₦airaland Forum

Blessedone26:
Thanks for this. Very much appreciate...

Ginaz:
This story looks somehow abeg I can’t fit can!!

Which Nigerian man won’t know the right hole to have sex? To the extent it took you 3 months to locate the vagina. Don’t your wife know her own Vagina to direct you to it that she has to keep quiet for 3 months? Didn’t they teach you biology in school?

This story is quack on arrival . What an odd qcouple if this story is true!!

Blessedone26:
Thanks for this masterpiece. Seriously we are both tired, I have tried atleast 85% of this... The fear she has is involuntary. Once attempt is being made, you will see that fear written all over her face. We just both decided yesterday that the way out is sedative drug. The objective is to give birth, make enjoyment dey him dey for now.

Juell:
I think it's actually the lady's mum's fault for lying to her that sex is painful just to make her abstain from. And OP taking sedative for the first time is the worst decision.

Donald3d:


I am about to go very raw, kindly permit me, I haven't gone this raw here before, but you need help, so here it is.
I hope this doesn't change people's perspectives about me sha , we Nigerians like been mute about sex. Its an important ingredient in marriage, no matter how spiritual you are.

The best way to solve any problem is identifying the source or root of the problem and eliminate it .

From what you have said, she enjoys pre-intimacy , I would have loved to ask what type of pre-initmacy to help find a solution, but I also understand she is your wife and you can't be too explicit because this is a public forum.

Anyway, as I said earlier, let's tackle the source of the problem, which is FEAR, she is afraid, very afraid, so we need to eliminate the fear.

She is also pressured because you are "reporting" her to people, keep this between both of you Sir, please stop involving other people, fear and pressure is a very dangerous combination.

Please don't give her any sedatives, you really don't need it.

The issue with her fear is closely related to why lubricant aren't even working, the internal muscles of her privates would contract making it tighter because she is afraid, her natural lubrication won't also be discharged because her fear is making her mind "switch" it off, coupled with the fact that you are also scared of inflicting injuries on her privates.

There are two possible ways to eliminate her fear

1.Trying to convince her not to be afraid (easier said than done)
2. Introducing something that would involuntarily eliminate her fear.

I assume you have tried number 1, let's go to number two.
There are a few things that are greater than fear, but we would be sticking to the subject matter.
In this context and with the peculiarity of the situation, there is only one thing I believe can exceed that fear ...... Pleasure , Excessive Pleasure, when a human experiences excessive pleasure, the body releases pain killers and anti-stress chemicals.

So what should you do ?
You need a non-invasive pleasure mechanism, proven and tested , the most painless sexual activity. Guaranteed to give utmost pleasure .
You guessed it , O r a l Sex.

Its isn't just about putting your mouth there , you need to do it right (forgive me as I am about to go a bit raw).

You know your wife more than anyone, you know what turns her on, her pleasure spots. Use your mouth very well on those spots.
You need to understand that there is a mission here. O r g a s m
But there are some "hot spots" common among most women

1. The nipples
2.The clitoris

I would focus on number 2 ..
1.Make sure the bed is well made, clean sheets, turn on the AC , if you don't have one, turn on the fan and leave it running to cool the room. Make sure no one else except the both of you is in your home, she needs to be comfortable.

2.Ensure you both have a warm bath and wash each others privates before you commence.You wash hers, she washes yours.Try and start up a conversation about some funny experiences you've both had, how you met each other and fell in love , how much you love her, all while washing each others privates. You are psychologically manipulating/distracting her with this.When you are done, dry each others body and carry her to the bed.Careful, so you don't slip and fall oo, you can leave that part out, but women love it !. You can back her like a baby or carry her in your arms, whichever you are ok with. Make sure she is unclad, but put on a boxers short, this eliminates her fears of seeing an erect instrument.

3.Its important you place a pillow under her waist to elevate her lower region, it allows for easy access with your mouth and with your instrument, when its time for insertion. It also ensures you don't feel neck pain and can breathe well during the process.

4.Use your mouth on the clitoris till she "explodes", don't stop no matter how long it takes, but you have to be careful not to be too hard on it as you would get the opposite of the desired effect, you would give her pain instead of pleasure. You need to be gentle and firm(I know this sounds contradictory, I would explain), use your lips as they are soft tissue, that won't cause much bruising, suck on it, in and out, grab the whole of it (the clitoris--- I have attached an image for easy identification, its that slightly protruding part of her privates that looks like a mini peeeenis) with your lips and gently slide it out of your mouth, without it leaving your mouth completely, make sure your lips holds unto it(this is what stimulate it and gives pleasure), but not too tightly, you can use your tongue as support to put the clitoris in place, if the clitoris is slipping out of your mouth. Keep repeating this back and forth.

5.Now, its important to hold her, so you can feel the "rhythm" of her body, hold her sides, or her laps, start out slowly, but not to slowly, gradually increase your "sucking pace" as you notice the rhythm of her body starts to change . This method ensures you don't bruise her and you also don't get tired easily.It also ensures a natural flow and gradual increase in pleasure.It would get to a point you might have to go really fast, this clouds her brain with pleasure, do this only when the rhythm of her body tells you to do so, when she starts to slightly wriggle or when she asks you to increase your pace.

