She is a good person. I have my faults, just most the time we are together, I always pick up little things that don't sit well with me. Just different values/attitudes to things like money, way of life, attitude to people etc. I tried to change her but it's not smooth and deep down I don't want change because I push for it. I prefer to explain a different perspective of life (which I do), you see if its better, and change yourself.

I've been told to be patient with her. My gut is just so doubtful. I'm afraid of story that you saw little signs, but you closed your eyes, at the other hand, problem could be me that needs to compromise more.

Compromise is good, but to what level?

Has anyone had experience going against (or for) pastor's wishes, did it turn out well or not?

Meanwhile, there is also someone else, we get along very well, I feel we understand ourselves, but no one says she is the one

85% of Pastors aren't genuine, so if 4 out of 5 says she's your wife, it makes no difference as the 4 of them might not be genuine men of God.

Dear Novakk,

Whatever anyone says, whomever they say is ideal for you, you, my dear, will be the one wearing the shoe in the long run; only you will have to live with the person you eventually choose to marry, hence you may want to choose someone you have personally picked out for yourself because:

1. I believe that on different levels, you know yourself better than anyone else and you know what you can tolerate.
2. When eventually, marital problems crop (they always do), you’ll be more inclined to work through it and keep moving if your spouse is someone you choose and you two have mutual understanding.

Don’t follow ‘Pastor said that the lord revealed’. When the un revealed trials come, those pastors won’t help you oh!

Be that as it may, marry the right person for the right reasons.

Good luck.

You’ll be needing it.

�

Do you love her? Do you have children together?

novakk:
Meanwhile, there is also someone else, we get along very well, I feel we understand ourselves, but no one says she is the one

This is why you're getting distracted.

Please tell one of those pastors to marry her for themselves or for one of their brothers, since she is so perfect.

Good enough you are honest to mention that she is good. The fact that 5pastors said she is your wife, makes the situation very complex, so you must be careful. Only God knows the purpose you have to fulfill on Earth, such that God took time to prepare a woman for you, you have met her, and 5pastors have confirmed again that she is the right one. Were the pastors in different churches or same church? How did they tell you she is your wife? Was it after discussions? Were you the one that told the pastors about her or they saw the vision by themselves, since you did not take time to write your message, I can only hope that those pastors are not LIARS.

If you are not ready to compromise In some aspects of your relationship/marriage, you may have issues, besides why do you want to change her? Change yourself/adjust, or you leave the lady alone. She will still find another husband.

If she is very young and not too interested in marriage, the best way you can make her bend to your ways is by showing her love/care. In your write-up you sound entitled/unromantic, you will not win the heart of a young lady by being stiff, losen up and show her love. Be patient, I don't think you should quit.

novakk:

*She is a good person.
*I have my faults.
*I tried to change her but it's not smooth.
*I've been told to be patient with her.
*Compromise is good, but to what level?
*Has anyone had experience going against (or for) pastor's wishes, did it turn out well or not?

go marry your pastors.... you'll be happy then.

If I tell you how many guys have told me a pastor said I am their wife eh

LilMissFavvy:
Good enough you are honest to mention that she is good. The fact that 5pastors said she is your wife, makes the situation very complex, so you must be careful. Only God knows the purpose you have to fulfill on Earth, such that God took time to prepare a woman for you, you have met her, and 5pastors have confirmed again that she is the right one. Were the pastors in different churches or same church? How did they tell you she is your wife? Was it after discussions? Were you the one that told the pastors about her or they saw the vision by themselves, since you did not take time to write your message, I can only hope that those pastors are not LIARS.

If you are not ready to compromise In some aspects of your relationship/marriage, you may have issues, besides why do you want to change her? Change yourself/adjust, or you leave the lady alone. She will still find another husband.

If she is very young and not too interested in marriage, the best way you can make her bend to your ways is by showing her love/care. In your write-up you sound entitled/unromantic, you will not win the heart of a young lady by being stiff, losen up and show her love. Be patient, I don't think you should quit.

whether pastor said or not he should leave her alone. He sounds selfish and doesn't deserve the lady for a wife. He admits he has flaws yet he can't compromise on her own fault.


It will not take time before he starts finding fault in this second lady

No one is perfect. You cannot find a lady who will match your taste 100%.


That said, forget what the clergymen told you. Do not take them serious. If you wish to continue seeing her, do so because you love her but not because of what some random clergymen told you.

novakk:
She is a good person. I have my faults, just most the time we are together, I always pick up little things that don't sit well with me. Just different values/attitudes to things like money, way of life, attitude to people etc. I tried to change her but it's not smooth and deep down I don't want change because I push for it. I prefer to explain a different perspective of life (which I do), you see if its better, and change yourself.

