₦airaland Forum

urcutecrush:
Will she leave a man who does everything for his family but his only vice is cheating? He is a good father as well.

If she leave who will pay the school fees?the house rent?the foodstuff?the toys?light bills?Transportation?

She doesn’t have to leave. He should leave- just not the way he would have loved to.

pocohantas:
She doesn’t have to leave. He should leave- just not the way he would have loved to.

Black widow woman

Tripitaka:
A man once told me "If I cheat and my wife finds out, she can go. If my wife cheats and I find out, she will go".

This powerful but disgraceful statement, puts in perspective, the unenviable position of an average Nigerian wife. Helpless and ridiculed.

There's nothing wrong with the bolded statement.

CORVID19:
And a feminist in 2020 Who thinks men are Toxic is definitely not the same animal as a feminist in 1975 who were truly fighting for something worthwhile.
There's Nothing worse than a male feminist.
Only 7% women in the world would class themselves as feminists#Fact.

I am a male feminist, you can now die peacefully

Most times I laugh at what most of the women here do to prove they are feminist, really I laugh out loud... The way feminism/gender equality is defined by the western is quite different from how our Nigeria sisters define theirs.. In the western world, feminism/gender equality is fighting for the right of a woman in the proper way, for instance.. Women should have equal right to same work, office, positions. Women should have right to become president and so on..

But my sisters here believe that feminism/gender equality means when they cook, their husband should bath the kids, when they wash dishes, their husband should sleep the house and the list goes on and on.. They have the right to attack and insult men such as I have noticed on this platform.. lol.. When their Husby cheats, they also should cheat too..and the list goes on and on... What a pathetic reasoning..

Surprisingly, most of this so-called Nigeria feminist or ladies were raised from a christian background but miseducation has led them astray. Even in the bible, there is no way that it is ever written that men and women are equal.. Never, God acknowledges this part through any of his prophets. Was church made equal with Christ? Is Christ the head of the church? If you still believe in the Nigeria version of feminism, then going to church makes you an hypocrite..


Please my Nigeria sisters, I know this has eaten deep into your bone marrows, you need to retrace your steps and understand what feminism/gender equality is truly about. Those who started it still respect their mens and are still submissive to them at their different respective homes. It's about insulting Men or loggedhead with men like you all do on this platform.. Let those who have ears hear.


Soty�

Blakjewelry:
Who is going to do abolishment? The same men dominated so society or the ignorant folks who will think you want to destroy their custom

Or the ones who pretend they recognize it as the problem but love it because they can use it as their excuse to be assholes?

cococandy:
Or the ones who pretend they recognize it as the problem but love it because they can use it as their excuse to be assholes?

LOL very true. One of our major problems in this nation is, people see something as been wrong only when they are not the one doing it.

Blakjewelry:
Who is going to do abolishment? The same men dominated so society or the ignorant folks who will think you want to destroy their custom

WOMEN!!!

Na who no like something dey change am.

Most men are good with the status quo because we're not the ones complaining of ill-treatment in marriages.

crackkhaus:
WOMEN!!!

Na who no like something dey change am.

Most men are good with the status quo because we're not the ones complaining of ill-treatment in marriages.

when they don't have a say in the matter? It's like telling the masses to amend the law

Blakjewelry:
when they don't have a say in the matter? It's like telling the masses to amend the law

Exactly, some people are clueless and without wisdom, how would women abolish what they didn't create

Blakjewelry:
when they don't have a say in the matter? It's like telling the masses to amend the law

They don't have a say in the matter?

When the women who fought for women's rights, suffrage, and social equality, did theirs, did they have any say in the matter prior to that?
Were the laws/systems which they successfully repealed created by them?

See just forget it, Nigerian women who complain about these things are not serious. All they ever do is type bad english on the internet without doing any leg-work for the causes they claim to support.
They don't even know who their legislators and representatives in government are...

Or is it on the internet they are going to achieve marriage equality? Comedy

It's simple lather, rinse, and repeat for them.
No fire to their smoke, no explosion to their ignition.

crackkhaus:
They don't have a say in the matter?

When the women who fought for women's rights, suffrage, and social equality, did theirs, did they have any say in the matter prior to that?
Were the laws/systems which they successfully repealed created by them?

See just forget it, Nigerian women who complain about these things are not serious. All they ever do is type bad english on the internet without doing any leg-work for the causes they claim to support.
They don't even know who their legislators and representatives in government are...

