Sirseedorf:
Does the child want to see his/her father ?
That is my question.

who would not want to

Kylekent59:
You should be very happy for her that she's gonna reunite with her father. That's the best love you can give to her.


God even forgives us our sins, then we unite with him again and he welcomes us.

Just let them have her, you need not be furious. You have done your good part by being there for her. Seal your goodness with good ending and not the other way round.



You cannot deprive her of her real father!!!


*FACT*

And to add to this lovely opinion, she is still your niece. Nothing will change that.

nanaman:
3

In as much as we think the deed was bad, there is still no reason to justify the fact that the young girl must know her real dad for future sake. It's kinda hard to forgive, I understand. However, who are we to question the circumstances behind all that happened and so far the mother is ready to the needful, my dear brother, let the reunion be possible though with some stringent clause.

The clause would be determined by the young girl. She's of age to decide where she wants to live. All these should be done within the welfare setting so as to have legal backing. The real father would pay all he can afford as upkeep, settle school fee and also visit as agreed by both parties.With this, everyone will be at peace especially your sister.

What happened was that you failed to take the necessary steps when the young girl was neglected. You guys should have gone to court for the new husband to adopt legally which would have given the man full custody and since you didn't do that, let the real father take over and settle everyone.

All the best.

very correct. legal adoption could have solved this headache.

Bill him nothing less than 50million Naira to unreject the girl. It’s time to hammer OP.

Slavery...

HenryDion:



If that kid is mature, I trust her to blatantly disown the dad herself.

Exactly. You can't just waltz into people's lives like that. You never cared from the beginning, why care now.

Mr OP, simply tell her all truth about her birth and the father. Let her decide if she want's to be with/see him. She fared well without his presence all these years, nothing will change.

GuyWise101:
He abandoned the little girl when she was in the womb, never cared for her when she was growing up...


He now appears from nowhere and started claiming the girl he abandoned just because he has seen that she is nearing to be married just so that he can eat the bride price. (thats wickedness)


If I am in your family I would make sure that he pays every dime we spent on her head, right from her birth.

I think I like the sound of this idea. At the end of the day the child must know her father. But then the man must also be punished for the negligence. Good idea.
Triple the actual amount and refuse to step down or no deal.

Kylekent59:
You should be very happy for her that she's gonna reunite with her father. That's the best love you can give to her.


God even forgives us our sins, then we unite with him again and he welcomes us.

Just let them have her, you need not be furious. You have done your good part by being there for her. Seal your goodness with good ending and not the other way round.



You cannot deprive her of her real father!!!


*FACT*

Right... She has to know the truth regardless....

Alexaonfleek:
Na your sister fu¢k up
Sometime last month,a thread about deadbeat fathers was discussed.
The fact is that you can't deny the girl the rights to see her biological dad.
What you guys should have done at the beginning was to drag the father and make sure he has at least a financial impact in her life.
Now the man wants to reap where he did not sow.

Tell your niece the truth,but make her see the biological dad as a sperm donor,after all that's what he was.Still you guys should forgive the deadbeat dad,at least for the sake of your sanity.
It's actually up to the girl to decide what she wants,she's not a kid anymore.
Most likely she'll forgive him too,but the bond can never be replaced,and she won't give him the same respect and love she'll give to the present husband

How do you drag a mAn to bear the financial impact on a pregnancy he and his family rejected right from Adam....??

In igbo land, since the guy never paid her bride price and rejected taking care of her from the onset. The child belongs to the girl's family.. The boy can't make a claim especially when it's a girl child.. Giving him her daughter is just out of your own benevolence..

It’s funny but this sounds good.

Every dime for a start and to show their seriousness this time around.

I’m also angry on your behalf

GuyWise101:
He abandoned the little girl when she was in the womb, never cared for her when she was growing up...


He now appears from nowhere and started claiming the girl he abandoned just because he has seen that she is nearing to be married just so that he can eat the bride price. (thats wickedness)


If I am in your family I would make sure that he pays every dime we spent on her head, right from her birth.

baby124:
Bill him nothing less than 50million Naira to unreject the girl. It’s time to hammer OP.

what if he no get nko

He was and probably still is an irresponsible man. Bill him so hard that he'll have to run away.

If the child was wayward or poorly raised he won't have agreed to being the father till the end of time.

So bill him hard!

nanaman:


Yes. Issues like this should not be taken or decided with personal feelings.

The man was bad. YES.

Is the father of the child. YES

Did he take care of the child from birth till date. NO

Has she (the girl) being adopted by another family. NO

No where in the law states an irresponsible man should be denied paternity. Lots of things would be posed as the cause of the problem and if the mother denies, DNA would be requested and since the mother knows, truly, the real father is the new man, then, DNA is ruled out.

