debbydee:
Op. Hope you are working. Concentrate on your job and children. Marriage no be by force. Your husband is the problem not you. He ought to have drawn the line. As e no draw line you maintain your lane.

Peace.

PERRRIOOOOOOD!!!! THE ONLY TALK WEY MATTER. THE REST IS TRASH!!!

Anifaza:
Please pardon me for using a new moniker as I am quite known here.

Friends and family, I really need your sincere and matured input on this matter.

I have been married for over 10 years with 4 kids. My hubby is a great guy save for this area that we will never agree.
 
 I have sisters-in-law who have vowed never to give ...
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

I will judge this matter when I hear the other side of the story

TonyeBarcanista:

She is entitled to her flawed opinion bro... Blame the wife that brought her family issue to public forum.

Truth is those sisters of his are no saints bt I expect the hubby to know them and their characters and tell his wife how to manage them. That’s all.


If the husband and wife are open and one there shud be no problem from external or family interference. I understand her position and it’s not an easy position she needs her husband’s support and guidance to deal with it.

The wife may or may not have her issues bt from her modified post it’s clear she has tried bt she needs to apply wisdom to preserve her home. Like u said fighting the in-laws won’t help, she needs to win them over despite their terrible attitude or at least manage them well. Hubby fully aware and understanding of the situation shud also manage all of them also.

Cc anifaza

swetjo:
First, go to their various houses and apologize on your knees. Thereafter, ignore them completely. Don't call or associate with them. You will be surprised at how peace will return to your home

When she reaches their house, she should get on her knees and suck their pussy, use her hair and mop their house, her tongue to clean their feet, cook for them and breastfeed their children too, all for peace.

MichaelUweh:
Madam, if u like adhere to this guy advice; I have a eldest brother's wife who is so arrogant, rude heartless; since she came to our family in 2006 there has been series of problems till date, but when she goes outside, she will complained of the mother, sister and brother's in laws that's causing problems in her marriage and the worst is that my brother is always on her side, which means she has right to insult anybody anyhow and even the husband is not spared. This has caused lots of division in our family since 2006. This woman insult my mother and sometime the husband joined her. She doesn't have regards for anybody, she doesn't contribute a dime to the growth of the family, but she is the chief controller of everything. Through this , I now vowed never to marry a girl out of stupid love but through characters that she will exibit. In your own case , your husband is a wise man , while in my own case , my brother is a big fool. So my sister, I don't know if you are this type of a woman we have in our family , since I don't know you. But my advice to you is make peace with your husband family. Full stop.

Maybe you depends solely on your brother for survival.
She controls everything
It is their property, right

Fountainofyouth:
You are a very irritating human, so because he isn't hitting and cheating, she shouldn't wail abi? All other abuses and psychological, emotional trauma is allowed like the one Op complained about right? Pdp left government with your sense abi? Nonsense.

Lol.
This post to that free cocoa hubby guy is still making me laugh.

MEGA4BILLION:

The moment a man marries, his children and wife becomes his primary assignment to protect while his siblings becomes secondary, until a man come in terms with this, he can't run a good home

Blood is thicker than water. The man's blood sisters and brothers are also important.

You took your child to your mother? Why?
I thought you were married then so how will your own mother dictate what happens in your home.
In my place, it is a disrespect to the husband's family.
Your problem started from there.

They don't like your mom, Why? Because she make decisions in your home? If your mom is running your home then it's never good.

It is very difficult for all your husband family to hate you, there should be 1 person that loves you.

Your husband know you very well, he loves you,He love his sisters too.

Your husband loves your mom and your family, I am sure of that bc you did not say otherwise.
So pls don't make him hate his own sisters.

I remembered many years ago when my sister brought her child home bc of some issues in her marriage, my parents told her to take the child to the husband's family.

She did and they told her to stay with them for few days, within that few days the husband people made peace between her and the husband.

Most times the problem starts little by little.

Make peace with his sisters, let your husband see it by himself.
Then he will know you have done your part.

There is no problem in your marriage.

Am married but my sisters will never...I mean never try this...