Or is it on the internet they are going to achieve marriage equality? Comedy

It's simple lather, rinse, and repeat for them.
No fire to their smoke, no explosion to their ignition.

if you expect the changes to start with the women then I don't know when that if it ever happen. Nigeria is a country divided on multiple lines. One doesn't start and spread across all. Take the sowore revolution he wanted to start, it didn't work because we all are not mentally awaken enough and there are those who are coward and which the are one making the keeping movement alive so instead go against it with all their might.
Then also the period of change you are talking about happen in an Era when there was rapid and widespread change across many facet of the society.

Blakjewelry:
if you expect the changes to start with the women then I don't know when that if it ever happen. Nigeria is a country divided on multiple lines. One doesn't start and spread across all. Take the sowore revolution he wanted to start, it didn't work because we all are not mentally awaken enough and there are those who are coward and which the are one making the keeping movement alive so instead go against it with all their might.
Then also the period of change you are talking about happen in an Era when there was rapid and widespread change across many facet of the society.

All I see is excuses.

It's the women in Saudi Arabia that did what they had to do to start being allowed to drive cars.
It's the women in Iran who did what they had to do to start being allowed into stadiums.
All this has happened in this present era, within the last 10years.

However I did notice a factual point in your post which might explain why Nigerian women will never do anything serious about the flawed marriage system, and I will quote you:

They are not mentally awakened enough and there are those who are cowards, which are the ones making/keeping the flawed system alive instead of going against it with all their might... because they benefit from the system.

Let the women complaining take their future into their hands and fight for what they feel is unfair - leave men out of it, we are not complaining of bad treatment.
It's quite simple really...

See them talking about bride price.
How much is the bride price that some of them cry and turn themselves to diminutive gnomes?

Yet women are still desperate to marry. Marriage favours men. U lot should look for sperm donor is u want kids or stay single. Shikena

oyoolima:
Bride price should be abolished but there are a lot of kind, stable Nigerian men who despite paying bride price do not treat their wives as chattel and see their wives as equal partners.or whatever formula that works for them.

A decent human being will keep being decent no matter what.

I agree with the above....

Tripitaka:
Feminism, feminist? What does that even mean? I'm not sure I ever used that word. In fact, it doesn't form part of my vocabulary.

I'm also not for the emasculation of the man nor for the whittling down of the authority of the patriarchy, but I'm certainly against poisonous patriachy. Nature has put the man in a position of authority, but this must be dispensed within the bounds of wisdom, common sense and great sense of responsibility. After all, to whom much is given, much is expected.

There has been so much focus on female marginalization, inequality, rights, societal rejection, sexual harassment and discrimination, with all pointing to the larger society, while everyone conveniently ignores the "carnage" going on in Nigerian homes and families where the wife is practically a second class citizen.


Today, an event took place that opened my eyes to how rotten the mind of an average Nigerian man has become. A female relative called a family meeting on her husband. At the meeting she revealed that the man is a serial cheat and grossly irresponsible. She tabled how He refuses to spend time with the kids but can stay out with friends till 11pm, how He won't let her keep friends nor join associations but he has membership of 4 different clubs, how he wants unfettered access to her phone while his own phone is on face recognition. This same man didn't let her pursue an M.Sc, because he believed she would become recalcitrant and refuse to do his bidding. In his defense, the man said he adequately provides for the family and the woman should focus on raising "her" kids and not his whereabouts. According to him, as long as he provides for the family, nothing else matters. But he forgets that the cardinal role of a patriarch is "provide and protect". Protection not just against physical harm and aggression, but also against ridicule, reproach and shame from your actions and inactions. One even accused the woman of embarrassing the husband by calling for that meeting.

Then I wondered what would happen if the woman did a fraction of what she had accused the man of doing. Would people's opinion remain constant? Mind you, at this meeting of 5 men, only 1 condemned the man's infidelity, albeit in passing. One man even loudly wondered whether the wife thought the man will be sleeping with just her simply because he is married.

A man once told me "If I cheat and my wife finds out, she can go. If my wife cheats and I find out, she will go". This powerful but disgraceful statement, puts in perspective, the unenviable position of an average Nigerian wife. Helpless and ridiculed.

One would easily say "walk away", only if it was that easy in a society where the odds are stacked against her by default, where marital rape is not recognised because the man owns the woman, where a woman's honour is hugely dependent on her silence and complicity, a society where marital abuse is rationalised because the man has the right to "discipline" the wife.

