₦airaland Forum

Emotionss:
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You are a Blessing to whoever is lucky enough to marry you. Wow

I believe I am.
That's why I'm being careful
I don't want to end up in the arms of the wrong person.
So, while I'm waiting, searching, praying etc, I'm making my other dreams come true.

udemzyudex:
What type of peace are you talking about,cos I'm trying to understand this your post,she said she has apologize,buy gifts etc and yet no changes.

I don't really want to judge because I haven't read from her sister in-laws but I'd like to understand the kind of peace you're talking about.

You mean like becoming a puppet to them,say yes to whatever they say? Whether the husband has lived with them for 100 years it doesn't change the fact that people do change, that's why as a man it's not advisable you tell your woman/mother about every decision you want to make,the woman in them (jealousy) will always come out.

But that's BTW, I'd like to understand the kind of peace you're talking about.

Making peace with family (in-laws) doesn't makes one puppet! It simply means making conscious effort to avoid conflicts.

Buying of gift doesn't solve foundational issues

MEGA4BILLION:
Your husband is still immature to be the man of the family. The problem isn't you but your husband, he is not incharge of his family. For a better advice, can you highlight some of these problems between you and your sisters-in-laws.

Finish.

If this story is true then she married a boy.

I once spoke to a divorced man who had remarried and he said hat if his mother comes to he house and has an issue with his wife, she will leave and go back to her husband's house.

Thats a man who has grown.


OP tour husband fails to realise that the family he is hanging on to is now secondary, that's what makes him childish.

Moboj:
People let's still understand that life doesn't have a standard ratio
Some people are just insatiable
What if that's the case and what if that's not the case?
I'm more after people talking from one point of view
"It is rare" doesn't mean it doesn't exist,this is just life mehnn
I'm just saying if people want to advice her let them do it from 2 scenario's, let's judge fairly

True.

EJanni:
I've been following your comments in this issue, you're biased. Stop misleading the public with your unguarded opinions. Be rational.
This 21 century and besides the Bible says God created a man and his wife.

Cry me a lagoon

sassysure:
The mistake she made was that she should have started early to ascertain her right and respect.

When u u want to please and belong, this is how it usually end.
Also the husband isn't that smart. He should be seen in public eyes as neutral. Don't entertain shit.
Council and admonish them separately.
By the way, why can't they leave them alone.
Very jealous people.

I agree with you sis, she should have set boundaries from the beginning, the worse they can do is them no go follow u talk, if she's like me wey no send anybody, her own Don good be dat ooooo...

Brightgem:
Just kept reading your comments and came to the conclusion that something is terribly wrong with you. And the actual problem is that you don't know.

Lord knows my personal peace matters than anything else in this entire world, I guess you think she should serve those in laws her head on a golden plate. Then when she's dead you'll feel happy she has served well, yeah?

A man that can't protect his wife from all manner of assault and still find a way to maintain relations with his so called blood, is not a man.

He can lose his wife and kids then, if that will make him happier.

Every woman who now has an opinion is termed feminist.

How does that comment negate your personal peace? Oops you only get personal peace by divorcing a man from the family you are married into? Na so! You never see anything

Anifaza:
Please pardon me for using a new moniker as I am quite known here.

Friends and family, I really need your sincere and matured input on this matter.

I have been married for over 10 years with 4 kids. My hubby is a great guy save for this area that we will never agree.
 
 I have sisters-in-law who have vowed never to give me peace despite all my efforts to give peace a chance.  Most of them are all older than him and sort of influences his decision that affects my marriage greatly.

From the beginning, it has been if I am in their good books, my marriage will work and I will be happy, then if not, reverse will be the case.

My husband has refused to see all their manipulations and always tell me that he grew up with them and so he is indebted to them. I have never tried to cause a separation between them but they usually see me as an intruder to their unity.

For these 10 years plus, it has always been the issue,  I have begged, used gifts,  apologised ,sought for forgiveness from them  for sins I have not committed just for peace to reign yet, the next problem will be bigger than the previous.