6. Do this till she "explodes", and wriggles in pleasure, most likely at this point you are also erect, its important you take advantage of this moment, because at this point, you have killed three birds with one stone. She is too climaxed to notice her fear, her body has released enough chemicals to considerably reduce pain and she is properly lubricated for relatively easy insertion.Don't waste time !!!. Slowly (not too slowly), insert, before she comes back to reality . Make sure the pillow is still under her it ensures her lower region is elevated, so you can see clearly for insertion , I assume from the beginning she is already lying flat on her back, spread her legs out gently, this also relaxes/expands the cavity of her privates.If you still find it a bit difficult to penetrate, manually use both hands to spread the outer privates open for easy access, glide in back and forth as you both copulate to produce a wonderful seed that would bear fruit in 9 months.

7. You might need to do this more than once to be successful at it .
8.The fact that you did all this doesn't mean she might not feel pain, it just reduces the pain, it also might totally eliminate it.
9.Once you start have it in mind that you must see it through till the end.
10.If she is in excessive pain, stop and repeat the same day or another day till you get it done.


NOTE: Please stop reporting her to people, apart from the fear she is feeling, reporting her or telling other people about it, is putting her under additional pressure and stress, its adding to her Psychological lock-down. Please don't be upset with her. Buy her gifts, make her feel loved, make her understand you aren't judging her or upset with her. I am sure this steps would work for you

NB: I am married by the way, in case anyone was wondering.

Donald3d:


I am about to go very raw, kindly permit me, I haven't gone this raw here before, but you need help, so here it is.
I hope this doesn't change people's perspectives about me sha , we Nigerians like been mute about sex. Its an important ingredient in marriage, no matter how spiritual you are.

The best way to solve any problem is identifying the source or root of the problem and eliminate it .

From what you have said, she enjoys pre-intimacy , I would have loved to ask what type of pre-initmacy to help find a solution, but I also understand she is your wife and you can't be too explicit because this is a public forum.

Anyway, as I said earlier, let's tackle the source of the problem, which is FEAR, she is afraid, very afraid, so we need to eliminate the fear.

She is also pressured because you are "reporting" her to people, keep this between both of you Sir, please stop involving other people, fear and pressure is a very dangerous combination.

Please don't give her any sedatives, you really don't need it.

The issue with her fear is closely related to why lubricant aren't even working, the internal muscles of her privates would contract making it tighter because she is afraid, her natural lubrication won't also be discharged because her fear is making her mind "switch" it off, coupled with the fact that you are also scared of inflicting injuries on her privates.

There are two possible ways to eliminate her fear

1.Trying to convince her not to be afraid (easier said than done)
2. Introducing something that would involuntarily eliminate her fear.

I assume you have tried number 1, let's go to number two.
There are a few things that are greater than fear, but we would be sticking to the subject matter.
In this context and with the peculiarity of the situation, there is only one thing I believe can exceed that fear ...... Pleasure , Excessive Pleasure, when a human experiences excessive pleasure, the body releases pain killers and anti-stress chemicals.

So what should you do ?
You need a non-invasive pleasure mechanism, proven and tested , the most painless sexual activity. Guaranteed to give utmost pleasure .
You guessed it , O r a l Sex.

Its isn't just about putting your mouth there , you need to do it right (forgive me as I am about to go a bit raw).

You know your wife more than anyone, you know what turns her on, her pleasure spots. Use your mouth very well on those spots.
You need to understand that there is a mission here. O r g a s m
But there are some "hot spots" common among most women

1. The nipples
2.The clitoris

I would focus on number 2 ..
1.Make sure the bed is well made, clean sheets, turn on the AC , if you don't have one, turn on the fan and leave it running to cool the room. Make sure no one else except the both of you is in your home, she needs to be comfortable.

2.Ensure you both have a warm bath and wash each others privates before you commence.You wash hers, she washes yours.Try and start up a conversation about some funny experiences you've both had, how you met each other and fell in love , how much you love her, all while washing each others privates. You are psychologically manipulating/distracting her with this.When you are done, dry each others body and carry her to the bed.Careful, so you don't slip and fall oo, you can leave that part out, but women love it !. You can back her like a baby or carry her in your arms, whichever you are ok with. Make sure she is unclad, but put on a boxers short, this eliminates her fears of seeing an erect instrument.

3.Its important you place a pillow under her waist to elevate her lower region, it allows for easy access with your mouth and with your instrument, when its time for insertion. It also ensures you don't feel neck pain and can breathe well during the process.

4.Use your mouth on the clitoris till she "explodes", don't stop no matter how long it takes, but you have to be careful not to be too hard on it as you would get the opposite of the desired effect, you would give her pain instead of pleasure. You need to be gentle and firm(I know this sounds contradictory, I would explain), use your lips as they are soft tissue, that won't cause much bruising, suck on it, in and out, grab the whole of it (the clitoris--- I have attached an image for easy identification, its that slightly protruding part of her privates that looks like a mini peeeenis) with your lips and gently slide it out of your mouth, without it leaving your mouth completely, make sure your lips holds unto it(this is what stimulate it and gives pleasure), but not too tightly, you can use your tongue as support to put the clitoris in place, if the clitoris is slipping out of your mouth. Keep repeating this back and forth.

5.Now, its important to hold her, so you can feel the "rhythm" of her body, hold her sides, or her laps, start out slowly, but not to slowly, gradually increase your "sucking pace" as you notice the rhythm of her body starts to change . This method ensures you don't bruise her and you also don't get tired easily.It also ensures a natural flow and gradual increase in pleasure.It would get to a point you might have to go really fast, this clouds her brain with pleasure, do this only when the rhythm of her body tells you to do so, when she starts to slightly wriggle or when she asks you to increase your pace.