You husband must draw a line.
There must be a limit to his siblings and you.

I hate this...
Though we've only heard from you but this post recks off your husband's weakness

zimdante:


Chaaaai see wisdom and experience , you will live long, 89% of women don't like their In-laws to visit or live with them but this one enter one chance because her husband is a real man.
Once again I greet you.

Is like you where there, you're living in the house. Oh wait, you're the houseboy so you know the real story, ba? How did you come to this conclusion? 89% of men are dimwitted hating ass toxic lizards

There are some battles you can't fight.Once it has to do with your husbands siblings or his mother,you will never win.No matter how close you are to your husband.That is Nigerian culture for you.Don't ever say negative things about his sibilings or mother.DM me for more advise.

innobarca:

You took your child to your mother? Why?
I thought you were married then so how will your own mother dictate what happens in your home.
In my place, it is a disrespect to the husband's family.
Your problem started from there.

They don't like your mom, Why? Because she make decisions in your home? If your mom is running your home then it's never good.

It is very difficult for all your husband family to hate you, there should be 1 person that loves you.

Your husband know you very well, he loves you,He love his sisters too.

Your husband loves your mom and your family, I am sure of that bc you did not say otherwise.
So pls don't make him hate his own sisters.

I remembered many years ago when my sister brought her child home bc of some issues in her marriage, my parents told her to take the child to the husband's family.

She did and they told her to stay with them for few days, within that few days the husband people made peace between her and the husband.

Most times the problem starts little by little.

Make peace with his sisters, let your husband see it by himself.
Then he will know you have done your part.

There is no problem in your marriage.

You really understood the situation. Kudos to you! Some folks here thought that the husband's siblings weren't important and it's pitiful.

Aunty you married a boy. Have you forgotten men are big babies? Just keep begging and pleading. Buy bigger gifts, infact build a house for them.
Don't put your foot down till you weary yourself out and your big baby is advised by his mummies to replace you with someone of their choice.

bukatyne:


How does your SILs have such influence in your nuclear family?

Because the hubby is a school boy. He is also a lady in thinking.

Nat404:
Blood is thicker than water. The man's blood sisters and brothers are also important.

They are important but secondary to his wife and kids.

Chi59:

They are important but secondary to his wife and kids.

Okay but this is just an African mentality, a European woman takes her husband's siblings as hers. Whereas in Nigeria, it's a different ball game in the sense that when a man brings a woman home as his wife, the wife tends to drive away her husband's siblings.

You made a lot of sense in your statement, if only the OP will adhere to this kind of advice.
I believe she ought to have known the husband and the kind of background he came from before tying the knot. Don't put him in the situation where he has to choose between you and the mother/sisters; things always get messier when it degenerates to that.

Graxie:
From your narrative, you started what you can't finish. Henceforth, avoid discussing anything relating to your in-laws around anyone including your husband. Be neutral. When they visit, welcome them and be neutral. Just face your kids, stop trying to please them, just be human around them. I don't know how your husband can actually starve you of your marital rites because of his sisters that are in their own world. It can be frustrating trying to be nice to people while they hate you, it only means they hate your husband. They are only pretending to love him because of his financial assistance. My dear be far and near. Use your head to balance it. Let them not hear from you concerning any contrary opinion. Moreso, stop bothering yourself with what he gives them, just make sure your end is secured.

Nat404:
Okay but this is just an African mentality, a European woman takes her husband's siblings are hers. Whereas in Nigeria, it's a different ball game in the sense that when a man brings a woman home as his wife, the wife tends to drive away her husband's siblings.

Does the European woman expect the husbands family to barge into her home and start ordering her about?

The one Africans do is too excessive hence the backlash from the wife (though every case is different)

TonyeBarcanista:

The only way a woman can win my heart fully to hers is by showing love to my blood. There is no way a woman can love and respect you without showing same to your family

thunder fire you idiot!!!
carry family for head they will push you in fire stupid being

Chi59:
They are important but secondary to his wife and kids.