Some are married while some are not. The worst that affect me most is the married ones with children.

Now, they all don't talk to me and this is affecting my marriage. Hubby gives me cold shoulders, no sex asking me to mend the relationship with his sisters  of which I am fed up with the whole thing and I don't want to beg again.

My mind is made up that everyone should stay on their own. Hubby is the only male, seems to be the only one doing well  and parents are no more
 
Please what do I do?

Mods front page please for more inputs.

Updated

Thanks for your input. I truly appreciate. It all started in my ist year of marriage when I had my baby and still in school. My mum came to look after baby and few months later, I took in again of which I left baby with mum while I continued schooling.

They accused my hubby of allowing my mother to be the only one taking care of baby and not them. That in their tradition, mothers of wife have no say and influence in family affairs. This was a major issue and still is. While in my culture, nothing of such as we see nothing wrong here. They disrespect my mother till date because of this. I have caught one twice giving my mother bad eye.

2ndly, a distant relative came with high risk pregnancy with fibroid and I asked she comes to seek medical help and go back, when she came, it was war in my house that it is forbidden in their culture for a pregnant woman to come to another man's house which she's not pregnant for. She later left but loads of issues after this.

My in-laws come anytime even with their children .Every other week and weekend is in my house.
My husband will not take us out unless they are around.

Hubby's lil sis but older than me lived with me for 5 years and that's where the whole wahala persisted with her giving information. I began to see their collaboration through her and frustrated me to the very letter.

We had a fight and hubby asked her to leave. They all ganged up not to talk to me or hubby again which hubby is feeling alienated.
Hubby said his position is threatened in his family and I am the cause. I took care of his older sister who had complication in her surgery for 6 months in my house, non of them came to visit her in my house nor call me. Rather , She got well and told others that I didn't give her food that was why when one called her and she said she was in a restaurant to eat. Hubby and I had issue on this.

I am so fed up . I work and I contribute significantly in the family.
They see me as the one who eats their brother's money alone.
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

Even. though you may get good insights here, but I. am still strongly against ,bringing your family affairs into the cyber space no matter the anonymity.
Before you married him,yiu has elders who oversaw your marriage whom you can trust why not take it them and discuss it?

Use people close to you to find solution to your marriage and stop seeking your opinions from total strangers

TonyeBarcanista:
Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.
Nobody intends to separate family but once a man is married he should relocate to give him a chance to tend to his own immediate family first.

The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard

You can’t live the rest of your live serving people in your husband’s house, every woman deserves happiness. The world is changing women are no longer slaves cos they now go to school and have their own money .
There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them. She should eat shit because she’s married? Na so your mama take suffer? How would you feel if you witness someone insulting your? Think about it

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!
That ones your concern
  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise
Lies!!! He already has a wife and 4 children, they should go to their own husbands house instead they are just bullying the lady.

Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance. Her so called sister in-laws should take a thousand miles step back away from their brother’s home
Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!
The hubby doesn’t realize the luck he had marrying a working wife, more comfort for their family.
If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

nobody is all thi things you mentioned, you just love the feeling of controlling a woman, if you want to control women better have money oo, no respect for poor man these days oo.

Bros, I can relate. Most times they always play thr victim, fooling innocent people.

You see these women, they don't want the man to be at peace with his family. They always have a problem when in-laws come around and hangout with their family. They just want to own the man 100%, forgetting that they are married into the family.

As for your brother, with due respect, he is a fool! Personally, should my brother's wife insult my parents or sibling and my brother support such irrational behavior, I will ostracise my brother and wife.

