simonlee:
simple trick....

use a strange number to forward a text to your phone that reads "i will give you N20million and an oil company job if you divorce your wife and marry me"...
then see if she wouldn't go back to factory settings!

if You don't manage it well it could backfire on the sense that she may think you're already cheating on her so be careful on how you go about it...

uninspired07:
There’s really wisdom in hearing both sides of a dispute before passing judgment.

I think at this point, OP should not post any reply to the his wife’s response to this post. He should take the initiative as the man of the house to settle this in house. We don’t want strangers passing judgment on his wife—further exacerbating the problem.

Why are u shifting ground?

And who are u to tell @op not to reply her post?
Probably the man is your senior? Is that how u Lord over those around you?
Tomorrow we will see a new moniker wailing that his wife don't respect him anymore.
Mtcheew.


There is always 3 sides to every stories.
Threads that degrade and make women look bad makes people like u have instant errection.

Yet I have never seen men that wail like nairaland men.

This is serious...it calls for wisdom and caution...

fieryy:


But you're complaining about losing control.

Are you minding the guy. Women are not slaves. Look for slave and control

Truthwillout:


Please leave her out of this. Ask strungup79 directly to come here and validate who I am. He claims to be an up and up Christian. I'll not say anything further for now. I have been called all sorts of vile names and I am still trying to heal from that. I will not allow the comments here hurt me further. What a way to start the year.

Let me explain s few things. Yes my moniker is new because i just created a new account for this purpose. I am an active nairalander. My colleagues know my moniker and I want to spare myself and husband the embarrassment. I have always presented my husband as the breadwinner and in spite of everything, I do not wish to expose the truth to outsiders, especially friends and colleagues who know him as well.

I don't necessarily care if people here believe me or not. I have passed my message and that is that. Like I said the truth will come out someday. It never stays hidden. I wish you all a pain free 2020. May none of you go through the things I have been through.

Try harder funmisticqueen

cerpvad:
Madam don't vex abeg. What you called backward reasoning has made many a husband to lose their value and integrity as men. When you pursue a lady and end up marrying her because of her social class and wealth, be ready to face the music whenever it starts playing.

Though l agree with you that it takes good upbringing and individual character for a woman not to lord it over her husband in marriage, but the percentage of such ladies is very low in the reality of our society today.

My candid opinion is still for guys to marry down and never marry up their social class. But for ladies, they can marry up or down.

Nonsense. You still talk about marriage Baby-mama and Baby-papa ti take over. The institution of marriage has outlived its usefulness. There are better options against it.

That line that I wrote before and which you bolded is just an exemplification. If you read the line that follows it you will discover it wasn't a generalization like you perceived it to be. You only quoted it out of the context.

midnighter:


Yes, you shouldnt pursue a lady solely because of social class and wealth. That would be stupid.

But thats different from saying that you should avoid a woman solely because of social class and wealth. Thats what you wrote before.

The bolded is true anyway, I just didnt like the way you cast all wealthy or wealthy-born women as bad in your previous post.

-

RisenPhoenix:


I'm always reasonable. However, my observations may seem out of point for two reasons; one is that they may go contrary to some people's long held beliefs, so they resist accepting them. Changing one's beliefs is extremely difficult. The other is that the vast majority of people; while they could be actually smart; are mentally lazy. They do not take time to comprehend and analyze what other people are saying. They just react without thinking. Because of the very short attention span of a lot of people, they read only for the purpose of answering, not to understand. I notice that you do that often as well; contrary to your monicker; though you seem to be somewhat smarter than average.

On the contrary, I fully comprehended what you wrote the last time and I maintain that it was illogical and insensitive.

You dont hear about a relationship issue and then rush to advise the person to divorce. Divorce is not a go-to solution but a last resort; especially with 3 children involved. We can clearly tell that the man is vulnerable and you didnt even suggest any type of conciliatory measure he could take.

All you cared about was removing the guy from what could be a temporary discomfort or pain, which is totally unrealistic when all relationships go through some element of difficulty.

Nobody acts like that, otherwise nobody would be in a relationship and what really made me angry was that you are actually married to your own wife and still jumped to tell somebody to trash theirs.

You were not being reasonable in that instance but rigid. You dont have the right to condemn somebody's wife as somebody OP "can never grow with", especially since you have never met the woman in your life.

Going against a long held belief is not my problem; if the person is justified and can rationalise their argument with logical reasons and not emotion-laden conjecture or extremity for extremity's sake (which is what you often present with) then I have no problem changing my mind.

