You took that right out of my mouth...lol..thats the way to go about it. Guess you are married like me.

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

pocohantas:
You did nothing wrong. She should contribute, but I don't think people just spell out percentages like that.

Anyway, I will like to hear her side of the story. I believe there are other things you both discussed that is not captured here. Men play victim a lot.

U are a woman
And u are telling this entitled beast he did nothing wrong
Cant u see he married her job and not her
Is it not clear for u to see
Tomorrow she loses the job
Problem begins
He begins to call her useless woman
Why.
Cos she is useless without the job

creolehunt:


Excuse me. Please is there anything even remotely wrong with her contributing to her own wedding? Should this even be a problem at all? It will be interesting to know why the woman in question is angry.

Somehow I detest selfish, entitled and unreasonable people. Shee earns 200k which is a whole lot of money given the economic realities of the time yet she won't want to be a financial partaker. When it suits them, they become equality advocates, other times they conveniently turn a blind eye.

I read where some of them were rambling incoherently on how they don't want their in-laws in their house. This is same women that bring all their family and ancestral problems to the man the moment he proposes.

Quite disturbing.

You don't allocate bills to a lady bro ,that's an advice from an old man ,don't ever do that ,and people who don't see anything wrong in such an action don't end up well in their marriage
Make the woman use her mind ,,
U don't wake up and say ,make ur babe day pay light bill
Make she fill gas
Make she day buy cooking stuff

Don't ever try it ,,,,,am sure u don't want to wake up and ur wife see u finish and definitely she will ....


My neighbor way e wife help am get job ,help am pay school fees for final year na every day she day use M sing for the neighborhood when ever they get slight misunderstanding

I thought it is a common practice for the man and woman's families to contribute for the wedding. In marriage there should be nothing like "my money", it should be "our money". That is how seeds of divorce grow, through selfishness. God forbid. I don't want my woman to be selfish and just a liability. Didn't bible describe the wife as a helpmate. I want a progressive christian woman. Not all women are the same

why are you just delegating financial responsibilities and sharing wedding costs 3 weeks to your wedding. you are not a serious person. before you decided to get married, you ought to have worked all these out. Before you get married to someone, both of you ought to have had serious discussions about your finances and how you'd run the home..Let her keep ignoring your calls, when she's ready she'd reach out. Both of you are not serious

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown,

Some of you still don't understand the concepts of relationship not to talk of marriage.
if i'm getting married to any lady our finances and expenses and decisions should be made together not giving order which one you will pay and which one she should pay.

i see a looming disasters after marriage cos her money will definitely be for her and your money will be our money which is a code 5 in any marriage i.e a disaster.

go to your wife and talk this through and make sure any decisions we will make will be made together.

Honestly this girl here is my kind of woman.

Envisaged somethings about how the future will be with you and quietly...………………… without creating a scene or forming trouble. Talk about a girl with emotional maturity

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

You have so much sense. Hope OP learns

Michellekabod2:
See the issue posh wedding has caused?
So the years of love will be wasted just because of argument on wedding bills...

If my husband brings 5 million for wedding,i will use 4.5 million to start a business for myself and the 500k will be for the court wedding, light refreshment and traditional rites

For the first time you’re making sense here. I’m impressed.

creolehunt:


Excuse me. Please is there anything even remotely wrong with her contributing to her own wedding? Should this even be a problem at all? It will be interesting to know why the woman in question is angry.

Somehow I detest selfish, entitled and unreasonable people. Shee earns 200k which is a whole lot of money given the economic realities of the time yet she won't want to be a financial partaker. When it suits them, they become equality advocates, other times they conveniently turn a blind eye.

I read where some of them were rambling incoherently on how they don't want their in-laws in their house. This is same women that bring all their family and ancestral problems to the man the moment he proposes.

Quite disturbing.

The man contributes more during the wedding not the woman unless where she’s feels she needs to support for various reasons. U are the one who came to propose and marry her not the other way around. Demanding a 50/50 for the wedding because u are privileged to know what she earns isn’t right. There are other ways to get her to contribute than asking her to pay 50% of her wedding. Depending on the circumstances it cud be seen as red flag.

So after performing all the traditional marriage rites you still don't see her as your wife?

When a church wedding is a white Christian's own form of traditional marriage?

