My Story is a very interesting one and I will keep it short. I met my wife in the U.S. while studying my masters and she lives with her family. Honestly she did not tell me that her family (especially her parents) were difficult to please folks.

The moment I met her family, they began placing too many demands and interrogating me like I was a suspect. I continually showed maturity and managed the situation with wisdom. It is good to note that her parents and my parents have met in Nigeria and we have all traveled to Nigeria for a second meeting again of both families (like an informal introduction)

A year after meeting her family, we began planning for marriage, I was running out of visa hence I and my girlfriend decided to have a private civil ceremony so I could apply for my stay. Fast forward to this moment, after she told her parents about it, they began saying dehumanising things about me in an attempt to denigrate me and even accused me of using their daughter for papers

A Pastor has attempted to reconcile us but the parents remain adamant. Her father insisted we must divorce and write to immigration to cancel the visa. My wife and I declined that.


He has now again asked that I must prostrate for him flat on the ground wherever I see him (even in public).

I am a Yoruba boy but I have never done such for my parents in public let alone outside Nigeria. And the unfortunate thing is that we attend the same church. And giving her father’s nature, I strongly believe it is a prelude to future demands

Should I change church or remain there and greet him without going all flat to the ground (bending my head a little is all I can do).


Nairalanders, please do your thing and advice me on how to manage this situation.

Royalroy can this make it to Frontpage so I can get more input from everyone

dis is serious.i dont even know what to say yet.. if i make ask op is ur wife a Citizen of d country u reside? if yes then the parents would definitely think u used dere daughter to get ur papers..lets leave that aside, i think its better to just take things easy with your father inlaw for now cos as a yoruba man u should know dis adage (ti owo eni obaiti te eku ida akin bere iku to pa baba eni)... av ur papers first then u can decide not to prostate but see it this way.. yoruba would say Ka pe weyrey ni Oko Iyawo kole ba jeki ari ona lo... and again Kadobale fun arara koni kama ga.....so my brother Abo oro lan so fun omo luabi o

This marriage will soon pack up if you both keep letting Daddy and mommy interfere in you marriage..call your wife and talk to her, this is your home not her father's, you both have a family to build... Yoruba and greetings be like Christmas and harmattan ,if he wants you to lay flat while greeting, give him that...matter of fact do it with joy and smiles, he will get tired of it...

ARRANT NONSENSE!!!!!
the minute the father said that you guys should cancel the marriage and/or said the negative things about you bla bla bla, thats the moment you should have turned to your wifey and tell her to take a decision.... be with you and to hell with her negative parents OR let her go to her parents and divorce her. basta!

why would you even want to be around a man who has NO RESPECT for you or the relationship you have with his daughter?!?! what kind of woman would even want you to be around this disrespectful man?!?!

you will never win with such mad parents, and should only give respect where respect is due and vice versa.

A very serious trap set against a very young marriage, its a pity.

Im not going to talk too much...but simply tell you what to do.

What you are experiencing is the typical behaviour among Nigerian parents who have their nuclear family in USA especially the ones that won visa lottery.

They have this exaggerated sense of importance and look down on any young man who hustled his way to the USA without a green card and has not found a firm footing yet in the system.

As a result they usually want their children to marry spouses who have their entire families in the US like them and are already firmly established so that they can boast when they are with their friends.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong but the hostility will not stop unless you stop it yourself.

1. Stop going to that church and do not inform anyone beforehand. Just stop.

2. Do not try to explain, complain or appeal to anyone. It wont work and will be interpreted as weakness. If anyone bothers you too much just say that you have made a decision as the head of your home and you need them to let you run your household. You must never back down on this decision.

3. Document all these and be ready to show it to USCIS if need be. They have anticipated these kind of situations and will speedily issue you a green card.

4. Discuss with your wife and find out what her personal stand is. If she is with you, eventually you both will have to move to another state, but be ready for them to poison her mind by telling her that you came to their family apart.

