Dididrumz:


Wrong advice if you ask me.

Instead of advising him to get another female friend to confide in, it is better to tell him to divorce first. Because adding another woman to the picture at this stage will just increase the trouble for him.

So all the men that have side chics increased the trouble in their lives

Try and be in his position and see if its a rocket science to get divorce

bamidelee:

Frozen70 differs from those devil feminists we have here. She experienced, matured, I think elderly too. Not those ones whose mama dey sell roasted corn besides road and forming biz gez on NL.
Dear, more wisdom to you.

Lol, my dear, the premature one's here lacks wisdom and experience

They think it's easy as they say it until it happens to them directly

I may look like a feminist but I differ when it comes to sound judgement

I hate pretence and unnecessary covering of bad characters from both sexes

Bro,on her behalf,please hold your breath!.
You said 'her Characters is bad' .list them,please list those bad Characters for us to see;
What I read only in summary is -she is Mrs Right at all times.that is bad.
She is prayerful-then you can not be prayerful and exhibit bad characters,then it means-Your wife is not broken.
How did you have two beautiful kids-Is it that you are only happy on bed alone and there after,you two go different ways?
•when last did you Pray together sir?
• What were your observations and the Character defaults you noticed when Courting that you raised with the 'supossed Pastor that you still observed after producing two kids in this marriage?
•When last did you see the Pastor to tell him that,your packaged has not brought good results ?
•I put it to you Sir that you have your own problems like your wife and I doubt if you are a genuine Christian -Have you tabled it in your Church for you' own pastor' to intervene?.
•Are you saying that apart from her father and mother no other Senior in the whole family to report her,for her to show remorse eh,you do well o!
I would not be amongst those that would recommend that you throw away the child with bad water!.

Sir, she has been always reminding u she can stay alone . y not divorce and have rest of mind. That kind person even her kids won't be very happy with her .

Ishilove:
Eleyi gidigan. This one pass me

ishi you Sabi yoruba ni? Awayu mama

bukatyne:


You realize that the error is all yours for not choosing well.

For that, you are half way there.

You mentioned that you married in the Church: brother you know that except adultery and I will say abuse, you can't divorce your wife.

You have tried counseling, reporting her to family etc. etc. and it has not worked.

Now, I want you to try changing your reaction to her attitude. You have been married long enough to 'predict' her actions/inactions.

She forgot your birthday, fine. Celebrate yourself. Go out with the kids, go out with your friends etc.

She tries to keep malice, apologize and move on.

I know it is hard, it is abnormal even however you need to build a shield in your heart so that her attitude doesn't get to you anymore.

Don't beg or cajole her to 'change' or 'be better' or whatever: you are telling her that she has power over you.

Thank God finances are not a thing: treat your self, go on vacations, do the certifications or courses you wanted to. Channel your emotions into the things you have always wanted to do, pick up new hobbies, go to gym and workout youf frustrations etc.

And prayers work: if not for her to change, for you to be whole mentally and emotionally.

It is well.

i love your brain dear, one of the best among many..

This is serious.. God airpus.

Don't manage the problem. You deserves to be happy.

Jeweltz:



Useless man, you want to divorce a woman that has Been there for you. All because of her behavior. I know you have another woman somewhere you are sleeping with. Your wife has tire you already so you are looking for excuse. Man up to your responsibility and stop doing this to the innocent woman

Ah! I swear you're a dolt.

If you're a Muslim, don't divorce her, kindly take another wife ,spend more time with the second wife, I promise this would reset her brain

MIM77:
Sorry about your situation. Its unfortunate, you married somebody with full blown NPD. Pls google it. I nearly died in the toxic relationship of nearly a decade. I realized what happened to me after she ran away. Im in my healing process from the prolonged abuse. Forgive yourself, its not your fault. Once again, google NPD and you will see everything that happened to you. Sorry and take care of yourself.

Correct!

ladywise:
LISTEN AND LISTEN VERY WELL NEVER YOU DIVORCE YOUR WIFE BECAUSE OF THESE. BUT IGNORE HER BAD CHARACTER.

TAKE THESE PRAYER POINTS:

1. SELF CONTROL YOU AND HER

2. FOR GOD TO TURN HER BAD CHARACTER TO JOY IN YOUR LIFE.

3. FOR GOD TO DELIVER HER FROM MARINE WORLD.

REMOVE DIVORCE FROM YOUR MIND SHE IS YOUR WIFE. IT IS YOUR DUTY TO PROTECT HER, SHE IS NOT YOUR ENEMY. YOUR ENEMY IS SATAN AND THAT OF MARINE SPIRIT.

u just want this poor man to die before his time.divorce is the only solution here.if he still keeps her she could even hire assasins to snuff out his life or poison him.its obvious she hates his guts.