I already explained what your sister failed to do at the initial stage which brought her to this step.

To custody issue, I stated, the young girl is of age according to law to decide where she wants to live. The court cannot deny the real dad visit and care para-adventure she decides to stay with her mother. Wherever she decides to stay, the man is now "responsible" to law and he should not be denied his right. That's the law bro.

This one of the reason most men avoid single mum, as for the child is not up to 18yrs old age she's still a minor and can't make her own decisions so the decision still fall on the man and actual it's the froster father that looses most in all these and I know how much pain the op is going thru. My question is why sudden change of heart after 16yrs either he as no child or no female child. Like someone said since the child was not adopted legal they just have to bear the pains, accept fate, let the father see his child till she's old enough to determine were she wants to stay.

Biafrareform:
.

Just finished reading your story . Guy , you wicked . You are mean.

Just look at what you spewing on someone and her family

I'm sure you are mistaking me for the person that started that thread...

ednut1:
what if he no get nko

Let him go and ask all those people he gathered to reject the girl for the money. They get mouth to carry his fight, they must now put their money where their mouth is.

This makes sense!

If this action is taken, most families would be careful disowning children even if the man denies.

Searchingforbae:
Next time a man rejects a baby make sure he does it legally ,give him papers to sign his rights of being the father away, so its on record to avoid stories like this.

Case close, no need stopping the man from seeing his daughter, the lady family can't do nadar as long as the child too his yearning for her dad .

Biafrareform:
.

Who is even talking of paying up. I don't want him near my baby girl

I know it's painful most esp you feel your sister been used but pls for peace to be remember your sister home, let the guy gave have access to her. Then watch as things go when the girl hears the truth story then you have your final answer.

Biafrareform:
Good evening all. I need your honest opinion on this .

My elder sister was put in a family way 16 years ago. The guy responsible, his family rejected the pregnancy Infront of my family .

We took her in, cared for her and she gave birth to a lovable baby girl . Dam, she is so pretty and was well loved.

She grew to become my pet . I loved her with all my heart. Infact we all loved her .

My elder sister is married . She has told her daughter that her present husband is her father when she start asking questions.

She is done with her secondary school and currently running a fashion design program . I planned on sending her to the Uni once she is done with her program .

Just got on phone with my sister now and she is telling me that , the dude that got her pregnant family has been disturbing her to allow them access to the girl . That they are ready to train her to any level .

And she is considering telling her daughter the truth about her birth .

Can you imagine the nonsense. I have warned her not to do that not to talk of giving them access and I am currently furious right now . After 16 years of loving this girl, someone is now claiming father .

Please how do I handle this .

Easier said than done. I am the forgiving type. But I will NOT pardon this one. It doesn't make sense at all. Quickly see a lawyer and perfect the adoption papers. Take the girl to confidence. But there is every chance she would want to see the true parent. Find how you can handle this. First talk it over with the mum. It's saddening. Deeply. I wont pardon, I repeat!!

It is easy to judge the man and not the circumstances leading to the pregnancy. Anyway let the child know her father, most times the families won't say the real truth, no man normally would deny his kid if he is truly sure it is kid, except of course they are doubt's.

9gerian:
This makes sense!

of course it does. If it was done legally her new husband would have been able it adopt the child with no hassle. Over the years men have been rejecting pregnancies only to show up from nowhere, well its only sensible that you make him put it in writing that he doesn't want anything to the do with the child.

dawnomike:
Meet with the irresponsible dad and discuss as men that you are... Things happen and all can be resolved amicably

Na man you be

Another tales by moonlight... Kontinu oooo

Don't cause that child to go through psychological trauma!
This is what guys do. Knowing they'll get the child whenever they come back for him or her.
You, giving the child back to him would be you encouraging this villainous attitude
My uncle did it and he can't lay claim to a child that looks exactly like him. The guy is a graduate already and has nothing to do with him. How do you explain to the man who married his Mum in pregnancy, that the guy's 'father' is here for him

Biafrareform:
Good evening all. I need your honest opinion on this .

My elder sister was put in a family way 16 years ago. The guy responsible, his family rejected the pregnancy Infront of my family .

We took her in, cared for her and she gave birth to a lovable baby girl . Dam, she is so pretty and was well loved.

She grew to become my pet . I loved her with all my heart. Infact we all loved her .

My elder sister is married . She has told her daughter that her present husband is her father when she start asking questions.

She is done with her secondary school and currently running a fashion design program . I planned on sending her to the Uni once she is done with her program .

