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My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do - Family (10) - Nairaland

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Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by lozanni(m): 6:01pm On Feb 07, 2020
donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

You are a truly matured person !
You also know how to play the game wink
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by Reubenu: 6:03pm On Feb 07, 2020
You would have politely asked her if there is any way she will contribute.
Then you listen and know the area she will accept to take care of.
She taught if you marry her every every will be 50/50 and want to show you earlier that it won't work that way.

1 Like

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by PreetyAngel4U: 6:04pm On Feb 07, 2020
seanwilliam:
Mr Sylvester.... hear what I have to say
1. I like you for being Direct and straight to the point- unfortunately, women dont like that( atleast naija ladies)
2. I like you cos You dont pretend-unfortunately women dont like that( atleast naija ladies)
3. You believe in Gender Equality- women LIKE that( atleast naija ladies)
4. You believe in equality in Financial contributions- unfortunately women dont like that( atleast naija ladies)..

I dont have much to say, but
Follow Donstan18 advice..cos most of what I would have said is in the guy's post..

In addition to that... when dealing with women
1. Be more cunny
2. Dont be to raw and direct( in situation like this )
3. Always be atleast ONE move ahead of your wife( intelligent wise, money wise, smartness wise, exposure wise and all other positive things you could think of)..
.


.
Call people she respect and brief the matter to them, if she really loves you, she would come back...
But note that ,she certainly takes money above your love.. that's the bitter truth.....

Money above love?

These days, even men separate money from love.
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by davillian(m): 6:04pm On Feb 07, 2020
You used the direct approach instead of the indirect approach.

1 Like

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by bukatyne(f): 6:05pm On Feb 07, 2020
sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

If you have done traditional rites, you are married.

So why did you both wait three weeks to the Church Wedding before sharing cost?

What is your tradition as regards wedding expenses? Who sponsored the traditional wedding?

Have you reached out to your family? Her family? What are they saying?

I guess the real question is: Did you marry a woman unstable enough to divorce you because you allocated 50% of the white wedding expenses to her?

2 Likes

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by adexpa(m): 6:07pm On Feb 07, 2020
Belafonte:


Olden days wives didn’t work, they were submissive and their husbands were expected to cater to their needs.

Modern wives need not be submissive and they should be able to cater to their own needs.

What exactly should I be delivered from? Common sense?


Who tells you olden days wife don't work. My mum works and I know of many mother that works and still submit. I am not here to argue, but to only discredit your statement... It lacks fact.
Thanks
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by BRATISLAVA: 6:08pm On Feb 07, 2020
safarigirl:
who told you she is a feminist?


You lot are so ignorant, you randomly throw the term 'feminist' at every working woman. Not every woman is a feminist, there are even male feminists. Educate yourself.


Seems "feminist" is the new word thrown around by men who have bitterly discovered that they can't eat their cake and have it anymore.

2 Likes

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by Mariangeles(f): 6:09pm On Feb 07, 2020
donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

I'm not saying you're the manipulative type o, but you kinda have sense grin grin grin

Mbe ka-iwu grin

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by rosalieene(f): 6:11pm On Feb 07, 2020
Huncle, talk true....
you're getting married to her so that both of you will be sharing bills equally in the home or probably expect her to contribute more
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by Misscongenialit: 6:12pm On Feb 07, 2020
sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

That your wife is working does not make you allocate responsibilities to her. This is where you men get things wrong. It is your responsibility to provide for her, if she earns you dont allocate responsibilities just like that except if u married her to share money responsibility then that makes you very irresponsible.
Real men do not ask women for money as if they are both men in the house sharing responsibility. you have sold your self respect by telling her to bring money.

Women know wen to give money to men and this does not happen because u tell them to bring money but because they want to willingly do it to help the man.

You went about it the wrong way,u have to go and apologize and forget about asking for money from her. For peace , in her good mood she will give u.

