So i complained about my fiancé some months ago in a different thread. She is super reserved and quiet but I really think it’s going to be a problem despite how much I really really love her.

So today as per new year we had family gathering at my friends house, I asked her to come and surprisingly she agreed. One thing I will commend her about is that she has been trying to make an effort to interact more with my family friends despite her social anxiety. So she came, but the whole time she just sat there without even trying to communicate or say anything. I kept on trying to budge her so that she will say a word or two, she tried but she’s just very socially awkward. My family and friends also tried to join her in conversations but she just looked like she didn’t want to be there. We have two very different upbringing, so I think that’s part of why she finds it hard to relate. I know my family will gossip about her and I don’t want her to go through any pain. She’s not a proud girl, she’s just very very quiet around people she doesn’t know. Despite my love for her, should I let her go because of this issue? I’m deeply confused. Please advice me as I want to marry this girl this year.

Give her time, she'll open up to everyone. The most important thing is that you understand her personality. What anyone else think is their business. If they gossip her, defend her! Everyone cannot be the same. The sooner you understand this, the better for your relationship. Else, you will see fault where there is none.

Sorry to say...you nag and and expects too much....
I see you frustrating the innocent lady in years to come...as you place more priorities on your family and friends than her..so it's safe to say she's nothing but an option to you!

#i finallyletit out!
Legbegbe out of the thread!

Follow your mind bro because marriage is all about understanding ,forgiveness and love on both side you have to manage her differences since you are the one to live with her and not your friend or family

Let ur family members leave her alone
She will open up once she is used to them
Congratulations on ur upcoming nuptial

Somebody is trying to mind her beingness and business...she talk nau,na dem go tell u,sey dis one wey dey talk like dis without control,u go fit live with her atall?.what if una discussion no make sense....abeg allow d innocent reserved girl to be.

We have been together for a year plus. For how long will this continue? When you marry, in my culture you marry the family and it’s very important that you can relate with each other’s family well. I’m just concerned honestly.

HRHQueenPhil:
Let ur family members leave her alone
She will open up once she is used to them
Congratulations on ur upcoming nuptial

As you can see she is obviously making some efforts into becoming a more social person, if you truly love her it's your duty to help her.
Just understand and help her.
Btw, is she always quiet too when you two are alone? or she's just quiet when other people are present?



I am a quiet person too and find it hard to mix/socialize especially when i find myself in the midst of strange faces, or in official gatherings, but when i am at home, in the company of loved ones I am an enigma

She’s fine when around me. But she’s very very awkward around others. It’s very worrying.

Xavi2019:
As you can see she is obviously making some efforts into becoming a more social person, if you truly love her it's your duty to help her.
Just understand and help her.
Btw, is she always quiet too when you two are alone? or she's just quiet when other people are present?



I am a quiet person too and find it hard to mix/socialize especially when i find myself in the midst of strange faces, or in official gatherings, but when i am at home, in the company of loved ones I am an enigma

ginaolo:
She’s fine when around me. But she’s very very awkward around others. It’s very worrying.

ginaolo:
We have been together for a year plus. For how long will this continue? When you marry, in my culture you marry the family and it’s very important that you can relate with each other’s family well. I’m just concerned honestly.

You already know what to do.

ginaolo:
What do I do please?

Isn’t it obvious both of you aren’t compatible. How long do you think this ‘love’ will last in a life long marriage before you come here again to complain about your wife? There is nothing wrong with the kind of person you are and with what you want from your fiancé BUT she is also who she is. The issue is you’re not meant for each other.

So, you’re either delaying the inevitable breakup or you’re about to enter a whole new world of hurt by binding yourself with someone you aren’t compatible with for a lifetime.

In your last thread the consensus was for you to break you with her so she can go be with someone who would appreciate her the way she is, yet, here you are in 2020.

ginaolo:
We have been together for a year plus. For how long will this continue? When you marry, in my culture you marry the family and it’s very important that you can relate with each other’s family well. I’m just concerned honestly.

Man! Sounds to me like you're tired of her already. Las Las you will torment this girl for who she is because you couldn't change her. Only God can change someone. Free her now that you have doubts else it'll be sad for both of you.

How do you marry someone who you have no 100% like for? What do you really want Mr. Man?


I pity both of you really.

You don’t understand
I love her very much

I just don’t know if we are compatible socially. That is the only fault with her. But I didn’t know if this fault will be so huge to the extent that it will affect our marriage . She has social anxiety to the extreme. Very extreme.

