₦airaland Forum

emmanuelewumi:
Nothing will happen. At least your children will inherit the Investments and Income generating assets

The bright side

Honeydenz:
Exactly what my brother is going through right now. He said and I quote "Marrying a woman that is not working is such a biiiiiiiggggg error" Lwkmd No pity for him cos he had two ladies to choose from but he chose the unemployed one out of love saying that the other rich working class lady patronises native doctors alot and he fear being hypnotized by her. Now his regretting marrying a lady without a source of income after two kids. Medicine after death, Lol.

experience is the best teacher, I just look at kids here.

It will be too late for most of them.

yeyeosoronga:
I hope while she is also bringing in the money, you're also pulling your weight with childcare and house chores.
It will be wicked of you to expect her to come back home from work everyday, and start cooking, washing and doing all sorts.
If you want things to work out well, get ready to also pick your kids from school, do homework, look after them while mum is at work on days you're free.
You should also be ready to get dinner ready for your wife on certain days of the week, and handle the washing when it's your turn.

That been said, I am all for women working and getting to the height of their endeavours. I believe real empowerment comes when you're able to take care of the financial needs of yourself and family. You learn to appreciate every dime, and you actually plan well around money.
Marriage is always teamwork anyway.

Of course!

I will also play football with my children.
A father's bond with his children has never been more important in these crazy days.

I will also wash my wife's clothes just as she washes mine.
I don't know what some of you are feeling like when you try to make such sound demeaning.
That's your wife.

Also the housework thing some housewives complain about it not hard.
We've been doing it as bachelors/spinsters WHILE also working.
It's certainly not like back in the day. We have all sorts of machines that automate these things, washing machine, dish washer, robot vaccuum/mop, etc with even MORE automations coming on the way.
Whatever remains, you leave it till tomorrow.

Women who cry about housework are just lazy.

CHoccolaTE:
But there are stories of other unfortunate kids that got beaten to death and the ones that were raped or kidnapped. See?

U might be right though. My elder brother has to house help. One happens to be Madam's relative n de other was hired. they are both paid.
In Abuja, closing hour is normally 4. B4 5 u ar already at home with ur kids.

King44:
Most ladies I know have this ideology of your money is our money, my money is my money and all financial responsibility must be taken by their husband/man, then I would normally ask what would you be doing with your own money then they go ballistic on me, women?

Some people just want money for nothing. That's a thing.

sweetrace:
Who told you that Awele Elumelu brings any money to the table? Tony Elumelu married an only daughter of very literate parents who educated their daughter well. In fact he married up. But, she is not required to contribute any kobo. Real men provide for their families. So please stop arguing on Nairaland and go and work on yourself so you’ll be in the position to provide for your family.

So why bother getting a degree at all? Why not be a housewife then?

DexterousOne:
Another very valid point

Such women are most times scarred and schemers


Not only will she not contribute as much
She will scheme on how to collect your own and send her family's way


Its not worth the headache

Ohhh?

Because she got married to you she will not contribute to the family she came from

Please oga

I believe you know how much ordinary NAN cost in the market

What of breast milk

Diapers that were used for her

All the school fees

Food she got from her immidiate parent's.
After all these expenses you expect her not to give back to her parents.

Just assume she is your daughter. You know how much is school fees for a good school

See its not by force to get married

You can continue to live your life as a single man.
Don't do follow follow when you are not ready for it.

Amanda4life:
Ohhh?

Because she got married to you she will not contribute to the family she came from

Please oga

I believe you know how much ordinary NAN cost in the market

What of breast milk

Diapers that were used for her

All the school fees

Food she got from her immidiate parent's.
After all these expenses you expect her not to give back to her parents.

Just assume she is your daughter. You know how much is school fees for a good school

See its not by force to get married

You can continue to live your life as a single man.
Don't do follow follow when you are not ready for it.

Typical of females

Giving emotional responses

The person I quoted and others understand the point I was making

Maybe you are one of such women, who knows?
That's why you take this personal



I have gone down that road before, and was very glad to escape in one piece financially

What one had not experienced, he no go understand

A woman who does not invest in your relationship and all she does is to scheme on how to collect more and more and more from you to send to "their side" is not the best woman to be involved with long term

Take it or leave it.


