₦airaland Forum

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

Peave82:
Never hit a woman.That is never a solution.

Bluntemperor:
Bro,on her behalf,please hold your breath!.
You said 'her Characters is bad' .list them,please list those bad Characters for us to see;
What I read only in summary is -she is Mrs Right at all times.that is bad.
She is prayerful-then you can not be prayerful and exhibit bad characters,then it means-Your wife is not broken.
How did you have two beautiful kids-Is it that you are only happy on bed alone and there after,you two go different ways?
•when last did you Pray together sir?
• What were your observations and the Character defaults you noticed when Courting that you raised with the 'supossed Pastor that you still observed after producing two kids in this marriage?
•When last did you see the Pastor to tell him that,your packaged has not brought good results ?
•I put it to you Sir that you have your own problems like your wife and I doubt if you are a genuine Christian -Have you tabled it in your Church for you' own pastor' to intervene?.
•Are you saying that apart from her father and mother no other Senior in the whole family to report her,for her to show remorse eh,you do well o!
I would not be amongst those that would recommend that you throw away the child with bad water!.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

Kennedyiheme02:
lol cliche... spear me the crap.. the slaps are necessary... which would you rather choose... a slap or a beating when you mess up?

mamatwiny:
I have read the post twice to see what the problem is and I found none. My hubby also forgot my birthday but that did not stop me from celebrating it in the house, I am waiting for his birthday to forget it too. .


You complained of practically cooking for yourself and doing all domestic work, what kind of work does your wife do? And when does she close for the day? that should not be a problem. Get a housegirl or domestic worker to do that and pay him or her.Discuss this with her and issue resolved.


He complained when the children misbehave, the wife will say it is his xter. When children have so much energy to destroy things, you find out it is the man that is energetic . I don't see anything in it. My hubby will always tell my boy- "asonakwa ishi ka ndi be NNE GI". This does not have a direct translation but the closest meaning is " don't be local like your mummy's ppl." I know if it is this op, he will say she insulted his whole village. As for keeping malice in the house, it is a common thing ooo. Ppl that are annoyed sometimes want to stay alone to have time to forget it. It also passes. When I am angry, I want to stay alone for the heat to defuse. Going for months without end is wrong.I dont know if she falls into the category of ppl that want to defuse.

You have stayed long enough with your spouse to know what she likes and how to handle her.
I cannot say what caused your high bp, lots of factors like body weight, diet,stress,etc may have contributed . Forget divorce for now. Like someone advised you earlier, get a friend or friends ( possibly a male friends) and spend most of the time outside work with this person. Try to be less possesive of your wife. With time, everything will come back to normal.

You have option of divorce ( the easy way out) or making the marriage work ( a serious determined work). I made up my mind to never argue with my hubby again to avoid quarell. So anytime he tries to start an argument, I won't contribute cos I know where it will end.

Try the above for a month and I am sure you will see difference. Communicate more and report less. I am sure she will hate you more for reporting her to everybody.

Speedo17:
1. You can't change someone but you can influence anyone especially your wife. If you choose to keep the marriage then INFLUENCE her. It's a battle you must win.

2. Marriage is a union if 2 Imperfect people. So study and build a strong wall against her Imperfections.

3. Business men who do not know how to conquer worry.. die young. Quit the worry and work the marriage to your standard. You are the MAN.

4. The Women are all the same out there oh!
If she doesn't CHEAT then pray � you don't send her out and meet someone worse � (So many men have been down this road)

The choice is yours sir.
I'm 47, married for 14 years with 3 kids and I figure in as much as my wife doesn't CHEAT on me..then we just gat to work it out everyday (Our Imperfections) while I put in my best to do the INFLUENCING (Against her schemes).
After every episode, I move on to the next (Without worrying).