U were too quick to us her salary and not yours, I really hope its not what I'm thinking
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by vikithor(m): 6:14pm On Feb 07, 2020
Nairaland congregation will never cease to amuse,have been reeling in spiritually driven laughter from the first page of this post up to the 9th,most commenters will end up saying "its your duty to foot the bills 100%,with a clause that she might assist in any way little.
So I ask,should the man sweep up the bills on what will the sister's widow's mite be spent on? Should the bro pay up for everything(not expecting her to contribute, if it happens she wants to,on what will she spend on where all bills has been taken care of,if you members of this congregation will support the bro shouldn't expect financial contribution from the wife to be,as such,no need in raising a debate on it,on the marriage day,sister or family members come up with their beggerly widows mite to pay for canopy (to discovered it has been paid for) to pay for entertainment (...paid for)to arrange for food(xyz catering services has been paid to handle that) every thing paid for,and turns out kinda embarrassing that sister or family members have no financial contributory role to play just to answer 'we were present and witnessed everything',won't the bride rant complaining "he didn't ask for my contributions"? Marital matters has the most complex of all complexities of all human endeavor,cos any point,the default complexities must raise its head,the wisest btw the couple (yes,the most discernible partner)should deal with it,better for them if both couple are wise.But worst will be that both are foolish,no matter the height or journey the marriage from dating or courting to marriage,living together and parenting together, this usual complexities must at anytime raise its ugly head the big pictures starring at them at this junction will be 'nearest exit route-separation,divorce'
Watchfulness in watching and praying and acting in obedience to God's command must be the watch word from and through the journey
..........
BTW
Learn how to drive better than you were told or shown.call or WhatsApp from contacts below.
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by PreetyAngel4U: 6:14pm On Feb 07, 2020
Men and control.

If she doesn't agree now, they'll say she isn't submissive.

If she had no source of income, she probably wouldn't be engaged to him.

Ladies please take care of yourselves.

If you are yet to be married, most of us passed through this. Even the one that handles everything initially would expect reciprocity in marriage.

There is nothing like if you love me , you'll take care of me. These days men want it 50/50. They are ready to be your slave if its 0/100. Then I pity you if its 100/0, be ready to take shit.

No one really advises ladies that after marriage, they are on their own.
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by cooooooks(m): 6:16pm On Feb 07, 2020
Leave her.

If she doesn't want to marry, she should go.


sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

1 Like

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by Wiifesnatcher(m): 6:18pm On Feb 07, 2020
you're not fit for marriage Op. a complete sissy is what you're



a lady you court and do her traditional marriage left with annoyance, like workout on you and you're calling her for what exactly? just thank your star you're not my elder brother, the kind slap you go get ehn, you will called off the wedding


you're to plan wedding with your woman but it's obvious you're sharing relationship management with your so called fiancé. a man must be on top of his game every time. abeg leave her to do her worse, she will only disgrace herself as you've done the major things, church wedding is not mandatory


even if someone give me 200million to do church wedding I won't, na court things no time

2 Likes

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by farady(m): 6:20pm On Feb 07, 2020
Somebody should post that meme with the caption "this is how witchcraft begins" grin cheesy.

OP, na you dey marry, so you are responsible for virtually everything. You lay your cards on the table and both of you work out the budget, which should fall within what you can afford. Better wife material would always ensure you are not "heavily taxed" by her people and also assist with taking care of some expenses. It will naturally come from her mind.

However, ditching out % for her to bear (50% for that matter) sends wrong signals to her. So many comments; some sound, some caustic, some feminist. You can get a woman to spend without sounding brash like donstan18 stated.

Way forward, wait till you get money or tell her to assist that you have run out of gas in a loving way oh.

Lastly, no put eye for woman money, never. You both may need to go for counseling, then both of you must sit to discuss how you run the finances of your home. Again, that discussion should be blind to how much she earns. Let her contribution comes from her mind for you tho enjoy your marriage. Wishing you the very best.
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by bukatyne(f): 6:20pm On Feb 07, 2020
seanwilliam:
you have said it all..
1. you are submissive , I'll take your full responsibility.
2. You are not submissive, you take care of your responsibility
3. You want gender Equality, then we practice Equality in financial contributions too

What has submission got to do with financial contribution?