6. Do this till she "explodes", and wriggles in pleasure, most likely at this point you are also erect, its important you take advantage of this moment, because at this point, you have killed three birds with one stone. She is too climaxed to notice her fear, her body has released enough chemicals to considerably reduce pain and she is properly lubricated for relatively easy insertion.Don't waste time !!!. Slowly (not too slowly), insert, before she comes back to reality . Make sure the pillow is still under her it ensures her lower region is elevated, so you can see clearly for insertion , I assume from the beginning she is already lying flat on her back, spread her legs out gently, this also relaxes/expands the cavity of her privates.If you still find it a bit difficult to penetrate, manually use both hands to spread the outer privates open for easy access, glide in back and forth as you both copulate to produce a wonderful seed that would bear fruit in 9 months.

7. You might need to do this more than once to be successful at it .
8.The fact that you did all this doesn't mean she might not feel pain, it just reduces the pain, it also might totally eliminate it.
9.Once you start have it in mind that you must see it through till the end.
10.If she is in excessive pain, stop and repeat the same day or another day till you get it done.


NOTE: Please stop reporting her to people, apart from the fear she is feeling, reporting her or telling other people about it, is putting her under additional pressure and stress, its adding to her Psychological lock-down. Please don't be upset with her. Buy her gifts, make her feel loved, make her understand you aren't judging her or upset with her. I am sure this steps would work for you

NB: I am married by the way, in case anyone was wondering.

Blessedone26:
Hi nairalanders,

I dated my wife for close to 8 years without sex, we went to same school. Though the decision of no sex before marriage was mine. Cos I am a very addictive person, I never wanted to be addicted to sex during my undergraduate days. She later told me she was a virgin then which I never believed and I told her I am not interested in her being a virgin or not.

Fast forward to our wedding night last year, naxo amaria begin they cry my daddy, my daddy, lets do this thing nah, nah tears full bed. So I took her to see her dad the next day and both of them were crying like a baby.

We got back to our location, we made several attempts with no sex, we've seen different pharmacists, we but different lubricants, but a touch of "pola" on the honeypot area, she will start crying of pains, she's so scared to the extreme. Confession: It was after 3 months that we've been trying that I was even also able to recognise the location of virginal, I had been putting the thing in a wrong place initially. ....sorry, ain't a bookworm but a bit spirikoko

I reported her to her parents , they came, brought diiferent lubricants, still we weren't able to reach the promise land . Now we've decided to go the way of sedative drugs .

Is there any side effects to the drugs?

Do I have to get her to sign a paper cos women ain't predictable, that she won't start shouting emotional trauma in the future that her husband drugged her to have the first sex with her. We need kids mehn.

Thanks..

Donald3d:


I am about to go very raw, kindly permit me, I haven't gone this raw here before, but you need help, so here it is.
I hope this doesn't change people's perspectives about me sha , we Nigerians like been mute about sex. Its an important ingredient in marriage, no matter how spiritual you are.

The best way to solve any problem is identifying the source or root of the problem and eliminate it .

From what you have said, she enjoys pre-intimacy , I would have loved to ask what type of pre-initmacy to help find a solution, but I also understand she is your wife and you can't be too explicit because this is a public forum.

Anyway, as I said earlier, let's tackle the source of the problem, which is FEAR, she is afraid, very afraid, so we need to eliminate the fear.

She is also pressured because you are "reporting" her to people, keep this between both of you Sir, please stop involving other people, fear and pressure is a very dangerous combination.

Please don't give her any sedatives, you really don't need it.

The issue with her fear is closely related to why lubricant aren't even working, the internal muscles of her privates would contract making it tighter because she is afraid, her natural lubrication won't also be discharged because her fear is making her mind "switch" it off, coupled with the fact that you are also scared of inflicting injuries on her privates.

There are two possible ways to eliminate her fear

1.Trying to convince her not to be afraid (easier said than done)
2. Introducing something that would involuntarily eliminate her fear.

I assume you have tried number 1, let's go to number two.
There are a few things that are greater than fear, but we would be sticking to the subject matter.
In this context and with the peculiarity of the situation, there is only one thing I believe can exceed that fear ...... Pleasure , Excessive Pleasure, when a human experiences excessive pleasure, the body releases pain killers and anti-stress chemicals.

So what should you do ?
You need a non-invasive pleasure mechanism, proven and tested , the most painless sexual activity. Guaranteed to give utmost pleasure .
You guessed it , O r a l Sex.

Its isn't just about putting your mouth there , you need to do it right (forgive me as I am about to go a bit raw).

You know your wife more than anyone, you know what turns her on, her pleasure spots. Use your mouth very well on those spots.
You need to understand that there is a mission here. O r g a s m
But there are some "hot spots" common among most women

1. The nipples
2.The clitoris

I would focus on number 2 ..
1.Make sure the bed is well made, clean sheets, turn on the AC , if you don't have one, turn on the fan and leave it running to cool the room. Make sure no one else except the both of you is in your home, she needs to be comfortable.

2.Ensure you both have a warm bath and wash each others privates before you commence.You wash hers, she washes yours.Try and start up a conversation about some funny experiences you've both had, how you met each other and fell in love , how much you love her, all while washing each others privates. You are psychologically manipulating/distracting her with this.When you are done, dry each others body and carry her to the bed.Careful, so you don't slip and fall oo, you can leave that part out, but women love it !. You can back her like a baby or carry her in your arms, whichever you are ok with. Make sure she is unclad, but put on a boxers short, this eliminates her fears of seeing an erect instrument.