[quote author=bukatyne post=89149605]

What are you even saying? This things don't play out like you people think. I am 100% certain that you're single with the advice you gave him. Do you know how much mental and psychologically draining to know you're going home to meet a toxic partner, after the day's work. Yet, you encourage him to continue staying, ignore her, despite his deteriorating health. You can't ignore in marriage, you cannot manage your partner in marriage.
No man/woman deserves to be going through this torture.
God, I thank you for my wife, no stress, no pressure, no gbas gbos, always cooperating and making plans, so we become better.

frozen70:


Lol, my dear, the premature one's here lacks wisdom and experience

They think it's easy as they say it until it happens to them directly

I may look like a feminist but I differ when it comes to sound judgement

I hate pretence and unnecessary covering of bad characters from both sexes

Succinct

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

I honestly feel your pain sir. you admitted that you ignored all the warning signals before marriage, that was terrible! What I can advice now is this...

*If she claim she can stay for two months without communicating with you, Learn to stay for four months without noticing her presence.

*Try and found in something else other than wife supposed wife (am not advocating you cheat). something you enjoy doing.


*don't take everything to heart (like birthdays, anniversaries,..etc... sometimes, I forget my own birthday. those things don't count much. your wife is using that as a strong weapon on you.

*try and enjoy what you do for yourself, like cooking, laundry,.etc..infact, thank God you can do those things yourself.

*don't always be available physically, your presence Should be scare. this will enhance your value. but fulfill your financial obligations...


*pray and worry less.

kodix:
Sorry my dear but honestly you have to over look some many things to make your marriage work,there is no perfect person you don't even know whom you will get next, don't attach so much important in so many small thing(e.g just know she is not a birthday person,not carrying grudges that she don't use to rem it),always forgive, don't act quarellsomely for e.g not accepting her gift BC ur birthday escape her mind,why will you even reject her gift expecting her to beg u b4 collecting it,Are you God! You're even the cause of some of your problems with her,learn how to appreciate and complain less,ignore so many things no body is perfect.all the best.

You're horrible. Smh.

bukatyne:


I don't understand what my moniker is doing in your post.

thats because u are selfish and a feminist

bukatyne:


Compatibility and compromise is indeed important.

what would u say , if it was the other way round..what would u advice the woman if it was the man abusing her physically, some times u gals can be so selfish and inconsiderate that i feel like strangling the ones with ur kinda mentality, pukes!

Someone once said: Divorce is not a solution to marital problems but in itself can cause more harm than good. Although I am not a fan of divorce but when sanity is at stake, I fully Stan.

How can a wife not speak to her Husband for months? And they sleep on same bed every night. Take that walk if you can no longer endure. Your health is also at stake here and I'm sure you're looking older than your age.

OKOATA:
Your wife is an evil monster that should be treated as trash and neglected forever and let her fuvk off. Keep managing till you die of HBP and am sure she’s even waiting for that. If you have her name as your next of kin change it, if it’s a joint account remove her name from it, anything joint this joint that remove her name from it, stop begging and crying, I even hate it when a woman cry’s and begs me because I find it irritating, since the first time you started crying and begging like a little child she took advantage of you, what you don’t know is that women hate men that cry and beg, it was my own mother that told me this. Stop prostrating before a woman, stop kneeling and begging a woman, I swear that thing is irritating like shiit. My advice to you is to just end this evil marriage, you said you developed HPB and you are still managing. A man did the same in my area and he died while driving his in car, the woman he left behind is sleeping around like a dog now. Separate from this evil witch you call a wife, let her be since it’s glaring she doesn’t love you anymore, focus on yourself and your health, go to the gym, eat healthy, make enough female friends and am not saying you should start sleeping around but if you find a woman around, hang out with your friends and families. About her birthday fuvk her day and May she burn in Hell. Any man that treats a woman like egg bet it they don’t appreciate and am sure she’s even cheating on you with a real man that’s she no send you. You need to start acting like a real man bro. Woman hate simple men, men that are too nice but if we keep telling men they say women are golden, women are eggs bla bla bla, Free that demon you called a wife, she deserves no mercy. Don’t listen to those people telling you to manage her like that bla bla bla, I can bet she won’t change and you will keep doing the same thing over and over till you die of HPB. Bro she’s not the only woman in the world o, there are still good women out there o. A word is enough for the wise.

Send me your number and network for 1k airtime I am serious.

Imagine people telling a man dying gradually to keep praying and managing the devilish heartless, selfish, wicked monster. I vowed never to tolerate such nonsense. I don't even have such time to listen to any advice from any fvkin pastor or anyone before I'll frustrate the evil lady's life.

[quote author=ozone0801 post=89236607][/quote]
When husband and wife work together, alot turn out better for them. Better decisions, financial increase, look younger and healthier.

DateMynd44:
hmm you're a typical Igbo girl that don't joke with her business.
Do u retail 500mb data?

