₦airaland Forum

Raalsalghul:
Jokers!

Tomorrow, you folks will advise a man earning 30k a month to get hitched and start small.

You even go as far as to remind how time is passing: how he'll spend his old age lonely.

Abi una know know say na like that e dey start?

In a failed state like Nigeria, abortion/birth control/family planning should be preached aggressively.

Those who fail to comply should serve prison sentences.

crackkhaus:
@emmaodet, you be strong man.

It's well bruv...

Kaamisha:
Take a break from your family. Disappear for 6-12 months. When you come back, they will be grateful for everything you do and not complain again if you don't. If you can do it, you will thank me later. That is the moral of the Biblical story of the prodigal son. The one who disappeared was celebrated after he returned, not the one who was there all the time.

bukatyne:
Woaw!

You need to think of yourself and immediate family.

These things don't really end well and people will keep blackmailing you as long as you let them to.

IhateThemMods:
Bro to be first son no be here oh... I be first son tho I never start but I know say na my pman go be problem even tho the man never contributed anything to the welfare of me and my siblings, but as first son I know say na me get the job as my siblings don swear say their papa no go chop their money. But the painful thing be say na still the same man disown me because I refused to stand by him in his lies and told him the blank truth without mixing words. But still na my papa... Na him disown me no be disown am.

Pavore9:
In all these, have you ever reflected over a situation should you loose your job or have health challenges that cuts your earning capacity, will your children' welfare be affected? Will your mum and siblings step in to assist with the responsibilities?

Let me cite an example, while growing up in Ojota, Lagos we had a neighbour who lived in a 3 bedroom apartment, he was unmarried and 5 of his younger siblings living with him while paying for the rent of another 3 bedroom in the next street where his 2 elders brothers and their families lived together. Every Sunday his elder brothers' children did come to eat at his place, that place was like a barrack.

This guy was then working with a foreign telecommunication company that was a technical partner to the now defunct NITEL, guy was living so fly and forming Jesus Christ of his family, he finally got married when he was in his early 40s and within a year after he got married, the company folded as NITEL could no longer meet up with the financial obligations.

The company gave him severance package alongside the official car he was using. Instead of him to make drastic changes, he continued to allow the siblings live with him and still paying the rent of the other flat, didn't repaint the car to give the impression he was still working with the company while hoping to get another job soon. Forward one year later, no job and expired rent. Had to move to a self contain apartment with the wife and daughter while the siblings dispersed. He used the car for taxi but the Peugeot 504 was consuming more than it was earning, he sold it off to at least to feed his family. This man struggled with some health challenges and died 7 years after he got married leaving behind a wife and 3 children, the oldest being 6. The widow sold cooked food at the chemical market Ojota to raise those children.

That is why it is common to hear in Nigeria people saying that their fathers carried the responsibilities of his family of origin but when he died or things became rough for him financially, relatives turned away.

In all, it is not selfishness for the welfare of self and your own children to come first before relatives.

CAPSLOCKED:
IT'S LIKE THIS IN MANY FAMILIES, AND YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON GOING THROUGH THINGS.
YOU LET THEM KNOW YOUR POSITION. YOU LET THEM IN ON ALL THE DETAILS, INCLUDING HOW MUCH YOU EARN.
YOUR SIBLINGS, PARENTS, WIFE, AND HER OWN RELATIVES WILL WANT TO MILK YOU. THAT'S HUMAN NATURE. MONEY IS STRONGER THAN EVERYTHING I KNOW INCLUDING LOVE. I'VE SEEN PARENTS AND THEIR CHILDREN FIGHT OVER LAND ISSUES. I'VE SEEN WIVES AND HUSBAND FIGHT OVER MONEY. LOVE TAKES THE BACKSEAT FOR MATERIAL THINGS ANY TIME.

TO THE PRESIDENT'S BROTHER, A MONTHLY SALARY OF 300,000 IS BULLSHIT. HE WANTS WHATEVER THE PRESIDENT IS HAVING WITHOUT DOING ANY WORK. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH NOW.

