₦airaland Forum

Elinosweet143:
I can imagine your pain. I advice you try and have a sit out with your kids, take them out on a treat then sit and talk with them without the interference of your wife try to know what their problem is with u, make peace with them that should be the first move if u succeed in getting them to understand everything without painting their mother black, then you'll also tell them how much u love their mom and ask for their help, i bet u they will intervene and help restore peace but u must back up your plans with prayers and show more love than anger. Do this properly and thank me later

Wise woman. You made sense and yet you didn't say much.

.you are a blessing.

Microwhy:
Use the same tools she's using on your children. Sit them down and try hear their own side of the story and why you as a father would send them and they disobey. They will tell you the main point your wife is using to brainwash them. Use same tactics to win your kids over "Manipulation" . Afterward, sit your wife down and ask what exactly she wanted, Divorce or what.

A home strained by manipulation cannot stand.

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

my main man.

Paul8000:
Good evening ladies and gents...

My name is Paul, I am married to my beautiful wife Vivian by name for the past 16 years . We have 5 wonderful children together Jemima 15, Isaac 12, Elizabeth 9, Samuel 6 and Tabitha 3. We are based in Liberia. We both are working and earning well by God grace. I have few issues with my wife that brought me here to get some advice.

Anytime my wife and I had some misunderstanding, she does involve the children. The oldest 3 she tells them everything including how I cheated on her, she also feed them with lies that I am a bad man and I want to kills her. She tells them so many things to make them hate me. They will disrespect and keeping malice with me to the extend of if I send them for errands, she will stop them and tell them not to go. No matter how much I shouted at them to go, they will not obey me because their mother has the final say. For example my wife and I are having some misunderstandings for over 3 weeks now, we are not talking or sleeping in the same room. I have tried to makes things works for us but she refused.

The children are also keeping malice with me. I sent Elizabeth to go and get some water for me, she obeyed and went to the kitchen, few moments later she came back empty handed staring at me in shock. I asked her what about the water she said her mother said I should go in the kitchen to get the water myself . At that moment I just couldn’t take it anymore I exploded in anger I went to the kitchen we had a heated arguments she pour water on me I really wanted to hit her so hard but I control my anger and walked away.

I left the house for 3 days to cool down. because I was so angry with her I just wanted to be alone. I then went home after 3 days,my 3 oldest children acted like they hadn’t seen me they were busy with their phone/ tablets and it was only my 2 youngest that were missing me they both hugged me like never before me. My youngest daughter refuse to leave my room she even slept in my room. I could see how much she misses me. My wife on her side acted like nothing too her normal behaviour as usual . For the sake of my 2 youngest children I sat her down and talked with her. How we should makes things better for the sake of our children especially the younger ones.

I have apologized to her on my knees all to no avail. I am tired of my wife turning my children against me they have becoming out of control ... I can’t correct them it pains me a lot to see my own children disrespecting me. I don’t want them to grow up and hate me all their life I want to have my family back. A happy home how we used to be before but my wife don’t want to cooperate with me I thought this lock-down will bring us together so we could sorted out our differences and fix our marriage to become better but all to no avail.

I am writing this sitting inside my car in the compound because I can’t even go inside the house because I have nobody to talk to my 2 youngest children that keeps me busy are asleep. I am so lonely all alone please how can I put an end to all this I am fed up ...

Anyone who has ever experienced something like this can you please advice me on how did you overcome this. I hope I was brief enough...

Try contacting both families first and see what comes out of it. You need to do this as soon as possible. If both families are far away, take the matter to church.

Then you need to be involved in the upbringing of the children. The first three are old enough to know what is good and what is bad. It is almost getting late but make sure your kids are involved in church activities it helps in moulding a child. They teach alot of things.

Hopefully it will work. If it doesnt work..... hmmm. Somebody has to walk away for the sake of the kids. Why I said so, is that your kids are learning these things and that is what they are going to give to the society.

Again, this not something you can tolerate for so long. The blessing of the parents is very important for the kids. They are beginning to be rude one day you will say something to them out of annoyance that will change their lives. When it happens you may not reap the fruits of your labour. It is very easy to destroy but repairing it will be hard.

Someone needs to remind your wife how far those who honour their parents go in life.

Mtchew, why just crying out now? You've been forming western man since.

To me, the only solution is for you to go and start a new family somewhere and stop thinking you have any children anywhere.