MichaelUweh:
Madam, if u like adhere to this guy advice; I have a eldest brother's wife who is so arrogant, rude heartless; since she came to our family in 2006 there has been series of problems till date, but when she goes outside, she will complained of the mother, sister and brother's in laws that's causing problems in her marriage and the worst is that my brother is always on her side, which means she has right to insult anybody anyhow and even the husband is not spared. This has caused lots of division in our family since 2006. This woman insult my mother and sometime the husband joined her. She doesn't have regards for anybody, she doesn't contribute a dime to the growth of the family, but she is the chief controller of everything. Through this , I now vowed never to marry a girl out of stupid love but through characters that she will exibit. In your own case , your husband is a wise man , while in my own case , my brother is a big fool. So my sister, I don't know if you are this type of a woman we have in our family , since I don't know you. But my advice to you is make peace with your husband family. Full stop.

jaxxy:
Truth is those sisters of his are no saints bt I expect the hubby to know them and their characters and tell his wife how to manage them. That’s all.


If the husband and wife are open and one there shud be no problem from external or family interference. I understand her position and it’s not an easy position she needs her husband’s support and guidance to deal with it.

The wife may or may not have her issues bt from her modified post it’s clear she has tried bt she needs to apply wisdom to preserve her home. Like u said fighting the in-laws won’t help, she needs to win them over despite their terrible attitude or at least manage them well. Hubby fully aware and understanding of the situation shud also manage all of them also.

Cc anifaza

Her modified post is a one sided narrative and I could spot HALF TRUTH. I told her same in page 2 or so.

innobarca:
It is not about men.

The husband will find it difficult to just forget his own family.

Rare to see a married woman hate her own family, very rare.

It's always wife quarrelling with the husband family, difficult to hear wife neglecting her own family unless the husband is not financially okay.

The woman is not a bad wife, She should try to make peace as the husband suggested?

My own woman came into my life and family, heard about how my eldest sister helped me.... She went close to her and they became very good friends, till today they are very close.

Some women knows how to make their men love them.

Most times, a woman can't forget and hate her own family because they don't interfere on her nuclear, except ure telling me that just because a man paid my dowry and now feeds me, his family should be allowed to treat me as refuse....

Women who are supposed to focus on their homes will be seen dragging positions with their brothers wife... Shame on them.....

I am just wondering what women who don't have brothers do then.... Radarada

mii4u:
I am not a feminist just a realist, I have one question for you, wat do u hv to say abt the presence of her mother that started the whole problem, are women supposed to throw away their own pple just becos they are married or sumtin...pls enlighten me on this.

I answered her in page 2.

The thing is, her SILs have no moral ground to question her Baby staying with her mother as long as HER HUSBAND permitted her to.

I have married sisters too and I don't expect them to take any decision without the permission of their husbands!

AFONAMARO:
And are you aware that there are some family members that will never love your spouse no matter what? In this case, are you going to strip your wife naked for them?

BTW, before you come asking your national anthem, I am married with kids

I am very much aware. I don't expect everyone to love me in life! However, she should play her part rather than expect her husband to war with his family

TonyeBarcanista:
Her modified post is a one sided narrative and I could spot HALF TRUTH. I told her same in page 2 or so.

That’s definitely possible. Finding the middle ground will help all concerned I believe.

Moboj:
You're being too biased and sentimental here Sir
What if the story is just as she said it is and what if it's not?
Aren't you meant to talk based on these two scenario's?
Don't be too quick to judge,you're not in her House

What exactly is biased in my submission?

King44:
from the little I have seen, the same way she would treat her hubby's mother she should treat them as such, even if their ways are not upright she shouldn't change keep treating them well one day things would change for good and if it doesn't keep being good to them they are your husband's mother

GBAMSOLUTELY!

YelloweWest:
I've been married for 15year and I can categorically state your advice is trash!
Even the bible said a man will leave his family and clef to his wife.
Why should a wife be forced to like people who hate her?

Mr Married man, stop misquoting the Bible.

What that passage mean is that the man will start taking responsibilities and raising family with his wife to continue lineage. It didn't say man should be divorced from his family. Or did Solomon separate from David at marriage? Did Isaac separate from Abraham?

Meanwhile, same Bible says "follow peace with ALL men", it also says "love your enemies"

TonyeBarcanista:
Making peace with family (in-laws) doesn't makes one puppet! It simply means making conscious effort to avoid conflicts.