We Africans need to renew our minds

50percent is way too much, it's like sharing your responsibility with her... if you aren't ready for the white Wed, why don't you wait until you're ready..

You also need deliverance

Ishilove:
In this 21st century?
You need deliverance

creolehunt:


Excuse me. Please is there anything even remotely wrong with her contributing to her own wedding? Should this even be a problem at all? It will be interesting to know why the woman in question is angry.

Somehow I detest selfish, entitled and unreasonable people. Shee earns 200k which is a whole lot of money given the economic realities of the time yet she won't want to be a financial partaker. When it suits them, they become equality advocates, other times they conveniently turn a blind eye.

I read where some of them were rambling incoherently on how they don't want their in-laws in their house. This is same women that bring all their family and ancestral problems to the man the moment he proposes.

Quite disturbing.

He is suppose to ask her opinion if they should share responsibly 50/50,, as a man, he s selfish and I bet u if she starts, that's how she will cont taking her own and of kids responsibly when he so wish.

Brother, MOST Naija Women are selfish by nature, thats the truth, let them argue with their data.

They want our own money. They want to keep their own. They want us to shower them with love and care selflessly, but to do the same is a problem unless they know they need to do it to collect something from us. When you go to a restaurant they want to eat your own food despite the fact it is the same thing you bought for her. They will say its love. Thunder fire that kind love Their feeling of ENTITLEMENT no be here.

My wife (my then babe) was not told. She just knew that she has to make an input no matter how small. She was depositing virtually her whole salary which was about 60k just to make sure we achieved this thing. I handled the big ones she handled the small ones. My wife paid for my suit. I did not have to ask her even my own family did not drop pure water for my wedding. They told me abi na you won marry, we send you message? That is the reason why when they talk from now till tomorrow, my wife comes first, that is why any side chic wey won enter our matter, na me go give my wife the bottle to break her head.

Most Nigerian women like to form equality when it suits them, when matter land, they go say abi you are the man of the house. If that is the case then as a man na authoritarianism I go apply for my house, Adolf hitler go be saint where I dey. Since I handle everything. You dont have a say. Its what I say that stands whether wrong or right.
Na so I for do am if e be say e happen to me.

Women are meant to assist us. A good woman will assist without being told. If she cant she will show it in her attitude that she is unhappy that she cant. I see no reason why your fiancee is pissed because she has to buy her own wedding gown etc.

If I was in your shoes I will cancel the wedding. No white wedding. Reason being I do not have the money for it and NOBODY is assisting me. We go stay traditionally married. Your woman will wake up by force because they no dey use white wedding play, it is where they can dance to stupor and sing bye bye to yeye boyfriend at the reception.

But let me not sound like I am supporting you. You sef, na scope they dey use dey do these things. You dont say;
ehe Nkechi so I spent 2million for trad so for this white you go gats put 50%, you think say I no know how much you dey collect? God don catch you

No! You for ask like this

Sweety pie, please I need your help on this mara. You see I have spent 30 billion from my account. Even though I still dont understand why I did that, but as e be I need your help, if you can.

Since you know the kind of woman you are getting married to.
For which you deserve slap if you say you did not see these signs before saying Will you marry me.

This is my personal opi.

And by the way I shoot wedding videos, so patronise me. Check my site and see my jobs

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

GrammarNazi1:

Saddening! Yet, the problem is even deeper.

my old friend it's been a while

From what you said, you didn't plan with her
You planned and wanted her support and to execute the part you assigned to her
You need to shred that plan of yours and make another plan with her

You should know that women always want Tobe given attention weather they are right or wrong

In addition, for her to stop picking your calls for some days?
Brother if you didn't date her for a long time to know her well, I think it's time you reevaluate your partner to see if both of you are compatible because such attitude from a wife to be is not encouraging at all

seanwilliam:
I always think you are very intelligent, but today, i can see you are just a typical naija lady with little knowledge... expected you to counter the guy with palpable points, but no, the feministic attitude would always find its way to show.. I'm referring to the bolded you quoted in the guy's post..

be Quiet... You That Is Talking Are You Intelligent

Using myself as a case study. Apologize and tell her you can't continue with the wedding. In my case I was charged 380k for hall alone in one of the popular hall in Lagos, knowing with 150 I am very fine in my state. I openly tell her baby let's shift the wedding as I can't pay 380k for a day wedding. Eventually I paid 150 and the 230 was sorted by the bride family. Mind you this is only allowed in Yoruba areas where bride is responsible for wedding.