I wonder ooo

[color=#006600][/color]

Saintmary:

Point one, your beliefs and that of your in laws are different
Two, your in laws have been in control of your husband for decades, and as his wife, they expect you to fall in line.
Three, your husband looks up to his sisters, they are his small mummies, he craves their approval.
With the loss of their parents, your husband and his siblings are trying to deepen their closeness, you are seen as the outsider.

My suggestions :
You need a big dose of patience. You are your husband's wife, stop seeing your in laws as your competition, your husband has enough love for all his loved ones.
Allow your in laws in your home if that's what your husband wants.
Keep to yourself as much as you can, as long as they are not asking you to be their maid. Whatever your husband wants to give his family, don't say anything against it, just agree with him.
In this case, you will be worried about your children's well being, if you feel like going out, tell hubby you wish to go out with kids, use your own money, take your hubby out sometimes too, tell him it's because you appreciate..... mention one big favor he has done for you.
Lastly, these women are older than you, respect them, apologize to the one you have issues with, apologize to your husband, don't cause trouble where there is little, your husband is not beating you, do you know how lucky you are?
Cheating is not the issue here, only nasty in laws, focus on improving your own lot in life, career or business. Look at your husband through the lens of how good he has been to you, then you will be able to make peace.

You are a Blessing to whoever is lucky enough to marry you. Wow

Gforce2015:



Since you said your hubby is the only one doing well in that family. Nah where the trouble come be that. Maybe your hubby has been give them a lot of money and gifts before you marry him and after una marriage, the gifts are not coming as it ought to. And if you and your hubby are financially strong before and after you met your husband it couldn't as been this battles you are facing now but maybe you also are like a gold-digger person. Anyway, you have tried but you need to work harder....The hard true is that since you're still tie to their brother, the family is expecting some responsibility from you which you have failed to do.
So, let elderly in this family call husband and his sister so as to know how best to solve your teething issue

but some of these sisters are married, so its their's husband's responsibility to look after their on wives and children, if the sister what help from the brother, then their husband's should ask their man to man for help

My belief is directly helping a married sister without the the involvement of her husband is indirectly disabling her husband effort and role in that marriage, with time the stupid wife would end up not respecting her own husband because the husband financial role is being done by brother

Pls think of the years your husband spent with his family before you joined them. You can decide not to be his wife today and everything ends there.
Remember that he is from that famy for life.
Women should learn to tolerate their husband relatives. If it were sisters you know what to do as to keep the family together.

Graxie:
Please what causes the lack of peace? You need to be specific.

are you asking again,husband is no longer romantic and lovely .Takes the family out only when his siblings come around ,believe them more than his wife . It is a big problem to isolate the wife you claim to love at home

MEGA4BILLION:
Your husband is still immature to be the man of the family. The problem isn't you but your husband, he is not incharge of his family. For a better advice, can you highlight some of these problems between you and your sisters-in-laws.

EXACTLY THAT N VGGA A BITCH ASS MAN, A WASTEMAN.

Single ladies, shine your eyes before you marry. Some men are not worth it. A man will leave his family and cleave to his wife. They are one! If I like I will carry my child and give my parents to look after if that's what will give me peace of mind. A husband that cannot mediate between his siblings and wife and also draw a line so as each will not cross is a fool. Get a job and do what you enjoy. Let the fool marry his sisters. One idiot will come and stay in my house for five years, come dey spoil my name again, Ogun go kiiii am. I have a brother and I will never go and intimidate his wife or pokenose in his marriage. When you marry into a lowlife family where they all depend on kobo from the man, this is the results. Poor and aggressive siblings.

Anifaza:
Please pardon me for using a new moniker as I am quite known here.

Friends and family, I really need your sincere and matured input on this matter.

I have been married for over 10 years with 4 kids. My hubby is a great guy save for this area that we will never agree.
 
 I have sisters-in-law who have vowed never to give me peace despite all my efforts to give peace a chance.  Most of them are all older than him and sort of influences his decision that affects my marriage greatly.

From the beginning, it has been if I am in their good books, my marriage will work and I will be happy, then if not, reverse will be the case.

