₦airaland Forum

Beautiful write up and replies. The fear of God in all things will make a man/woman act accordingly.
Also weighing the pros and cons before going into marriage will still not prepare you for what is to come. My simple advise is to take it one day at a time with humility and understanding. Where you need to be firm, be so and where you need to yield, do so as well.

travelland:
You have clearly lost the argument. Go and sleep. Females, shine your eyes o, men can be very wicked, shine your eyes. A man can easily turn you to zombie by quoting custom and tradition, some will twist Bible verses to serve the same purpose

We are heading somewhere but you defined whatever that suite your idea and you expected everyone to agree with you irrespective of the Consequences

I can officially tell you that you're threat to humanity and a manipulative blockhead retar!d

.

GraGra247:
You are totally and completely and 'practically" wrong. Assuming that a woman does 99% means that the man does nothing at all. In the African the man does far more than the woman to provide, protect, sustain and establish the home. Both have their roles to play.

The man gets the money gathered from that event most likely because he fully funded the entire event in the first place.

In an ideal setting both should get equal parts of the money even if the man funded entire event.

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments.[b] Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

M[/b]y response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

Thanks for this great piece. @the boldened :Women submit totally to men who have earned and truly shown they are responsible and can be trusted.
Trust me if the man was irresponsible and always looking for the next hooker to spend money on he will never get a dime from her except what she wants to give him. He shortchanges himself while thnking in his wisdom that he has collected all the money

Bottomline, as i always say Love and sex does not keep a marriage , rather ;
Patience- to allow the man/woman grow out of childish behavior to a more responsible partner
Tolerance & forgiveness - even when they cheat you tolerate their weakness and forgive their immaturity
Understanding: knowing when to be quiet, loud, alone and loud based on knowldge of your partner's temperament

[quote author=travelland post=86994540]You need the attention of a psychologist

Misscongenialit:
Thanks for this great piece. @the boldened :Women submit totally to men who have earned and truly shown they are responsible and can be trusted.
Trust me if the man was irresponsible and always looking for the next hooker to spend money on he will never get a dime from her except what she wants to give him. He shortchanges himself while thnking in his wisdom that he has collected all the money

Bottomline, as i always say Love and sex does not keep a marriage , rather ;
Patience- to allow the man/woman grow out of childish behavior to a more responsible partner
Tolerance & forgiveness - even when they cheat you tolerate their weakness and forgive their immaturity
Understanding: knowing when to be quiet, loud, alone and loud based on knowldge of your partner's temperament

:Women submit totally to men who have earned and truly shown they are responsible and can be trusted.



Say some women please!!.. There are women you can't satisfy

My wife give total control over her salary. Together we decide how to spend it. The only time we had issue over money is when i stupidly lend out the money we kept for something to one of my friends and the Idiot refuse to pay.

peacettw:
The mistake you youngsters keep making is thinking that one shoe fits all in every marriage. It is simply not true. There are so many variables and confounders that are unique to us all that it makes no sense to adopt a single strategy hoping that since the magic happened to couple A, it will definitely work for me. Don't be naive.


Take for instance the story the op just painted, the woman that he wants every other woman in the planet to emulate her financial dexterity is not only aged but has kids that are adults and perhaps financially stable. At that stage in her life, do we really expect her to view money as her primary concern? What exactly is she going to do with it? Buy human hair, more clothes, travel alone, what? For all you know, what she gets from her kids, hubby and maybe side businesses may be far more than the money picked up during the ceremony. The husband or the kids may have organized the anniversary, so what more does she need the extra money for? Let's apply some wisdom please.

Now, let's work with a couple of variables/confounders.

Second scenario: Assuming this were to be a young struggling family with the mother sharing the same responsibility as the man to keep the family afloat, if the entire money had been given to her or perhaps just half of it, is that so shocking? Does that make her a terrible person?

Third scenario: Elderly couple with grown up kids but dad an invalid or not quite there in body and spirit. If the entire money is to be given to the mom to manage, is that also a taboo because the man was sidelined?

3 different scenarios with 3 different approaches, all seeming valid.

My take on a successful marriage is understanding and tolerance of your partner's strengths and weaknesses. Just like our DNA and fingerprints are different, so are our personalities. Simply put, we are not all cut from the same cloth.

On that note, it is my hope and prayer that we learn to apply some tact and the skill to seive out just what we need from the mountain of marital advices that we are bombarded with everyday

What you said is true, but the main take away from the post is that, the success of a marriage, 99% of the time depends on the woman. This has also been echoed by my mother as well. So i largely agree with the OP.

Mzflexydeeva:
Over the weekend I had the privilege to attend a couple’s wedding anniversary. It was over 40 years of marriage. While the couple and kids danced and had merry I kept an observant eye trying to figure out within me how 2 strangers managed to live that long together looking all happy and equally having their kids all around them looking like this one big family.

