₦airaland Forum

if u give him money all the time then where and how does he wins his bread to make him the bread winner

Mindlog:
You know your post was guilt-tripping the lady and see nothing parasitic with the boyfriend borrowing money from the lady to take care of his older siblings and nags whenever the lady says no to his financial request. No one is stopping him from taking of his family, let him assist them from what he can genuinely afford and don't go borrowing from his girlfriend to package before his family.

Just as the man's family "owns" him, so does the lady's family "owns" her and instead of lending money to the man, she should spend it on her own family.

Which lady owns her stop that nonsense think please use your head to think, the lady doesn't own him as they are only boyfriend and girlfriend not married yet

lordaltruist:
Family is family and your wife is not your family right? Blood is thicker than water you say? And your wife is not your blood?

Bro this mentality is very wrong and that's what I am trying to correct; now let me tell you what family is: FAMILY is you, your wife, your children, your parents, your wife's parents, your siblings and your wife's siblings and when it comes to blood please the moment you get married to her; she automatically becomes your blood so bro wake up and shawn that archaic mentality of yours.

You read to ask irrelevant questions without comprehending the write up, first she is not the man's wife, she said they have been dating for three years they are not married yet, read to understand. You just made yourself a fool a big one at that she never mentioned they were married

VivleBriella:
Good day everyone

I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him.

Yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially. I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough.

This is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back.

Is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

Unless both of you are working and coming home with 6figures monthly, it ll slow down your projects e.g building, buying car, starting a biz etc. If you are not careful, you won't have savings.

Solution: Get them jobs.....A rich man in the midst of poor is also a poor man

Ningen:
They are calling him “shameless” because he borrowed from his “woman”.

Not because he borrowed. Read again.

MartinsD12:
Which lady owns her stop that nonsense think please use your head to think, the lady doesn't own him as they are only boyfriend and girlfriend not married yet

Did you even read what you typed! The lady doesn't own him neither do the man own the lady nor her money that she said he nags about if she says NO.

It is a big issue... Even if the guy wasn't borrowing from you but spends all his money on his family, will you be okay?

Since you are complaining now, it means you are not happy with it. And when you get married to him, the picture is unlikely to change. Just decide on what you want before it becomes too late.

Don't marry that type of man..u will regret.

VivleBriella:
Good day everyone

I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him.

Yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially. I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough.

This is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back.

Is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

Madam, sorry to say this......
But Na only you waka go.
Short and Simple

The lady in question. Should do all it takes to tell him how she feels. Because the guy might be valuing all what he has spent on her over the years by asking from one form or the other.

Bread winner or not is their relationship. Family always has their own way to solve them. At the end the lady won't appreciate his family, simply of her assisted loan taking from her boyfriend.

N.B: Talk about it. Sincerely work towards managing both families and their issues. Both of you can invest together and support each other needs.

Goldie16:
You seem to be someone who likes depending on women
If you don't want to handle financial responsibilities, then get ready to impregnate yourself, give birth, nurse and nurture and handle the home front.
She still has a job and will still contribute to the home financing. You now want to kill her with additional responsibility of adults who are capable of caring for themselves.
May God deliver every good woman from men like this

[color=#000055] Hi miss/bro. Let me share some Nairaland OT with you.
1. Don't be deceived by comments and stories on Nairaland. Some are never true.
2. Never judge a person by their comments and Monika. Your assumption can be totally wrong.
3. Some comment generate mentions which I know how to use them. See, it work on you
4. To get attentions and audiences, you have to be a good story writer/teller which the op knows about and you need to have a savage response. 5. Live every moment of your life like its the best and worry less about depression.
6. So what if I handle the OP and this Monika. Is like you have been played along.
7. Learn, cheer, have fun, never take things too personal. That how the game works. Have a good day.[/color]

My sister u better run for your life pls, he will use u and still dump u my sister, I repeat run for ur life.

VivleBriella:
Good day everyone

I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him.

Yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially. I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough.

This is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back.

Is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

Better look for someone else if you value your well-being.

jaksmillioniar:
I didnt said DAT. but wat bad in helping d one u love. no one know tomoro. his family fit blow tomoro. is Linda ikeji not helping her family today

and if the family the lady had been helpinq cashwise eventually "blow" like you put it, what's the quarantee that she's still qonna be the qirlfriend?!
what's the quarantee that the man she's been helpinq cashwise won't ditch her for someone else even if she continues with the help?!
People are bad, this damn relationship is toxic parasitism.

She should opt out forthwith!

Buhh if she's undecided and beinq considerate, she should try talkinq to him one last time, if no chanqe happens, she should learn her lesson and move'on!

people are even qettinq this wronq!

it's not as if she borrowed him 500k as a whole, all at once. He asked for 100k today, demanded for 50k a week after, requested for 90k 3 weeks later, beqqed for 120k a month later and so on! It's the cumulation of all these that totalled up to 500k!

even still at that, the lady should just voice out her state of mind to the man, still if there's no chanqe, she should learn her lesson and move'on!

imaqine havinq that 500k tucked inside her bank account, won't that be somethinq?!

Problem
You just need to be ready for divided attention

Borrowing money from a woman/gf/friend/wife and not your sibling/mother firstly a blow/shame on my manhood
Not returning the money is second degree spite/shame on me
Feeling entitled is the height of pure shamelessness and condemnation and misfortune to me.
God forbid!!!
For the girl i cant advice her cos from experience you dont advice women/people in relationships (they don’t listen). She’s probably inlove with something in the guy (maybe he his handsome and has pink lips). Most fine boys with pink lips know how to manipulate well.
You have the right to grow sense and listen to advices from this post. You still have the right not to. Wonders shall never end

VivleBriella:
Good day everyone

I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him.

Yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially. I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough.

This is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back.

Is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

There is something called the wisdom of timing, it is all about doing the right thing at the right time. Money has the potential of multiplying to become wealth, but if men are not sensitive to timing it never materializes.

Your boy friend lacks the wisdom of timing, and is already on the highway of poverty, same is the fate of those closest to him, you inclusive. The process of pulling someone out of a pit requires that the puller be way stronger than the pulled, not to talk of pulling multiple people out of a pit. Your boy friend needs to understand that he needs to build wealth to be able to help his family, if he continually give the resources required to build his wealth there will be materials left for building wealth.

There are some African mentality we need to discard, something's we describe as help is indirect distruction for both the giver and the receiver. The giver becomes poorer the receiver becomes entitled. It's easier to help folks make something out of themselves in the long term when you have some level of wealth.

I will advise that you have a talk about this with him. And if he doesn't see things from your perspective you may both have to go your separate way because you have opposing trajectory.

[quote author=oyoolima post=88473145]Not everyone is destined to marry the 'Jesus' of the family.

You're just 24,why should you shackle yourself to a man who is 7 years older than you and dependent on your income to take care of his own family

The money isn't even to build a business,it's to take care of people who are significantly older than you who probably will never be independent of him.

Your mates are marrying up,you're not just marrying down but you're also carrying cross of Calvary while you're just ordinary girlfriend and then the man also feels entitled to the money


What does he do for you? Nothing.

When you hang out do you split bills 50/50 or is he unable to even come up.with his own portion?


Is this what you want forever?

I'm trying really hard not to laugh at you because this is beyond ridiculous.

He wants you to be supportive not just of him but of his family

No one should be in a parasitic relationship, whether male.or female

It shall end in premium tears.



You nailed it. Gbamest

First of all i want to compliments you for being a supportive and generous kind of person to your loved ones's. People like you are so rare, The man should be proud of you,But He seems not know your worth that why he's not appreciating your enough. My opinion for you is you're carrying a big burden on you self at a early stage of your life and you're too young for all that, so pack and go, Before it'll end in premium tears like been previously said above.


Betterdaysahead

BusinessRelationship

VivleBriella:
Good day everyone

I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him.

Yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially. I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough.

This is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back.

Is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

You son enter one chance

Responsibilities off course

VivleBriella:
Good day everyone

I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him.

Yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially. I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough.

This is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back.

Is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

Run for dear life babe. He's a relationship with you because of your money. He's a gold digger and a thief in the making.You will live to regret your nasty decision if you make the mistake of marrying him. They'll suck you dry and still insult you over it. I was expecting to see him as the first born but No he's the last and he's the shouldering their responsibility. There's a curse in that family.Run and dump him like a plague before he ruins your life and destiny.

adexpa:
It is foolishness n lack of information that makes a young guy believes his family has entitlement right to depend on him n if such person is not serious he will never amount to anything in life cus by the time that job he is living on is gone n he doesn't have any savings to fall back on, those families will still blame him that he never done anything for them the time he has or he never done enough for them. Until you are fully stable, you are not encourage to shoulder anyones responsibility
....that thing kills young Africans.... Feeding their families... Lazy people


Dear fine girl, run for your life cus the marriage will be hell fire for you... Don't think it will be better.

It's not foolishness to help your family, cos in your time of need it's still that same family that you will depend on. Especially we that are Firstborns, it's your responsibility to train up your younger ones. If the parents are not capable or late, the firstborn assumes the role of the parents. I have 6 younger ones, last is 10 yrs, so because I'm not yet very rich, I should now abandon those kids?

VivleBriella:
LordKO
Oyoolima
Bukatyne
Adexpa
Themarkethere
Afonamaro
Sweetcunt97
Paxie55
Frozen70
Inyayiz
Jaymoon
Thanks for the contributions everyone
I didn't go mute, I just didn't think replying everyone individually's the right way..

I've decided to let him go, it's not like he hasn't done anything for me since we started dating, he used to buy me things when we initially started(first 2 months) but I usually insist on footing the bills, cause I didn't want him to see me as a leech, guess he got used to me footing the bills and left me to myself, he's extravagant to some extent, give him 100k today and in two days, he doesn't have a dime on him anymore, usually can't stand seeing him broke, hence, always giving in to his demands but I've had enough cause he already told me point blank he can't marry me during an argument, cause I'm not supportive and submissive..

And to the bloke who thought vivlebriella's for wedding cards, no, it's not, it's just some random nick I thought bout to open an account with but thanks for your contribution, it's appreciated.

My question tho, what do u do for a living pls

You better run

Thane:
My question tho, what do u do for a living pls

Lol,
Why do you ask

VivleBriella:
Good day everyone

I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him.

Yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially. I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough.

This is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back.

Is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

You're not married and he's stressing you this much. My sister, think am o!

A man is at his best during courtship. He wont get better after marriage.

Unbelivably Wonderfu!
So a girl can really give a guy money up to 500k in this life... As much as I find that hard to gulp down I'll give this girl some accolade(if it's true), u deserve better.

this ur man must be very lazy.so u mean he sits at home all day while u go out to work and sweat
sister if u keep doing this b4 u turn 30 u go look older than ur yrs ooo
all ur cheeks go sink inside
better u find a way to dump the deadbeat
and its mostly lazy men that tend to have huge appetites
wife go cook something then the man will finish every in the pot without thinking of the kids and the wife and return to the sittingroom to watch champions league.