IF YOU SPEND ALL THIS ON THESE GUYS, WHAT IF TOMORROW YOU LOSE YOUR SOURCE, WILL YOUR KIDS EAT SAND? ARE YOU SAVING FOR THOSE LITTLE ONES AT ALL? WHAT IF YOU'RE NO LONGER THERE TOMORROW, HOW WILL THEY COPE? DO YOU THINK YOUR SIBLINGS WHO YOU'VE LAID DOWN YOUR SOUL FOR, WILL PUT THEMSELVES IN YOUR POSITION FOR YOUR KIDS?

YOUR CASE IS A CLEAR CASE OF MANIPULATION AND BLACKMAIL, AND YOU KNOW THIS. THAT'S WHY FAMILIES FIND IT EASY TO ACCUSE A MAN'S WIFE WHENEVER HE REFUSES TO DANCE TO THEIR MUSIC. SIR, YOU'VE DONE A LOT. I DON'T KNOW YOU OR YOUR FAMILY, BUT BELIEVE ME ME YOU DON'T OWE YOUR PARENTS A DIME. YES. THEY HAD YOU BECAUSE THEY NEEDED YOU AND IT WAS RESPONSIBLE OF THEM TO BE THERE UNTIL YOU GROW INTO AN ADULT. IN ADVANCED COUNTRIES, YOU'LL SEE PARENTS PAY FOR CHILD SUPPORT, BUT YOU'LL NEVER SEE CHILDREN PAY PARENT SUPPORT.
ALL YOU DO IS OUT OF FREEWILL AND YOU WON'T KILL YOURSELF TO PLEASE THEM. I REMEMBER WHEN MOM'S WANTED TO GO DO OMUGWO FOR BIG SIS. MOMS SAID IF YOU DON'T SEND FLIGHT MONEY I'M NOT COMING. THIS BABE SENT NOTHING.. NASO EVERYBODY DEY THEIR DEY.
NOBODY FROM HERE GOES OUT OF THEIR WAY TO PLEASE THESE OLD PEOPLE BECAUSE EVERYBODY HAS THEIR OWN KIDS AND LIVES TO LIVE. YOUR SIBLINGS MUST SIT UP MY MAN AND YOU HAVE TO DRAW THE LINE. DRAW THE LINE AND STICK TO YOUR PRINCIPLES AND I PROMISE YOU EVERYBODY WILL ADJUST AFTER A WHILE OF REVOLTING. IF THEY BREAK YOU DOWN YOUR SIBLINGS WILL BE THERE FOR THEIR KIDS, AND WHERE WILL YOU BE?

DRAW THE LINE AND STICK TO YOUR PRINCIPLES. THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO AS THE FUTURE IS UNPREDICTABLE.

emmaodet:
Hahahaha
Pls make peace with your pale abeg ooo no matter the issues between you guys.
Yea, been a first born in african setting is not funny at all.

Kaamisha:
Take a break from your family. Disappear for 6-12 months. When you come back, they will be grateful for everything you do and not complain again if you don't. If you can do it, you will thank me later. That is the moral of the Biblical story of the prodigal son. The one who disappeared was celebrated after he returned, not the one who was there all the time.

emmaodet:
Hmmmmmm
I will think over what you told me bro, thanks a lot.

IhateThemMods:
I have never reasoned this thing wey you talk like for Bible oh...