Then something happened. This in itself helped me conclude that indeed for a marriage to be successful a woman had 99% of the hard work to do and this is also guiding my conclusion in this write up.

It was time for dance, dance, dance and lots of people came out to spray the couple just to appreciate them. Since I was close to the family, I was part of the money picking committee. In fact I was the coordinator. At the end of it all I counted the total money realized and was about to hand over to the daughter of the celebrant when she whispered.

“Who do I hand over the money to? My mum or my dad”?

I quickly answered your mum of course. The men don’t know how to manage money more so women are better at financial matters. She laughed and looked at me saying “I would have given my mum but I know she will give it to my dad who may just keep it all to himself so I have decided to share it into 2 half and give them both their share. I was amazed at such wisdom as I walked away to my seat thinking how fair that decision their daughter had made was. Later that day I called my friend to congratulate her again and praise her for being so wise but to my surprise she had something else to say.

Just as I finished praising her she said, I did as I thought was just for my parents but to my greatest surprise as I handed over the money to my mum and explained to her she rejected it. I heard myself shout “what” over the phone. Just then my friend said, my mum refused half the money and asked me to hand everything over to my dad at this point my voice could be heard by others around me. See me see wahala, what’s my own? Na me get money?

Then my friend continued, my mum said she wasn’t going to be a part if that sharing. Give it to your dad she said, what ever he gives me I would take and if he gives me nothing so be it. He is my husband after all. On hearing this I told my girl I would call her back as I need to check on somethings.

This really got me thinking... what is happening to marriages today?

Now I am summarizing some of the things destroying our marriages inspired by the woman in this encounter.

Love is not enough to take that life decision called marriage. Marriage should be a decision carefully thought out. Not something rushed into out of peer pressure or social intimidation. Not a decision made by friends or family but one for which one has carefully sat down to weigh the cons and pros. Having said that, it is still scary to see the level of broken homes arising each day.
Divorce is not a solution to marital problems but in itself can cause more harm than good. Although I am not a fan of divorce but when sanity and safety is at stake I fully Stan.

Let’s help save marriages and teach people to remain married unless in cases of domestic violence by either party.

Oga, this your write up became uninteresting after you made it so long.

The only visible trait of the woman in this story is SUBMISSION. The wife submits 100% to her husband. She is not the manipulative wife.

Her total submission earned her 100% love from her husband which kept the marriage together. When the woman is not ready to fight or disagree or challenge her husband over his decisions, what else except marital bliss ?

How many women are ready to do that today ?

Even your girl who said she will.share the money into two is wrong.

Just follow what the Bible wrote and your marriage will last long.

Nah women dey destroy men, nah women dey build successful men. For single guys, once you see a destructive woman or girl, just run, don't look back.

angelfallz:
What you said is true, but the main take away from the post is that, the success of a marriage, 99% of the time depends on the woman. This has also been echoed by my mother as well. So i largely agree with the OP.

Believe that at your own peril.

nextlevel2020:
I am a single and I am at my late 30s, but when issue of marriage arises my heart always beat. I am privilege to have good job with 6 digits salary and I own my house, but the greatest fear I am facing is what I experience from my colleagues marriages on daily basis couple with my jungle life to the stardom. To cut my story brief, I will talk about my colleague who is also my closest friend's marriage to illustrate my fear for taking the bold step. This my friend married a pretty young lady and they started life together from scratch and they were blessed with two kids. Few years later, they built their home in one remote area and they began to live there without any neighbor. The first day I visited them, I have nothing but to praise the woman for developing such audacity to live alone whenever my friend leave for work. As time goes on, my friend decided to allow his wife to enroll for her degree program in order to better their future and the life of their two kids. When the woman finished the program, she said that she is done with the marriage and that was the end. Pastors from their church, family members and friends did everything to find out what went wrong but all efforts to get things to normalcy proved abortive. Few months later, Lawyer brought divorce letter and that was the end.

One thing I learned from their marriage is that, for a couple to live together till death puts them apart, there must be effective communication and determination to sustain the union. Till today, my friend could not say this was what went wrong in his marriage and the woman also muted till she sent divorce letter.

About my jungle life. I want to say a little about myself and I do hope that the good people in this platform can advise me to kill the fear I have for marriage.
I am from a very humble background and none of my parents has formal education. I began primary school when I was closed to fourteen, I was able to foster myself from primary to tertiary institution with the help of farming activities and site jobs. These periods, I encountered several humiliations that I can't share all. The girl I was dating then, said to me open that I should go and look for my wife elsewhere because she could not see any traces of survival from me and she left me for someone else. Five months later, I got an appointment with multinational firm and God has been faithful in all aspects of my life. I have traveled to Europe and some Africa countries too but the phobia of who will make me happy and will not abscond from my life like my friend's wife is the greatest concern am facing at the moment.