Can you defend what you wrote up there?? Can you defend telling somebody that his wife can "never", as in never o! Never grow with him? Its just not a feasible argument and you cant claim that people who disagree with you are somehow too stubborn or scatter-brained to "comprehend" what youre saying.

fieryy:


What do you mean by her parents and siblings taking over your home? Are they living with you?

And what kind of order were you trying to restore? What's your definition of order?

Order as in her Lord and Master. Nigeria men and their entitlement spirit. Ever your dad cannot order you like Nigerian men

I really feel for you, but keep your faith, your laughter will soon come.
Meanwhile, you have to find a way to manage this present situation without friction.
This is a test that you must pass. Ask God for wisdom

Michellekabod2:
For heaven sake turning the kids against the father

Unfortunately this is the weapon of choice most Nigerian women in the West use if the weapon of denying him sex doesn't work.

The final weapon is calling Oyinbo police to arrest the man in front of his Naija kids.

I even know a Bros who when his business was going extremely well he was the toast of his children and wife who all enjoyed from the largesse but when the tables turned against his finances she waited until he visited Naija to attend to one of his businesses and before he came back to England, she changed the name on one of his businesses to her name and sold a flat he bought in her name and she pocketed £35,000 in profit.

Bros came back to England and needed just £5,000 from the proceeds and she claimed she had spent it all in the ensuing 3 months and even her kids told her she couldn't have spent it all in 3 months.

Eventually his wife told the kids not to greet him in the house anymore all in a bid to create a hostile environment for the man and chase him out of the house and Bros eventually got the message and moved out of the house.

And the above story is quite common amongst Naija men living in America and the UK which is why the UK is the single parent capital of Europe.

No man wants to die young and they now prefer to dwell peacefully in the little corner of the roof than stay in a mansion with a cantankerous woman without peace.

Try harder funmisticquee

Why is it hard for you to believe it's his wife? Why was it easy for you to believe his story not minding if it could be some sinister plot of some jobless guy trying to make women look bad as it's the norm on this forum? If the poster is telling the full story, he should respond and ask her a question that only him and her know and let's see if she can answer. We should not be too quick to judge in matters that we are not entirely informed about. It is not even in anybody's place to judge, we are not God. Many people here jumping to conclusions and giving advice in reality will not take their own advice. I wish both of them well.

DNSPro:
the guy who broke your heart did a good job. Send me his number let me thank him.

This kain uppercut on first day of new year? Weekeed!

midnighter:


On the contrary, I fully comprehended what you wrote the last time and I maintain that it was illogical and insensitive.

You dont hear about a relationship issue and then rush to advise the person to divorce. Divorce is not a go-to solution but a last resort; especially with 3 children involved. We can clearly tell that the man is vulnerable and you didnt even suggest any type of conciliatory measure he could take.

All you cared about was removing the guy from what could be a temporary discomfort or pain, which is totally unrealistic when all relationships go through some element of difficulty.

Nobody acts like that, otherwise nobody would be in a relationship and what really made me angry was that you are actually married to your own wife and still jumped to tell somebody to trash theirs.

You were not being reasonable in that instance but rigid. You dont have the right to condemn somebody's wife as somebody OP "can never grow with", especially since you have never met the woman in your life.

Going against a long held belief is not my problem; if the person is justified and can rationalise their argument with logical reasons and not emotion-laden conjecture or extremity for extremity's sake (which is what you often present with) then I have no problem changing my mind.

Can you defend what you wrote up there?? Can you defend telling somebody that his wife can "never", as in never o! Never grow with her? Its just not a feasible argument and you cant claim that people who disagree with you are somehow too stubborn or scatter-brained to "comprehend" what youre saying.

I am seen as extreme because I can be brutally blunt, and in this case, I was not trying to advance any romantic image or make him feel better. I understand that any suggestion of divorce is seen by most as rigid and harsh, even when it is clearly indicated; but my primary interest was to get him going financially once more, politically incorrect as my solution would seem.

From his description of the woman's behaviour, it is patently obvious that she has no respect for him, and is putting him under undue emotional and mental stress. As a man, I understand how important a calm mind is if he wants to properly ponder on his next move. In this respect, she is hindering him and; barring an outright miracle which I do not believe in; he will not be able to recover with such a woman giving him these worries. She has from her behaviour, clearly decided she is not going to be supportive or to compromise in any way. There is no other solution but to jettison this hindrance and focus on his plans to move forward.

I do not normally advice people to divorce lightly, but in this case, the marriage is doomed anyway. Even if he does succeed despite her opposition, will there ever be mutual respect, or will she still remain the person that he will wamt to keep him company in their old age? I don't think so.