5. Since your Father in law wants you to prostrate ( and i am sure his own children do not postrate to him or other peoples parents)...please do so to fulfill all rieghtousness whenever your paths cross in private and in public...but be rest assured it wont change his attituide because that is not the problem.

6.However stop calling him unless its absolutely necessary and whatever happens do not argue or exchange heated words with him. Your words will be twisted , embelished and used against you from now till eternity.

7.Let your actions speak for you.If you dont show strength as a man they will keep spitting in your face even in the precensce of your children.

8. However, be careful to be extremely loyal to your wife unless maybe she cheats on you if not they will mock her and say, did we not tell you so.
So keep your nose clean at all times. No kurukere movement, no crayfish waka waka. Always make her happy so she wont regret her standing by you.

9. Finally, the Lord will see you through. Many Nigerian young men have been in your shoes. Some ended up with a stroke, some descended into acute depression, some had cardiac arrest.

You are lucky since your wife is cooperating with you, I believe youll be okay if you follow my formula.

I heard this from someone;
" Not all the members of your spouse family will like you" some may act covertly and others will display it openly.If you think about the the ones that don't like you, you will develop bad energy and things may get worse.
Think about loving God, your woman and her kids.

I don prostrate to my senior in secondary school before and other irrelevant people. So kini big deal.

My brother stay humble. Pride comes before fall.

Last Last, nothing really dey this life.

EngrEngr:
My Story is a very interesting one and I will keep it short. I met my wife in the U.S. while studying my masters and she lives with her family. Honestly she did not tell me that her family (especially her parents) were difficult to please folks.

The moment I met her family, they began placing too many demands and interrogating me like I was a suspect. I continually showed maturity and managed the situation with wisdom.

A year after meeting her family, we began planning for marriage, I was running out of visa hence I and my girlfriend decided to have a private civil ceremony so I could apply for my stay. Fast forward to this moment, after she told her parents about it, they began saying dehumanising things about me in an attempt to denigrate me and even accused me of using their daughter for papers

A Pastor has attempted to reconcile us but the parents remain adamant. Her father insisted we must divorce and write to immigration to cancel the visa. My wife and I declined that.


He has now again asked that I must prostrate for him flat on the ground wherever I see him (even in public).

I am a Yoruba boy but I have never done such for my parents in public let alone outside Nigeria. And the unfortunate thing is that we attend the same church. And giving her father’s nature, I strongly believe it is a prelude to future demands

Should I change church or remain there and greet him without going all flat to the ground (bending my head a little is all I can do).


Nairalanders, please do your thing and advice me on how to manage this situation.

You can change church, God hears prayer even inside your house, look for another church where you can keep away from them a little and have rest of mind, you and your wife need should think together and be strong as a family and do things on your own, avoid getting favour from them if any such exist.

Thank you so much everyone for your Thoughtful contributions... they will be thoughtfully implemented in due course

saheedbadmus -Yes she is a citizen. But I can assure you this is a genuine relationship. It was quite late when I began to realise this family are a bunch of issues. Thank you for your advice

Promotions - thank you so much for your brilliant suggestions.

MrBrownJay1 -I totally agree with everything you said bro.

hisgrace090 -serious trap. God will deliver us.

Otipoju: Very exhaustive and realistic steps. I appreciate and I will certainly follow them. We have also shown strength by blocking them on phone calls and WhatsApp indefinitely.

Yomi007 : I understand your perspective bro, but this is not a case of pride. I am a very humble person. With all he has said and done. If I succumb to prostration, my worry is that he will demand for something else. If I don’t do it, he will still talk. I feel it is safer for me to show strength respectfully by not bending to his pressure.

correctyourself - Thank you bro. Very insightful comment.

Wondering if you would have a problem with this cultural requirement if it was something your mom or dad expects from your wife. I’m sure she would be told to get hiking if she doesn’t want to comply.

However I’ll tell you the same thing I’d say if the situation were reversed. You can respect them without selling your dignity.