3.Its important you place a pillow under her waist to elevate her lower region, it allows for easy access with your mouth and with your instrument, when its time for insertion. It also ensures you don't feel neck pain and can breathe well during the process.

4.Use your mouth on the clitoris till she "explodes", don't stop no matter how long it takes, but you have to be careful not to be too hard on it as you would get the opposite of the desired effect, you would give her pain instead of pleasure. You need to be gentle and firm(I know this sounds contradictory, I would explain), use your lips as they are soft tissue, that won't cause much bruising, suck on it, in and out, grab the whole of it (the clitoris--- I have attached an image for easy identification, its that slightly protruding part of her privates that looks like a mini peeeenis) with your lips and gently slide it out of your mouth, without it leaving your mouth completely, make sure your lips holds unto it(this is what stimulate it and gives pleasure), but not too tightly, you can use your tongue as support to put the clitoris in place, if the clitoris is slipping out of your mouth. Keep repeating this back and forth.

5.Now, its important to hold her, so you can feel the "rhythm" of her body, hold her sides, or her laps, start out slowly, but not to slowly, gradually increase your "sucking pace" as you notice the rhythm of her body starts to change . This method ensures you don't bruise her and you also don't get tired easily.It also ensures a natural flow and gradual increase in pleasure.It would get to a point you might have to go really fast, this clouds her brain with pleasure, do this only when the rhythm of her body tells you to do so, when she starts to slightly wriggle or when she asks you to increase your pace.

6. Do this till she "explodes", and wriggles in pleasure, most likely at this point you are also erect, its important you take advantage of this moment, because at this point, you have killed three birds with one stone. She is too climaxed to notice her fear, her body has released enough chemicals to considerably reduce pain and she is properly lubricated for relatively easy insertion.Don't waste time !!!. Slowly (not too slowly), insert, before she comes back to reality . Make sure the pillow is still under her it ensures her lower region is elevated, so you can see clearly for insertion , I assume from the beginning she is already lying flat on her back, spread her legs out gently, this also relaxes/expands the cavity of her privates.If you still find it a bit difficult to penetrate, manually use both hands to spread the outer privates open for easy access, glide in back and forth as you both copulate to produce a wonderful seed that would bear fruit in 9 months.

7. You might need to do this more than once to be successful at it .
8.The fact that you did all this doesn't mean she might not feel pain, it just reduces the pain, it also might totally eliminate it.
9.Once you start have it in mind that you must see it through till the end.
10.If she is in excessive pain, stop and repeat the same day or another day till you get it done.


NOTE: Please stop reporting her to people, apart from the fear she is feeling, reporting her or telling other people about it, is putting her under additional pressure and stress, its adding to her Psychological lock-down. Please don't be upset with her. Buy her gifts, make her feel loved, make her understand you aren't judging her or upset with her. I am sure this steps would work for you

NB: I am married by the way, in case anyone was wondering.

Blessedone26:
Hi nairalanders,

I dated my wife for close to 8 years without sex, we went to same school. Though the decision of no sex before marriage was mine. Cos I am a very addictive person, I never wanted to be addicted to sex during my undergraduate days. She later told me she was a virgin then which I never believed and I told her I am not interested in her being a virgin or not.

Fast forward to our wedding night last year, naxo amaria begin they cry my daddy, my daddy, lets do this thing nah, nah tears full bed. So I took her to see her dad the next day and both of them were crying like a baby.

We got back to our location, we made several attempts with no sex, we've seen different pharmacists, we but different lubricants, but a touch of "pola" on the honeypot area, she will start crying of pains, she's so scared to the extreme. Confession: It was after 3 months that we've been trying that I was even also able to recognise the location of virginal, I had been putting the thing in a wrong place initially. ....sorry, ain't a bookworm but a bit spirikoko

I reported her to her parents , they came, brought diiferent lubricants, still we weren't able to reach the promise land . Now we've decided to go the way of sedative drugs .

Is there any side effects to the drugs?

Do I have to get her to sign a paper cos women ain't predictable, that she won't start shouting emotional trauma in the future that her husband drugged her to have the first sex with her. We need kids mehn.

Thanks..

Juell:
I think it's actually the lady's mum's fault for lying to her that sex is painful just to make her abstain from. And OP taking sedative for the first time is the worst decision.

Dunsin2020:
Op your wife as a phobia for sex, I never hear this one before o,but to help you reason the way to solve your problem your problem is both psychological and physical and I am not a doctor or therapist so I can't diagnose or prescribe or give you therapy, for it to have reach one year and that she is a virgin, people think being a virgin at 21 is an achievement it's not it's an illness, forget those religious books wey dey talk about virgin, u dey there when they write the book to know whether that girl wey there call virgin for the book no be one side one guy dey Bleep am back then, as we know all our Reverend sister's wey claim to be virgin na one side one guy dey Bleep them, so we all no all those things are lies , I am religious o don't get me wrong but I am not a fool with it, na coro we dey deal with now wey church don close down back to the topic, i don't know how much you have but by the average Nigerian I will tell you it is very expensive to consult a good doctor and therapist to solve your problem because the regular doctor in Nigeria will add to your problem rather than solve it, to get a good doctor you have to chose a expensive doctor and therapist from those private hospital in island Lagos that are of international standard, as you can't do that and I don't think you can afford to go overseas for treatment USA precisely, so guy this is what I would advise you you and your wife pray together and also talk well with her from your mind about it truthfully then be a man your wife or woman can't out muscle you hold are down on the bed and sex her I no say make you rape am or kill am o or go carry knife cut am o wetin I talk be say use your hard gbola after you don do enough romance and she don wet ,op you have to know how to romance the nipple of a woman and kissing is the key to woman romance then Bleep the thing open the kingdom of heaven sufferet violent and the violent take am by force any body wey tell you otherwise na gay, na muscle we men dey take Bleep woman and the women love it, after the sex she might be unable to walk well but you have to be patient just like you are patient before the sex everything will heal, this is how you have to approach it op the problem is not only with your wife but the problem is with you too except you don't love her if you love her you speak with one voice so solve your problem no and solve her problem by following this advice and counsel Bible says in a multitude of counsel problems are solved let me know when things don dey go as e suppose, bye