You can sort things out wt her.It depends on how elaborate you want your wedding to be.If you have a budget of a million naira wedding, make a plan without any recourse to your fiancee input.Then present this before her.If she says the budget is too low for her liking,then ,that is where you wl tactically ask for her input.Do nt be too direct while dealing wt a lady

Gender equality lol

Levelzguy:
why are you just delegating financial responsibilities and sharing wedding costs 3 weeks to your wedding. you are not a serious person. before you decided to get married, you ought to have worked all these out. Before you get married to someone, both of you ought to have had serious discussions about your finances and how you'd run the home..Let her keep ignoring your calls, when she's ready she'd reach out. Both of you are not serious

IamPlato:
be Quiet... You That Is Talking Are You Intelligent

always put ? At the end of a question..

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

Oil dey ur head....i dey feel u

jaxxy:


The man contributes more during the wedding not the woman unless where she’s feels she needs to support for various reasons. U are the one who came to propose and marry her not the other way around. Demanding a 50/50 for the wedding because u are privileged to know what she earns isn’t right. There are other ways to get her to contribute than asking her to pay 50% of her wedding. Depending on the circumstances it cud be seen as red flag.

Then let remain unmarried, after all no be every woman go marry
I get plenty auntie's wey because of their shakara no marry again
Le

Brazenbabe:
That is how the woman would pay most of the wedding bills and household bills, tomorrow they would wake up and say
"Get out of my house"
"I used my money to marry you"
"You don't have a say in this house"
"Your place is in the kitchen, etc
I hope you have also imposed half of the house work and child care on your self, the way you have imposed half of the wedding bills on her
This is the reality of a lot of married women in this country. They inherit more than half of the bills in the family, none of the equality, all of the chores, none of the respect etc.
Tomorrow, this one would impose his family on the woman wait on hands and feet, they would never tell the truth about how the bag of rice his family is swallowing was bought by the woman o
If only their ego was directly proportional to their finances. E for good o.

You do realize that what you just posted makes no sense?

That's they said no matter how much a woman earn, she's still a liability.

faithfull18:

And equality as regards everything domestic in their home, cooking, cleaning etc. since they're already sharing wedding bills equally.

@OP, If you can't afford a big wedding, let her know if she's the type who loves big weddings. Why put yourself through unnecessary strain

At bolded. Are you aware most women end up getting maids whose monthly pay is squeezed out from the man?

Stop shouting domestic yenyenyen up and down.....

When You Want To Marry Better Be Ready To Spend because You Are The Once Going Out To Find A wife Not Wife Going Out To Find You... You Find A Woman You Want And You Getting In touch With Her People telling Them You Want Their Daughter, you Have To Pay A Price and This Is Part Of The Price Since You Want To Also Do Church Wedding

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

GOD BLESS YOU SIR,YOU WENT MY WAY,AND I HONEETLY RESPEXT YOUR CHOSE OF WORDS,...GOD BLESS U ONCE AGAIN

brother you did well, gone are those days men bear all the responsibilities for wedding after all it take two to tangle, hope u have not gotten urself involved with a stingy woman who sees her money/salary as her own while the husbands money is for us, this type i dare say will not be submissive financially...marraige is for 2 people like wise the expenses especially when the lady is equally earning, hope she is not the type easily influenced by her unmarried friends? or the type that has hyped her man and her up coming wedding before friends, ur fiancee must be someone that has many friends they are influencing her, she is stingy with money and sees the man as the only provider, o boy u are on a long thing, when i wanted to marry my wife had no job then i paid every thing and it was huge but later she got a job and supports me financially...talk to her parents she needs serious counselling by the way have you guys done your marraige course? mine was 6 months and u know catholic church do not joke with marraige course...talk to her elders she will come around she need to grow up, this should have been taken care of during the marraige course

Watch the ballad video from Yung L- Island Thing.... Thats how "I have the full video" started trending

https://abegabeg.com/video-premiere-yung-l-island-thing/