In my next life, if I must be an African, I hope i don't return as a woman.

A lot of the women are fine with it.

If they are not, they will create systems to ensure that.

crackkhaus:
He who pays the piper dictates the tune...

And that 'power' to dictate is used to destroy the family instead of building it.

All hail Nigerian patriarchy!

*off to the spa*

In post COVID-19 world

Mizwisdom:
If someone throws a blow in your face your reflex should make you dodge only an idiot will expose his face to be hit by it. It seems the woman in question has decided to deliberately make herself a victim. You don't enter a marriage without discussing these things. It's highly important for every woman to have a means of income, you don't sit and rely on a man's own 100%, that's where part of the problem is starting from. Secondly, as her husband has chosen to be a public Dog what is she doing to protect herself so that she can live long to take care of those kids? hope she has stopped all sexual relationship with him or at least ensures he uses a condom? if she's empowered she can seek solace in her family's house, it's better than being infected with a disease that might lead to her death

I have seen enough cases to know the income or lack of means nothing.

I have seen women fend for adulterous jobless husbands.

LilMissFavvy:
Too bad, I laugh at women who condemn feminism. Some of them need a brain check, the wife of this man most likely could be one of those ladies who mock the feminism movement, shame, now she is having a taste of the pudding, which most of the evilllll blackkkk men have to offer in marriages.

Gradually, the tables will definitely turn, IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME!

What is feminism supposed to do for the woman in the OP?

urcutecrush:
Good men cheat in Nigeria.Men that will go to any length to get the best for their family.

Sending their children to the best schools and always getting the best for their wives.
They still cheat.

Will she leave a man who does everything for his family but his only vice is cheating? He is a good father as well.

If she leave who will pay the school fees?the house rent?the foodstuff?the toys?light bills?Transportation?

Will the family let her go with the children?If she leave her children they will definitely grow up hating her.

I am not exposed to the worst but am telling you why it is not always easy to leave.

Good people change too.

Interesting that your definition of a 'good' husband is a provider.

And you wonder why there is a problem?

The sentiments in the OP has been over flogged in the society.

Until women discover who they are and choose well, the stories will be the same with different faces.

A poster said 95% of men cheat encouraging them. Someone painted a scenario and she asked if a wife would leave a 'good' husband aka provider because he cheats.

Then what exactly is her complaint when she feels it is OK for men to cheat as long as he is a good provider?

If a lady says 95% of men cheat, has she decided to choose a husband from the 5%?

If she decided to choose from the adulterous 95% she knows, why is she complaining when she knows he is a cheat?

Can we women just take a stand?

You are happy you won the contest for his d!ck with 5 girls aka main chic and you are angry he has side chics after marriage. He doesn't care about you, very thoughtless, disrespectful yet you marry him and start expecting romance after marriage. He never apologized, only bought you things when single and you open a thread 3years on how he doesn't apologize.

Is the rant really against poor adulterous husbands?

Decide what you want in a man and stop harassing him when he refuses to display what you know he lacks.

LilMissFavvy:
Too bad, I laugh at women who condemn feminism. Some of them need a brain check, the wife of this man most likely could be one of those ladies who mock the feminism movement, shame, now she is having a taste of the pudding, which most of the evilllll blackkkk men have to offer in marriages.

Gradually, the tables will definitely turn, IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME!

How women are treated in Nigeria is due to the influx of extreme religious ideas from the stables of our Pentecostal pulpits and Islam.
Prior that, check history, women are a force to be reckoned with and wield their own power in their own right.

With pentecoastalism preaching female submission to men( contrary to what u see in orthodox churches) what do u expect.

Women are constantly told they are under men. The "sir" anthem some churches preach.
I remember Mrs bekky enenche preaching one day that she answers her husband sir, and bow when she give him something and I saw the man grinning sheepishly that day.
What do u expect the followers to do?
Emulate their mummy while the men turn to Lord.
Heaven help u if the man is a misogynist in hiding.
Perfect scenario to bring out his true character proudly after all it's so in the bible and our spiritual parents preach and do that.

Remove the types of religious practices we display here and female subjugation will die a natural death.

But, I will also say that the heavy pride price has its own demerits too but as woman, what role have we played so they should be narrowed down until abolished finally?