Tripitaka:
OP brace yourself. A lot of people will elect to guilt-trip you for choosing to abstain till after your wedding forgetting that it's a life filled with choices and you have made yours. Even the proponents of "virgin or nothing" will join in the hypocrisy.

The "pain" in first time sex is more psychological than physical. Actually it isn't supposed to hurt though it does for some people. You have to take it slow, calm her down, use a lot of lubricants and exercise a whole lot of patience, while we hope that there is no underlying medical comdition.Trust me, it can be frustrating and you may end up nutting before you gain entrance seeing that you're green.

That said, I'm curious as to how you told your parents-in-law about your inability to have sex with your wife. Did you say it in English or in your local dialect? Quite strange.

Rhozabeth:
Bros, her father has been sleeping with her! Period! Check well, she is far from being a virgin!

Donald3d:
Amen, yours as well.

Donald3d:


I am about to go very raw, kindly permit me, I haven't gone this raw here before, but you need help, so here it is.
I hope this doesn't change people's perspectives about me sha , we Nigerians like been mute about sex. Its an important ingredient in marriage, no matter how spiritual you are.

The best way to solve any problem is identifying the source or root of the problem and eliminate it .

From what you have said, she enjoys pre-intimacy , I would have loved to ask what type of pre-initmacy to help find a solution, but I also understand she is your wife and you can't be too explicit because this is a public forum.

Anyway, as I said earlier, let's tackle the source of the problem, which is FEAR, she is afraid, very afraid, so we need to eliminate the fear.

She is also pressured because you are "reporting" her to people, keep this between both of you Sir, please stop involving other people, fear and pressure is a very dangerous combination.

Please don't give her any sedatives, you really don't need it.

The issue with her fear is closely related to why lubricant aren't even working, the internal muscles of her privates would contract making it tighter because she is afraid, her natural lubrication won't also be discharged because her fear is making her mind "switch" it off, coupled with the fact that you are also scared of inflicting injuries on her privates.

There are two possible ways to eliminate her fear

1.Trying to convince her not to be afraid (easier said than done)
2. Introducing something that would involuntarily eliminate her fear.

I assume you have tried number 1, let's go to number two.
There are a few things that are greater than fear, but we would be sticking to the subject matter.
In this context and with the peculiarity of the situation, there is only one thing I believe can exceed that fear ...... Pleasure , Excessive Pleasure, when a human experiences excessive pleasure, the body releases pain killers and anti-stress chemicals.

So what should you do ?
You need a non-invasive pleasure mechanism, proven and tested , the most painless sexual activity. Guaranteed to give utmost pleasure .
You guessed it , O r a l Sex.

Its isn't just about putting your mouth there , you need to do it right (forgive me as I am about to go a bit raw).

You know your wife more than anyone, you know what turns her on, her pleasure spots. Use your mouth very well on those spots.
You need to understand that there is a mission here. O r g a s m
But there are some "hot spots" common among most women

1. The nipples
2.The clitoris

I would focus on number 2 ..
1.Make sure the bed is well made, clean sheets, turn on the AC , if you don't have one, turn on the fan and leave it running to cool the room. Make sure no one else except the both of you is in your home, she needs to be comfortable.

2.Ensure you both have a warm bath and wash each others privates before you commence.You wash hers, she washes yours.Try and start up a conversation about some funny experiences you've both had, how you met each other and fell in love , how much you love her, all while washing each others privates. You are psychologically manipulating/distracting her with this.When you are done, dry each others body and carry her to the bed.Careful, so you don't slip and fall oo, you can leave that part out, but women love it !. You can back her like a baby or carry her in your arms, whichever you are ok with. Make sure she is unclad, but put on a boxers short, this eliminates her fears of seeing an erect instrument.

3.Its important you place a pillow under her waist to elevate her lower region, it allows for easy access with your mouth and with your instrument, when its time for insertion. It also ensures you don't feel neck pain and can breathe well during the process.

4.Use your mouth on the clitoris till she "explodes", don't stop no matter how long it takes, but you have to be careful not to be too hard on it as you would get the opposite of the desired effect, you would give her pain instead of pleasure. You need to be gentle and firm(I know this sounds contradictory, I would explain), use your lips as they are soft tissue, that won't cause much bruising, suck on it, in and out, grab the whole of it (the clitoris--- I have attached an image for easy identification, its that slightly protruding part of her privates that looks like a mini peeeenis) with your lips and gently slide it out of your mouth, without it leaving your mouth completely, make sure your lips holds unto it(this is what stimulate it and gives pleasure), but not too tightly, you can use your tongue as support to put the clitoris in place, if the clitoris is slipping out of your mouth. Keep repeating this back and forth.