EngrEngr:

A year after meeting her family, we began planning for marriage, I was running out of visa hence I and my girlfriend decided to have a private civil ceremony so I could apply for my stay. Fast forward to this moment, after she told her parents about it, they began saying dehumanising things about me in an attempt to denigrate me and even accused me of using their daughter for papers

You did use her for papers, but you made it more obvious to the family (who were already suspicious of you) by having a private ceremony w|o her parents/family in attendance. If she told her parents about the ceremony "after" it took place, that means they didn't know about it before it did and were obviously not present. No parent would be happy with a situation like this (it's obvious by her father's words that you must divorce her and cancel your visa), plus they must've felt you coerced her into the private marriage ceremony b|c of your visa issues. Why is she still living with her family and not with you?

You should apologize to them if you haven't. You cannot force them to like you at this point but just have to manage the situation b|c you got yourself into it.

theButterfly:


You did use her for papers, but you made it more obvious to the family (who were already suspicious of you) by having a quick, private ceremony w|o her parents/family in attendance. If she told her parents about the ceremony "after" it took place, that means they didn't know about it before it did and were obviously not present. No parent would be happy with a situation like this, plus they must've felt you coerced her into the private marriage ceremony b|c of your visa issues. Why is she still living with her family and not with you?

You should apologize to them if you haven't and let them know you're genuine, if you are. You cannot force them to like you but just have to manage their situation b|c you got yourself into it.

I'm wondering how it got to you and no one could just call him out on this. If she was white, I'm pretty sure this would have been the pervasive thought on the thread and not the prostration.

EngrEngr, both of you had a private ceremony without her parents knowledge - this is a wrong way to start a family if your intention was completely genuine.
So if her father wants you to lick his feet, brother you better lick it because you have dehumanised yourself in his eyes by using his daughter to solidify your hussle.

How do you expect him to respect you when you didn't respect yourself? The man already suspected you when he first met you, hence the interrogations...then you ended up doing exactly what he suspected about your intentions.
It's clear-cut if you ask me.

cococandy:
Wondering if you would have a problem with this cultural requirement if it was something your mom or dad expects from your wife. I’m sure she would be told to get hiking if she doesn’t want to comply.

However I’ll tell you the same thing I’d say if the situation were reversed. You can respect them without selling your dignity.

God bless you more

You are not serious you used her to get pali and you don't want to pay a price which is very simple to just to prostrate. Are you doing it for 24 hrs? It takes you 20 sec just when you meet him. If I were you I will do it in a ways the he will be embarrass he will even be the one that will has me to stop by the time I prostrate 5 time in a minute.daddy moni kin ki yin ni,daddy eku ijo ko,daddy epele sir,daddy this and daddy that

You better go and meet the parents to marry her properly. Till then avoid that church to avoid public embarrassment. Go and ask for her hand in marriage from her parents and make sure you prostrate flat while doing that. Also, make sure you scrape enough money together both home and abroad to make a wedding happen.

You're a Yoruba boy raised in Nigeria, and you know your culture.
As pointed out, you should have informed her parents you plan on marrying their daughter, and definitely gone with a few people you know in the US to formally ask her hand / engagement before getting legally married.
The man is pained such an important milestone in his child's life was done without his blessings or knowledge.
Anyway, that's life
It might take some time to build the trust back. Blocking contact with him (you and wife) might not be the right decision if your intentions are honorable. Don't burn the bridges, but rather build them.
Go and see him , man to man in his home. Buy correct wine, and apologise with you wife for not going thru due process. Unless the plan is to alienate your wife from her family. Let him know you genuinely love your wife, and didn't think of the repercussions/implications of marrying without his consent.
When are you planning to do your traditional wedding, as that seems to be the way parents can have their say?
Meanwhile, did you see the way Isreal Adesanya, boxing champ went down prostrating before his parents on live TV in the boxing ring when he won? People know it's your culture, and majority are accepting of such. Infact, who saw the way Boyega star wars dressed for the premier of his movie with his agbada (he should have used Ebuka's tailor though ), and his father also in his, mum and her friend with their aso ebi and geles on point, all in the abroad?
It's not a big deal prostrating in public when abroad to an elder, I kneel down as female. No biggie, but if you're not comfortable with it, it is what it is. Don't be uncomfortable with it because you think people will assume you're a village boy. They're mad if they think so. Everybody in England curtsy and bow their heads to the Queen, no matter how rich or popular (even though it's not by force). That's their own culture. Ours is to kneel and prostate.
If you can't dobale, continue to greet him as you can. Don't bother changing churches because of that. With time, he will calm down.