Franchasng

Amanda4life:
Ohhh?

Because she got married to you she will not contribute to the family she came from

Please oga

I believe you know how much ordinary NAN cost in the market

What of breast milk

Diapers that were used for her

All the school fees

Food she got from her immidiate parent's.
After all these expenses you expect her not to give back to her parents.

Just assume she is your daughter. You know how much is school fees for a good school

See its not by force to get married

You can continue to live your life as a single man.
Don't do follow follow when you are not ready for it.

Don't think like you purchase your wife, you can't face such responsibilities.

You might do well to give out on special occasions like Christmas, Easter etc.

bukatyne:
@RisenPhoenix: I do not agree with your model of marriage however, I doff my hat on how you have created systems in place to make it work and produce the desired results.

I appreciate the compliment, but I am more interested in learning new things and I believe there is always room for improvement. Please share the model you think would work better, but for both parties, not only for the woman.

candelahria:
If you want a woman to contribute equally financially in a home,just be ready to cook and clean like she does and[b] sacrifice your headship over the home[/b].Period.When a man loses his job,his working class wife shouldn't treat him like crap but he should know that he should do more chores than he used to.That's common sense.

It is not only some naija men who think backwards.
Obviously a lot of naija women think backwards as well. Yourself included.

Again, Nigerians don't know the first thing of what democracy means.
The only format of leadership your ilk understand is autocracy and oppression.

That is why a full grown woman will be beating 7 year old housegirl to near death...because you are the "head" of the housegirl.
That is why your politicians would rather DIE than help the people, whom they are supposed to be leading, rise and prosper....because they are the "head" of the people and must always be seen as such.

I pity your type.

Tell me, why equate "the head" to "not serving the family?".
Whether or not the people you lead make money has nothing to do with anything.
It is not demeaning as a true leader to serve the people you lead, and the people you lead can even make more money than you.
Upgrade your minds please and save that country!

The president of the United states only makes $400k per year and he leads billionaires and "peasants" just the same.
He/She does not feel any sort of way because he/she is not the richest person in the country.
Unfortunately, nigerian leaders don't think that way. They feel they must be "the head" in that section too, according to your definition.
You people love totalistic oppression. It is your way of life.

CHoccolaTE:
Not that simple

The type of love and attention a biological mother shows her children most often is far better than anything a househelp can provide.
Secondly with the way the world has gone corrupt you are endangering your kids by exposing them to helps.
Some of these helps beat the children in madams a absense or even sexually abuse them and teach them all sorts of nonsense.

If father and mother join hands to raise children there will be no need for helps.

Why would a househelp have access to the kids? The two areas a househelp should never touch are the food and the kids... ok and za oza room as well.

2buffagain:
Guys who still think that way are not part of this century.

That, or they have never left for or lived in any western countries outside of Nigeria.
If they have, they will realize that, even if she doesn't bring any money, these women have been given a lot of powers, so the focus is on negotiation not control.
So if she is going to be having these powers as granted by the State, she might as well be bringing money to match

A bad situation a man can find himself in is having a broke/no-employable-skill-having wife, who still controls him on top of her financial irrelevance.

The are people that money changes their attitude and most times in a negative way. I’m talking about both guys and gals... These are the set of people that cause disasters in their homes. Their attitude can be easily controlled with money they possess or don’t have. In other words they have weak attitudes, characters and principles.

Theses are the wrongest set of people to marry.

That said each spouse being independent or semi independent is the ideal case for any marriage.

2buffagain:
It is not only some naija men who think backwards. Obviously a lot of women think backwards as well. Yourself included.

Again, Nigerians don't know the first thing of what democracy means.
The only format of leadership your ilk understand is autocracy and oppression.
That is why a full grown woman will be beating 7 year old housegirl to near death...because you are the "head" of the housegirl.

I pity your type.

Tell me, why equate "the head" to "not serving the family?".
Whether or not the people you lead make money has nothing to do with anything.
It is not demeaning as a true leader to serve the people you lead.

Don’t mind this mentality of women who think a mans leadership depends on his income alone rather than his sense of leadership, mutual engagement and open mindedness.