GuestLog:
Man! Sounds to me like you're tired of her already. Las Las you will torment this girl for who she is because you couldn't change her. Only God can change someone. Free her now that you have doubts else it'll be sad for both of you.

How do you marry someone who you have no 100% like for? What do you really want Mr. Man?


I pity both of you really.

ginaolo:
You don’t understand
I love her very much

I just don’t know if we are compatible socially. That is the only fault with her. But I didn’t know if this fault will be so huge to the extent that it will affect our marriage . She has social anxiety to the extreme. Very extreme.

It's already affecting your relationship because you see it that way. The problem is your mindset, not the lady.

So how do I change my mindset?

GuestLog:
It's already affecting your relationship because you see it that way. The problem is your mindset, not the lady.

ginaolo:
So how do I change my mindset?

I'm not a therapist!

Sorry!

What do I do please?

doitforyou:


You already know what to do.

She is reserved and shy. Don't expect her to be outgoing. If u want an outgoing chic look for her but the one u have is introverted.

With time she will adjust to family members. In the mean time just give her attention take her to gatherings and defend her when the siblings start complaining. She is not rude she is just being reserved.

Can you please leave this girl alone and stop behaving like a confused fool.

If you’re not content with her attending places, sitting down quietly, smiling and saying one or two words, then go and look for your spec and stop disturbing Nl with your incompetent issue. They’re many guys who want this kind of quiet and mysterious lady, a lady who will keep quiet and mind her business. If you can’t deal with her socially awkwardness then leaaaavee her!
Habaaaa

I don't really understand why you are worried that she's extremely shy with your friends and family. If she talks freely with you and not shy when only both of you are together, then why should you be bothered about her shyness when around other people?

Is it not both of you that will get married? Or you're gonna share her with other people? Nawao! Just understand that some people are super-introverted and you can't change them into social freaks, at least not overnight.

If you love her then marry her and stop worrying about what your amebo family will think.

u nor know where de pain u let her go now.this d kind of girl I'm looking for

OP, you no love the girl. .

Is it so hard to leave her?


See wetin this one dey complain about

Rome was not built in a day.
Give her time.

Oga, please leave this lady alone before you frustrate her life. Go and look for another lady who fits you and your family's criteria. Stop whining all over NL

.

Why did u graduate her into a fiancé when u know you'd b nagging about her person? That's just who she is and if you can't stand by her, niggy get the hell outta her life and stop wasting her time... I fear her type would probably commit suicide though

ginaolo:
So how do I change my mindset?

One word: ACCEPTANCE
Accept, love and appreciate her for who she is .
Accept that you cannot change her.
Accept that it is her nature and there's little or nothing you can do about it .

Some situations are no problem, unless we call them problem .

Na small wahala na, just keep encouraging her and take her along with you as much as you can, once she gets used to their company, I suppose she would loosen up.

Bros you again

Hope you don't call her akward to her face tho, that's disrespectful.

It's like you too like Waka?

You sef sit at home more often, why does she have to be the one to adjust because you like attending events. Plus she may actually make more effort if she sees you willingly make the sacrifice.

But if you can't then abeg free the babe she's still young at 24, na her type I dey find like this cos I'm sure she's very rich intellectually and has a lot to bring to the table.

I remember your last thread about your fiance.
I could also remember that most people told you to accept her like that, it seems you refuse to take the advice you got here the other time seriously, and now you are asking for another one.

Well, everyone are not created the same, that is how she is, you can either love her like that, or leave her(which will be a big mistake).

Some people are quite
Some are talkatives
Some are in-between

It seems you are okay with her but your only concern are your friends and family, Mr man, you're the one that is going to live with her at home, as long as you're okay with her, every other person should swallow his opinion.
She is a very quiet person, that's her personality,
accept her like that, stand your ground and make sure you warn your friends each time they want to make jest of her, when they see how important she is to you, they too will learn to accept and respect her.

Such women are usually very emotional, respectful and are not materialistic, there is a good chance she'll stick with you even if you become broke tomorrow.

Such women are unique.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE UNTIL YOU'VE LOST IT.

Bros that's the way she is, you were making it seem like she was only being that way with your family alone in that your other thread at least you know that's how she is with others too.

You have to accept her the way she is or kindly let her be and look for someone that fits into what you want.

My family this, my culture that... She doesn't relate the way you want then let her go.

Ahan.

You guys can't live together because you are not compatible.

She will still feel awkward as a wife when your family members come visiting. She's trying to adjust and you are not patient. Forcing her into gatherings she doesn't want to be will only end up frustrating you both.