I got married to my husband in 2013, we are blessed with 2kids (a boy and a girl)

In 2017, barely 2 weeks after giving birth to our son I was diagnosed with puepurium psychosis. A kind of mental illness that afflicts women that have just given birth and since it has been from one medication to another..

Now since after my diagnosis my husband has been a source of emotional, verbal and physical abuse... He blames my parents for everything as he feels "cheated " feeling that they knew all about my "sickness " before we got married and kept it from him.....

He felt I was a liability and feels he is too young to shoulder such... There was nothing my husband didn't do to frustrate me...

So around June this year I left my home for my father's house and have been there since, now since I have been there my husband hardly calls when he does he wants to speak with his children. He doesn't call my parents to ask about my well-being or that of his kids.

Sometimes I feel abandoned, now the issue is that the love I have for him is beginning to reduce, sometimes I feel like letting him go and starting all over. Other times I want to stay cos I think of my children's future.

As for the psychosis ALL the symptoms have gone as am typing this now I have a job with a small private school and planning to either proceed with my masters or start a nursing programme.

So please I need your advice. Should I let him go?

Alooone:
I got married to my husband in 2013, we are blessed with 2kids (a boy and a girl), in 2017...barely 2 weeks after giving birth to our son I was diagnosed with puepurium psychosis...a kind of mental illness that afflicts women that have just given birth and since it has been from one medication to another...now since after my diagnosis my husband has been a source of emotional, verbal and physical abuse... He blames my parents for everything as he feels "cheated " feeling that they knew all about my "sickness " before we got married and kept it from him..... He felt I was a liability and was too young to carry such... There was nothing my husband didn't do to frustrate me... So around June this year I left my home to my father's house and have been there since, ...now since I have been there my husband hardly calls when he does he wants to speak with his children...he doesn't call my parents to ask about my well-being or that of his kids...sometimes I feel abandoned...now the issue is that the love I have for him is beginning to reduce sometimes I feel like letting him go and starting all over...other times I want to stay cos I think of my children's future.
....as for the psychosis ALL the symptoms have gone as am typing this now I have a job with a small private school and planning to either proceed with my masters or start a nursing programme
so please I need your advice should I let him go

If he has not verbally indicated interest to end the marriage, give it a second chance.

He has told you his pain point: he thinks your parents deceived him into the marriage.

You both need to go for therapy and clear his grievance.

You can get medical journals about your condition and connection with child birth, the symptoms and solutions. Also arrange for him to speak with your doctors on the causes, triggers, solutions and after care.

You should also be medically certified that you are fine.

Goodluck.

But why did you keep such medical information from him before you both got married? That's not fair in my opinion.

ABOUT THE ILLNESS:
(a) is there no total cure or it can only be managed?


MARRIAGE:
maybe u guys could sit and talk with some1 he respects. then bare ur heart. help him see ur parents didn't know.


I think love is missing in that marriage; God's kinda love. That the only thing that can help couples be truly there for each other in tough times.

e.g husband losses job and wife divorces. wife is unable to get pregnant and husband leaves the marriage.




IS HE BORN AGAIN?

I don't know what to type.....

She developed the mental illness after giving birth to her second child.

Cutehector:
But why did you keep such medical information from him before you both got married? That's not fair in my opinion.

Cutehector:
But why did you keep such medical information from him before you both got married? That's not fair in my opinion.

Didn't you read where she said she was diagnosed after her second pregnancy and it's an illness that affects some women who just put to bed

I thought marriage was for better, for worse.

faithfull18:

Didn't you read where she said she was diagnosed after her second pregnancy and it's an illness that affects some women who just put to bed

I thought marriage was for better, for worst.

alright then in that case, I understand. Because I have a cousin whose bride to be family kept a sickness away from him and he married the girl and few days after trad wedding , we heard she died from the sickness. So thats why the thing really piss me off

I wholeheartedly concur with the first commenter after your post op.

Do take his/her advice.

As much as I felt sorry reading about your condition, and all you have been through as a result, it'd be unfair to blame your hubby who most likely is a naive, inexperienced man who thinks anything "mental health issue" automatically means kolomentality like most Africans.