5.Now, its important to hold her, so you can feel the "rhythm" of her body, hold her sides, or her laps, start out slowly, but not to slowly, gradually increase your "sucking pace" as you notice the rhythm of her body starts to change . This method ensures you don't bruise her and you also don't get tired easily.It also ensures a natural flow and gradual increase in pleasure.It would get to a point you might have to go really fast, this clouds her brain with pleasure, do this only when the rhythm of her body tells you to do so, when she starts to slightly wriggle or when she asks you to increase your pace.

6. Do this till she "explodes", and wriggles in pleasure, most likely at this point you are also erect, its important you take advantage of this moment, because at this point, you have killed three birds with one stone. She is too climaxed to notice her fear, her body has released enough chemicals to considerably reduce pain and she is properly lubricated for relatively easy insertion.Don't waste time !!!. Slowly (not too slowly), insert, before she comes back to reality . Make sure the pillow is still under her it ensures her lower region is elevated, so you can see clearly for insertion , I assume from the beginning she is already lying flat on her back, spread her legs out gently, this also relaxes/expands the cavity of her privates.If you still find it a bit difficult to penetrate, manually use both hands to spread the outer privates open for easy access, glide in back and forth as you both copulate to produce a wonderful seed that would bear fruit in 9 months.

7. You might need to do this more than once to be successful at it .
8.The fact that you did all this doesn't mean she might not feel pain, it just reduces the pain, it also might totally eliminate it.
9.Once you start have it in mind that you must see it through till the end.
10.If she is in excessive pain, stop and repeat the same day or another day till you get it done.


NOTE: Please stop reporting her to people, apart from the fear she is feeling, reporting her or telling other people about it, is putting her under additional pressure and stress, its adding to her Psychological lock-down. Please don't be upset with her. Buy her gifts, make her feel loved, make her understand you aren't judging her or upset with her. I am sure this steps would work for you

NB: I am married by the way, in case anyone was wondering.

Tripitaka:
OP brace yourself. A lot of people will elect to guilt-trip you for choosing to abstain till after your wedding forgetting that it's a life filled with choices and you have made yours. Even the proponents of "virgin or nothing" will join in the hypocrisy.

The "pain" in first time sex is more psychological than physical. Actually it isn't supposed to hurt though it does for some people. You have to take it slow, calm her down, use a lot of lubricants and exercise a whole lot of patience, while we hope that there is no underlying medical comdition.Trust me, it can be frustrating and you may end up nutting before you gain entrance seeing that you're green.

That said, I'm curious as to how you told your parents-in-law about your inability to have sex with your wife. Did you say it in English or in your local dialect? Quite strange.

Tripitaka:
Trust me, it can be frustrating and you may end up nutting before you gain entrance seeing that you're green.

Alwaysachick:
What has circumcision got to do with this? Who wasn't circumcised?

Donald3d:
We can't be too sure if it's true or take, but I personally know someone who went through something similar, she was so scared of sex, her husband had to report her to people she respects to talk to her, then she gradually shifted her mind to succumb.

Blessedone26:
Hi nairalanders,

I dated my wife for close to 8 years without sex, we went to same school. Though the decision of no sex before marriage was mine. Cos I am a very addictive person, I never wanted to be addicted to sex during my undergraduate days. She later told me she was a virgin then which I never believed and I told her I am not interested in her being a virgin or not.

Fast forward to our wedding night last year, naxo amaria begin they cry my daddy, my daddy, lets do this thing nah, nah tears full bed. So I took her to see her dad the next day and both of them were crying like a baby.

We got back to our location, we made several attempts with no sex, we've seen different pharmacists, we but different lubricants, but a touch of "pola" on the honeypot area, she will start crying of pains, she's so scared to the extreme. Confession: It was after 3 months that we've been trying that I was even also able to recognise the location of virginal, I had been putting the thing in a wrong place initially. ....sorry, ain't a bookworm but a bit spirikoko

I reported her to her parents , they came, brought diiferent lubricants, still we weren't able to reach the promise land . Now we've decided to go the way of sedative drugs .

Is there any side effects to the drugs?

Do I have to get her to sign a paper cos women ain't predictable, that she won't start shouting emotional trauma in the future that her husband drugged her to have the first sex with her. We need kids mehn.

Thanks..

Blessedone26:
Seriously the clitoris is there. But I can still confirm from the mum. I do have a normal moderate libido. But this continous scared scared issue made one to loss interest. I have read about one too on google with same issue, he lost interest after 3 months. But they are Oyinbo. That might be an excuse for my dropped libido.

VolvoS60:
^^^


Is everything OK, Sir?

Donald3d:


I am about to go very raw, kindly permit me, I haven't gone this raw here before, but you need help, so here it is.
I hope this doesn't change people's perspectives about me sha , we Nigerians like been mute about sex. Its an important ingredient in marriage, no matter how spiritual you are.

The best way to solve any problem is identifying the source or root of the problem and eliminate it .

From what you have said, she enjoys pre-intimacy , I would have loved to ask what type of pre-initmacy to help find a solution, but I also understand she is your wife and you can't be too explicit because this is a public forum.

Anyway, as I said earlier, let's tackle the source of the problem, which is FEAR, she is afraid, very afraid, so we need to eliminate the fear.

