faithfull18:

Same for Naija men. Supposing OP's fiancee had done as he asked. You wouldn't hear anything about it.

You guys come online to talk like you are any better. In the average Nigerian home today, the women carry most of the financial burden, go and do your survey then go back and back up your points with facts not fiction or why do you think children most times respect and take care of their mothers more. They do all the men should and more, yet till cover up for the men.

You guys need to start appreciating Naija women.

Have you been married before? I have....women are plain selfish!! Oh!! Now women carry most financial responsibilities? So I guess I was foolish to have carried all d financial burden while she saved up right? Una dey dream! Very soon all of you will start running to Ghanian and Cameroon men to beg marriage because we don wise....pack and go!!

Brazenbabe:
That is how the woman would pay most of the wedding bills and household bills, tomorrow they would wake up and say
"Get out of my house"
"I used my money to marry you"
"You don't have a say in this house"
"Your place is in the kitchen, etc
I hope you have also imposed half of the house work and child care on your self, the way you have imposed half of the wedding bills on her
This is the reality of a lot of married women in this country. They inherit more than half of the bills in the family, none of the equality, all of the chores, none of the respect etc.
Tomorrow, this one would impose his family on the woman wait on hands and feet, they would never tell the truth about how the bag of rice his family is swallowing was bought by the woman o
If only their ego was directly proportional to their finances. E for good o.

meaning the man should bear all the burden of the wedding? A bi?

tiredoflife:


Gold digger oshi.
No wonder marriage no dey last
People marry ladies because of their job
See as e dey announce her salary
Bloody materialistic bastard

She made a mistake in marrying u
She will regret it all her life
What a bum
So u dey allocate 50%
Like for real
And u dont know what u did wrong
What an entitled beast
When she no bring money
U go ku ku kill am na

This one go give him wife belle
Say na two of una Bleep so una go share hospital bills
Oponu
Ode raised to the power of mumu

Reading this comment that's bereft of common human reasoning, William Shakespeare's famous quip comes to mind:

“It's better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and erase all doubt. ”
–William Shakespeare

bukatyne:


What has submission got to do with financial contribution?

You don't expect your wife to be submissive because she contributes financially in the home?

we all know Africa women with money are not submissive..MOST of them hide there true color because they are being catered for ,( they feign submissiveness).. so if you are not gonna be submissive to me as your husband, then be ready to share responsibilities ( responsibilities make a man) with me.. since you think being a man is easy and being a feminist is good..

KingSatan:
WHY ARE YOU STILL REFERRING TO HER AS YOUR FINACEE IF YOU HAVE MARRIED HER TRADITIONALLY?


WHAT KIND OF WORLD IS THIS?


DOES THE WHITE MAN ENGAGE IN AFRICAN TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE?


DO YOU KNOW THE HISTORY BEHIND THE MARRIAGE IN THE CHURCH?


THE MOST ANNOYING THING IS THAT YOU BOTH DONT LIVE TOGETHER YET.


PARENTS CALL YOUR CHILDREN TO ORDER!


DON'T LET THIS INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE DIE.




THIS DAYS, ALL A WOMAN KNOWS ABOUT MARRIAGE IS "DANCING SHOKI AND WALKING DOWN THE ISLE WITH 200 BRIDESMAID"

WILL THE MARRIAGE LAST 200 YEARS?


DO YOU KNOW THAT THE TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE CEREMONY IS MORE SPIRITUAL THAT THE NONSENSE YOU DO IN CHURCH?




VERY CRAZY GENERATION!

All hail Lord Satan!
Calm down Dark Lord.

bendazum:


I doubt you are married.

What does that have to do with wedding contributions

creolehunt:


Lol. I get your point man. Especially the last paragraph.

Bro I thought my dad was just speaking of advicing me not until our new neighbor packed into our vicinity and then I understood my dad's point .

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

Some ladies wouldn't see any thing wrong in what you suggested most ladies will happily assist you especially the ones of marriageable age and can't wait to be called "Mrs". Except your fiancee are among those that think they are doing you a favour by getting married to you. With what she earns she should be able to assist you.

