She technically isn't bothering anyone, she has social anxiety so it's a trait that stems from a psychological issue and not her just trying to be 'difficult'.

Give her a break and stop putting pressure on her all for your own comfortability.

You have admitted she is socially awkward.
She just needs to go out a little more.
Loving her means accepting her the way you found her and loved her.
Just make sure she does not have an underlying mental disorder.
She should be encouraged to get a job to develop some social skills.
Simple therapy.

Next time, invite her sibling or familiar relative of hers' to go with her to large gatherings.
That should help her to break the ice a little.

A time will come, you will miss this side of her.
People do change you know.

ginaolo:
You don’t understand
I love her very much

I just don’t know if we are compatible socially. That is the only fault with her. But I didn’t know if this fault will be so huge to the extent that it will affect our marriage . She has social anxiety to the extreme. Very extreme.

Guy it's not a fault abeg it's who she is. Aswr you dey vex me like this

Dear Op, I think you have to 'know' your woman. Who's she, what's her past, what is her personality etc. If you don't get answer to all these, you'll only struggle until you either break her or loose her.

Perhaps it's time for her to get some psychological therapy. Social anxiety is truly a debilitating disease that can affect the quality of life of those who suffer from it. It's not something to be joked with.
Perhaps hers is still a mild one, but if it progresses it will become something else.
Let her go if you cannot offer your support .

She will default to factory reset when married. Just free her and find someone more social because being social matters to you.

ginaolo:
So i complained about my fiancé some months ago in a different thread. She is super reserved and quiet but I really think it’s going to be a problem despite how much I really really love her.

So today as per new year we had family gathering at my friends house, I asked her to come and surprisingly she agreed. One thing I will commend her about is that she has been trying to make an effort to interact more with my family friends despite her social anxiety. So she came, but the whole time she just sat there without even trying to communicate or say anything. I kept on trying to budge her so that she will say a word or two, she tried but she’s just very socially awkward. My family and friends also tried to join her in conversations but she just looked like she didn’t want to be there. We have two very different upbringing, so I think that’s part of why she finds it hard to relate. I know my family will gossip about her and I don’t want her to go through any pain. She’s not a proud girl, she’s just very very quiet around people she doesn’t know. Despite my love for her, should I let her go because of this issue? I’m deeply confused. Please advice me as I want to marry this girl this year.

Hi OP,I understand your fiancé because this is exactly who I am.I dread meetings and gatherings and get sweaty nervous fingers at parties(I almost fainted when my colleagues threw me a surprise party).introverts are usually very comfortable in their own quiet world but I married a very big extrovert.
In d 11years I ve known him he has never complained to me about my socially awkward nature but I know that by association, I am better now than I was 11years back.
What I'm saying is that if you marry her n get your mind off her nature,she will adjust with time around your people(not fully though cos I don't think I can ever be an extrovert). But if you keep criticizing her to her face she ll be awkward towards you and uncomfortable around you.
So its left for you to decide if you can live with that without making her delve further into her "awkward nature" .

E just be like say make I slap the guy. Such a nag!!!

Guy, the fact that you are here asking the same stupid question is really disturbing. Maybe you should leave her alone. It's like that's what you want to do but you're using all these excuses to seek validation. Because I don't understand why other people's opinion on your fiancé is so important to you.

addicted268:


Hi OP,I understand your fiancé because this is exactly who I am.I dread meetings and gatherings and get sweaty nervous fingers at parties(I almost fainted when my colleagues threw me a surprise party).introverts are usually very comfortable in their own quiet world but I married a very big extrovert.
In d 11years I ve known him he has never complained to me about my socially awkward nature but I know that by association, I am better now than I was 11years back.
What I'm saying is that if you marry her n get your mind off her nature,she will adjust with time around your people(not fully though cos I don't think I can ever be an extrovert). But if you keep criticizing her to her face she ll be awkward towards you and uncomfortable around you.
So its left for you to decide if you can live with that without making her delve further into her "awkward nature" .

If you know the number of people that have told him this same thing before. Yet he's here again asking the same stupid question.

Thank you, at least you're a real life example.

ginaolo:
We have been together for a year plus. For how long will this continue? When you marry, in my culture you marry the family and it’s very important that you can relate with each other’s family well. I’m just concerned honestly.

Dude you need to grow up, y’all should stop bringing in culture into everything. She’s a very reserved person, deal with it or let the poor girl be

ginaolo:
We have been together for a year plus. For how long will this continue? When you marry, in my culture you marry the family and it’s very important that you can relate with each other’s family well. I’m just concerned honestly.

Taking an appraisal of your relationship,I think you should let this girl go.
She's not going to change(or maybe just little) and 'what your family and friends think about her' matter so much to you it will likely affect your marriage.
They won't understand her nature(maybe just the enlightened ones will do) and think she's a snob or doesn't like your family.That will bring about gossips and stir up unnecessary hatred.

ginaolo:
So i complained about my fiancé some months ago in a different thread. She is super reserved and quiet but I really think it’s going to be a problem despite how much I really really love her.

So today as per new year we had family gathering at my friends house, I asked her to come and surprisingly she agreed. One thing I will commend her about is that she has been trying to make an effort to interact more with my family friends despite her social anxiety. So she came, but the whole time she just sat there without even trying to communicate or say anything. I kept on trying to budge her so that she will say a word or two, she tried but she’s just very socially awkward. My family and friends also tried to join her in conversations but she just looked like she didn’t want to be there. We have two very different upbringing, so I think that’s part of why she finds it hard to relate. I know my family will gossip about her and I don’t want her to go through any pain. She’s not a proud girl, she’s just very very quiet around people she doesn’t know. Despite my love for her, should I let her go because of this issue? I’m deeply confused. Please advice me as I want to marry this girl this year.

it is normal just encourage her when u have made her ur wife things will change

ginaolo:
We have been together for a year plus. For how long will this continue? When you marry, in my culture you marry the family and it’s very important that you can relate with each other’s family well. I’m just concerned honestly.

Dude, just let her go.

That's just exactly how I am. Wish I could find someone like her

kushercain:


Guy it's not a fault abeg it's who she is. Aswr you dey vex me like this

Forget the mumu...

KanwuliaExtra:
You have admitted she is socially awkward.
She just needs to go out a little more.
Loving her means accepting her the way you found her and loved her.
Just make sure she does not have an underlying mental disorder.
She should be encouraged to get a job to develop some social skills.
Simple therapy.

Next time, invite her sibling or familiar relative of hers' to go with her to large gatherings.
That should help her to break the ice a little.

A time will come, you will miss this side of her.
People do change you know.

She doesn't have a mental disorder, she's just very introverted

U're taking her to meet ur family for the very first time, so u expect her to be talking like parrot abi

ginaolo:
You don’t understand
I love her very much

I just don’t know if we are compatible socially. That is the only fault with her. But I didn’t know if this fault will be so huge to the extent that it will affect our marriage . She has social anxiety to the extreme. Very extreme.

Oga, please leave her for someone who is okay with her nature. This is the 2nd time you are complaining about this on here. You will just end up making her life very difficult if you both get married.

Xavi2019:
As you can see she is obviously making some efforts into becoming a more social person, if you truly love her it's your duty to help her.
Just understand and help her.
Btw, is she always quiet too when you two are alone? or she's just quiet when other people are present?



I am a quiet person too and find it hard to mix/socialize especially when i find myself in the midst of strange faces, or in official gatherings, but when i am at home, in the company of loved ones I am an enigma

U are just like me and I like his kind of woman(reserved type)