These are the type of women desperate to disgrace their husbands at slightest opportunity, they get drunk with their success and want to lord over everybody.

If they were like Funke Alakija their husbands would be their janitors by now.

2buffagain:
These are strawman arguments that have nothing to do with the post or even me.

1) I personally have never said women should not analyze men for potentials. Quite the contrary really. Maybe refer that to the guys who say such things. All I will and ever say is, she needs to remove the log of brokeness in her own eye before trying to laugh at the speck in the guys eye.

2) A man who has no vision or ambition is worse than an slowpoke. That goes without saying.

My intention was not to counter your opinion on this issue. As a matter of fact, I think our thoughts on this matter are in sync. The highlighted points only piqued my interest as most nairaland alpha males use the highlighted to throw jabs at women, thus the quote.

sweetrace:
Women make sure you marry a man who makes good money. Then he won’t be interested in making you a source of income. He will be willing and able to provide for his family.

Is there anything wrong with a woman making her own money? Cuz I don’t know why y’all female folks are angry over the OP.

josen16322:
wen som women start makin cash more dan their husband dey wil be like i am now d head of d family i can provide half of d tins my children needs be4 u kno it d husband wil be talkin one d wife wil be talkin 2 no more respect 4d husband dis incident is hapenin in my compound dat is y women can neva rule dis country becos wen dey start 2 earn more dan their husband,dem go form pass shit

even when their income is not up to their husbands, it becomes a problem, how much more when it becomes higher. The truth is women are full of them self's and can never rule this country or even be made to govern a state.

[i][/i][color=#990000][/color] yes its true and it depends on the kind of woman you marry be cause money has a negative and positive effect on someone

RisenPhoenix:
Why would a househelp have access to the kids? The two areas a househelp should never touch are the food and the kids... ok and za oza room as well.

In Nigeria househelps cover kids too.
Why are you talking as if you don't know?

ravensckar:
I don't know who you are, but I pray that the Most High will bless you abundantly for this. What most men fail to realize is that the moment a woman too start bringing home money, things will turn chaotic in that house. Let me use myself as an example. My first two years of marriage was the most peaceful and enjoyable. You know why? My wife wasn't working then. She looks after our child, takes care of the house, cook me good meals such that I started getting fat. Whenever I'm out for work, I always feel like going home to meet my sweet and loving wife. Everything was going peacefully until boom....


I used my own hand find trouble. I helped her get a job. She started with 60K salary, then, things started to change. After a short while, she decided to go into trading. After gathering my savings and obtaining a loan at my place of work. She started something. That was when the 'devil' in her show face.

She started disrespecting me, now, if I talk one, she'll talk five. It got so worse that she comes home around past 10 and you know what that means; no delicious dinner, no hot sex, no conversation or lovey lovey talk because she's very tired. Things got so worse that she doesn't even have time for her kid. She sometimes send the poor child to child on bike without even accompanying her.


We don quarrel tire. Papa talk, mama put mouth, relative settle quarrel, all to no avail. Now, I've applied the greatest gift of all; patience. I no longer let her actions bother me again. Need I even tell you that she doesn't contribute 'shishi' to the running of the house? Yes, you heard me clearly.


Why am I typing this? It's so those of you who are about to get married know the implication of your choice. A woman who does petty trading may not assist you financially, but she'll give you that peace of mind and make the marriage enjoyable. A woman who makes as much as you earn may not afford you that luxury of a peaceful marriage, but one way or the other, she'll assist you financially in running the house. Please and please, let nobody tell me that there's any woman who can contribute financially and still give her best in the marriage. I'm yet to find one.


PS- having accepted my cross, I resorted to giving myself peace through my watching movies, playing playstation, hanging out with my gees and focusing on my job. One woman no fit scatter my head o jere.

A few things:

1) You sound needy AF.
Why were you not doing all those emboldened things before?
In the life of a busy couple, there is something called date night, where you both make plans to spend extended time together.
Personally, I enjoy my alone time as much as the time I would spend with whoever I'm with. Everyone needs hobbies. You can't expect another grown ass human being to be at your 24/7 beck and call for entertainment.