The reason young guys like us wants a working class ladies is so we can share responsibility. Gone are the days when the man shoulders all the responsibilities.

Sir, you such say this woman go assist you shoulder some responsibilities when you guys are finally together.

If I where you I will reach out to her in person but if she gives me attitude I will quietly call of the wedding.

tomdon:



What does that have to do with wedding contributions

A lot. Let married folks talk. Sit and learn.

As much as I support contributions from both parties for the wedding. The area I have a problem with your post is stating how much she earns.

Here is why. It shows that even in future. As the man of the house /home you will say because she earns x amount of money she should do this and that.

Some men are always in the habit of saying their wives earns higher than them or a certain amount so they leave her with responsibilities while they dangle their penis as man of the house.


You have already spend a huge money on trad, so what? Did you guys draw up a budget for your wedding before now and sit down to plan how to go about it from beginning? So because you have spent on trad, she should foot catering services bill of probably #700k depending on what dishes you want for the day and number of guests. Mbannu!


As a man, there is a way, you bring up issues lay the cards on the table and your responsible wife to be will even know what steps to take without you telling her. If you can't communicate effectively now, I wonder when you will when house rent, school fees, and feeding and home upkeep is involved. Then you will say she earns #500k monthly from UN so she should pay rent, okwaya?

Moralgladiator:
Have you been married before? I have....women are plain selfish!! Oh!! Now women carry most financial responsibilities? So I guess I was foolish to have carried all d financial burden while she saved up right? Una dey dream! Very soon all of you will start running to Ghanian and Cameroon men to beg marriage because we don wise...pack and go!!

Error, last time I checked, we had more men than women, the only thing is irresponsible men are more thereby creating the impression that there's scarcity.

If not for Africa's tradition and the undue pressure placed on ladies, most ladies won't send you o#fact.

Munzy14:

Exactly.

when a woman starts contributing money by obligation, she is bound to insult the husband at any given opportunity.

And it's worst if she contributes majority of the finance.

But in all, if your wife is your best friend, that's when marriage is sweeter. You literally do all jointly and u Will value and respect eachother very well.

That's why I advise guys to date their girl for a very long period of time ,and I see it as the best means of courtship not the one year courtship when u tell ur babe thing's are hard she will just make a funny laugh at u like u are not serious ...

I have come to notice that most lady way day stay with their guy even carry Belle even born before the guy do marriage this can go a long way upto 4 years or even 5 years na them they loyal or mellow pass when it comes to marriage ....

While the ones u go just approach,after 9 months una go do marriage , when they enter hux na misbehave they go just day misbehave ,, probably they have hit a jackpot

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

Too much sense will not keel you.

faithfull18:

Error, last time I checked, we had more men than women, the only thing is irresponsible men are more thereby creating the impression that there's scarcity.

If not for African's tradition and the undue pressure placed on ladies, most ladies won't send you o#fact.

Are u sure madam....

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

Anywhere in the world the wedding dress is the responsibility of the man just like the engagement and wedding rings too. It's your gift to your wife. If for any reason you knew you needed financial help with the wedding you should have approached your In-laws and told them where you need help and they could have contributed to the wedding or talked to your fiancee to help out. Send her a message apologizing and asking to talk things over. It's clear you goofed bro.

creolehunt:


Excuse me. Please is there anything even remotely wrong with her contributing to her own wedding? Should this even be a problem at all? It will be interesting to know why the woman in question is angry.

Somehow I detest selfish, entitled and unreasonable people. Shee earns 200k which is a whole lot of money given the economic realities of the time yet she won't want to be a financial partaker. When it suits them, they become equality advocates, other times they conveniently turn a blind eye.

I read where some of them were rambling incoherently on how they don't want their in-laws in their house. This is same women that bring all their family and ancestral problems to the man the moment he proposes.

Quite disturbing.

You are so correct. This may be a blessing in disguise. You now have the opportunity to know who and what you are marrying, or will be married to. Do you really want someone who will not assist you equally when able and when necessary to be your wife? THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!!

