type that Nag or don't obey direct orders. If you love him then respect his decisions. Your parents were right after all, be submissive and respect him... They are better ways to sweet talk things to your husband without not engaging in an arguments with him. Probably your characters and behavior towards him was the reason he refuse you from working. When you are submissive.... God may touch his heart to reason with you but if you're not their is no way you can over ride his decision. Men has pride and honour, if he can't control you his wife then the marriage isn't going to work. Auntie apply wisdom.

beezyblaze:
Lol...
I’m sure you’re not married...just the way I’m sure no guy will cope with you.
Wtf is this??
You call this an advice??
You have no idea what marriage is.
Smh

I don't think the average Nigerian knows what marriage is to be honest. This is why Nigerian marriages come across as master-slave relationships, with the husband being the master and the wife being the slave. It is only in a master-slave relationship that a man will go against what he agreed on with his wife before marriage and then come up with new set of rules that were not agreed upon after getting married. This is why I can never trust Nigerians. Wuruwuru is in your genes!

SBL28:


No, i grew up under yours.

hmmm definitely people commenting against your advice are right. You really show d world wht u are made of. I pity ur husband. That is if u wish to hv

Marriage issue AGAIN?

There is like 10 topics on this on FP today..


Free us naaaaaa...

Desric:
Sometimes I wonder what women like you really wants, if the asks you to be doing the work while he sits at home, you'll call him lazy, now the man is saying let me be the man and work, and you're still saying no. Women like you always claim that it's the man's duty to provide for the family, which the man is simply doing, so what else do you want to go out there to do?

Shut it. His attitude is toxic. Read beyond the lines. Also, because I see many rights and wrongs on both sides I almost did not comment beyond that he's holding his wife a prisoner in the guise of marriage. Healthy marital relations is a sideways relationship and not vertical horizontal, master slave relationship. Go and learn the difference.

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

Lady, You're sure not OK... That the parents advised her to respect her husband is a problem, abi? You get mental problem, I swear! Olofo!

healthserve:



It's now becoming a norm now for men in the name of marriages to deliberately ruin women lives. They don't know. They do this deliberately. That's what surprises me.

These things you discuss before marriage. So if you are not able to agree every one goes their way...

Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

Please women who work , are they actually stubborn?

Dalby:

These things you discuss before marriage. So if you are not able to agree every one goes their way...

True. I've ended a relationship on the same plane. But, the marriage is still early to have this discussion

Totally off topic , no offence but I honestly think 21 is too young for anyone to get married .
If you'd been working before you got married, this won't have been a problem. Your husband is just insecure, he knows you're still very young and maybe easily swayed cos outside is not smiling at all... it's all left to you to find a way


How come nairaland is filled with so many sad marriage tales this past few days. What the f**k is going on - in Ariana grande's voice
Enough with the sad tales please, some of us never marry abeg ...these posts are not encouraging at all

healthserve:



Shut it. His attitude is toxic. Read beyond the lines. Also, because I see many rights and wrongs on both sides I almost did not comment beyond that he's holding his wife a prisoner in the guise of marriage. Healthy marital relations is a sideways relationship and not vertical horizontal, master slave relationship. Go and learn the difference.

This is her side of the story Bros always remember that!!!

[/quote] To be sincere, I feel a business is the better option for a wife than a job. My wife was a banker. I gave her maximum support but I was never at ease with the situation. Consider that option if possible.