. You have every reason to fear as most us of not yet married now do as a result of the current state of many marriages but from rational thinking,religion references and mature opinions, we unmarried ones should portray who we want as spouse,love unconditionally,be faithful ,responsible,sensitive to each other’s feeling ,see your spouse like yourself,put yourself in his/her position and know that marriage is a work for two and not the just the man responsibility or woman’s, look out for a woman with good attributes and do not neglect having these attributes yourself,with these you can be sure of a beautiful marriage, choose your partner wisely! Don’t let emotions,bitterness,unrealistic standards and physical features cloud your sense of reasoning when choosing.

emmadejust:
Our digital wife of nowadays is not concern in that obedience and summit to their husband .
The whole world revolves around them and their happiness

Woman selfishness is what destroys marriages. That way, they kill the marriage early or kill the man early.

Widow everywhere.

The so called fake FEMINISTS in Nigeria can not have a lasting marriage.
Not because the man is bad but because they want to practice what they read and saw on movies

Ndi ara

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

you are a wise man.

travelland:
Your mum's pain is stored in her heart, from keeping silent over issues that she wished she can express herself. It's her daughter in law that she will unleash everything on

Far from that, she for instance, accommodates and treats other people children brought to stay with her due to lost parents well and all she says is that things should be done the right way. I can go on and on with other experiences that has nothing to do with my dad, a good woman is just a good woman

pocohantas:
I no sure say people wey get sense and CONSCIENCE for Naija reach 17 currently. How does someone think it is VIRTUOUS for a woman to do 99% of the work in a marriage.

You wan kill am?? ?!!!

Even motor wey Mercedes produce dey get TORQUE. No go do pass yourself, come spoil your transmission na.

,nor be small thing o

Michellekabod2:
To a man,a good wife is one that submits to him,tolerate him,compromise for him. Just he,himself and him.

What men call good in a woman is what benefits them not the woman themselves.
You can never see a man praise his wife saying "she is a strong woman,pursued her dreams and goal,made a name for himself. I admire her confidence,her diligence and how she takes Care of herself". It always has to be "I love her so much,she sacrificed for ME,made compromises for ME, stood by ME and endured MY excesses"

A woman's need is never in a man's agenda.

Today a man opened a thread praising his wife, all I saw was celebrating self centeredness and encouraging women to settle for the less(when men aren't willing to settle for less).

Self duty is the best form of sacrifice.

I won't say i am disappointed afterall you are just a woman, and as a matter of fact women don't do needs, its all about want.
When you say a woman's want is never in a man's agenda ... then who pay the bills becos as a matter of fact there are more dependent wives than independent ones.
self duty can never be deemed as sacrifice rather your duty to others without benefiting or not as much as they will, is what is called sacrifice.
Those men praising there wives, before you conclude men are self centered did yu even bother to check how men repaid these rare women, there was similar post of a man celebrating his wife yestidae, with the picture of the wife & kids most of you feminist here are not even as sophisticated as that lady.
You are just been hiliarous, men don't settle for less davido wan die over chioma, ned nwonko is busy disgracing is ancestor over reginal , kanu @the peak of his career settle for an amara ... how many women as settle for less. Can you compare the rate @which male graduate marry an illiterate to female graduate settling for an illiterate. i know sometimes you try to think like a man buh sorry you are just a woman.

well said this:

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

You gave out all my thoughts sir. God bless you.

Let me add that a man must give his woman something to respect and submission will come easily. A working marriage is the contribution of two intentional and compromising couple. But these days most people don't want to compromise, they make things only about them.
Selfishness ruins a marriage, and an unnurtured love will fade out into oblivion. Until we get it right, that marriage is not a competition but team work, then it will always be one pathetic story or another.

Plenty cock and bu!! stories on Nairaland! Una no dey tire?? Mtchewww

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

Sir, your name should be Solomon...you just spoke with wisdom.

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

you spoke well sir.

Nnaabros:
One of the major problems bedevilling relationships and marriages today is the epidemic known as 'feminism'.

Well, Feminism is okay o, just don't take it into marriage. Do all ur activism outside but don't bring it home.

nextlevel2020:
I am a single and I am at my late 30s, but when issue of marriage arises my heart always beat. I am privilege to have good job with 6 digits salary and I own my house, but the greatest fear I am facing is what I experience from my colleagues marriages on daily basis couple with my jungle life to the stardom. To cut my story brief, I will talk about my colleague who is also my closest friend's marriage to illustrate my fear for taking the bold step. This my friend married a pretty young lady and they started life together from scratch and they were blessed with two kids. Few years later, they built their home in one remote area and they began to live there without any neighbor. The first day I visited them, I have nothing but to praise the woman for developing such audacity to live alone whenever my friend leave for work. As time goes on, my friend decided to allow his wife to enroll for her degree program in order to better their future and the life of their two kids. When the woman finished the program, she said that she is done with the marriage and that was the end. Pastors from their church, family members and friends did everything to find out what went wrong but all efforts to get things to normalcy proved abortive. Few months later, Lawyer brought divorce letter and that was the end.