You don't expect your wife to be submissive because she contributes financially in the home?
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by 12inchess: 6:20pm On Feb 07, 2020
She should pay her fair share. You're not getting married to yourself. If both of you will enjoy the benefits of the marriage together then why should only u carry the expenses. This is utterly stupid.

3 Likes

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by LordShiva97(m): 6:24pm On Feb 07, 2020
Mobree:


Heeeeeeeeee... OP did not say she made no contributions to the trad oo.

That's true, thanks for the correction.

1 Like

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by Oluwadami009(m): 6:27pm On Feb 07, 2020
Michellekabod2:
See the issue posh wedding has caused?
So the years of love will be wasted just because of argument on wedding bills...

If my husband brings 5 million for wedding,i will use 4.5 million to start a business for myself and the 500k will be for the court wedding, light refreshment and traditional rites grin

What if he could only afford #200k?. grin grin cheesy
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by adexpa(m): 6:27pm On Feb 07, 2020
uruba23:
OP all this should have been sorted out before you choose a date for the wedding. It is like you are putting her on the spot. You assume she is earning 200k what if she is servicing a debt of 150k monthly...Just go and apologize to her make your traditional wedding way you do no waste .


This is where the problem comes from. You should have trash this long ago. Suppose you had raised this issue before now, you guys will have enough time to discuss it and agree on either 50-50 or 60-40. I do not see issue asking your woman to contribute on wedding that is for both of you, but it is not in their nature to spend their money. It takes some time to convince them. You shown her that you were capable during the traditional and she is not prepared for any contribution, so it shocks her when you came up with the idea suddenly. You would have let her know long ago that you will take care of traditional, but you will need her help during white wedding then you guys can sit and formulate how you will share the bill.
I pity you my brother, and the reason is because from my observation, you never deal with woman well before now on the area of money and it will break your heart many time when you get married because the woman you are sleeping with everyday will hide her millions when you are in dare need of just 100k. They are not wired to spend their money(maybe naija ladies) but they can spend the whole world when it is someone else money.
Just find a way to engage her genuinely, do not force her and if she didn't see your point, go ahead with what you have and learn from it because you will see plenty in marriage.
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by bukatyne(f): 6:28pm On Feb 07, 2020
dominique:
There used to be a time when the bride's family sponsored certain aspects of the wedding. Now every expense is being pushed on the groom's shoulder, not fair at all. Even without being asked, you should be responsible for parts of the expenses. Women and their families should stop seeing wedding and marriage as a form of internal revenue generation. They'll only end up losing the husband's respect

@bold:

It depends on the tribe.

In Yoruba land, the bride's family hosts the wedding. The couple can do the wedding gown, accessories, hall etc.

The food which is the bulk is handed by the bride's family.

1 Like

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by darediamond(m): 6:28pm On Feb 07, 2020
The REALITY IS: MOST NIGERIAN LADIES ESPECIALLY FROM THE SOUTH, ARE MOTHER-PREPARED LIABILITIES AND ARE BROKE WITHOUT ANY SIGN OF AN END TO IT!!

NEVER MARRY AN IRRESPONSIBLE LADY THAT HAVE NOTHING TO BRING TO THE TABLE.

Having a Job so not mean you are responsible. NO!!!!

DO NOT GET IT TWISTED!!!!

OP, THAT LADY WILL DIVORCE YOU IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!

REMEMBER LIFE IS FULL OF HIGHS AND LOWS. WOULD A LADY WHO IS PROVING IRRESPOSIBLE NOW STAY WITH YOU IF THE LOWS OF LIFE (God forbid) SHOWS UP IN YOUR MATRIMONY??

IF SHE STAYS, WOULD SHE STAY WITH 100% LOYALTY AND STILL RESPECT YOU AS THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY?

