₦airaland Forum

theButterfly:
lol, I read his post very carefully. Yes, if she was white it would be more apparent but his words were also very clear in the OP. Some people here will support his actions b|c they would do the same. Idk how he expects her family to be pleased when he married their daughter in this manner. He only sent them the message that he does not regard nor respect them by marrying her behind their backs after their refusal.

No respect or regard for them at all.

And to think he believes that somehow, his FIL should be nicer to him after that stunt. Ahhh, where does that happen after stealing (for lack of a better word) his daughter.
I never see or hear this kind of thing before o, especially coming from a grown man.

theButterfly and crackhaus - it didn’t happen that way. Let me explain better. Due to the fact that both parents have met, and date was going to be fixed and We were preparing for the main wedding event. However we realised that her parents wanted to run the whole show including fixing the date and even paying for all expenses without input from my parents which was really annoying and a show of pride and totalitarianism.

Hence waiting for her parents to fix the date was not going to favour our timing so we decided to have the private civil ceremony.

Like I stated earlier, they literally have been giving me rules and regulations on how to relate with them like I am a pauper from Nigeria. They know I and my other siblings studied abroad and in private univs too.

I used maturity to overlook their excesses cos friends made me believe I should just tolerate it till I am married and begin to ignore them.

Her parents consistently tried to manipulate me with all sorts until they began using the tool of suspending or threatening to cancel our wedding ceremonies to threaten me to succumb to their demands of being a slave to the family. That was when my wife told them, it was too late to threaten with that cos we were already married and I had also applied for my stay.

This led to a the new dimension of drama I shared on the original post

EngrEngr:
theButterfly and crackhaus - it didn’t happen that way. Let me explain better. Due to the fact that both parents have met, and date was going to be fixed and We were preparing for the main wedding event. However we realised that her parents wanted to run the whole show including fixing the date and even paying for all expenses without input from my parents which was really annoying and a show of pride and totalitarianism.

Hence waiting for her parents to fix the date was not going to favour our timing so we decided to have the private civil ceremony.

Like I stated earlier, they literally have been giving me rules and regulations on how to relate with them like I am a pauper from Nigeria. They know I and my other siblings studied abroad and in private univs too.

I used maturity to overlook their excesses cos friends made me believe I should just tolerate it till I am married and begin to ignore them.

Her parents consistently tried to manipulate me with all sorts until they began using the tool of suspending or threatening to cancel our wedding ceremonies to threaten me to succumb to their demands of being a slave to the family. That was when my wife told them, it was too late to threaten with that cos we were already married and I had also applied for my stay.

This led to a the new dimension of drama I shared on the original post

Okay let me ask you a simple question:

Do you want the drama to continue or you want it to end, at least for now?

crackhaus:
Okay let me ask you a simple question:

Do you want the drama to continue or you want it to end, at least for now?

I absolutely want it to end.

EngrEngr:
I absolutely want it to end.

Then dey dobalé for the man whenever you meet him, it will take nothing from you given the circumstances. You should also seek a means to apologize for not waiting for the date his family wanted to set, at least just for the issues to die down.

Not all battles must be fought on a battlefield, you will only wear yourself out.

He is still lucky.
If na me be her parent, I will write to the consulate of that country u are in that u abducted my daughter, married her against her wish and family. We will deny knowing you.

U think the parents can't destroy your hustle?
Mumu.

U are a Yoruba boy and yet u can't prostrate to your father in law. What an over inflated ego.

That mumu girl should remember that when the going gets tough, it's still her parents at the end of the day.
If your spouse disrespect your parents this way, is it u that he will respect as time goes on. Let him get what he is looking for and he will tell you that u are nothing( can deal with you as he likes knowing fully well u don't have the support of your family)
Whom will u cry to when it start?
Cos it must happen. U are a means to an end. He never loved you. Hormones that was high will come down.
I pity you.
Nigerian babes don't ever listen.

crackhaus:
Then dey dobalé for the man whenever you meet him, it will take nothing from you given the circumstances. You should also seek a means to apologize for not waiting for the date his family wanted to set, at least just for the issues to die down.

Not all battles must be fought on a battlefield, you will only wear yourself out.

The guy is a complete anùòfia.

And the babe is suffering from iberiberism.

No matter how stubborn a father in law is, if u love their daughter genuinely, there is always a way out. That man simply needs conviction that he is genuine, that's all and he absolutely fukked it up.