WIZGUY69:


You no see her forehead?
Those kind ladies are the real daughters of eve. Very wicked and troublesome.

I never wanted to comment on this post, but this your "forehead" part really cracked me up big time!

I also took a cursory look at her profile pic and noticed the ugly biitch had forehead like palmwine gourd

It's one of their very unique physical traits. Such women are usually extremely bitter. But I think this one up there is an ogbanje if you look very closely . She also looks like a psychopath.

Op, please, by all means necessary get back on your feet. Hustle real hard and bounce back. Cheers

owowa145:


Trust me, the woman has co-conspired with key person in her family to go spiritual with d man to become d woman in d house. He needs divine intervention. His downturn ain't normal.

Can you refer him to anyone?

J111333:
Learn to ignore ladies starting from the embittered one you quoted.

The best way to treat bad lady is to take a hike and leave her to exercise her powers only on herself. She has turned your kids against you so that's a plus because they won't miss you much. I suggest you leave home temporarily before it gets really ugly because the way it's headed, she may bring in a man right under your roof in your very before.

Words of wisdom.

The above in bold actually happened to an acquaintance of mine after 2 kids and he finally got the message to move out of the house 4 years ago.

WIZGUY69:


You no see her forehead?
Those kind ladies are the real daughters of eve. Very wicked and troublesome.

I never wanted to comment on this post, but this your "forehead" part really cracked me up big time!

I also took a cursory look at her profile pic and noticed the ugly biitch had forehead like palmwine gourd

It's one of their very unique physical traits. Such women are usually extremely bitter. I think this one up there is an ogbanje if you look very closely . She also looks like a psychopath.

Op, please, by all means necessary get back on your feet. Hustle real hard and bounce back. Cheers

midnighter:
Awon "I cannot comment until I hear from the other person" crew oya ooo!

It is not the same woman that the OP wrote about... The two stories appear similar but not the same. I am not having this!

J111333:
She has turned your kids against you so that's a plus because they won't miss you much.

That's why I just look and laugh when a man is shouting my pikin, my pikin up and down.

Those kids are more or less in a cult with their mother especially if you live abroad and you have a daughter or a son who doesn't understand women yet.

So, if you are a man especially those living in countries where their laws have been turned upside down, my advice is to spend 90% or more of your money on yourself and NEVER, I REPEAT NEVER EVER intentionally empower your wife financially if it means denying yourself savings or investments as these women are worse than armed robbers.

At least an armed robber will not turn your kids against you but a woman will.

And so, marriage, kids, etc is a zero sum game for most men living in the West.

**

Modyke:
Try harder funmisticquee

Why is it hard for you to believe it's his wife? Why was it easy for you to believe his story not minding if it could be some sinister plot of some jobless guy trying to make women look bad as it's the norm on this forum? If the poster is telling the full story, he should respond and ask her a question that only him and her know and let's see if she can answer. We should not be too quick to judge in matters that we are not entirely informed about. It is not even in anybody's place to judge, we are not God. Many people here jumping to conclusions and giving advice in reality will not take their own advice. I wish both of them well.

How old are you?

mceze:



Can you refer him to anyone?

Well, anyone is also human. Lets not aggravate his issue by bringing in pple dat could scatter his family. My encouragement is dat, he should treat it as a challenge to be closer to his maker whilst improving his networking skills that he may find d favor of men from d spirit realm. In all, except she is adulterous, forgive his wife after God showers mercy.

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

U re the reason they said blacks don't av sense.

Martinez39:
Did she recognise that they are family unit and she ought to carry her husband along instead of sidelining him and going to the family members? NO!

Was it necessary to turn the children against him? NO!

It just goes to sure how cold a woman can be.

The sacrifices and love a man puts into his relationship when he is the breadwinner can't be reciprocated, in anyway, when a woman is the breadwinner. A man can be liberal with his time and money when he is the bread winner, but a woman can never be liberal with her money once she becomes the breadwinner and her husband hits hard times. In such situation, any money given to the husband no matter how little must be paid back and if he delays, nagging and fighting results. Even during an argument, the wife will bring up the fact that he is broke and she is the one providing even if it is unrelated to the argument.

This is the nature of women.

To give out their cash to sacrifice for the husband is living sucking the life force out of them and the husband, to them, is to be the work horse providing generously for everyone even if she can't reciprocate. Cc. Strungup79

Words on marble.

Every man needs to learn from your write up above as their wife will exhibit one , all or even more of the above selfish and wicked traits at some point in the future but knowing what is coming your way before hand will help you SECRETLY save 90% of your money for yourself to fall back unto.