emmaodet:
Hmmmmmmm
Capslocked
These are some of the things my parent use when i don't give them enough from what they demanded.
We are only 3 boys in my family and am the first born.
After graduating and luckily got a job, parent my mum in particular placed a lot of burden and expectations on me.
I roofed there house, furnished it and they moved in. After that demand upon demand upon demand from me.
Gave my uncle who is her junior brother 1m to travel out after mum pestered me, gave her my first car (nissan pathfinder) after pressuring family to give it to her, co-sponsored my junior brother to duabi with 500k - now he is working in a company there earning about 250k per month, sponsored another of her family to dubai again late last year.
The most annoying of all is our last born. She told me he wants to go to Europe and i will need to support with 1m from the 4m he needs while others too will raise money. Told her this venture is not feasible because i know others won't drop any money and i can only give 500k that is comfortable for me. Now she said due to inflation and naira devaluation at black market, we will be needing 5m against the initial 4m and she plans selling my land of 1.5m while i still drop 500k making 2m in total.
My wife sparked that enough is enough. Wetin, kilode, se a man so eran meran ki ikan kan ikan pa ni - why would we tie two rams together while one kills the other. Oko o kin je ti baba ti omo ko ma ni ala - No matter the family bond, there should always be a demarcation between a father's land and his son. Never you merge it together.
Funny enough, i had the intention of selling the land several times before but my mum insisted i shouldn't sell it but build it but now that she needs money, the land can be sold.
Whenever i say No to there financial requests, she will start shouting and crying that she knows how she suffered on us, what she went through to train us, hiw she collected loans and cooperatives to make sure we become somebody in life but now that it is time for us to pay back, for her to sit down and start eating the fruits of her labour, we are always complaining.
That if we are considerate, even before she ask for A, we should have provided A B C because of her sacrifice on us, all this she will be saying after calling family meeting on my head with church pastors to mediate on it.
I can't even count the numbers of time pastors and family members have come to mediate on these issues.
Funny enough, it's not as if she is doing bad. She is a headmistress in govt. school earning about 170k per month and with the new minimum wage, she should earn 200k while dad retired as VP in secondary school and taking pension of 70k.
Our 3rd born is on my monthly pay of 20k per month yet always complaining that she is not enjoying me again especially since i got married, that i hardly give lump sum of maybe 100/200k unlike now that i always grumble before giving 20k.
I am really tired Capslocked. Really tired.
I'm working but i hardly buy clothes for myself or use good car or furnished my apartment to taste.
It has always been responsibilities upon responsibilities.

emmaodet:
Bukky, thanks a lot.
Have also told them enough is enough.
I want to concentrate more on myself and family.
Go for shopping, change my car to a better one, furnish my apartment to standard and focus on investment.
I can't kill myself for family.
The boy is good, the boy is good, akpa lon jebe

sassysure:
Hi emmaodet, your post moved me so much

Never allow your people to guilt trip you.
It usually end in disaster.
I have an inlaw who works in one of the oil companies.
He was literally training his community. Before the end of the month, he is broke. This man don't party or drink. Just a cool guy that will go home after work.
Wife got annoyed( wife is working too) and singled out one of her relations for him to train( wifey is not from poor background). This had a huge toil on their relationship. I particularly witnessed where he accused her of not loving his family. That's how bad it was. She loved them but their sense of entitlement makes her uncomfortable around them.
One day, the guy told me he is looking for work outside Nigeria and luckily he got it and they moved. A day when we were on the phone, he said " let me see if they will come over here as they used to troop to my house. And if they call me for help I didn't, where will they see me"
He rediscovered himself and extracted himself from the grip of his family.
That was a huge lesson for me.
Another was a trader. He wasn't lucky
His business suffered, he relocated to the village. His fiance left him( I actually convinced her to go). At 40 something yrs, he is still single. A wonderful soul but carrying family responsibilities rendered him useless.
If I should tell you what he do now
And he is the 2nd to the last born.
Talk to him and he will tell you, had I known.

Don't do had I known tomorrow.

Chuky7:
You try padi man...no mind them. Free money dey sweet body.

may I ask what you do? what line of business?
you seem comfortable

Are you the first child?

2dice01:
Same way my paddi mum is disturbing him for a Grandson

Someone that isnt ready yet

Mizwisdom:
I'm sure it's grand child she said, not grand son.

Mizwisdom:
Don't be silly . I'm correcting your mistake, his mother can't be asking specifically for a grand son when she doesn't even have a grand child from him. Her request will be for grand children. Ebi like say na Akpu full yor head.

bukatyne:
It is well.

2dice01:
Are you daft or something worse

Was only Joking and were acting like you are seeing your period
What if she was asking for a Son why are you carrying on your like gala

Bia get sense this is 2020

Mizwisdom:
Anuofia, was joking too but fufu eating didn't make you understand it

emmaodet:
Yes, am the first born. Work on a ship.

emmaodet:
Yes, am the first born. Work on a ship.

Chuky7:
okay
Alright...marine engineering...

emmaodet:
Are you a marine engineer? I studied Nautical science

Chuky7:
NO...Software...

but I like anything sea related...seems like something I should explore...

it's like they pay very well too

you studied at where?
is that nautical sea related?