Gracealone:
The main issue that may make your wife disrespect you is your lack of money. If you are the breadwinner, it cannot be this bad.

No...

In most marriages, wifes tend to confide in the children when she quarels with the husband and knowingly or unknowingly, painting the husband bad in the childrens mind.

It happend while i was growing up and ive seem it in many homes...

Theres little or nothing a man can do if the woman does this to spite the husband and thats why we have most children grow up hating their dad.

I will implore OP to be patient, and make time for the kids so he can be close to them and they can see that he isnt the devil their mother has painted...

This situation is though, I don't know what to say. It is well with you and your family sir.

Paul8000:
Good evening ladies and gents...

My name is Paul, I am married to my beautiful wife Vivian by name for the past 16 years . We have 5 wonderful children together Jemima 15, Isaac 12, Elizabeth 9, Samuel 6 and Tabitha 3. We are based in Liberia. We both are working and earning well by God grace. I have few issues with my wife that brought me here to get some advice.

Anytime my wife and I had some misunderstanding, she does involve the children. The oldest 3 she tells them everything including how I cheated on her, she also feed them with lies that I am a bad man and I want to kills her. She tells them so many things to make them hate me. They will disrespect and keeping malice with me to the extend of if I send them for errands, she will stop them and tell them not to go. No matter how much I shouted at them to go, they will not obey me because their mother has the final say. For example my wife and I are having some misunderstandings for over 3 weeks now, we are not talking or sleeping in the same room. I have tried to makes things works for us but she refused.

The children are also keeping malice with me. I sent Elizabeth to go and get some water for me, she obeyed and went to the kitchen, few moments later she came back empty handed staring at me in shock. I asked her what about the water she said her mother said I should go in the kitchen to get the water myself . At that moment I just couldn’t take it anymore I exploded in anger I went to the kitchen we had a heated arguments she pour water on me I really wanted to hit her so hard but I control my anger and walked away.

I left the house for 3 days to cool down. because I was so angry with her I just wanted to be alone. I then went home after 3 days,my 3 oldest children acted like they hadn’t seen me they were busy with their phone/ tablets and it was only my 2 youngest that were missing me they both hugged me like never before me. My youngest daughter refuse to leave my room she even slept in my room. I could see how much she misses me. My wife on her side acted like nothing too her normal behaviour as usual . For the sake of my 2 youngest children I sat her down and talked with her. How we should makes things better for the sake of our children especially the younger ones.

I have apologized to her on my knees all to no avail. I am tired of my wife turning my children against me they have becoming out of control ... I can’t correct them it pains me a lot to see my own children disrespecting me. I don’t want them to grow up and hate me all their life I want to have my family back. A happy home how we used to be before but my wife don’t want to cooperate with me I thought this lock-down will bring us together so we could sorted out our differences and fix our marriage to become better but all to no avail.

I am writing this sitting inside my car in the compound because I can’t even go inside the house because I have nobody to talk to my 2 youngest children that keeps me busy are asleep. I am so lonely all alone please how can I put an end to all this I am fed up ...

Anyone who has ever experienced something like this can you please advice me on how did you overcome this. I hope I was brief enough...

In most marriages, wifes tend to confide in the children when she quarels with the husband and knowingly or unknowingly, painting the husband bad in the childrens mind.

It happend while i was growing up and ive seem it in many homes...

Theres little or nothing a man can do if the woman does this to spite the husband and thats why we have most children grow up hating their dad.

I will implore you to be patient, and make time for the kids so you can be close to them and they can see that you arent the devil their mother has painted...

Sir it's a lie,tell us the truth about the matter

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

you are quite correct ..... d wife is simply taking him for granted .... it's appalling

Thefxchanger:
No...

In most marriages, wifes tend to confide in the children when she quarels with the husband and knowingly or unknowingly, painting the husband bad in the childrens mind.

It happend while i was growing up and ive seem it in many homes...

Theres little or nothing a man can do if the woman does this to spite the husband and thats why we have most children grow up hating their dad.

I will implore OP to be patient, and make time for the kids so he can be close to them and they can see that he isnt the devil their mother has painted...

My mum did this too when we were growing up. But as much as my mum was talking to us, my dad too was talking to us. We the children were just listening to both party's arguement.