Or better still, as a man, stay single for as long as possible as marriage is a case of fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

NA MAN WEY NEVER SEE BETTER FIGHT DEY UNDER ESTIMATE THE EVIL RESIDENT IN ALL WOMEN.

RisenPhoenix:
I am seen as extreme because I can be brutally blunt, and in this case, I was not trying to advance any romantic image or make him feel better. I understand that any suggestion of divorce is seen by most as rigid and harsh, even when it is clearly indicated; but my primary interest was to get him going financially once more.

From his description of the woman's behaviour, it is patently obvious that she has no respect for him, and is putting him under undue emotional and mental stress. As a man, I understand how important a calm mind is if he wants to properly ponder on his next move. In this respect, she is hindering him and; barring an outright miracle which I do not believe in;he will not be able to recover with such a woman giving him these worries. She has from her behaviour, clearly decided she is not going to be supportive or to compromise in any way. There is no other solution but to jettison this hindrance and focus on his plans to move forward.

I do not normally advice people to divorce lightly, but in this case, the marriage is doomed anyway. Even if he does succeed despite her opposition, will there ever be mutual respect, or will she still remain the person that he will wamt to keep him company in their old age? I don't think so.

See? "doomed", "ever", "he will not be able to", "no other solution", "barring an outright miracle". Totally absolutist language where there is no need for it. Especially in marriage which is by definition a mish-mash of shifting circumstances and compromises.

So people only overcome marital difficulty when they are bestowed with a miracle? No discussion, airing of grievances, counselling, advising or even outright screaming and shouting? You are not saying the right thing at all.

Plenty of people were blunt with OP on this thread yet they didnt tell him to divorce. My grouse with you is not that you are extreme but that your extremism is directionless; it lacks nuance. Just like I was telling the Martinez fellow. Your point gets lost in the sea of irrelevant posturing youre doing not to help anybody but to force your own agenda.

And when somebody challenges you people on it you either ridicule the person or dismiss them as "not comprehending", because deep down you know your assertion was too fallacious to stand up to any real scrutiny.

What right do you have to tell somebody that their marriage of 13 years is doomed? Who gave you licence to assume that if they do recover, there wont be mutual respect? So nothing can ever change according to you, for the rest of their days? Neither of them can ever learn anything?

How can your primary interest be to "get him going financially once more" without taking his marriage into consideration? Dont you think that that was single-minded of you? Is divorce the only solution you could come up with?

The advice you give keeps missing the mark because you see things in black and white when in reality, all relationships are painted grey.

Plead:



Going by your logic, the man was doing the above for himself before he got married,wasn’t he? Why then did he stop doing them after he got married

He stopped doing them because he got married,it is a woman's primary duty,at least I got this answer from a married man but being the last among seven men, I know he can cook better than most girls and can equally do chores but..............

Marriages will continue to crash because husbands that allow their women to share "support" in their responsibilities also expect total submission and we all know how that ends

How old are you?


Old enough to be your mother .... And yes, I'm married with teenage children.

How old are you? Nairaland is filled with little children.

seanwilliam:
My dad practically took care of over 90% of OUR needs at home but When he lost his job and my mum assumed the bread winner role, hahaha, the hell let loose... if she did anything( financial contribution especially)she would make sure everyone see that she was the one..

but my daddy eyes see shege.. it got to stage where i almost turned my back against my dad cos of my mama emotional blasphemy.. but when I got to school and see life outside I began to retrace my step and started settling the difference between us and dad..

this na man wey be say na him dey take care of us WELLWELL I mean WELL WELL wen he get better job oo)..

when my dad had a downturn in fortune, and my mother assumed his role ( na just for little period of time oo)sincerely, we feel am for house. And this is a marriage of over 40 years oo.

Thanks for your openness and honesty.

Norland4life:


He stopped doing them because he got married,it is a woman's primary duty,at least I got this answer from a married man but being the last among seven men, I know he can cook better than most girls and can equally do chores but..............

Marriages will continue to crash because husbands that allow their women to share "support" in their responsibilities also expect total submission and we all know how that ends

Doesn’t he also know it’s a man’s primary duty to provide financially

Some men are clowns tho.....you want your wife to help with funds etc but you don’t want to help wash plates,cook,clean etc and not feel emasculated because you consider them a woman’s primary duty ....the fvck Of what use are you then?

THe same reason she can’t continue with those stuffs just like she was doing when she wasn’t the sole provider is the same reason most men stop doing those stuffs they were doing for themselves after they got married.

Ilekokonit:


Thanks for your openness and honesty.

welcome boss