She is also pressured because you are "reporting" her to people, keep this between both of you Sir, please stop involving other people, fear and pressure is a very dangerous combination.

Please don't give her any sedatives, you really don't need it.

The issue with her fear is closely related to why lubricant aren't even working, the internal muscles of her privates would contract making it tighter because she is afraid, her natural lubrication won't also be discharged because her fear is making her mind "switch" it off, coupled with the fact that you are also scared of inflicting injuries on her privates.

There are two possible ways to eliminate her fear

1.Trying to convince her not to be afraid (easier said than done)
2. Introducing something that would involuntarily eliminate her fear.

I assume you have tried number 1, let's go to number two.
There are a few things that are greater than fear, but we would be sticking to the subject matter.
In this context and with the peculiarity of the situation, there is only one thing I believe can exceed that fear ...... Pleasure , Excessive Pleasure, when a human experiences excessive pleasure, the body releases pain killers and anti-stress chemicals.

So what should you do ?
You need a non-invasive pleasure mechanism, proven and tested , the most painless sexual activity. Guaranteed to give utmost pleasure .
You guessed it , O r a l Sex.

Its isn't just about putting your mouth there , you need to do it right (forgive me as I am about to go a bit raw).

You know your wife more than anyone, you know what turns her on, her pleasure spots. Use your mouth very well on those spots.
You need to understand that there is a mission here. O r g a s m
But there are some "hot spots" common among most women

1. The nipples
2.The clitoris

I would focus on number 2 ..
1.Make sure the bed is well made, clean sheets, turn on the AC , if you don't have one, turn on the fan and leave it running to cool the room. Make sure no one else except the both of you is in your home, she needs to be comfortable.

2.Ensure you both have a warm bath and wash each others privates before you commence.You wash hers, she washes yours.Try and start up a conversation about some funny experiences you've both had, how you met each other and fell in love , how much you love her, all while washing each others privates. You are psychologically manipulating/distracting her with this.When you are done, dry each others body and carry her to the bed.Careful, so you don't slip and fall oo, you can leave that part out, but women love it !. You can back her like a baby or carry her in your arms, whichever you are ok with. Make sure she is unclad, but put on a boxers short, this eliminates her fears of seeing an erect instrument.

3.Its important you place a pillow under her waist to elevate her lower region, it allows for easy access with your mouth and with your instrument, when its time for insertion. It also ensures you don't feel neck pain and can breathe well during the process.

4.Use your mouth on the clitoris till she "explodes", don't stop no matter how long it takes, but you have to be careful not to be too hard on it as you would get the opposite of the desired effect, you would give her pain instead of pleasure. You need to be gentle and firm(I know this sounds contradictory, I would explain), use your lips as they are soft tissue, that won't cause much bruising, suck on it, in and out, grab the whole of it (the clitoris--- I have attached an image for easy identification, its that slightly protruding part of her privates that looks like a mini peeeenis) with your lips and gently slide it out of your mouth, without it leaving your mouth completely, make sure your lips holds unto it(this is what stimulate it and gives pleasure), but not too tightly, you can use your tongue as support to put the clitoris in place, if the clitoris is slipping out of your mouth. Keep repeating this back and forth.

5.Now, its important to hold her, so you can feel the "rhythm" of her body, hold her sides, or her laps, start out slowly, but not to slowly, gradually increase your "sucking pace" as you notice the rhythm of her body starts to change . This method ensures you don't bruise her and you also don't get tired easily.It also ensures a natural flow and gradual increase in pleasure.It would get to a point you might have to go really fast, this clouds her brain with pleasure, do this only when the rhythm of her body tells you to do so, when she starts to slightly wriggle or when she asks you to increase your pace.

6. Do this till she "explodes", and wriggles in pleasure, most likely at this point you are also erect, its important you take advantage of this moment, because at this point, you have killed three birds with one stone. She is too climaxed to notice her fear, her body has released enough chemicals to considerably reduce pain and she is properly lubricated for relatively easy insertion.Don't waste time !!!. Slowly (not too slowly), insert, before she comes back to reality . Make sure the pillow is still under her it ensures her lower region is elevated, so you can see clearly for insertion , I assume from the beginning she is already lying flat on her back, spread her legs out gently, this also relaxes/expands the cavity of her privates.If you still find it a bit difficult to penetrate, manually use both hands to spread the outer privates open for easy access, glide in back and forth as you both copulate to produce a wonderful seed that would bear fruit in 9 months.

7. You might need to do this more than once to be successful at it .
8.The fact that you did all this doesn't mean she might not feel pain, it just reduces the pain, it also might totally eliminate it.
9.Once you start have it in mind that you must see it through till the end.
10.If she is in excessive pain, stop and repeat the same day or another day till you get it done.


NOTE: Please stop reporting her to people, apart from the fear she is feeling, reporting her or telling other people about it, is putting her under additional pressure and stress, its adding to her Psychological lock-down. Please don't be upset with her. Buy her gifts, make her feel loved, make her understand you aren't judging her or upset with her. I am sure this steps would work for you

NB: I am married by the way, in case anyone was wondering.

LadyBeee:
Both of u re so dumb! Yuck

Donald3d:


I am about to go very raw, kindly permit me, I haven't gone this raw here before, but you need help, so here it is.
I hope this doesn't change people's perspectives about me sha , we Nigerians like been mute about sex. Its an important ingredient in marriage, no matter how spiritual you are.

The best way to solve any problem is identifying the source or root of the problem and eliminate it .