2) Also, what's stopping you from cooking or prepping small chops for your babe who had to work late? Sounds like you still expect her to do everything in the house while also doing whatever she is doing. It is possible she does not contribute finance because this is still your expectation.

3) Housework counts as exercise, which you should be doing anyway especially the older you get. No be only inside gym.

4) This your whole matter could have been avoided if you DID take my advice. Because then you would have known to TEST her ability to contribute without being an idiot prior to you marrying her.


In short, na you do yourself.

About beating a 7-year old to death,if only you knew me,lol.No time for arguments;peace be unto you.

2buffagain:
It is not only some naija men who think backwards. Obviously a lot of women think backwards as well. Yourself included.

Again, Nigerians don't know the first thing of what democracy means.
The only format of leadership your ilk understand is autocracy and oppression.
That is why a full grown woman will be beating 7 year old housegirl to near death...because you are the "head" of the housegirl.

I pity your type.

Tell me, why equate "the head" to "not serving the family?".
Whether or not the people you lead make money has nothing to do with anything.
It is not demeaning as a true leader to serve the people you lead.

2buffagain:
Gentlemen. The reality of living in the 20th century has changed, and so must every notion formed from previous days that no longer hold weight today.

Women are not the only ones who should be asking what you do.
You should also be asking her what she does....and guaging her wifeability from her response.
Nobody likes to suffer...yourself included. So why sign up for a lifetime of every financial request of your immediate family (and possibly both your extended families ) coming to just you alone?

Gone are the days where families survived on one income alone. Those days, houses in Nigeria used to cost #5M or less. These same houses now cost well over #30M.

I can bet your income did not also inflate 6x over the same time.

The reality is that you need a wife who also brings something home, and honestly it should hopefully be around the same (or more God willing) of what you pull in.

This way one person's income can cover the family stuff and the other person's income goes towardssavings/investments/emergencies/joblessness buffering/ etc. Your family will go farther and you can even both retire earlier if this is done right.

Also Naija guys please, have some respect for yourself.
If you meet a girl and she has the mental configuration of always wanting money from you, just know that she is not the one.

As a sister here once said, "A girl who truly likes you, won't ask you for money...unless it's bad and you are her last resort."
Na woman talk am. Believe that sister. Peep that one game from her, and most of you will be alright.

If a girl really likes you, she'll be too busy trying to think of ways to be an asset to your life or impress you...not a taker.

Get you a girl who makes her money with a good source of income and who understands that her income is to be included in plans.

You have been told.
You should be done with your broke girl phase right about now ^{(much like how women should be done with their bad boy stage).}
It does nothing for your life.

NOTE: I am not saying go and marry an idiot because she makes money.... Obviously.
You are still looking for a good wife, who just ALSO happens to be equipped with income and/or good income prospects and drive.

Op, you have made a lot of good points. I also believe in this school of thought. Drawing from my own life experience, I totally agree that a wife should not be a liability rather an asset to herself and her family.

The peace, tranquillity, respect, love and loyalty am experiencing today in my union is as a result of my financial freedom and ability to bring great value to my family through contributing to its progress.

The way the global economy is going, I do not think it is a good idea for a woman to sit thight at home and have nothing doing.

Genset:
Ladies, please be wise. Nature has accorded everyone their responsibility why alter it? Men are to provide while women nuture and take care of the home. Why do u also want to share a man's responsibility when u know a typical egocentric African man will never take part of your own nature accorded responsibility. Why double ur workload ? A lot of you men on this sites shout down feminism but pick it all up when it suits your purpose . Equal responsibility came up as a result of femininsm. So, u lazy men are enjoying the fruits of feminism. This post just shows that the number of lazy men in this country keeps increasing at an alarming rate. Someone on this thread was even saying it is not allowed for the first wife to be financial dependent but the second, third wife can be . This is simply a case of monkey dey work, babbon they chop. After u must have laboured and become so old, he then out there and picks a physically more appealing wife to shower all your hardwork on . You may even get thrown out of the house because your name was never in the property. I used to ascribe to this gender equality balderdash until i checked and discovered it complete work overload on the African woman and removed myself from such group. I will only take gender equality seriously when i meet a man that wants to go equal in all resoinsibilties. Until then , i continue to sit in my traditional roles of doing this . I hate cheating and i no get strength to over work my self .
My fellow ladies , watch sheraseven 1 on youtube for better understanding . She is the truth. Shalom

In savage days maybe, but what part of nature prevents the woman from earning money in a thinking job? E.g Software developer, even working remotely?
You guys/girls are painfully lagging man.