While this seems like a "problem", I'm concerned at the rate at which marital problems are shared here, especially very trivial issues.

I don't get... Do you lots expect an eldorado kinda marriage. Issues will keep popping up, and it's your duty to trash them out, else, maybe you ain't ready for marriage yet.

I'm married, and I think you got married for papers. You said it yourself.

The issue here is too trivial. Deal with it.

Your wife should not be silent on this. She is the one that should manage the situation with your dad. It's her job to make sure they show you respect as her husband. It's her family and she can clear them and put a stop to the nonsense. Or is she absent from the marriage?

That said, please minimize situations that make you guys cross paths. Move to another church. Stay in your house and visit them less.

About the degrading prostrating request, some parents need to be challenged and put in their places. Because they were once young men and probably would not take this shiit he's dishing out to you. Please maintain your self respect and let him understand that you won't be bullied or taken for a fool.

hakeemhakeem theButterfly Thank you for your contributions, I appreciate your views but they’re very incorrect and I just realised it’s my fault you feel so. I didn’t mention that; we already met families and dates had been fixed for the main events. Her parents used their domineering attitude to cancel it for very false reasons that would shock you if I mention.

If I say all the details of what they have done, I will need about three pages on nairaland.

On my honour, my wife is also aware and currently reading these posts so there is nothing sinister about my actions or my relationship with her.

EngrEngr:
hakeemhakeem theButterfly Thank you for your contributions, I appreciate your views but they’re very incorrect and I just realised it’s my fault you feel so. I didn’t mention that; we already met families and dates had been fixed for the main events. Her parents used their domineering attitude to cancel it for very false reasons that would shock you if I mention.

If I say all the details of what they have done, I will need about three pages on nairaland.

On my honour, my wife is also aware and currently reading these posts so there is nothing sinister about my actions or my relationship with her.

My father inlaw would say,flip d tables and c were it bite... Oga poster,first things first change ur place of worship so u dnt gt 2meet ur inlaws al d tym. D idea of u blocking them on the phone is a no no,its rude and disrespectful and it bits me that ur wife agreed 2 such, can u do dat 2ur own parents.
If ur father inlaw wnts u 2postrat 2him when ever u c him do it , he il gt tied 1day,it tks notyn 4rm u.thank God he said wen eva U C HIM n nt say 4rm ur home self. Lol" meaning in a sec u done with dat. The man might just b tryin ur patience 2gt 2c if u truly love his daughter and ur being strong head shows u dont...
Nigerians do all sought of things 4 papers so dnt blame him if he feels dat way 2was u, wat u need 2do is prove u love his child and juz 2gt ur papers
Go over to his house with ur wife appologies 2him . let ur attitude show u r geniue. Giv ur self 20years 4rm nw ur own kids go don dey marry if ur inlaws do u this same thing u wont like it. Dis na girl wn dey wit dem 4years na, u come under 1year marry her cheaply commot, u self reason am.if dem do ur sister so u go like am
Guy do the right thing

so you married someones daughter in a very dishonourable way and you are bragging about it? Is it not to prostrate? Isnt that part of the yoruba culture? Why are you resisting respect?

If your wife is to disobey your mother i hope you wont also come and open a thread on the issue -----finally, if this lady didnt have papers, would you have persevered or bounced?