Keep strong sis

Alooone:
I got married to my husband in 2013, we are blessed with 2kids (a boy and a girl), in 2017...barely 2 weeks after giving birth to our son I was diagnosed with puepurium psychosis...a kind of mental illness that afflicts women that have just given birth and since it has been from one medication to another...now since after my diagnosis my husband has been a source of emotional, verbal and physical abuse... He blames my parents for everything as he feels "cheated " feeling that they knew all about my "sickness " before we got married and kept it from him..... He felt I was a liability and feels he is too young to shoulder such... There was nothing my husband didn't do to frustrate me... So around June this year I left my home to my father's house and have been there since, ...now since I have been there my husband hardly calls when he does he wants to speak with his children...he doesn't call my parents to ask about my well-being or that of his kids...sometimes I feel abandoned...now the issue is that the love I have for him is beginning to reduce sometimes I feel like letting him go and starting all over...other times I want to stay cos I think of my children's future.
....as for the psychosis ALL the symptoms have gone as am typing this now I have a job with a small private school and planning to either proceed with my masters or start a nursing programme
so please I need your advice should I let him go

Mental health issues are really very sensitive as it tends to affect the dynamics of the family and since you said you have already been cleared and probably no longer on psychotropic medication, there is need to rebuild your life, work on your self-esteem. Focus on self actualization as you already thinking of postgraduate studies and nursing, time would influence the direction your relationship with your husband would go, don't force anything.

luluosas:
Don't leave your marriage. The devil is the one motivating him to maltreat you in order for you to sin against God by becoming a divorced woman.
Please, find your way to Jesus Christ Temple Ministry, Warri, second Wednesday of January, 2020, and be delivered. You will surely come and share your testimony.
Cheers.

Wilful ignorance is motivating him and stop bringing the devil into the situation. She does not need any deliverance, it is not spiritual. It is no sin in leaving a marriage that is toxic and nurtures loss of human dignity.

I wish you speedy and total recovery. Meanwhile, your husband's actions and inactions will either be justifiable or not, depending on the foundation on which the marriage operates/the bond that holds two of you together.

He can only be justifiably vilified if the marriage is built on the foundation of principle/spiritualism, which, by extension, means that mutual altruism supposed to be the bond that holds you two together with everlasting oneness as the pursuing end goal. Faithfulness begins where loyalty ends - someone who has altruistic interest towards you, or even someone who's conscientious, could've voluntarily and joyfully given you the faithfulness you wished for in a trying time like this.

However, if the marriage is built on the foundation of materialism/expediency, meaning it's each to his/her own - self-interest - then he doesn't deserve vilification, at least not from you especially if you're the one who made it so from the beginning. Of course, you moving on without him at this point will equally be justifiable.

Your husband is only being human. Not everyone can handle a mentally ill partner, even though we all hope to have a partner who can do that for us.

Most times I have seen sick married women- they were always shipped back to their parents house for proper care. The ones with elderly kids were moved to their sons house. Nothing new there. How it changed the dynamics of their marriage is what I don't know. However, they never ended their marriages.

pocohantas:
Your husband is only being human. Not everyone can handle a mentally ill partner, even though we all hope to have a partner who can do that for us.

Most times I have seen sick married women- they were always shipped back to their parents house for proper care. The ones with elderly kids were moved to their sons house. Nothing new there. How it changed the dynamics of their marriage is what I don't know. However, they never ended their marriages.

@bold: true.

Most married men however were cared for by their wives.

bukatyne:


@bold: true.

Most married men however were cared for by their wives.

Exactly, the women always @ the receiving end of everything.

Ailing parents and parents in-law, the woman does the caring but when the woman needs care...hmmn.

faithfull18:

Exactly, the women always @ the receiving end of everything.

Ailing parents and parents in-law, the woman does the caring but when the woman needs care...hmmn .

That is why they need to invest their youth in husbands who would stand by them.

Cutehector:
But why did you keep such medical information from him before you both got married? That's not fair in my opinion.

Pueperal psychosis only happens after childbirth. Usually, such people have no history of mental illness before childbirth, so there's no way anyone could have known she would have it.
To women who give birth safely, with no issues after birth you need to always appreciate that fact. Pregnancy and childbirth is not always smooth sailing. Maternal mortality is still on an all time high in Naija.

eyinjuege:


Pueperal psychosis only happens after childbirth. Usually, such people have no history of mental illness before childbirth, so there's no way anyone could have known she would have it.
To women who give birth safely, with no issues after birth you need to always appreciate that fact. Pregnancy and childbirth is not always smooth sailing. Maternal mortality is still on an all time high in Naija.

