elmagnifico411:
Simple thing. Take the names of your sisters-in-law to Ori-oke Olorun kole’ in akinyele, Ibadan. Lay them at the feet of Jesus, open psalm 109 and read it aloud calling out their names to fill in the parts where the wicked people are mentioned. Make sure you’re in dry fasting... if you don’t receive sharp answers, then their must be something you’re doing that you’re not telling us. If not, thank me later.

You can include psalm 27, 37, and 1 too. Ire oh

midnighter:


Yes, and now that she's seen the type of family she has landed in she should order her steps accordingly.

ImaIma1:



It doesn't mean she has to dance to their tune like a puppet. She should be comfortable in her husband's house without anyone trying to put her under unnecessary criticism or pressure.

She needs to take charge of her home and not allow external parties run it for her while she sits there like a visitor or intruder in her own home. If she truly understood what marriage it, she would have known that she has more power and rights than they are making her believe. With that understanding, no one would be able to bully her.

midnighter:


And who is advising her to dance to their tune like a puppet



Exactly! If you actually think about who you are dealing with and what they are trying to do to you then you will be able to formulate an appropriate response to their actions instead of "[sitting] like a visitor" without paying attention to the surroundings in which you have landed yourself.

If you set the boundaries yourself instead of waiting for people who you know to be funny characters to start misbehaving, that is what is called "ordering your steps accordingly".

ImaIma1:


When you set your boundaries, all characters, whether funny or not will align and fall into place.

midnighter:


Yes. But she didnt; I think we can agree on that.

ImaIma1:
Yeah. This our discussion is actually on a general basis; as per measures that should be taken to avoid unnecessary clashes with difficult inlaws.

midnighter:


It was not on a general basis. We were discussing the woman's individual case in light of the information that was given about it.

You cannot apply general principles to a special case indiscriminately and expect miracles to happen. Before taking an action you must think holistically and acknowledge important factors that will affect the dynamic of that particular situation.

This is where my opinion differed from yours.

ImaIma1:


It applies to her. Since this is her thread and she is reading it, she can learn how to manage inlaws and take charge in her house without feeling like a second class citizen in her marriage. So even though it is general, it applies to her.

midnighter:


It is not general. It is specific.

ImaIma1:
There's no need to keep going back and forth.

midnighter:


I didnt say that whatever she reads on here will not apply to her.

You asserted that the discussion that we are having is general when it clearly isnt.

It is not general. It is specific to her own situation which is why we are talking about it and not a hypothetical woman somewhere.

ImaIma1:


Our discussion was mainly on inlaws interference; telling them your plans even after you and your husband are in agreement with the decision.

Taking charge of her home and minimizing outside interference.

This is a general principle that works in marriage. That is my point. They will even tell you this in counselling. It's not rocket science. So whether the inlaws are stubborn, funny, naughty...they will align. But if you start acting like they have a say I everything, that's a recipe for disaster.

Fountainofyouth:



If you want the full story, get out of these thread and go look for the family and where they live, tell them you are a man supporting commenter here and you want to support the husband fully, you hear? Because according to you, women are manipulators, and men are always the truthful and right one, they do no wrong abi?

Are you fvcking married too? What has that got to do with anything? Rubbish.

midnighter:


Our discussion was on HER in-laws interference. It was not on a "general basis".

That was what you said and I disagree with it.

If the general principle you advised her with works then that is good for her.

But we were not having a general discussion. We were discussing a specific issue pertaining to a specific person in a specific situation.

ImaIma1:
Our discussion was mainly on "HER" inlaws interference

YelloweWest:

Of all the people u mentioned, which of them are attached to their sister like the op husband?

What is wrong is wrong pls! Stop supporting nonsense. It does not make sense for a man to be influenced by his siblings when his immediate family is at the receive end of their decision.

The op is kind sef, if it were me, it's either his sisters leave or I carry my children and leave for him to marry his sisters. What Rubbish!

I'm a woman, I'm married, I have a RICH brother who is married too. I can't even show up at his gate without calling. I'm a guest in that house! I can never try to bring division between my brother and his wife.

Of the 15 years I've been married I've lived with my sister inlaw for 13 years PEACEFUL!! So I'm in a good position to advise the op. My sister inlaw is even older than my husband but she is humble and understands that even though she was there before I came in, the home is MINE! We are not rivals, not 2 wives fighting for 1one man.

She dare not try this rubbish the op explained or else she's out if MY HOUSE! You know why I can wield this strength? I'm married to a MAN not a mama's boy!

Because of the boundaries set by my husband, I've never had any problems what so ever with is 8 siblings. By the way, my husband is the bread winner of the extended family... He supports them financially and I encourage him.

For a home to be peaceful, the man must set up and be a man!

MariaAngeles:


I was so proud of you for speaking so highly of your SIL, till I got to the bolded

YelloweWest:

So the op being a young student should have left her new born baby in the care of people she does not trust, people who clearly dislike her all because of culture??

The op has the right to invite her mother to take care of her child if that's who she can in trust the care of her baby to!

jagojunior:


If you want to quote me, at least try and present it correctly

I'm not for or against who should have helped OP looked after her baby. The decision however, should come from her husband cos the child is his.

It's amazing how you guys quote rights for husband and wife life you're the one in charge of 'right allocation'.

The OP said her problem started after she took her 1st child to her mom (i.e. her family). The OP didn't complain about any nasty behavior from the husband's sisters/family prior to that, so please don't add to her story in your attempt to prove a point.