I've been told to be patient with her. My gut is just so doubtful. I'm afraid of story that you saw little signs, but you closed your eyes, at the other hand, problem could be me that needs to compromise more.

Compromise is good, but to what level?

Has anyone had experience going against (or for) pastor's wishes, did it turn out well or not?

Forget about semantics and rhetorics of pastors, that lady is not your wife. You both have compatibility issue!

novakk:
Meanwhile, there is also someone else, we get along very well, I feel we understand ourselves, but no one says she is the one

But what is it with men seeking opinion of people to decide what/who matches them?

God in His Infinite Wisdom Never assigned any specific man for any particular woman. He gave humans the privileges of "finding" their wives. It is us humans that determine who is best for us based on character, ideology, attitude, beauty, faith, belief, age, tribe, race, education, medicals, social status etc. Everyone knows who clicks with him! It isn't a function of some clergy or popular opinion.

BTW once the choice is made, we should be prepared for whatever outcome it would bring.

You tried to change her but you don't want to change. You see for marriage to work, you have to be accommodating and willing to compromise certain things. She can't be the exact you. You have to meet her half way. About the pastors I can't say if those things work. Sit in the silence of your heart and search and your soul will tell you the truth.

Those pastors will not be there when trouble comes, choose wisely. Marry a woman you love, not the one you doubt .

okotie, iginla, oyakilome are they not pastors How did their own marriage end .

first thank you for the replies, from the counsel of others, one learns

Illuminatus:
Dear Novakk,

Whatever anyone says, whomever they say is ideal for you, you, my dear, will be the one wearing the shoe in the long run; only you will have to live with the person you eventually choose to marry, hence you may want to choose someone you have personally picked out for yourself because:

1. I believe that on different levels, you know yourself better than anyone else and you know what you can tolerate.
2. When eventually, marital problems crop (they always do), you’ll be more inclined to work through it and keep moving if your spouse is someone you choose and you two have mutual understanding.

Don’t follow ‘Pastor said that the lord revealed’. When the un revealed trials come, those pastors won’t help you oh!

Be that as it may, marry the right person for the right reasons.

Good luck.

You’ll be needing it.

�

your second point is vry apt, its something i thought about, i fear I might tolerate it today, and one day get tired, I might then start looking for something else. I am trying to look at it with the view of let the differences be things i can tolerate

Michellekabod2:
whether pastor said or not he should leave her alone. He sounds selfish and doesn't deserve the lady for a wife. He admits he has flaws yet he can't compromise on her own fault.


It will not take time before he starts finding fault in this second lady

you are right, I know I am times selfish. I feel we both are a little selfish, so who bends for the other. I compromise, but I fear that one day, I will not be able to take some things. A torn hole, starts with a little tear.

How does one balance compromising in a relationship vs forcing the issue. Too much compromise, at a point, is just incompatibility. Now people around me saying, she is good, she is the one, leaves me confused

novakk:
She is a good person. I have my faults, just most the time we are together, I always pick up little things that don't sit well with me. Just different values/attitudes to things like money, way of life, attitude to people etc. I tried to change her but it's not smooth and deep down I don't want change because I push for it. I prefer to explain a different perspective of life (which I do), you see if its better, and change yourself.

I've been told to be patient with her. My gut is just so doubtful. I'm afraid of story that you saw little signs, but you closed your eyes, at the other hand, problem could be me that needs to compromise more.

Compromise is good, but to what level?

TonyeBarcanista:

Forget about semantics and rhetorics of pastors, that lady is not your wife. You both have compatibility issue!

Yes, my thoughts too... it seems people make it work despite differences. I hear my married elders complain about their wifes all the time, but it seems everyone manages, no relationship is perfect they say

So as old as you are, you cannot make a decision for yourself? jumping from one so called "pastor" to the other for them to chose your spouse for you. Smh.

If you like, marry her because 'x' amount of pastors said so - but please whatever you see there, abeg suffer am in peace - not that a year from now you will come and disturb us with a thread called "I married her because my pastor told me to, now I regret"

novakk:
She is a good person. I have my faults, just most the time we are together, I always pick up little things that don't sit well with me. Just different values/attitudes to things like money, way of life, attitude to people etc. I tried to change her but it's not smooth and deep down I don't want change because I push for it. I prefer to explain a different perspective of life (which I do), you see if its better, and change yourself.