EngrEngr:
theButterfly and crackhaus - it didn’t happen that way. Let me explain better. Due to the fact that both parents have met, and date was going to be fixed and We were preparing for the main wedding event. However we realised that her parents wanted to run the whole show including fixing the date and even paying for all expenses without input from my parents which was really annoying and a show of pride and totalitarianism.

Hence waiting for her parents to fix the date was not going to favour our timing so we decided to have the private civil ceremony.

Like I stated earlier, they literally have been giving me rules and regulations on how to relate with them like I am a pauper from Nigeria. They know I and my other siblings studied abroad and in private univs too.

I used maturity to overlook their excesses cos friends made me believe I should just tolerate it till I am married and begin to ignore them.

Her parents consistently tried to manipulate me with all sorts until they began using the tool of suspending or threatening to cancel our wedding ceremonies to threaten me to succumb to their demands of being a slave to the family. That was when my wife told them, it was too late to threaten with that cos we were already married and I had also applied for my stay.

This led to a the new dimension of drama I shared on the original post

Be the fool and allow them sponsor the marriage.
After marriage, carry your wife and disappear. U want this babe, u would have told your parents to agree in everything the man want. U are doing ego battle with him.
Rich or well to do families always sponsor their daughters marriage. U should not be the first. So many examples. They have been planing for her marriage a long time.
Let me give you example. Banky W. The guy want a quite wedding but the babes mum.hijacked everything. The guy said for peace to reign, he became a spectator in his own wedding. That he never knew parents can be this stubborn. He got what he want at the end. This should have been your goal.

Once u get their acceptance and their daughter, u can become Lord in your house and now relate with them accordingly.

Femsyn:
While this seems like a "problem", I'm concerned at the rate at which marital problems are shared here, especially very trivial issues.

I don't get... Do you lots expect an eldorado kinda marriage. Issues will keep popping up, and it's your duty to trash them out, else, maybe you ain't ready for marriage yet.

The issue here is too trivial. Deal with it.

This part .

That’s too much joor.

Anyway she’s an adult and once she says the parents are lying, it won’t hold water .

sassysure:
He is still lucky.
If na me be her parent, I will write to the consulate of that country u are in that u abducted my daughter, married her against her wish and family. We will deny knowing you.

U think the parents can't destroy your hustle?
Mumu.

U are a Yoruba boy and yet u can't prostrate to your father in law. What an over inflated ego.

That mumu girl should remember that when the going gets tough, it's still her parents at the end of the day.
If your spouse disrespect your parents this way, is it u that he will respect as time goes on. Let him get what he is looking for and he will tell you that u are nothing( can deal with you as he likes knowing fully well u don't have the support of your family)
Whom will u cry to when it start?
Cos it must happen. U are a means to an end. He never loved you. Hormones that was high will come down.
I pity you.
Nigerian babes don't ever listen.

Sassysure - When you decide to insult before advising. It doesn’t speak well of you. It questions the integrity of your knowledge. I appreciate your views tho. Thanks a lot. Please let’s stay dignified and remove the insults.


Cococandy thank you for your input. Very brilliant replies.

sassysure:
The guy is a complete anùòfia.

And the babe is suffering from iberiberism.

No matter how stubborn a father in law is, if u love their daughter genuinely, there is always a way out. That man simply needs conviction that he is genuine, that's all and he absolutely fukked it up.

And it won't even be that hard to please the man. FIL will not be visiting you in your house every other month, or want to be all over your business with his daughter. They leave those kind of feferity for their wives.

The guy don fvck up, so good behaviour is his only redeeming way out, not all this stubbornness over his own blunder.

crackhaus:
And it won't even be that hard to please the man. FIL will not be visiting you in your house every other month, or want to be all over your business with his daughter. They leave those kind of feferity for their wives.

The guy don fvck up, so good behaviour is his only redeeming way out, not all this stubbornness over his own blunder.

Busy wives don't have time too.

Endurance and patience is vital.

Is it not some tribes that I heard the man will be flogged severally to test his endurance in the olden days.

He should go and beg with his people and make sure his people scold him properly in the man's presence. If need be, give him one dirty slap if he talk anyhow.
Anything to debase him and romance the man's ego he crushed.
Hope he is wise enough.