Like I earlier said, only the OP knows the whole truth and the complete story. Obviously, it's an inter-tribal marriage and when a marriage is like that, there's nothing like wife's culture anymore but husband's culture which becomes the wife's new culture by the virtue of marriage. That understanding alone helps in solving most problems of inter-tribal marriage especially the ones that bother on cultural beliefs and practices

Going back to the origin of her crisis will help her in solving her problem. The husband is a 'FAMILY GUY' with multiple roles to his major loved ones likewise his sisters

@OP, "The peace you long for and must enjoy is the peace you give to others"

Shalom!

jagojunior:
don't add to her story in your attempt to prove a point.

Going back to the origin of her crisis will help her in solving her problem.

It's not your fault but you must identify and deal with your excesses, then join forces with your husband to curb the excesses of his sisters. As it is right now, you can't join forces with hubby cos he's not open to you.

Sultannayef:


Well, women don’t have much options. If he has money, many ladies are on queue to snatch him irrespective.

YelloweWest:

Shalom after expressing repugnant unnatural African customs... lol

You make it sound like the child belongs to the husband alone.
I don't know if you are married but for me and most married people roles between husband and wife are clearly defined.
The husband is the head of the house, provider protector etc.
The wife is the manager of home affairs and care giver. The wellbeing of the children are her number 1 priority. In my home and many others I decide who comes near my children not my husband because he too busy focused on his duties to interfere with mine.

Remember it's called mother instinct for a reason. If the op sister inlaw were good people, they would have no issue what so ever with the wife's mother caring for her new born grand child.

They are wicked and never liked their brothers wife. Imagine telling her that she must be in their good book for her to have peace in her home!! What rubbish!

Check well those are frustrated ladies who want every one else to be like them.

My cousins wife is currently facing same problem. All his sister's are single or divorced except for 1. They are all giving his wife so much heat except for the married one. I know what I'm saying, a woman happily married would have no time for her brother home!

jagojunior:
In conflict management, there's a huge difference between 'ideal' and 'real'.

Fountainofyouth:



My love, stop crying, you know we are in love right, you can't just do without me I know, don't feel so bad about it, it's a good thing really

Oya reply me with your usual cancellations and meme, it's what you do best

Liposure:
may d NY bring u hapiness, peace n prosperity.wishing u joyous 2020

Anifaza:
Please pardon me for using a new moniker as I am quite known here.

Friends and family, I really need your sincere and matured input on this matter.

I have been married for over 10 years with 4 kids. My hubby is a great guy save for this area that we will never agree.
 
 I have sisters-in-law who have vowed never to give me peace despite all my efforts to give peace a chance.  Most of them are all older than him and sort of influences his decision that affects my marriage greatly.

From the beginning, it has been if I am in their good books, my marriage will work and I will be happy, then if not, reverse will be the case.

My husband has refused to see all their manipulations and always tell me that he grew up with them and so he is indebted to them. I have never tried to cause a separation between them but they usually see me as an intruder to their unity.

For these 10 years plus, it has always been the issue,  I have begged, used gifts,  apologised ,sought for forgiveness from them  for sins I have not committed just for peace to reign yet, the next problem will be bigger than the previous.

Some are married while some are not. The worst that affect me most is the married ones with children.

Now, they all don't talk to me and this is affecting my marriage. Hubby gives me cold shoulders, no sex asking me to mend the relationship with his sisters  of which I am fed up with the whole thing and I don't want to beg again.

My mind is made up that everyone should stay on their own. Hubby is the only male, seems to be the only one doing well  and parents are no more
 
Please what do I do?

Mods front page please for more inputs.

Updated

Thanks for your input. I truly appreciate. It all started in my ist year of marriage when I had my baby and still in school. My mum came to look after baby and few months later, I took in again of which I left baby with mum while I continued schooling.

They accused my hubby of allowing my mother to be the only one taking care of baby and not them. That in their tradition, mothers of wife have no say and influence in family affairs. This was a major issue and still is. While in my culture, nothing of such as we see nothing wrong here. They disrespect my mother till date because of this. I have caught one twice giving my mother bad eye.

2ndly, a distant relative came with high risk pregnancy with fibroid and I asked she comes to seek medical help and go back, when she came, it was war in my house that it is forbidden in their culture for a pregnant woman to come to another man's house which she's not pregnant for. She later left but loads of issues after this.

My in-laws come anytime even with their children .Every other week and weekend is in my house.
My husband will not take us out unless they are around.

Hubby's lil sis but older than me lived with me for 5 years and that's where the whole wahala persisted with her giving information. I began to see their collaboration through her and frustrated me to the very letter.

We had a fight and hubby asked her to leave. They all ganged up not to talk to me or hubby again which hubby is feeling alienated.
Hubby said his position is threatened in his family and I am the cause. I took care of his older sister who had complication in her surgery for 6 months in my house, non of them came to visit her in my house nor call me. Rather , She got well and told others that I didn't give her food that was why when one called her and she said she was in a restaurant to eat. Hubby and I had issue on this.

I am so fed up . I work and I contribute significantly in the family.
They see me as the one who eats their brother's money alone.
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

elmagnifico411:
Simple thing. Take the names of your sisters-in-law to Ori-oke Olorun kole’ in akinyele, Ibadan. Lay them at the feet of Jesus, open psalm 109 and read it aloud calling out their names to fill in the parts where the wicked people are mentioned. Make sure you’re in dry fasting... if you don’t receive sharp answers, then their must be something you’re doing that you’re not telling us. If not, thank me later.

You can include psalm 27, 37, and 1 too. Ire oh