My mum would be shouting and saying all sort of things out of anger. My dad will not say anything. Later in the night when my mum is sleeping, my dad will come and be telling us his own side of the story.

Eventually, we the children will go one by one to try to convince our mum or dad to see reasons with the other person depending on who we think is right.

Until today my parents still report themselves to we the children if someone is doing something they don't like and we try to talk ourselves to behave better.

hollah123:
like seriously I never read this part b4 I made my first comment....u cheated ,yea she might not see it as a big deal after u begged but u have a boy from that(evidence of cheating).Do u know how heartbroken she was when she heard that after everything I both went through n what u work towards

She can never forget n she knows irrespective of whatever she laboured together with u a strange woman will b a part of it someday cos u will give d boy something n d boy will give his mother.Bro at this stage of your life, all u need for yourself is a soft landing cos the children are old enough to see everything.

Pray to God,change your ways n convince them alot that u are truly a changed man

All d best

Why do you sound like a hypocrite, is he the first man in the universe to cheat? He cheated and begged her and that’s it, if she’s using cheating as an excuse why don’t she divorce and let them share custody, so because he cheated he should die? Abeg.

Cowbell521:
Aunty.... Gels are evil. Den be green snake
U no go understand

I no need humble anything....if I don marry my fiancee dat time wey I be 29... My life go don worst pass OP

.


See I know Abuja people wella. What you people do most times is you want a girl that is flashy and at the same working for their money.

Often times, people go for very flashy girls. The chances that the girl doesnt work for her money are high. You can ask Ibeto and Otedola these things.

Yes, Abuja girls also have theirs. I believe they do it cos of guys like you. Tell all sorts of hot lies and carry the illusion of "money no be problem".

So guy, una fit una self.

SweetCunt97:
For d man or woman?

Both

hope4nigeria:
is the house your house or your wife house? If you own/rent the house with your money? Send your wife and her 3elder kids away, then keep the two loyal once, when their brain reset , they craw back begging you, if they are adamant, note that they are not your family members and move on else they will eliminate you.

Did you read the part where the man cheated on his wife with 3 different women and had a child outside wedlock..

Or did you deliberately ignore that part

The man is the root cause of the problem, but the wife and the three older kids should be sent away

Nonsense advice.

I pity the woman that will marry you

lastclaire4:
.


See I know Abuja people wella. What you people do most times is you want a girl that is flashy and at the same working for their money.

Often times, people go for very flashy girls. The chances that the girl doesnt work for her money are high. You can ask Ibeto and Otedola these things.

Yes, Abuja girls also have theirs. I believe they do it cos of guys like you. Tell all sorts of hot lies and carry the illusion of "money no be problem".

So guy, una fit una self.

Something dey worri U?
I tell U sey na moni cuz me to cancel my plans with the evil fiancee? Gel Abeg..... No carry bad memory visit me dis night. Dat experience still hots

Flashy gal ko fleshy gal ni....

chrizzyace:
I can’t believe I read more than 3 paragraphs of the rubbish you wrote and still didn’t find any single thing that makes sense in it... Jesus Chris what kind of a human are you!!! You want him to be like a beast because you want his kids to respect him and fear him, wow. You’re not even half the man that this man is! He’s a real man that needs help, I totally agree with the first commenter, seek immediate intervention of family from both sides , if none is available seek the priest clergy or any highly reputable person you know. Now back to you this shallow commenter! I hope you’re not married cause with their your mentality your wife and kids will not even love you. ...

yet you supported his children being disobidient to him their father. My junior brother whom i am 9 years older than cant try such rubbish to disobey my instruction i will beat the beat the living hell out of him talk more of disrespecting my dad.

On no circumstance should a child teenager refuse to run errand for his dad as long as he never sent them to do evil.

madridguy:
Mtchew, why just crying out now? You've been forming western man since.

To me, the only solution is for you to go and start a new family somewhere and stop thinking you have any children anywhere.

cc Paul8000 do this if you still value your life. She's sowing hatred and bitterness into their young lives. Trust me you don't wanna be there when she starts reaping what she sowed. They'll grow up hating her for life. Mark my words......

Rubbish and u no fit beat d living daylight out of the children

See there is a batte going on in your house and shouting won't help you win it. Most men of our generation are so disconnected with their children allowing their wife's so much power. Now begin to communicate with your kids. Tell them everything. Know their friends no their hobbies. Listen. To them you don't always have to scold them on things they told you confidentially connect with your kids. Allow them to talk freely around u just listen. Don't be a nagging dad that drives them away slowly your wife will have to stop her none sense because the kids know you two well and won't be able to take sides.