EngrEngr:
Sassysure - When you decide to insult before advising. It doesn’t speak well of you. It questions the integrity of your knowledge. I appreciate your views tho. Thanks a lot. Please let’s stay dignified and remove the insults.


Cococandy thank you for your input. Very brilliant replies.

I did that cos u were so full of yourself and some posts up there have already started making u feel u did the right thing.
If we don't bring u down from that pinnacle, u will still be yarning dust.
I still gave some tips at the end of the day.

U can still be like a son to that man if u turn around and do the right thing.
He will be your dad the moment he gives his daughter's hand to u in marriage.
Contact your elders. This has passed you. Just be a spectator. As for prostrating, roll on the ground. No be only u dey oyibo land. Many here are there and still.do that if its part of their culture.
Small thing is actually needed to win this man over.
Massage his ego. Simple.

sassysure:
Busy wives don't have time too.

Endurance and patience is vital.

Is it not some tribes that I heard the man will be flogged severally to test his endurance in the olden days.

He should go and beg with his people and make sure his people scold him properly in the man's presence. If need be, give him one dirty slap if he talk anyhow.
Anything to debase him and romance the man's ego he crushed.
Hope he is wise enough.

Lol @debase him.

The guy needs to chill anyway and not be in an unnecessary battle with his wife's father.

crackhaus:
Lol @debase him.

The guy need to chill anyway and not be in an unnecessary battle with his wife's father.

Leave my engrish alone.
I go evening school abeg

Now I've read the thread I've had a rethink.

Bros you didn't do well. Dubale for baba. It won't last forever.

sassysure:
Leave my engrish alone.
I go evening school abeg

Nothing wrong with your engrish jare, just found the suggestion funny.

OP, I don't know what country you're in, but regardless of that, you need to take charge of your marriage and the future of your new family. You are a married man and it seems you and your wife are on the same page. There is a saying that goes "Fences make good neighbors". You need to create some boundaries so that mutual respect can develop. If I was in your shoes, I will look for a job in another state and move my family far away. If you're in the U.S., this should be really easy for you to do now. Legally, her parents have no hold over you. All thats in question right now is tradition. These issues will not resolve themselves and if you stick around, wil become even more toxic. Time and distance will make them easier to deal with. Move away, establish your family on you and your wifes terms then you will be on a better footing to deal with this later on. Success breeds confidence and attracts respect!

check that man, he has prostrate stg

If u want ur wife lie and greet And move on dont let dem give u a reason for u guys to break up moreover how long would it take u to even greet

MrBrownJay1:
ARRANT NONSENSE!!!!!
the minute the father said that you guys should cancel the marriage and/or said the negative things about you bla bla bla, thats the moment you should have turned to your wifey and tell her to take a decision.... be with you and to hell with her negative parents OR let her go to her parents and divorce her. basta!

why would you even want to be around a man who has NO RESPECT for you or the relationship you have with his daughter?!?! what kind of woman would even want you to be around this disrespectful man?!?!

you will never win with such mad parents, and should only give respect where respect is due and vice versa.

its a tradition amongst yorubas to not only prostrate and greet their inlaws but to rever them.everything is not oyinbo style.abi he wan dey shake hands with his father in-law?

Yorubas say Oro Lana...prostrating will not take anything from him.he should do it for peace to reign.the father in-law isn't asking for too much.

cococandy:


That’s too much joor.

Anyway she’s an adult and once she says the parents are lying, it won’t hold water .

Want to ruffle his feathers.

There is no way it will reach this level na. It's not even a big case. Press the right button and all will be well.

No matter how you put it,you got your stay because of her not on your own standing.
That is the way her parents will view it.

It's not a crime ,neither is it a bad thing.

In the end,I hope you are worth the massive leap of faith their daughter has taken because in my opinion it is usually difficult to find a man that is worth disobeying your parents for in the long run/marrying from back door.

Human beings mess up,some more than others.
I just hope when push comes to shove, you OP will be loyal to your wife.

You have made her go against her family, effectively making her choose you.

I can imagine if it was your mother and your wife was complaining,you would tell her to roll on the ground and bend over backwards to please.

As long as it's naija man you are marrying,you as a female will need your family for support.

As for OP,do not lose your self dignity though to please in-laws .

Do what you want ,follow your instinct.

I hope.for your wife's sake that you prove yourself to be worth this thing that she has done.