Buying of gift doesn't solve foundational issues

Pls go back and read her post from the beginning.

I don't know the kind of peace you want her to make,try to be more specific.

Pataricatering:
But his sisters can claim to love him without loving his wife ? Na so !

No!

My family MUST show the love they have for me to my woman. It is a two way thing.

udemzyudex:
Pls go back and read her post from the beginning.

I don't know the kind of peace you want her to make,try to be more specific.

I read her post

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Saintmary:
I believe I am.
That's why I'm being careful
I don't want to end up in the arms of the wrong person.
So, while I'm waiting, searching, praying etc, I'm making my other dreams come true.

Don't worry he is around the corner.
You never can tell I might even be the one because you kinda impress me with your comments.

TonyeBarcanista:
Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

My goodness..... The level of ignorance here about the institution of marriage is alarming. I'm having pity already for your spouse

TonyeBarcanista:
I am very much aware. I don't expect everyone to love me in life! However, she should play her part rather than expect her husband to war with his family

Except we ain't reading from same script. Married women are meant to be in their husband's house and not in their brother's matrimonial home causing trouble for their sister inlaw. The op's sisters should stay away from their brother's family, and learn to mind their business. He is married and his wife and kids are his number one priority. He should grow some balls.

Don't tell me that your wife is an article purchased to be smiling to both willing and unwilling family members just to gladden your heart.

Kekenapep:
My goodness..... The level of ignorance here about the institution of marriage is alarming. I'm having pity already for your spouse

She's doing fine and great! She is into a loving family that see her as their own daughter, friend and sister. Her in-laws love her and she love her in-laws

Instead, worry for your kind, whose family aren't closely knitted since the coming of "Mrs Wife"

Marriage with extended family in play is at your own detriment.

TonyeBarcanista:
Cry me a lagoon

you are so unfortunate and pathetic. Grow up

AFONAMARO:
Except we ain't reading from same script. Married women are meant to be in their husband's house and not in their brother's matrimonial home causing trouble for their sister inlaw. The op's sisters should stay away from their brother's family, and learn to mind their business. He is married and his wife and kids are his number one priority. He should grow some balls.

So a sister shouldn't visit her brother because of the arrival of a wife abi? The problem is that those of you family that are close knitted think differently.

Did the OP tell you that her husband isn't caring for her and his kids? Your problem is that you'all want the man entirely to yourselves

Don't tell me that your wife is an article purchased to be smiling to both willing and unwilling family members just to gladden your heart.

If that's how you see it, IT IS YOUR BUSINESS

UnknownQueen:
Most times, a woman can't forget and hate her own family because they don't interfere on her nuclear, except ure telling me that just because a man paid my dowry and now feeds me, his family should be allowed to treat me as refuse....

Women who are supposed to focus on their homes will be seen dragging positions with their brothers wife... Shame on them.....

I am just wondering what women who don't have brothers do then.... Radarada

I never said they should treat the wife as trash.

I said the husband should not have allowed it to go on for a long time.


See, myself do not like conflicts btw wife and family.
I can beg anyone to avoid conflicts in marriage, it does not make me a sissy.
I just don't like conflicts over little issues.

Any man or woman who thinks begging or trying to avoid conflicts in marriage is childish may find it difficult to be happy in marriage.


If the heat is much, crack some jokes.... Life is not that hard.

TonyeBarcanista:
So a sister shouldn't visit her brother because of the arrival of a wife abi? The problem is that those of you family that are close knitted think differently.

Did the OP tell you that her husband isn't caring for her and his kids? Your problem is that you'all want the man entirely to yourselves

If that's how you see it, IT IS YOUR BUSINESS

I won't be surprise if your wife spends every weekend visiting your people so as to bow down and worship them.

Why not take her to the museum at once.

Ndi nmadu self!!!

Emotionss:
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Don't worry he is around the corner.
You never can tell I might even be the one because you kinda impress me with your comments.

I'm not in a hurry