Paul8000:
Good evening ladies and gents...

My name is Paul, I am married to my beautiful wife Vivian by name for the past 16 years . We have 5 wonderful children together Jemima 15, Isaac 12, Elizabeth 9, Samuel 6 and Tabitha 3. We are based in Liberia. We both are working and earning well by God grace. I have few issues with my wife that brought me here to get some advice.

Anytime my wife and I had some misunderstanding, she does involve the children. The oldest 3 she tells them everything including how I cheated on her, she also feed them with lies that I am a bad man and I want to kills her. She tells them so many things to make them hate me. They will disrespect and keeping malice with me to the extend of if I send them for errands, she will stop them and tell them not to go. No matter how much I shouted at them to go, they will not obey me because their mother has the final say. For example my wife and I are having some misunderstandings for over 3 weeks now, we are not talking or sleeping in the same room. I have tried to makes things works for us but she refused.

The children are also keeping malice with me. I sent Elizabeth to go and get some water for me, she obeyed and went to the kitchen, few moments later she came back empty handed staring at me in shock. I asked her what about the water she said her mother said I should go in the kitchen to get the water myself . At that moment I just couldn’t take it anymore I exploded in anger I went to the kitchen we had a heated arguments she pour water on me I really wanted to hit her so hard but I control my anger and walked away.

I left the house for 3 days to cool down. because I was so angry with her I just wanted to be alone. I then went home after 3 days,my 3 oldest children acted like they hadn’t seen me they were busy with their phone/ tablets and it was only my 2 youngest that were missing me they both hugged me like never before me. My youngest daughter refuse to leave my room she even slept in my room. I could see how much she misses me. My wife on her side acted like nothing too her normal behaviour as usual . For the sake of my 2 youngest children I sat her down and talked with her. How we should makes things better for the sake of our children especially the younger ones.

I have apologized to her on my knees all to no avail. I am tired of my wife turning my children against me they have becoming out of control ... I can’t correct them it pains me a lot to see my own children disrespecting me. I don’t want them to grow up and hate me all their life I want to have my family back. A happy home how we used to be before but my wife don’t want to cooperate with me I thought this lock-down will bring us together so we could sorted out our differences and fix our marriage to become better but all to no avail.

I am writing this sitting inside my car in the compound because I can’t even go inside the house because I have nobody to talk to my 2 youngest children that keeps me busy are asleep. I am so lonely all alone please how can I put an end to all this I am fed up ...

Anyone who has ever experienced something like this can you please advice me on how did you overcome this. I hope I was brief enough...

I wonder why some of you share your personal life here in forum, don't tell me you seek advice from people who can't ask or challenge their govt.

rain21:
First of,I love your kids names, lovely biblical names

For your kids to have such beautiful Christian names,shows you and your wife.. their parents are deep Christians or believers maybe but these actions are a complete opposite of Christianity or what a Christian home should be

You are an adulterer with a child, while your wife is unforgiving and vindictive. The only way you two can live in love and harmony again is to return back to Christ. Find a Bible believing church and make restitution, and your wife would see the changes and length you have gone to make your family and marriage work. you can then get the help of man of God to counsel and put you two back on track, your kids will naturally follow.

There's nothing more important than a healthy loving home
Good luck to you

One of the step you have to take ,is to inform your in-laws.As those are the only people your children can listen to ,in other not to support their mum . To be honest based on what you wrote ,she has grown wild and you should prepare for the worst
that can come up. You also need an eagle eyes on her. Pray to God for mercy on you by showing you certain things about what she's doing . Take heart

Olunmercy56:
Thank you! Even if his wife is wicked, his children can't be so foolish to listen or follow their father's instructions. Something is fishy

It's 'always" fishy when the man appears to be the victim...traits of feminism

Jim99:
Don't force it man. It'll come naturally at the later stages.

You married a bad woman, unfortunately. So I'll advise you divorce her and relocate permanently if you value your health cuz you might end up developing a high blood pressure thinking about it.

Your happiness and health should be your number 1 priority right now. Cuz life would go on for them with or without you.

Do what makes you happy, call your kids or visit them from time to time. It's your life, they are just part of your journey through life.