Just got on phone with my sister now and she is telling me that , the dude that got her pregnant family has been disturbing her to allow them access to the girl . That they are ready to train her to any level .

And she is considering telling her daughter the truth about her birth .

Can you imagine the nonsense. I have warned her not to do that not to talk of giving them access and I am currently furious right now . After 16 years of loving this girl, someone is now claiming father .

Please how do I handle this .

Let the mother tell her daughter the truth about how her real father and family rejected her, then let her decide for herself.

victorian:









Op, the time has come for you to tell your baby girl, the truth about her father.
Let her know she was rejected from birth and u accepted her and took care of her like your own. Let her mother too be present when both you and your sister is opening up to her .
And let her know, the father now wants to claim her and come back to her life.

If the communication line between u and your baby girl is good.

Talk to her like your daughter, let her remember those lovely moments both of u shared while growing up. Let her know, she can vouch for your love for her and to keep training and taking care of her till she marries but she cant vouch for a man, a stranger coming up from nowhere claiming he's her father.

And she can forgive him. But she can also choose whether to keep living with you, whom she knows inside out than to live with a stranger who wants nothing to do with her in the first place.
So she has the right to choose whom to be with. And if she wants to see her dad? Her dad can come visit her in your home. So she has to choose but she should remember the devil she knows, is better than angel showing up all of a sudden.

There are fathers fucvking their own daughters, And Mehn I don't trust the motive of the father towards the girl. He may want her as a sex slave. He doesn't have any fatherly connection towards her. So why want her at this level. I don't trust him one bit.
Only she can decide to stay with you or leave with him. But if uv been good to her, she will choose you.

Op try to open up to the girl, and let her know some twisted fathers do rape their daughters. And no one knows motive of this dad.

Look at the rubbish you just typed. I hope your father is raping you. Nonsense.

Custody may not apply in this case, as the child is 16 already, and can be allowed to choose who to stay with.
What does the sister's husband say about this whole thing? The truth has to be told as it is to the child. She deserves to know her biological father, and also needs to know how he rejected her pregnancy, her childhood and all. No need to sugarcoat anything. She may have questions from him as to why he abandoned her and never wanted her.
If she decides to forgive him, no wahala. If she also decides she doesn't want him in her life, still no wahala as she has successfully managed without him all these years ( of course thanks to her mother's family)

theButterfly:
Before you allow him access to the girl, as her guardians, your family should

A) Ask her if she's ready to meet him. If yes, then proceed to B, C and D.

B) Meet with him and ask for an apology to the mother and to the girl. If he can't apologize or is shifting blame to the mother or your family, see it as a sign of irresponsibility and immaturity.

C) Ask him why he has returned now to know his motivations, esp. after the mother has done the work of raising her. This is a human being and not an item that can be discarded and later picked up when you feel like it.

D) Ask if he's back to stay in her life for the long haul or has come around temporarily. It would be traumatic for her if he later abandons her again, so observe how he responds and what he says. Of course, he may tell you what you want to hear, so apply wisdom.

It's not just meeting with him behind closed doors. It should be a meeting with him and his entire family members who denied the child. Let them come back and swallow their words.

I actually am a very similar case. When my dad came back I was about 17 and my mum actually told me the whole story and gave me the option to deciding what I wanted. It wasn't easy, it was a lot of emotional trauma but I had to forgive and accept my dad because honestly, life is too short to keep carrying over mistakes.

I honestly feel loads better by letting all the negative energy melt away.

Apination:
Issues like this dey complex, you can't stop the father from knowing his daughter but it should end there. He gave up the right to her the day he denied her

Nice one.

Biafrareform:
Good evening all. I need your honest opinion on this .

My elder sister was put in a family way 16 years ago. The guy responsible, his family rejected the pregnancy Infront of my family .

We took her in, cared for her and she gave birth to a lovable baby girl . Dam, she is so pretty and was well loved.

She grew to become my pet . I loved her with all my heart. Infact we all loved her .

My elder sister is married . She has told her daughter that her present husband is her father when she start asking questions.

She is done with her secondary school and currently running a fashion design program . I planned on sending her to the Uni once she is done with her program .

Just got on phone with my sister now and she is telling me that , the dude that got her pregnant family has been disturbing her to allow them access to the girl . That they are ready to train her to any level .

And she is considering telling her daughter the truth about her birth .

Can you imagine the nonsense. I have warned her not to do that not to talk of giving them access and I am currently furious right now . After 16 years of loving this girl, someone is now claiming father .

Please how do I handle this .

This is a really tough situation.