My husband has refused to see all their manipulations and always tell me that he grew up with them and so he is indebted to them. I have never tried to cause a separation between them but they usually see me as an intruder to their unity.

For these 10 years plus, it has always been the issue,  I have begged, used gifts,  apologised ,sought for forgiveness from them  for sins I have not committed just for peace to reign yet, the next problem will be bigger than the previous.

Some are married while some are not. The worst that affect me most is the married ones with children.

Now, they all don't talk to me and this is affecting my marriage. Hubby gives me cold shoulders, no sex asking me to mend the relationship with his sisters  of which I am fed up with the whole thing and I don't want to beg again.

My mind is made up that everyone should stay on their own. Hubby is the only male, seems to be the only one doing well  and parents are no more
 
Please what do I do?

Mods front page please for more inputs.

Updated

Thanks for your input. I truly appreciate. It all started in my ist year of marriage when I had my baby and still in school. My mum came to look after baby and few months later, I took in again of which I left baby with mum while I continued schooling.

They accused my hubby of allowing my mother to be the only one taking care of baby and not them. That in their tradition, mothers of wife have no say and influence in family affairs. This was a major issue and still is. While in my culture, nothing of such as we see nothing wrong here. They disrespect my mother till date because of this. I have caught one twice giving my mother bad eye.

2ndly, a distant relative came with high risk pregnancy with fibroid and I asked she comes to seek medical help and go back, when she came, it was war in my house that it is forbidden in their culture for a pregnant woman to come to another man's house which she's not pregnant for. She later left but loads of issues after this.

My in-laws come anytime even with their children .Every other week and weekend is in my house.
My husband will not take us out unless they are around.

Hubby's lil sis but older than me lived with me for 5 years and that's where the whole wahala persisted with her giving information. I began to see their collaboration through her and frustrated me to the very letter.

We had a fight and hubby asked her to leave. They all ganged up not to talk to me or hubby again which hubby is feeling alienated.
Hubby said his position is threatened in his family and I am the cause. I took care of his older sister who had complication in her surgery for 6 months in my house, non of them came to visit her in my house nor call me. Rather , She got well and told others that I didn't give her food that was why when one called her and she said she was in a restaurant to eat. Hubby and I had issue on this.

I am so fed up . I work and I contribute significantly in the family.
They see me as the one who eats their brother's money alone.
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

If u've none of yr SILs on yr side,then u're the problem. U can't erase politics from all sphere of life,endeavour to get one on yr side either by hook or crook,then use her to understand their weakness/strength in order to manipulate them to be on yr side..To catch a monkey,u need to behave like one..Yr hubby is highly wise/intelligent cos the best way to protect ones's family (from his blood) is not to make enemies for them.. He'll defend u openly if you play a wise open politics which involves having a large heart ..If u can't bend to play a lion trick(calmness, doggedness,wisdom)u won't only create unsolvable problem for yr hubby,urself but also for yr children..Be wise..Wish u good luck in any decision u take.

midnighter:


Does the European woman expect the husbands family to barge into her home and start ordering her about?

The one Africans do is too excessive hence the backlash from the wife (though every case is different)

Not ordering her about. You don't really understand what I'm talking about here. What I wanna tell you is that I experienced similar thing as a young lad when my elder brother got married. None of us ever lived with my brother's wife, even my cousin sister did not.

Then, my brother's wife would call me on phone and I will tell her I am in my parents house and I have freedom here.

Nat404:
Okay but this is just an African mentality, a European woman takes her husband's siblings as hers. Whereas in Nigeria, it's a different ball game in the sense that when a man brings a woman home as his wife, the wife tends to drive away her husband's siblings.

Taking my husband's siblings as mine is one thing, knowing that both my siblings and his are secondary to the family (me, him and our kids) is another. Don't argue with me.

TonyeBarcanista:

Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

Great, I like the analysis.

Nat404:
Not ordering her about. You don't really understand what I'm talking about here. What I wanna tell you is that I experienced similar thing as a young lad when my elder brother got married. None of us ever lived with my brother's wife, even my cousin sister did not

So what are you talking about here