From what you have said, she enjoys pre-intimacy , I would have loved to ask what type of pre-initmacy to help find a solution, but I also understand she is your wife and you can't be too explicit because this is a public forum.

Anyway, as I said earlier, let's tackle the source of the problem, which is FEAR, she is afraid, very afraid, so we need to eliminate the fear.

She is also pressured because you are "reporting" her to people, keep this between both of you Sir, please stop involving other people, fear and pressure is a very dangerous combination.

Please don't give her any sedatives, you really don't need it.

The issue with her fear is closely related to why lubricant aren't even working, the internal muscles of her privates would contract making it tighter because she is afraid, her natural lubrication won't also be discharged because her fear is making her mind "switch" it off, coupled with the fact that you are also scared of inflicting injuries on her privates.

There are two possible ways to eliminate her fear

1.Trying to convince her not to be afraid (easier said than done)
2. Introducing something that would involuntarily eliminate her fear.

I assume you have tried number 1, let's go to number two.
There are a few things that are greater than fear, but we would be sticking to the subject matter.
In this context and with the peculiarity of the situation, there is only one thing I believe can exceed that fear ...... Pleasure , Excessive Pleasure, when a human experiences excessive pleasure, the body releases pain killers and anti-stress chemicals.

So what should you do ?
You need a non-invasive pleasure mechanism, proven and tested , the most painless sexual activity. Guaranteed to give utmost pleasure .
You guessed it , O r a l Sex.

Its isn't just about putting your mouth there , you need to do it right (forgive me as I am about to go a bit raw).

You know your wife more than anyone, you know what turns her on, her pleasure spots. Use your mouth very well on those spots.
You need to understand that there is a mission here. O r g a s m
But there are some "hot spots" common among most women

1. The nipples
2.The clitoris

I would focus on number 2 ..
1.Make sure the bed is well made, clean sheets, turn on the AC , if you don't have one, turn on the fan and leave it running to cool the room. Make sure no one else except the both of you is in your home, she needs to be comfortable.

2.Ensure you both have a warm bath and wash each others privates before you commence.You wash hers, she washes yours.Try and start up a conversation about some funny experiences you've both had, how you met each other and fell in love , how much you love her, all while washing each others privates. You are psychologically manipulating/distracting her with this.When you are done, dry each others body and carry her to the bed.Careful, so you don't slip and fall oo, you can leave that part out, but women love it !. You can back her like a baby or carry her in your arms, whichever you are ok with. Make sure she is unclad, but put on a boxers short, this eliminates her fears of seeing an erect instrument.

3.Its important you place a pillow under her waist to elevate her lower region, it allows for easy access with your mouth and with your instrument, when its time for insertion. It also ensures you don't feel neck pain and can breathe well during the process.

4.Use your mouth on the clitoris till she "explodes", don't stop no matter how long it takes, but you have to be careful not to be too hard on it as you would get the opposite of the desired effect, you would give her pain instead of pleasure. You need to be gentle and firm(I know this sounds contradictory, I would explain), use your lips as they are soft tissue, that won't cause much bruising, suck on it, in and out, grab the whole of it (the clitoris--- I have attached an image for easy identification, its that slightly protruding part of her privates that looks like a mini peeeenis) with your lips and gently slide it out of your mouth, without it leaving your mouth completely, make sure your lips holds unto it(this is what stimulate it and gives pleasure), but not too tightly, you can use your tongue as support to put the clitoris in place, if the clitoris is slipping out of your mouth. Keep repeating this back and forth.

5.Now, its important to hold her, so you can feel the "rhythm" of her body, hold her sides, or her laps, start out slowly, but not to slowly, gradually increase your "sucking pace" as you notice the rhythm of her body starts to change . This method ensures you don't bruise her and you also don't get tired easily.It also ensures a natural flow and gradual increase in pleasure.It would get to a point you might have to go really fast, this clouds her brain with pleasure, do this only when the rhythm of her body tells you to do so, when she starts to slightly wriggle or when she asks you to increase your pace.

6. Do this till she "explodes", and wriggles in pleasure, most likely at this point you are also erect, its important you take advantage of this moment, because at this point, you have killed three birds with one stone. She is too climaxed to notice her fear, her body has released enough chemicals to considerably reduce pain and she is properly lubricated for relatively easy insertion.Don't waste time !!!. Slowly (not too slowly), insert, before she comes back to reality . Make sure the pillow is still under her it ensures her lower region is elevated, so you can see clearly for insertion , I assume from the beginning she is already lying flat on her back, spread her legs out gently, this also relaxes/expands the cavity of her privates.If you still find it a bit difficult to penetrate, manually use both hands to spread the outer privates open for easy access, glide in back and forth as you both copulate to produce a wonderful seed that would bear fruit in 9 months.

7. You might need to do this more than once to be successful at it .
8.The fact that you did all this doesn't mean she might not feel pain, it just reduces the pain, it also might totally eliminate it.
9.Once you start have it in mind that you must see it through till the end.
10.If she is in excessive pain, stop and repeat the same day or another day till you get it done.


NOTE: Please stop reporting her to people, apart from the fear she is feeling, reporting her or telling other people about it, is putting her under additional pressure and stress, its adding to her Psychological lock-down. Please don't be upset with her. Buy her gifts, make her feel loved, make her understand you aren't judging her or upset with her. I am sure this steps would work for you

NB: I am married by the way, in case anyone was wondering.