I have been informed previously. Thank you.

Alooone
You're on the right path. Continue to build your career. Remember you have children who look up to you. Unfortunately, not every partner will stand by you
That is the way of the world.
Your husband has shown you he cannot be relied on through thick and thin. I like it when people show me who they truly are.
Even if he does come back and you both decide to continue with the marriage, know that you are indeed alooone.
Never take any decision that will be detrimental to you, or one that is for the 'common good', at your own expense.

They should just scrap “for better for worse” in the marriage wows of a Nigerian wedding.

Husbands are justified in dissolving a marriage because the woman is infertile. We are now justifying husbands being inhuman and cruel to their spouse because of the wife’s diagnosis.

Indeed we can’t force your husband to be loving and compassionate to you when you need him most. I am sorry OP but your husband doesn’t love you, what kind of love changes or become cruel at the first sign of trouble? You don’t only love and support someone when everything is copacetic. Even if he couldn’t handle your illness, the way he treated you when you were down is very cruel and not human. Marriages are really solely for reproduction.

Hypocritically, a woman is expected to stand by her husband through thick and thin.

OP, I rarely tell people to leave their spouses so I want you to use this episode as an eye opener and go back with your head, now you know what time it is with your husband. Personally, he’s dead to me.

eyinjuege:
Alooone
You're on the right path. Continue to build your career. Remember you have children who look up to you. Unfortunately, not every partner will stand by you
That is the way of the world.
Your husband has shown you he cannot be relied on through thick and thin. I like it when people show me who they truly are.
Even if he does come back and you both decide to continue with the marriage, know that you are indeed alooone.
Never take any decision that will be detrimental to you, or one that is for the 'common good', at your own expense.

I just typed this! Before I saw your comment. Exactly if she does go back she should do so with her head not her heart.

Sorry. You don’t deserve this kind of treatment. No excuse. This is clearly associated with childbirth. I’m sure the doctor explained it. Nobody could have seen it coming.

Thank God you have support from your parents. Glad the symptoms are gone. Surround yourself with positivity.

My advice depends on if he understood that it occurs in women AFTER childbirth. If he was informed properly and he still chose to abandon you, if you were my sister, I’d advice you to leave him.

bukatyne:


That is why they need to invest their youth in husbands who would stand by them.

I don't think it has much to do with investing. Lots of them are not very good with things that overly connects with their empathetic side. Anything that makes them look weak or emasculated. That is why a typical Naija man can only think of things money can buy as the ultimate. On your birthdays it would be a phone, cake or car (if he has so much money)- nothing out of the box.

Same man would never wash your clothes even if you are vomitting blood. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, but the former makes his feel alpha, the latter doesn't.

Which Nigerian man has time to be packing urine of a sick wife, cleaning poo, reminding her to take drugs, preparing special meals for her failing health, washing her clothes and pants?

He will just ship her to her parents, her old mother will do that or the son's house- where yet another woman (his WIFE) would be obligated to do it. Women still fair better as primary caregivers, irrespective of their regular insane moments.

OP's own seems extreme because he wasn't sending money and asking of her wellbeing while she was with her parents. If he did both, I am sure OP as a Naija woman, would most likely not have issues with the arrangement.

It seems like the phrase "in sickness and health" should be scrapped because it has outlived its usefulness in contemporary marriages.

Tons of Nigerian women enjoy suffering because I don't understand the basis of this thread. It's like some Nigerian married women lose their sense of self-preservation the moment they say 'I do' but the sad part is, most Nigerian men don't.

Most Nigerian men retain their sense of selfishness to the core while the women loose themselves on the altar of marriage because why on earth will this op be thinking of going back to a man who abandoned her in her hour of need?

If it was a friend now we'll be hearing resolution 2020, cut off fake people. Meanwhile your husband has shown himself to be fickle and self centered and you're considering going back to him. Sense fall on you madam

but if it was the man that got sick,the wife will take care of him.
Me i'd say do what you want.

bukatyne:


If he has not verbally indicated interest to end the marriage, give it a second chance.

He has told you his pain point: he thinks your parents deceived him into the marriage.