We sing heavy bride price yet we demand that the man pay that and more so we show we have arrived or caught a big fish. A man spend and spend just to marry.
U want what is obtainable in the West,then be like their women that can easily walk into the court and say I do before telling her people.
What do u expect after a man has spent millions buying you?
He will treat you like one of his property.
U don't eat your cake and have it.

Ryan03:
I am a male feminist, you can now die peacefully

Wow, What Kind of weed does this guy live on?!What is this country turning into, Even feminism has been hijacked by men as well as transforming into being a woman.This country has lost its cajones.
Sisi,Surely now is not a good time to quantify ur stupidity as there are far more important issues pressing this country at the moment.I will Spit on u later.

bukatyne:
I have seen enough cases to know the income or lack of means nothing.

I have seen women fend for adulterous jobless husbands.

I'm not doubting you but what do you think is the reason for such a foolhardy behavior? I truely can't figure it out

Mizwisdom:
I'm not doubting you but what do you think is the reason for such a foolhardy behavior? I truely can't figure it out

Most of them like to be victims so they have something to talk about with other little-minded women

Some know they are suffering the consequences of their choices

Some other are just mouthing off because they turn around and expect same thing from their sisters-in-law and daughters-in-law. Most of them train their sons the same way they complain their husbands are

Some others think men are like that and put up with it.

Some have low self - esteem and don't demand better.

Some are driven by societal approval and do anything to get it.

Some are driven by misinterpretation of religious beliefs.

bukatyne:
Most of them like to be victims so they have something to talk about with other little-minded women

Some know they are suffering the consequences of their choices

Some other are just mouthing off because they turn around and expect same thing from their sisters-in-law and daughters-in-law. Most of them train their sons the same way they complain their husbands are

Some others think men are like that and put up with it.

Some have low self - esteem and don't demand better.

Some are driven by societal approval and do anything to get it.

Some are driven by misinterpretation of religious beliefs.

You've broadened my scope on this issue. Thanks

Mizwisdom:
You've broadened my scope on this issue. Thanks

You are welcome dear.

Another irrelevant question, if only you took time to read the thread, you definitely would not ask this. A woman who knows her rights, bearing in mind that she has equal rights just like her husband to achieve the good things of life, would not abandon her MSC for no tangible reason, just because her husband says so. She would stand her ground and achieve what she desires, such attitude isn't far from what fairness and equality teaches. He stops her from belonging to organizations,, whereas he belongs to 4, he controls her phones, whereas he does not give her access to her phone. Where is the fairness? She is a woman who sees herself as inferior, otherwise she would have kicked against some of the man's excesses early enough. Why is her type surprised that the husband flaunts his girlfriends before her, with the excuse that he is the provider? Why is she not employed? Why did she abandon her MSC because of a cheating oppressive husband? Patriarchy is a SCAM.

bukatyne:
What is feminism supposed to do for the woman in the OP?

I agree with you to an extent that religion has caused a lot of havoc, but you forgot to mention Nigerian/African culture along with religion. It can be clearly seen that Islam encourages oppression and child marriage of the female gender, and learneth Islamist (including mothers) do not see anything bad about it, something is terribly wrong. It's like the Moslem ladies love their situation, because they like to say that Islam gives them rights. Also, if they aren't okay with their situation they have options of marrying outside their religion, escape, etc.

Back to Christianity, which is the religion i understand, I would like to state that any woman, who does not study the Bible properly, and allows a preacher brainwash her, has herself to blame. You mentioned the Enenche woman, but don't be fast to conclude, that religion is the reason behind her attitude, it might not be religion. What's if her husband was the one who sponsored her education in the marriage and gave her life a meaning, thereby she just feels eternally indebted to him? Not all pastors wife roll on the mud in the name of respect. I have seen a preacher who is married for about 21yrs and their marriage is worthy of emulation, yet the wife does not call him Lord, Sir, kneel, etc. She calls him Dear.

I totally agree with you that Pentecostalism shares the blame, a simple example? Go to the religion section of this forum, and if you search through, you will see loads of threads aimed at brainwashing the female gender to submit to slavery in the name of marriage, sadly, such threads never mention the ''part'' that husbands ''loving'' wives toes in line with wife submitting. How can a wife submit to a bad husband who is not loving and kind? And can a husband who loves his wife like himself oppress her? When we see such threads or see such preachers, we should beware, I see them as fake preachers/misogynist. We live in a world where many losers wake up to open a church.