You are a clear user and i hope this lady's eyes are opened to whom you are sooner

MrBrownJay1:
ARRANT NONSENSE!!!!!
the minute the father said that you guys should cancel the marriage and/or said the negative things about you bla bla bla, thats the moment you should have turned to your wifey and tell her to take a decision.... be with you and to hell with her negative parents OR let her go to her parents and divorce her. basta!

why would you even want to be around a man who has NO RESPECT for you or the relationship you have with his daughter?!?! what kind of woman would even want you to be around this disrespectful man?!?!

you will never win with such mad parents, and should only give respect where respect is due and vice versa.

He didn't consider her parents disrespectful when he was disrespecting himself by using her for papers, he went ahead to marry her secretly and you expect her parents to open their arms and welcome him.


I don't get what you mean by he should give her a choice, like seriously? He should ask her to choose between him or her parents?


I hope the woman realise this USER now and let him go, he will still divorce her over silly issue in the end after he has gotten his full papers and he has nothing to worry about again..mtchheww.

You are Yoruba
He is an elder
Yorubamen are known to prostrate to elderly people.

You have no reason to complain! Do the needful

Meanwhile, try resolve other pending issues with him

Bros you be man now even if you have to do what you did to survive over there that doesn't make you a pushover in life. my advice change church and create the much needed gap then focus on your career and life so that when he sees you in 2 years time he will not in respect. I'm also a Yoruba still in Nigeria but where will my father in law expect me to prostrate flat for him anywhere in the world na queen im pikin be? guy create that gap sharp sharp and fire your life forward he will eat his words in a short time

Vyolet:
He didn't consider her parents disrespectful when he was disrespecting himself by using her for papers, he went ahead to marry her secretly and you expect her parents to open their arms and welcome him.

what do you mean using her for papers?! you are making it seem like the ONLY reason he dated her etc was for the papers.... come on thats very cheap to say that. as for their quick marriage (due to visa issue), so long as babe was down with it, there is NO disrespect to nobody here, they simply did what had to be done to solve the problem at hand. its called LIFE. the fact that you would expect this woman to let the man she loves be deported, is the funny part here. if you love someone, then do what is needed for you guys to be happy.

I don't get what you mean by he should give her a choice, like seriously? He should ask her to choose between him or her parents?

of course!!!! they are now a couple, they are now ONE, they are now a family...and this family/couple cannot function properly with these outside evil forces (aka her parents). so now she is married to a man and has chosen to live the rest of her life with that man, while her parents does NOT want her to be happy with this man and want her to divorce him. so she has to decide whether to be with her man (and to hell with what her parents want) OR listen to her parents (and get rid of her man). its a very simple issue.

I hope the woman realise this USER now and let him go, he will still divorce her over silly issue in the end after he has gotten his full papers and he has nothing to worry about again..mtchheww.

arrant nonsense... A) wrongly assuming he is using her for papers and B) wrongly assuming again that this union is bound to fail...have some faith.

otipoju:
Im not going to talk too much...but simply tell you what to do.

What you are experiencing is the typical behaviour among Nigerian parents who have their nuclear family in USA especially the ones that won visa lottery.

They have this exaggerated sense of importance and look down on any young man who hustled his way to the USA without a green card and has not found a firm footing yet in the system.

They usually want their children to marry spouses who have their entire families in the US like them and are already firmly established so that they can boast when they are among their friends.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong but the hostility will not stop unless you stop it yourself.

1. Stop going to that church and do not inform anyone beforehand. Just stop.

2. Do not try to explain, complain or appeal to anyone. It wont work and It will be interpreted as weakness. If anyone bothers you too much just say that you have made a decision as the head of your home and you need them to let you run your household. You must never back down on this decision.

3. Document all these and be ready to show it to USCIS if need be. They have anticipated these kind of situations and will speedily issue you a green card.

4. Discuss with your wife and find out what her personal stand is and if she is with you, eventually you both will have to move to another state, but be ready for them to poison her mind by telling her that you came to their family apart.

5. Since your father in law wants you to prostrate ( and i am sure his own children do not prosteate to him or other peoples parents)...please do so to fulfill all rieghtousness whenever your paths cross in private and in public...but be rest assured it wont change his attituide because that is not the problem.