CHoccolaTE:
In Nigeria househelps cover kids too.
Why are you talking as if you don't know?

I am not asking whether it happens. I am questioning why it happens.

CanadaOrBust:
So what u want is a girl with solid character who can weather any storm with u and without u, even if they don’t have much at the moment. The important thing is the character. That job may be gone tomorrow. She could be sleeping around but with good money/job. She may want nothing to do with home but always all about business and money-making. U sure that’s what u want? So u see the answer is not so simple. What has worked through the ages is: the man goes out to bring and they MANAGE whatever he brings, while the woman takes care of the home! Nothing prevents her from doing small time jobs or biz. Once the children are grown she can then go big time

I used to think like this before but my experience has shown me so far that having a wife that's financially buoyant will save the husband and the family from lots of difficulties that are not only financial.

if you are unable to provide money when u are in a temporary financial dry season:
She will deny you sex
Disrespect and argument will be the order of the day.
Little chance to develop or to raise ur family standard of living because you are always under one bill or the other
Ur children will seek for funds outside the family when you don't have among others.

Don't forget ur wife can't ask you for all the needs in the home and some needs that are vital for the family will be neglected because she can't fix it herself.

I had to reconsider my opinion about the kind of wife I will have to marry.

Having a home whose wife can almost equally or even do better than the husband who is also is financially capable is better.

ravensckar:
I don't know who you are, but I pray that the Most High will bless you abundantly for this. What most men fail to realize is that the moment a woman too start bringing home money, things will turn chaotic in that house. Let me use myself as an example. My first two years of marriage was the most peaceful and enjoyable. You know why? My wife wasn't working then. She looks after our child, takes care of the house, cook me good meals such that I started getting fat. Whenever I'm out for work, I always feel like going home to meet my sweet and loving wife. Everything was going peacefully until boom....


I used my own hand find trouble. I helped her get a job. She started with 60K salary, then, things started to change. After a short while, she decided to go into trading. After gathering my savings and obtaining a loan at my place of work. She started something. That was when the 'devil' in her show face.

She started disrespecting me, now, if I talk one, she'll talk five. It got so worse that she comes home around past 10 and you know what that means; no delicious dinner, no hot sex, no conversation or lovey lovey talk because she's very tired. Things got so worse that she doesn't even have time for her kid. She sometimes send the poor child to child on bike without even accompanying her.


We don quarrel tire. Papa talk, mama put mouth, relative settle quarrel, all to no avail. Now, I've applied the greatest gift of all; patience. I no longer let her actions bother me again. Need I even tell you that she doesn't contribute 'shishi' to the running of the house? Yes, you heard me clearly.


Why am I typing this? It's so those of you who are about to get married know the implication of your choice. A woman who does petty trading may not assist you financially, but she'll give you that peace of mind and make the marriage enjoyable. A woman who makes as much as you earn may not afford you that luxury of a peaceful marriage, but one way or the other, she'll assist you financially in running the house. Please and please, let nobody tell me that there's any woman who can contribute financially and still give her best in the marriage. I'm yet to find one.


PS- having accepted my cross, I resorted to giving myself peace through my watching movies, playing playstation, hanging out with my gees and focusing on my job. One woman no fit scatter my head o jere.

Yeye..... what did you marry for? A woman to spend her whole life massaging your ego? You are on a long thing. The rule of the game had changed bro. Marriage in the 20th century is pure partnership of equals. If you don't like the marriage then end it! Let a woman do her thing while you do yours. NOBODY owns anybody and that is what we are slow to accept in Nija.

Deoboss:
Look before you leap when it comes to ladies & marriage.

Ladies pretend a lot, once married you will now see her true colour & if she earns decent amount a large number of ladies start to act up.