The most important part of your life is yourself, not your job, kids or wife.

The husband that cheated on his wife with 3 women and had a child outside wedlock is not evil

It is the woman that is evil

Some men like you think you can treat any woman like trash and get away with it....nonsense.
I'm glad that women are finally standing up against emotional abuse.

Most of the men in this thread are hypocrites....spits

Kids do not understand dialogue, they understand action. Spare the rod and spoil the child. You should beat the hell out of anyone that disobeys you henceforth. Good, you live in Africa, beat the shit out of that kids, and he/she will not mess up with you.

As for your wife, just ignore her henceforth. Do not eat her food, sleep in the same room with her, and talk to her only when necessary. She knows you are pained by her actions because you cared. Do not care about her anymore, let her be nothing more than a sentient cupboard in the house.

Most importantly, make sure you are not defaulting on your fatherly duties. Provide for the household, because your actions won't be effective if your wife feeds you. Your kids must feel your fatherly responsibilities. They may not be able to make sense of it now, but in the future, they will. Be a responsible dad.

As for your kids, they can only be manipulated to the extent of your counter-actions. Your wife may brainwash them all she wants, but if you are a loving dad that meets your fatherly duties, buy them gifts and shower them with love, they will see your wife as the negative influencer, as your actions contradict her lies. When kids grow up, them normally see the manipulation for what it is, and your wife will get burn at the end.

As for your wife, it is clear she has totally lost respect for you, and your home is not the one filled with love and warmth, you have to decide if you will divorce her, to avoid killing her one day due to anger. For it is better to live on the roof, that in a mansion with a vicious wife.

Paul8000:
Yes I have hurt my wife a lot in the past ... I have cheated on her so many times with 3 different women.... I impregnated one of them ... my son is 6 years old... I sincerely apologised to her and promised that I will never cheats on her again... she has forgiven me ... that was 6 years ago and I haven’t cheated don her since. All these misunderstandings we are having has nothing to do with me cheating.... my main problem is the way she has turned the kids against me ... anytime we are having some issues ... she keep malice with me and will tell the kids to do the same thing... and when things get back to normal again... she will tell them to start talking with me...

She forgave you but she never forgot. She still doesn't trust u. Either you put in a lot of effort to turn ur family around or u loose them forever. The whole family needs therapy.

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

"Typical African dad" will do NADA

At worst them go dey obey you at this point

What about decades in future when you are old and the all abandoned you ?

He needs to face the real root of the problem
And address it

His children has been influenced not to respect him

And he has to find a way to reverse that

Strong man
Beating Upandan

Machoism
Will not correct the problem


You think I'm not saying facts

Go ask many old men who have been abandoned by all their kids
And ask them how painful it is.

Bola146:
The foundation is faulty..15 years? How come sudden change? its means and shows that you are not that friendly to your children from onset, yes! I know kids of nowadays, you can play with their intellect, even if are taking them out, bringing only happy hour for them, they will never behave like that. Only God knows maybe your wife is too depressed, she is lonely and frustrated. Your family lacks good and friendly communication from the beginning.

It takes the grace of God to amend things back to normal. Keep begging her and the children, its not a easy as that also be praying for them.

Mr. Man up, obviously your anger gets d better part of u. Talk to your wife and iron out all issues pertaining to your marriage. If it works out she will take your side by correcting her wrongs, it also seems u are always hot tempered. Try to be calm she will tell u either she wants out of the marriage or u work things out

Lol, I don't even have words for you. Enjoy your sorrows.

Paul8000:
Yes I have hurt my wife a lot in the past ... I have cheated on her so many times with 3 different women.... I impregnated one of them ... my son is 6 years old... I sincerely apologised to her and promised that I will never cheats on her again... she has forgiven me ... that was 6 years ago and I haven’t cheated don her since. All these misunderstandings we are having has nothing to do with me cheating.... my main problem is the way she has turned the kids against me ... anytime we are having some issues ... she keep malice with me and will tell the kids to do the same thing... and when things get back to normal again... she will tell them to start talking with me...

Cowbell521:
Something dey worri U?
I tell U sey na moni cuz me to cancel my plans with the evil fiancee? Gel Abeg..... No carry bad memory visit me dis night. Dat experience still hots

Flashy gal ko fleshy gal ni....

U are too hot tempered. Humility pays.