6.However stop calling him unless its absolutely necessary and whatever happens do not argue or exchange heated words with him. Your words will be twisted , embelished and used against you from now till eternity.

7.Let your actions speak for you.If you dont show strength as a man they will keep spitting in your face.

8. However, be careful to be extremely loyal to your wife unless maybe she cheats on you if not they will mock her and say, did we not tell you so.
So keep your nose clean at all times. No kurukere movement, no crayfish waka waka. Always make her happy so she wont regret her standing by you.

Finally, Lord will see you through. Many young men have walked your path. Some ended up with stroke, some went through acute depression, some had cardiac arrest. But since your wife is cooperating with you, i believe youll be okay if you follow my formula.

Apt!!!

hakeemhakeem:
You are not serious you used her to get pali and you don't want to pay a price which is very simple to just to prostrate. Are you doing it for 24 hrs? It takes you 20 sec just when you meet him. If I were you I will do it in a ways the he will be embarrass he will even be the one that will has me to stop by the time I prostrate 5 time in a minute.daddy moni kin ki yin ni,daddy eku ijo ko,daddy epele sir,daddy this and daddy that

Lol oh my God, I can't but laff at this. We Yoruba too get wahala.

Vyolet:

He didn't consider her parents disrespectful when he was disrespecting himself by using her for papers, he went ahead to marry her secretly and you expect her parents to open their arms and welcome him.


I don't get what you mean by he should give her a choice, like seriously? He should ask her to choose between him or her parents?


I hope the woman realise this USER now and let him go, he will still divorce her over silly issue in the end after he has gotten his full papers and he has nothing to worry about again..mtchheww.

Madam, the wife is reading all comments and she clearly knows he didn't use her to get papers, they are both in love, and they got married, he said the trad was cancelled by her parents which isn't his fault.

I don't understand why people will say the guy used his wife for papers.it is obvious these two love each other and also want to spend the rest of their lives together....The lady in question wasn't forced.

Had it been it was the other way round where the guy was the one that helped his wife to get her stay in USA, will the father in law be making all these threats.

Bros enjoy your marriage in peace ....wishing you and your wife all the best.

I wanted to comment, but after reading your input, I figured there’s no need. You did a very good job with this your advise. Op, the person is spot on. All u gotta do is abide by everything u read here, I mean his particular wan . Oga that wrote this, May God continue to bless u with wisdom. The oil on your head will never dry.

Me for even continue attending the church and blot our the yeye father in-law. Just that it would get to my wife so the real shii to do is to stop attending services at that same church. These naija men born here are posing wahala abroad. Later when they get very old they would say they want to right all their past wrongs. Idiotic parents. Na their set kuku spoil this country for us. Who would have been looking for green card in another country if ours had been put right? Your wife papa na oga awon slaves from naija.

otipoju:
Im not going to talk too much...but simply tell you what to do.

What you are experiencing is the typical behaviour among Nigerian parents who have their nuclear family in USA especially the ones that won visa lottery.

They have this exaggerated sense of importance and look down on any young man who hustled his way to the USA without a green card and has not found a firm footing yet in the system.

They usually want their children to marry spouses who have their entire families in the US like them and are already firmly established so that they can boast when they are among their friends.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong but the hostility will not stop unless you stop it yourself.

1. Stop going to that church and do not inform anyone beforehand. Just stop.

2. Do not try to explain, complain or appeal to anyone. It wont work and It will be interpreted as weakness. If anyone bothers you too much just say that you have made a decision as the head of your home and you need them to let you run your household. You must never back down on this decision.

3. Document all these and be ready to show it to USCIS if need be. They have anticipated these kind of situations and will speedily issue you a green card.

4. Discuss with your wife and find out what her personal stand is and if she is with you, eventually you both will have to move to another state, but be ready for them to poison her mind by telling her that you came to their family apart.