My brother you are in trouble a woman who earns 200k monthly and refuse to handle a cost approximately 4 months her salary for me is too red a flag. What of if you are broke or could not work anymore wouldn't she help out

victorian:









Babe, a lot of working class ladies pay for their wedding these days. Forget those smiles and poses. The ladies pay through their nose, especially if the guy is still hustling and never blow yet.
Marriage is no beans o.

Women are trying, I swear.

If I marry your type. Na you go sponsor the wedding 100% sef. Because I'm the one doing you a favor

Pusyiter:
I go beg her make she understand
Tell her you love her just as she is and that the reason you want to settle with her is because she is just herself
I go beg. Na man dey find wife....

Michellekabod2:
See the issue posh wedding has caused?
So the years of love will be wasted just because of argument on wedding bills...

If my husband brings 5 million for wedding,i will use 4.5 million to start a business for myself and the 500k will be for the court wedding, light refreshment and traditional rites

Bear hugs for this sound reasoning

Papanwamaikpe:
If I marry your type. Na you go sponsor the wedding 100% sef. Because I'm the one doing you a favor

It's good u said "If"

Cause for me? I'm not interested in the kind of marriages happening these days. I rather remain single.

So keep searching for replica of me.

Excess oil dey this head

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

Toks2008:


He is very married. Read again.

He is only complicating issues for himself by opting for a white man's type of wedding when he is not even financially ready.

But you are using white man's type of phone and technology and religion and government and everything.

You black people are perplexing!!

Nnunuisikalaka:
Well as a woman that has years of experience on marriage, I will tell you this:
You and your fiancee have different orientation about money. Most crashed marriages are as a result of financial disagreement. I always believe that traditional rite of marriage falls on the guy but if i earn 200k a month, I will be the one to tell him that this and that I will shoulder after all, posh weddings are mostly girls thing not guys
. As it is now, Go to the girl and tell her simply that the wedding would hold Bros of fund but that you are ready for a court wedding with minimal reception. But first of all tell her that you are sorry for sharing the expenses without her opinion first. If she doesn't have a problem with your suggestion, you have found a wife in deed but if she still insists on having her lavish wedding without contributing upto 50% when she can afford it is a serious red flag. Marriage is a serious business so everything should be duly discussed . Goodluck

I'm surprised at the answers here. Where is it written that the groom must handle 100% of the expenses?

Wise words

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

Why should she walk out on the man? Can't she have a mature discussion and negotiate with him, give him reasons and tell him her capabilities?

obowunmi:


No joke oo....true story. I swear.

She is a medical doctor. She even married her husband only one week after meeting him. They are four years together with two boys. She was ready to do anything to be married. She married him at 36 years old.

I was going to ask what she was gaining in the marriage.

Well the husband is providing the service of societal achievement.

What a price to pay.

Hope the guy is good and doesn't emotionally stress her?

Go find her and talk to her physically. You've not exhausted all options before asking for help here.

Do that and we'll talk. In the meantime, this act tells a lot in my opinion (impatience) on your part and a lack of proper communication from both of you. Work on it and you guys will be better for it

Best wishes

bendazum:


A lot. Let married folks talk. Sit and learn.

You have not made any sense. No substance.
If that's all you can utter, then you need some sense cos you lack it
A sensible person should be able to argue based on point and not cast aspersion on another person while making no meaningful point of his own.
Explain you can't even explain yourself. Mr married man. Imbe

Davash222:
She’s earning 200K monthly
Where she dey work?



Assuming this story is legit, her 3 months salary should cover for her gown and the catering. But, that doesn’t mean you have to impose that on her unless she forced you to marry her.

No one is forcing you to wed. if you don’t have the funds for that, since you’re done with the traditional wedding and rites, go to any magistrate court close to you and certify your wedding.

I don’t even know who brought this issue of white wedding to Africans.

If they both agreed as consenting adults to wed why should he bear the burden of the cost. It's 2020 if women want to wear trousers they should be ready to do an equitable amount of lifting

victorian:







It's good u said "If"

Cause for me? I'm not interested in the kind of marriages happening these days. I rather remain single.

So keep searching for replica of me.

You go soon hit 40 no worry