As for the issue of bride price, which you mentioned, I want to ask you, who originated the idea of bride price? Is it the men or women ?what was their aim? I will discuss this and many more in a thread which I had in mind since last year to write, cuz I keep seeing men nagging about bride price, lack of time or maybe lack of interest made me not to write that thread.

sassysure:
How women are treated in Nigeria is due to the influx of extreme religious ideas from the stables of our Pentecostal pulpits and Islam.
Prior that, check history, women are a force to be reckoned with and wield their own power in their own right.

With pentecoastalism preaching female submission to men( contrary to what u see in orthodox churches) what do u expect.

Women are constantly told they are under men. The "sir" anthem some churches preach.
I remember Mrs bekky enenche preaching one day that she answers her husband sir, and bow when she give him something and I saw the man grinning sheepishly that day.
What do u expect the followers to do?
Emulate their mummy while the men turn to Lord.
Heaven help u if the man is a misogynist in hiding.
Perfect scenario to bring out his true character proudly after all it's so in the bible and our spiritual parents preach and do that.

Remove the types of religious practices we display here and female subjugation will die a natural death.

But, I will also say that the heavy pride price has its own demerits too but as woman, what role have we played so they should be narrowed down until abolished finally?

We sing heavy bride price yet we demand that the man pay that and more so we show we have arrived or caught a big fish. A man spend and spend just to marry.
U want what is obtainable in the West,then be like their women that can easily walk into the court and say I do before telling her people.
What do u expect after a man has spent millions buying you?
He will treat you like one of his property.
U don't eat your cake and have it.

PerfectMaster:
Most times women make wrong choices when it comes to marriage and later come to cry foul.
They do not know how to choose the right man

Can you elaborate on this? Would make good topic



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BEfNI9Aee4

LilMissFavvy:
I agree with you to an extent that religion has caused a lot of havoc, but you forgot to mention Nigerian/African culture along with religion. It can be clearly seen that Islam encourages oppression and child marriage of the female gender, and learneth Islamist (including mothers) do not see anything bad about it, something is terribly wrong. It's like the Moslem ladies love their situation, because they like to say that Islam gives them rights. Also, if they aren't okay with their situation they have options of marrying outside their religion, escape, etc.

Back to Christianity, which is the religion i understand, I would like to state that any woman, who does not study the Bible properly, and allows a preacher brainwash her, has herself to blame. You mentioned the Enenche woman, but don't be fast to conclude, that religion is the reason behind her attitude, it might not be religion. What's if her husband was the one who sponsored her education in the marriage and gave her life a meaning, thereby she just feels eternally indebted to him? Not all pastors wife roll on the mud in the name of respect. I have seen a preacher who is married for about 21yrs and their marriage is worthy of emulation, yet the wife does not call him Lord, Sir, kneel, etc. She calls him Dear.

I totally agree with you that Pentecostalism shares the blame, a simple example? Go to the religion section of this forum, and if you search through, you will see loads of threads aimed at brainwashing the female gender to submit to slavery in the name of marriage, sadly, such threads never mention the ''part'' that husbands ''loving'' wives toes in line with wife submitting. How can a wife submit to a bad husband who is not loving and kind? And can a husband who loves his wife like himself oppress her? When we see such threads or see such preachers, we should beware, I see them as fake preachers/misogynist. We live in a world where many losers wake up to open a church.

As for the issue of bride price, which you mentioned, I want to ask you, who originated the idea of bride price? Is it the men or women ?what was their aim? I will discuss this and many more in a thread which I had in mind since last year to write, cuz I keep seeing men nagging about bride price, lack of time or maybe lack of interest made me not to write that thread.

Becky enenche is a medical Dr by profession like her husband and she is a daughter of a professor.
Not from a poor background at all.

And yep, the pride price is a brainchild of men.
In my place and around it, we have reduced it to almost nothing.
Women actually complained, it was reviewed by the men and chief, continuous amendment.
The last one I witnessed before I got married was no marriage ceremony will hold till 6pm.
They introduced pride price,traditional marriage and wedding on the same day.
This is to reduce cost and rich and poor from the same town or nearby towns can do that.

If the ladies revolt, men will have no choice than to reduce all these extravagant marriage deeds that don't benefit anybody except to massage ego.
Traditional marriage in igboland where i come from is simply party. Nothing more.