5. Since your father in law wants you to prostrate ( and i am sure his own children do not prosteate to him or other peoples parents)...please do so to fulfill all rieghtousness whenever your paths cross in private and in public...but be rest assured it wont change his attituide because that is not the problem.

6.However stop calling him unless its absolutely necessary and whatever happens do not argue or exchange heated words with him. Your words will be twisted , embelished and used against you from now till eternity.

7.Let your actions speak for you.If you dont show strength as a man they will keep spitting in your face.

8. However, be careful to be extremely loyal to your wife unless maybe she cheats on you if not they will mock her and say, did we not tell you so.
So keep your nose clean at all times. No kurukere movement, no crayfish waka waka. Always make her happy so she wont regret her standing by you.

Finally, Lord will see you through. Many young men have walked your path. Some ended up with stroke, some went through acute depression, some had cardiac arrest. But since your wife is cooperating with you, i believe youll be okay if you follow my formula.

crackhaus:

I'm wondering how it got to you and no one could just call him out on this. If she was white, I'm pretty sure this would have been the pervasive thought on the thread and not the prostration.

EngrEngr, both of you had a private ceremony without her parents knowledge - this is a wrong way to start a family if your intention was completely genuine.
So if her father wants you to lick his feet, brother you better lick it because you have dehumanised yourself in his eyes by using his daughter to solidify your hussle.

How do you expect him to respect you when you didn't respect yourself? The man already suspected you when he first met you, hence the interrogations...then you ended up doing exactly what he suspected about your intentions.
It's clear-cut if you ask me.

lol, I read his post very carefully. Yes, if she was white it would be more apparent but his words were also very clear in the OP. Some people here will support his actions b|c they would do the same. Idk how he expects her family to be pleased when he married their daughter in this manner. He only sent them the message that he does not regard nor respect them by marrying her behind their backs after their refusal.

EngrEngr:
hakeemhakeem theButterfly Thank you for your contributions, I appreciate your views but they’re very incorrect and I just realised it’s my fault you feel so. I didn’t mention that; we already met families and dates had been fixed for the main events. Her parents used their domineering attitude to cancel it for very false reasons that would shock you if I mention.

If I say all the details of what they have done, I will need about three pages on nairaland.

On my honour, my wife is also aware and currently reading these posts so there is nothing sinister about my actions or my relationship with her.

My response was based on what you wrote in your original post. I see you've edited it but it doesn't make any difference to my previous post. In fact, what you added shows you did disrespect them and they were right all along. You met each other's families and picked a date, her parents cancelled it, yet you still went ahead to have a private ceremony w|o their knowledge and presence b|c you wanted to get visa. How do you expect them to accept you when you proceeded (b|c you wanted to renew your visa) w|o their awareness or consent? You knew they were suspicious of you from the get-go and should've been patient in making peace with them first, not rush into the marriage. You don't see fire and jump into it. It's either you find a way to make peace with them or do what the man says to appease him.

EngrEngr:
hakeemhakeem theButterfly Thank you for your contributions, I appreciate your views but they’re very incorrect and I just realised it’s my fault you feel so. I didn’t mention that; we already met families and dates had been fixed for the main events. Her parents used their domineering attitude to cancel it for very false reasons that would shock you if I mention.

If I say all the details of what they have done, I will need about three pages on nairaland.

On my honour, my wife is also aware and currently reading these posts so there is nothing sinister about my actions or my relationship with her.

And after they cancelled it, you went ahead to do it without their knowledge. So what are you even trying to explain?

Even if your wife was ignorant of traditions due to her longer stay in the US, you as a proper Yoruba boy did not let her know that it's highly improper to get married without the consent & involvement of the woman's family...that way, she can then do whatever was necessary to bring her people on board.
And you're here still feigning ignorance on why her father is trying to frustrate your union with her?
You want him to clap for you.

You're quite funny.

How long have you spent in the US for you to be so disregarding of your customs and embarrass yourself such?
What about your own parents and family, are they in support of your private civil ceremony?