I've been told to be patient with her. My gut is just so doubtful. I'm afraid of story that you saw little signs, but you closed your eyes, at the other hand, problem could be me that needs to compromise more.

Compromise is good, but to what level?

Has anyone had experience going against (or for) pastor's wishes, did it turn out well or not?

one of the worst things to engage in in marriage is to be critical of your partner. I'm not inferring that you become a douchebag because of that but what I have been able to notice in my few years of marriage is that women appreciates it when you try to speak to them in love and not to criticize so please work on this

What you get when you can’t make decisions for yourself.

Is there a reason why another person has to tell you who to be with?

novakk:
She is a good person. I have my faults, just most the time we are together, I always pick up little things that don't sit well with me. Just different values/attitudes to things like money, way of life, attitude to people etc. I tried to change her but it's not smooth and deep down I don't want change because I push for it. I prefer to explain a different perspective of life (which I do), you see if its better, and change yourself.

I've been told to be patient with her. My gut is just so doubtful. I'm afraid of story that you saw little signs, but you closed your eyes, at the other hand, problem could be me that needs to compromise more.

Compromise is good, but to what level?

Has anyone had experience going against (or for) pastor's wishes, did it turn out well or not?

Everything, everything, everything that matters in life must be built!

U build a relationship into wedding, wedding into marriage!

U build a girl in to a woman!

Be willing to do the work!

No relationship is perfect and we will continue to learn and improve on ourselves as time goes on!

Expecting pastor to say "she is the one" won't always work!

Everything about life is not spiritual!

If it was then we won't need to eat... instead, we will pray the food into our stomach!

ashatoda:

one of the worst things to engage in in marriage is to be critical of your partner. I'm not inferring that you become a douchebag because of that but what I have been able to notice in my few years of marriage is that women appreciates it when you try to speak to them in love and not to criticize so please work on this

thanks, your point is well taken

bigl:


Everything, everything, everything that matters in life must be built!

U build a relationship into wedding, wedding into marriage!

U build a girl in to a woman!

Be willing to do the work!

No relationship is perfect and we will continue to learn and improve on ourselves as time goes on!

Expecting pastor to say "she is the one" won't always work!

Everything about life is not spiritual!

If it was then we won't need to eat... instead, we will pray the food into our stomach!

I agree, though, personally i feel i have always been building people in the past but not for myself, for others, maybe i should just go after ready made, serious lady who knows her onions too

Op you are the only person that can determine what you want in life. Let the lady be and you too go your way. It's not by force.women have suffered enough

novakk:
She is a good person. I have my faults, just most the time we are together, I always pick up little things that don't sit well with me. Just different values/attitudes to things like money, way of life, attitude to people etc. I tried to change her but it's not smooth and deep down I don't want change because I push for it. I prefer to explain a different perspective of life (which I do), you see if its better, and change yourself.

I've been told to be patient with her. My gut is just so doubtful. I'm afraid of story that you saw little signs, but you closed your eyes, at the other hand, problem could be me that needs to compromise more.

Compromise is good, but to what level?

Has anyone had experience going against (or for) pastor's wishes, did it turn out well or not?

if you marry simply because the pastor said she good then your marriage would be of 3 people yourself, pastor and wife

any problem you would run to a pastor, meaning your pastor would running your marriage instead of you running your marriage without the input of your pastor especially in rough times


Marry someone you think you can live with i.e tolarate their small mistakes and inperfecations, its hard to tolarate someone who choosen for you, because its easy to accept and live with your own decision making that adjusting to decision that was made for you

A pastor is just human like you, the decision on who marry should be yours and only you, pastors they do things for records i.e to be seen as the best

then marriage and life will challenge you to the point that, you will see that a pastor will never be there to solve every problem of your marriage and life but yourself

Dont make life decisions based on Pastors decision, no one knows yourself better than yourself a pastor only sees what you show him/her the rest is in you your thoughts, vision of future etc all those a pastor only know them when you talk about it without that a pastor has no better vision of your future than yourself

novakk:


I agree, though, personally i feel i have always been building people in the past but not for myself, for others, maybe i should just go after ready made, serious lady who knows her onions too

I think u should do whatever works for u!

Building up people "for yourself" takes time and there is no guarantee that person might even end up with u!

There are ready made ladies who are well mannered, trained and also, loves God and have all it takes to run a home the Godly way!

I feel that's your best shot bro!

But open your eyes o!