SHE AS SHOWN THE SIGN THAT ANSWERS THE QUESTIONS ABOVE AS """ NOOO!! """

3 Likes

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by Izigha(m): 6:31pm On Feb 07, 2020
the funny thing about this issue is THAT THEY ARE HUSBAND AND WIFE ALREADY
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by executive12: 6:31pm On Feb 07, 2020
I am not surprised. That's a typical Nigerian lady for you right there. The average Nigerian girl is raised to believe that 'his money is our money but her money is her money '
I will advise that you go see her and try to talk things over with her and let her understand why she should help out. After all, the Bible said that women are helpers.
This incident should not cause a split because most of the ladies are of the same mindset on the issue of finance.

1 Like

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by Btruth: 6:32pm On Feb 07, 2020
Davash222:


I don’t even know who brought this issue of white wedding to Africans.
Mango Park........ Lol

grin grin grin
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by fortune1968: 6:32pm On Feb 07, 2020
Davash222:
She’s earning 200K monthly
Where she dey work?



Assuming this story is legit, her 3 months salary should cover for her gown and the catering. But, that doesn’t mean you have to impose that on her unless she forced you to marry her.

No one is forcing you to wed. if you don’t have the funds for that, since you’re done with the traditional wedding and rites, go to any magistrate court close to you and certify your wedding.

I don’t even know who brought this issue of white wedding to Africans.
I I wonder o . It is a negative imitation .
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by Nobody: 6:35pm On Feb 07, 2020
adexpa:



This is where the problem comes from. You should have trash this long ago. Suppose you had raised this issue before now, you guys will have enough time to discuss it and agree on either 50-50 or 60-40. I do not see issue asking your woman to contribute on wedding that is for both of you, but it is not in their nature to spend their money. It takes some time to convince them. You shown her that you were capable during the traditional and she is not prepared for any contribution, so it shocks her when you came up with the idea suddenly. You would have let her know long ago that you will take care of traditional, but you will need her help during white wedding then you guys can sit and formulate how you will share the bill.
I pity you my brother, and the reason is because from my observation, you never deal with woman well before now on the area of money and it will break your heart many time when you get married because the woman you are sleeping with everyday will hide her millions when you are in dare need of just 100k. They are not wired to spend their money(maybe naija ladies) but they can spend the whole world when it is someone else money.
Just find a way to engage her genuinely, do not force her and if she didn't see your point, go ahead with what you have and learn from it because you will see plenty in marriage.
I agree with you Chief most people don't seems to realize money would play a lot in marriage they just think it is about butterfly feelings. But I suspect the ops thought he was capable initially until the trado made a dent on his pocket.It still boils down to lack of proper planning.I think a court wedding is even better.me I am kukuma shy I can't be doing wedding that everybody would be looking at me. A small simple wedding is okay by me .

2 Likes

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by Skmoda360(m): 6:36pm On Feb 07, 2020
kunleweb:
Sisi. Go and meet her in person.


How do you expect people to give you advice when you're the one doing the marrying?


Sissies everywhere. You need counsel on how to speak with someone you want to get married to. What a sissy
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by EmmanuelBanks: 6:36pm On Feb 07, 2020
donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

The elder has spoken....heed to this
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by jessikoholic: 6:36pm On Feb 07, 2020
The first place you failed is looking at her stats. 2. You should have been singing it to her in a jovial way at least way back so that she'll have it in mind not shoving it in her throat 3 weeks to your wedding!!

1 Like

Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by goldmatrix(m): 6:36pm On Feb 07, 2020
Women who help her-husband to be foot wedding bills feel they are cheap. They also think that they are the one paying their own bride price.

Now it has future implications:

1. She may not submit to you as a wife should
Insult to your person might come handy etc

My advice: Find money, go out there and marry her with all your efforts.
Re: My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do by jubrilELsudan: 6:38pm On Feb 07, 2020
She's a very stupid gold digging husband snatcher.

1 Like

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