Of-course it’s good to marry a lady that earns decent funds as in salary or in biz but not all of them are good at managing their attitude

That is why the worst question you can answer a lady is "What type of woman are you looking for?".
Never answer that bullshit question. Na ein be say she wan scam you be dat

Tell her to be herself, and pass yourself off as a non-judgemental guy....while you judge the fvck out of what she decides to be.

This thing should always be two-way things. And it does not matter how much more she makes more than you, you can always be in charge if you want to, depending on how you begin and maintain the script for your relationship

ravensckar:
I don't know who you are, but I pray that the Most High will bless you abundantly for this. What most men fail to realize is that the moment a woman too start bringing home money, things will turn chaotic in that house. Let me use myself as an example. My first two years of marriage was the most peaceful and enjoyable. You know why? My wife wasn't working then. She looks after our child, takes care of the house, cook me good meals such that I started getting fat. Whenever I'm out for work, I always feel like going home to meet my sweet and loving wife. Everything was going peacefully until boom....


I used my own hand find trouble. I helped her get a job. She started with 60K salary, then, things started to change. After a short while, she decided to go into trading. After gathering my savings and obtaining a loan at my place of work. She started something. That was when the 'devil' in her show face.

She started disrespecting me, now, if I talk one, she'll talk five. It got so worse that she comes home around past 10 and you know what that means; no delicious dinner, no hot sex, no conversation or lovey lovey talk because she's very tired. Things got so worse that she doesn't even have time for her kid. She sometimes send the poor child to child on bike without even accompanying her.


We don quarrel tire. Papa talk, mama put mouth, relative settle quarrel, all to no avail. Now, I've applied the greatest gift of all; patience. I no longer let her actions bother me again. Need I even tell you that she doesn't contribute 'shishi' to the running of the house? Yes, you heard me clearly.


Why am I typing this? It's so those of you who are about to get married know the implication of your choice. A woman who does petty trading may not assist you financially, but she'll give you that peace of mind and make the marriage enjoyable. A woman who makes as much as you earn may not afford you that luxury of a peaceful marriage, but one way or the other, she'll assist you financially in running the house. Please and please, let nobody tell me that there's any woman who can contribute financially and still give her best in the marriage. I'm yet to find one.


PS- having accepted my cross, I resorted to giving myself peace through my watching movies, playing playstation, hanging out with my gees and focusing on my job. One woman no fit scatter my head o jere.

May God help you and continue to enlarge your coast


You have done well by using your savings and also getting a loan to establish a business for your wife

God sees your heart that you want the best for your wife and your family, so shall it be.

MrBrownJay1:
its funny how so many men on this thread are saying that if they find a great woman, educated, intelligent that matches what they are seeking in a mate.... but because she may be unemployed at that point in her life, they will dismiss her as a possible life mate?!?!?!?!?!?

you gotta focus on the foundation of that person, her character, her lifestyle, her being.... and nothing else. anyone can lose a good job.

Correct.

josen16322:
wen som women start makin cash more dan their husband dey wil be like i am now d head of d family i can provide half of d tins my children needs be4 u kno it d husband wil be talkin one d wife wil be talkin 2 no more respect 4d husband dis incident is hapenin in my compound dat is y women can neva rule dis country becos wen dey start 2 earn more dan their husband,dem go form pass shit

Meaning ur relationship was built on lies.

chukzyfcbb:
Nonsense.

Of all the qualities to find in a wife, it's money that's your major concern.
is that her primary responsibility as a wife?

Why have you decided to shift the goal post as a husband, don't you know the role of a man in the home is to be a provider ? That is your primary role!!!

It's your duty as a man to Provide for the family.
She may be working when you meet her or not but should never be a criteria for finding a wife.

If your plan is for your wife to share your bills in marriage, you have started your marriage on a shaky foundation!

No matter how small/little you make, bro own that shit! own those bills it's your responsibility. if she contributes it should be out of love not mandatory.

Nig--ga Fvk outta here with this bullshii..

Shut up there. I have 2 daughters, 1 is already a finance professional and the other will become a doctor by fire by force. None of them is going anywhere to massage some idiot's ego by being an obedient wife- otherwise I will scatter the marriage myself.

Shut up, it is not a man's job to be feeding his wife in the 21st century!!!!