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

Peave82:
A slap and a beating are the same thing physical assault.So let’s say you slap her and due to the force by mistake she falls and bangs her head on the floor and dies then you spend the rest of your life in prison what next?.your children are tossed from relative to relative.Walk away in peace,you are not glued to the hip.

manontree:
Hmmm. This is fictional. As someone as intelligent as you, going by your post and with fore knowledge of this woman's character, still forged ahead and married this she devil, is simply impossicant

So spare me. These are all paid writers by Nairaland looking for relevance and traffic. These whirlwind romance tales I have read here of late all smacks of fantastic colourful narrative that have semblance of movie level stories

I am not falling for them any longer

kodix:
Sorry my dear but honestly you have to over look some many things to make your marriage work,there is no perfect person you don't even know whom you will get next, don't attach so much important in so many small thing(e.g just know she is not a birthday person,not carrying grudges that she don't use to rem it),always forgive, don't act quarellsomely for e.g not accepting her gift BC ur birthday escape her mind,why will you even reject her gift expecting her to beg u b4 collecting it,Are you God! You're even the cause of some of your problems with her,learn how to appreciate and complain less,ignore so many things no body is perfect.all the best.

noakchukibadan:
Hmmmmm, I have done most things, for 8 years , I do not think she has apologized more than 3 times on any issue. Like I said I have prayed, and fasted. I have cried, and begged.

Naughtysite:
I hardly dabble in relationship matters.

" Your level of maturity is under question. Your wife forgot your birthday and when she remembered, she purchased you a gift and you rejected it. "

Is your birthday celebration more important than your being alive ?

I stopped reading when I got there.

That means someone who doesn't remember dates should not be in a relationship. For me, If you tell me your birthday, I take you out, and celebrate with you. If you don't remind me, its gone.

So you don't know the traits of the wife you married. And you don't tolerate her.

Smh..

Kennedyiheme02:
no i wil be very careful with the slap... next time when she thinks of acting like a bixch.. she will remember the slap... its all love

Soteriahascome:
I'm not surprise, ladies from Ekiti state are mostly idiots
Divorce her before you die of BP

Peave82:
There is nothing like careful in anger.I feel sorry for whoever is in a relationship with you if that is love to you .
That you can even address a woman as behaving like a bitch says a lot about you.

RealGOAT:
A kid like u giving advice to a married man in his forties, what do you know about marriage?
Op ignore this kid

ikh777:
IF THIS WHOLE STORY IS TRUE, Then sir, you have tried. you need a clean break.

BAD CHARACTER is like TOOTHACHE... you may have to remove the tooth.

See, the pastor and family deceived you. This is why I hate how marriage is done in Africa, THEY LIE TO SINGLES CLAIMING AFTER MARRIAGE TILL WILL GET BETTER only to marry then they start preaching to you to MANAGE.

In NIGERIA, MARRIAGE = MANAGING.

So, I can not say it is a spiritual matter, but with all you have said I feel you should prayerfully divorce her. And move on with your life lest you die early of HBP.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

jaxxy:
1. I must 1st let u know u wife is not a bad person,

2. She not a pretender and dat is good.

3. She not a cheat and that is extra good.

4. She's not a financial burden or oppressor and that is also good.

5. Ur wife loves u, she may not act like it alot of the time bt she does.


The only issue I see with ur wife is She is a very independent minded person. This independence comes from a well built defence mechanisim to shield hurt and pain and lonliness she once felt and had to deal with all by herself. She's learnt to be by herself and emotionally independent of anybody else. This is a strength for her. She won't change it for u.

If I'm analysing this correctly anytime u correct ur wife in an argument deep down she knows she is wrong she's just not going to admit she it. Don't stress urself or the issue further. She has gotten the msg. Trust me.

Solution:
U must learn to understand her and show her love even when she doesn't deserve it yes rather than always being on the offensive cos she won't budge. Correct her when neccesssary bt don't always expect a best response get used to it, keep being the bigger person when u can and she will later realise that not taking correction is childish and inconsiderate. Gradually she will learn from you.

If my 5 points above a correct DO NOT DIVORCE HER! Try and understand where she's coming from. It's a defensive mechanism and abit of stubbornness. Not exactly bad and can be worked on with the right approach.

noakchukibadan:
Thank you so much please kindly pm me. I can not say somethings here

Jeweltz:
Useless man, you want to divorce a woman that has Been there for you. All because of her behavior. I know you have another woman somewhere you are sleeping with. Your wife has tire you already so you are looking for excuse. Man up to your responsibility and stop doing this to the innocent woman