Good luck.

Lool at ' interrogating you like a suspect' before nko?


You better dobale sharply, how this is an issue as a Yoruba boy is what I dont even understand.

Just imagine if it were to be a woman that wrote this, just imagine what this page will turn to. You guys have even gone ahead to block the father from reaching you. Tell your wife Weldone, when sulugede music start, she will litter this page with new moniker to publish her tales, by then, nairaland boys will not see her sacrifices for abandoning her parents in the name of marriage. They will rather call her names. Common to postrate, you cannot. Let her wait until you get your papers, she will know the difference between now and later. You are so full of yourself, full of pride. We are talking about your in-laws, no matter the scrutiny, they are right because we know ourselves as Nigerians, not to talk of home bred Nigerians. I hope your wife will not regret this decision. I pray she remains happy. Obviously, you have started separating her from her father's household. I hope and pray it ends well.

dangotesmummy:
its a tradition amongst yorubas to not only prostrate and greet their inlaws but to rever them.everything is not oyinbo style.abi he wan dey shake hands with his father in-law?

Yorubas say Oro Lana...prostrating will not take anything from him.he should do it for peace to reign.the father in-law isn't asking for too much.

i didnt even focus on the prostrate part.... so long as the father is against the dude then prostrating wont change anything about the issue. the father wants a divorce, so it is clear that the babe should make a decision and stand by it..... daddy or hubby, et voila.

forget dobale here, its a waste of time lowering yourself to a person who dont see any value in you.

Oga you used her for papers... All your explanations here simply point to the fact that her parents have not completely given the go-ahead (as a matter of fact, they threatened to cancel it) and you secretly rushed to marry her because your visa was running out... Exact definition of using someone for papers!

And you expect the father to clap for you!! Wehdon Sir!

Better do whatever the man says to please him...(Yes, do whatever he says. Cos you Bleep up big time). In fact what's your father's view about all this.. is he clapping for you too? Cos you sound like you don't really understand the implication of what you did.. you think it's nothing.

The Wife, (If you are really reading this, is you I want to advise)

All these sweet things he is saying/doing now to make you rush into a secret marriage with him will end once he gets his papers. You obviously grew up in whatever country you are and perhaps do not understand this.. you never alienate your family to marry a man (especially a Nigerian man that grew up in Nigeria). Because when the music will change, and change it will, you need your family by your side.

So make sure you encourage him to keep doing what your father wants. Also, stop being stubborn to your father and apologize to your parents. What you did is a direct slap to your father's face.. culturally.

They are only trying to protect you! They most likely grew up in Nigeria and understand that he is using you for papers more than you do. Not saying he does not feel anything for you o. But if he didn't need a visa, when your parents started all their shakara and giving him terms for the marriage.. what he would have most likely done is to say he is not marrying again.

Wise up!!! All these mushy feelings will fade in 3-5 years time. What will you have by then?

cococandy:
Wondering if you would have a problem with this cultural requirement if it was something your mom or dad expects from your wife. I’m sure she would be told to get hiking if she doesn’t want to comply.

However I’ll tell you the same thing I’d say if the situation were reversed. You can respect them without selling your dignity.

God bless you sister.

sassysure:
I did that cos u were so full of yourself and some posts up there have already started making u feel u did the right thing.
If we don't bring u down from that pinnacle, u will still be yarning dust.
I still gave some tips at the end of the day.

U can still be like a son to that man if u turn around and do the right thing.
He will be your dad the moment he gives his daughter's hand to u in marriage.
Contact your elders. This has passed you. Just be a spectator. As for prostrating, roll on the ground. No be only u dey oyibo land. Many here are there and still.do that if its part of their culture.
Small thing is actually needed to win this man over.
Massage his ego. Simple.

You forgot to appologize to him for feeling insulted.

MrBrownJay1:
i didnt even focus on the prostrate part.... so long as the father is against the dude then prostrating wont change anything about the issue. the father wants a divorce, so it is clear that the babe should make a decision and stand by it..... daddy or hubby, et voila.

forget dobale here, its a waste of time lowering yourself to a person who dont see any value in you.

I don't think so.instead of pitching the husband against her dad or putting her in a position to choose one,why not make them bffs

If she applies wisdom in doing that,she can eat her cake and have it

Finally, a man experiences what a lot of women have experienced...