You both need to go for therapy and clear his grievance.

You can get medical journals about your condition and connection with child birth, the symptoms and solutions. Also arrange for him to speak with your doctors on the causes, triggers, solutions and after care.

You should also be medically certified that you are fine.

Goodluck.

Thanks he Does'nt want to Hear anything about hospital cos he feels it's spiritual but what pains me is the way he sees my ailment as more or less God-given "excuse " to jump ship

Cutehector:
But why did you keep such medical information from him before you both got married? That's not fair in my opinion.

I never had it before, the sickness was diagnosed barely two weeks after delivery

Sorry about your experience OP. But you should also not blame your husband. I have heard and read that this illness is very severe and can be traumatizing to people around the ill mother. There is also a family stigma in Nigeria around mental illness, he is probably afraid of that tag being attached to him and his kids. He is thinking It could affect their ability to have spouses in the future.

I think you should be patient with him and try to reach out to him if possible. Don’t put him under pressure, just start gently in a very caring and concerned way. I also think you should try not to have more kids if pregnancy has this effect on you. You are already blessed with two. 1 boy and 1 girl so thank God.

You can also forward this thread to your husband so that he is more enlightened about the condition. It’s normal that he feels spiteful and cheated. Especially if the illness was public knowledge and terrifying to him. If he decides he no longer wants the union then you have to be prepared to move on with your life. I am so sorry for what you are going through but you will be fine.

Alooone:
I got married to my husband in 2013, we are blessed with 2kids (a boy and a girl), in 2017...barely 2 weeks after giving birth to our son I was diagnosed with puepurium psychosis...a kind of mental illness that afflicts women that have just given birth and since it has been from one medication to another...now since after my diagnosis my husband has been a source of emotional, verbal and physical abuse... He blames my parents for everything as he feels "cheated " feeling that they knew all about my "sickness " before we got married and kept it from him..... He felt I was a liability and feels he is too young to shoulder such... There was nothing my husband didn't do to frustrate me... So around June this year I left my home to my father's house and have been there since, ...now since I have been there my husband hardly calls when he does he wants to speak with his children...he doesn't call my parents to ask about my well-being or that of his kids...sometimes I feel abandoned...now the issue is that the love I have for him is beginning to reduce sometimes I feel like letting him go and starting all over...other times I want to stay cos I think of my children's future.
....as for the psychosis ALL the symptoms have gone as am typing this now I have a job with a small private school and planning to either proceed with my masters or start a nursing programme
so please I need your advice should I let him go

LET HIM GO.

eyinjuege:


Pueperal psychosis only happens after childbirth. Usually, such people have no history of mental illness before childbirth, so there's no way anyone could have known she would have it.
To women who give birth safely, with no issues after birth you need to always appreciate that fact. Pregnancy and childbirth is not always smooth sailing. Maternal mortality is still on an all time high in Naija.

Childbirth stopped me from putting on my sòpido. Had to give all out. A nerve connecting one leg from the hip was severed and my ankle down to the tendons are bearing the blunt. And when u look at the said foot, it look so normal. If I over stress it, it will start shaking and I will be in severe pain. Sometimes I feel like cutting off that foot Though, an operation can correct it.

That's why when I see threads where men are spewing rubbish about changes on their wives body that made them want to misbehave, I feel like plucking their eyes off
They don't know half of what women pass through to bring a life into this world.

bukatyne:


If he has not verbally indicated interest to end the marriage, give it a second chance.

He has told you his pain point: he thinks your parents deceived him into the marriage.

You both need to go for therapy and clear his grievance.

You can get medical journals about your condition and connection with child birth, the symptoms and solutions. Also arrange for him to speak with your doctors on the causes, triggers, solutions and after care.

You should also be medically certified that you are fine.

Goodluck.

Let us assume she's certified "totally no fine", would that be reason enough to leave her physically and emotionally ?
I thought the institution of marriage was for better for worse ? If not, what is the point ?

MariaAngeles:

Let us assume she's certified "totally no fine", would that be reason enough to leave her physically and emotionally ?
I thought the institution of marriage was for better for worse ? If not, what is the point ?

Women suffering such psychosis have killed in the past. Some have drowned all their kids, killed family members or committed suicide. It’s not an easy illness. May we not encounter what will test our loyalty.