One thing I learned from their marriage is that, for a couple to live together till death puts them apart, there must be effective communication and determination to sustain the union. Till today, my friend could not say this was what went wrong in his marriage and the woman also muted till she sent divorce letter.

About my jungle life. I want to say a little about myself and I do hope that the good people in this platform can advise me to kill the fear I have for marriage.
I am from a very humble background and none of my parents has formal education. I began primary school when I was closed to fourteen, I was able to foster myself from primary to tertiary institution with the help of farming activities and site jobs. These periods, I encountered several humiliations that I can't share all. The girl I was dating then, said to me open that I should go and look for my wife elsewhere because she could not see any traces of survival from me and she left me for someone else. Five months later, I got an appointment with multinational firm and God has been faithful in all aspects of my life. I have traveled to Europe and some Africa countries too but the phobia of who will make me happy and will not abscond from my life like my friend's wife is the greatest concern am facing at the moment.

There are still successful marriages out there, it is just unfortunate that it is the bad ones that get news coverage. Read this man's testimony.

https://www.nairaland.com/5706348/celebrating-good-wife#86960801

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

After liking your comment, I still wasn't satisfied. I just have to let you know that you have sense.

Point 7

angelfallz:
What you said is true, but the main take away from the post is that, the success of a marriage, 99% of the time depends on the woman. This has also been echoed by my mother as well. So i largely agree with the OP.

True, that is why a woman MUST marry a man who LOVES her more and practically worships her so that even when she endures a lot in marriage, she will know it is/was worth it.

abbey621:
It seems you had a very rough childhood hence the bias in your statements. Let's examine your quote:



Here's your initial statement:


You are the one that believes men fulfilling gender roles is the norm but when a woman does the same it is not seen as such. I only pointed out the hypocrisy in such statements. You obviously believe a woman taking care of the home, being submissive is equal to being a slave rather than her just fulfilling her gender role hence my rebuttal.

Moving on, any woman that you see contented with her husband not showing any sign of progress or goals is FOOLISH at best and WICKED at worst! How do you know what women are praised for or not? You mean generally men don't appreciate their submissive wife? You mean they don't praise how delicious her food tastes? You mean they are not proud when she visits her in-laws and she is celebrated? Perhaps you mean, husbands don't appreciate their wives managing their financial resources wisely? I'm trying to figure out how you came to your conclusion because as a guy, I can tell you EMPHATICALLY that we boast about our wives submissiveness and resourcefulness. It is only a foolish man that would take such things for granted in this age of feminist wannabees. Just like women praise their husband for buying them things and staying faithful, we men value such sentimental things as well. Do not deceive yourself, every marriage is different, the dyanmics of one should not be compared to another. Your experience stems from that of your parents, you'll be surprised another person might have a way different point of view based on his or her own experiences.

Never take women's arguments, especially that of feminists, seriously. They are the embodiment of hypocrisy and double standards. They are incorrigible in this regard.

absolutefrag:
We should avoid generalization when looking at marriages. That is a recipe for unhappiness. In some situations the man might insist that the money be handed to his wife and in others they might decide to share or spend jointly on an existing projects. And they can all be right, depending on what works for them. People should do what works for them to attain success without seeing things only from one angle.

The man's decision here is the key. He may decide to give it back to the woman. But before that, the woman has recognized the husband as the head of the family.

The wife of slok wanted to give someone I know some money for something. She told the person to go and tell the husband. The husband redirected the person to go and meet the wife to give her a certain amount of money.

I believe the wwoman isin charge of their money but the husband is in charge of how the money is being spent.

kapelvej:
All these are stories. The only way a marriage works is when both parties are ready to make it work. When one party does not care, that is game over. One party may even capitalize on the resolve if the second party to make the marriage work. He/She may just continue misbehaving because they understand that the other party is dying to make the marriage the work.

exctly. even wen d man is doing d needful,a troublesome wife will still want to frustrate him. Tale of goodhusbnd versus badwife

Nnaabros:
One of the major problems bedevilling relationships and marriages today is the epidemic known as 'feminism'.

sense don finish for your head

emmadejust:
Our digital wife of nowadays is not concern in that obedience and summit to their husband .
The whole world revolves around them and their happiness

Am sure you meant to say wives instead of wife, are not concerned instead of “is not concern” submit instead of “summit”. It depends on how the man carries himself.It determines how the wife will respond.You give respect, you get back respect.