Yes, it's #250

Divorce is not an option, u have to live wit it becos the bible says dat only in case of infedelity divorce can b allowed. my advice for you is to give her space and think less, she will come around by God grace

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

You have got to man up, you have done everything possible to make your marriage work but since she’s adamant about it, I advice you give her what the Hausas call “seke daya” it’s like a 1st warning before divorce, meet a lawyer that will type something good for you, something like since she’s tired and feed up with the marriage she should take a break for like 4 to 5 months or so and leave you and your children alone until when she turn a new leave you will ask her to come back otherwise you are divorcing her. Pass her such letter and have some rest of mind for some time, don’t kill yourself with hbp before your time cuz of one thing called wife. Do this and you will thank me later.

Some men do endure shit. I cannot manage such a wife.

babythug:
@OP it is what is is!

At this juncture you have to be more logical that emotional.

Since “this is your defining moment” I want to to ask God for direction on the next steps.

Write down (so you can clearly see it) her bad and good parts in clear and concise words. For eg she doesn’t keep the house clean

After this exercise decide if the bad outweighs the good

See if you can geninuely move on from what has gone wrong so far especially knowing that your won shortcomings may have led to this point in the marriage


Only you can decide if you can stay or should leave.

Consider what then may happen to the children -emotionally and otherwise

Your next decisions will make or mar you so tread carefully !

Good luck

You are just dancing around the issue and giving bad advice back to back.

I hope the op noakchukibadan doesn't listen you and leaves that horrible marriage.

soundmind4ree:



I honestly feel your pain sir. you admitted that you ignored all the warning signals before marriage, that was terrible! What I can advice now is this...

*If she claim she can stay for two months without communicating with you, Learn to stay for four months without noticing her presence.

*Try and found in something else other than wife supposed wife (am not advocating you cheat). something you enjoy doing.


*don't take everything to heart (like birthdays, anniversaries,..etc... sometimes, I forget my own birthday. those things don't count much. your wife is using that as a strong weapon on you.

*try and enjoy what you do for yourself, like cooking, laundry,.etc..infact, thank God you can do those things yourself.

*don't always be available physically, your presence Should be scare. this will enhance your value. but fulfill your financial obligations...


*pray and worry less.

Two wrongs don’t make a right.I don’t support Divorce but this relationship is too toxic to go continue.Sadly children are involved but psychologically they will grow to hate marriage or detest those of opposite gender.
Yes the danger of a single story as we haven’t heard the woman’s version but if he is telling the truth then to your tents oh Israel before someone ends up dead.
All Nigerians ever say is pray pray pray,yes it’s good but act too.

Lol.. OP , firstly, don't worry, you won't die of HBP.. Good thing you knew earlier.. Some never knew till it led to their death, which is the major cause.. The fittest person on earth may not know about his/her status till he drops dead on the street one day.. It's not as if you developed it 2 years ago but, it must have been in your body long time ago but only needed something to trigger your consciousness to it which, in this case is (or was) your wife.. You won't die if you take your pills regularly and exercise at least 80mins per week.. The thing is that a blood pressure constantly above 180/90 would kill you within a year and the trick is to ensure that it SHOULD ALWAYS BE BELOW 140.. Watch what you eat (beef, cholesterol-filled fats, starchy foods, fizzy drinks, smoking like a chimney, etc).. For those saying you're to young to have HBP, that's just rubbish.. No one is too young to have it as you can have it as early as age 16 yrs or any age.. The trick now is not giving a Bleep
about your wife and her weird feelings but, the game is now to ensure you keep your BP always below 140 if you still need your life.. I'd advice you to get yourself a digital blood pressure machine like Omron, to regularly check your BP.. Don't be scared, you won't die.. It's just like saying you'd die from HIV when we know that we have Anti-retroviral drugs available at cheap prices..

Secondly(the main thing), do you now see why people would always say ; "Marry your best friend"! . This statement is the greatest life saver on Earth right now and, its saving lives seriously. At one point in time, you'd discover her beauty, breast , ass, sweet sex etc doesn't matter anymore, as only a peaceful marital life matters.. I once had a very gentle girlfriend back in Ibàdàn during my NYSC days but guess what? She was a crazy narcissist and worst of all, she never knew.. She was broken beyond redemption and i was urging her that she sees a therapist but, it was always a resounding NO! I Knew life would be very unbearable with such a broken person in future.. This was a person that doesn't think with her own head but, yields to the advice of others without thinking it through.. She was very naive and gullible on how the world works and, staying with that type of person is suicidal..

For that your wife, bro! Want the candid truth? It's game over! Pure and simple.. Someone who didn't change in her formative years would not change now, either by prayer or by logic.. Someone who was behaving like Josep Stalin to her own blood family, will eventually behave like a mutant combo of Hitler and Kim Jong-Un to you her husband, who's not her blood.. She's a lost cause! Let this sink into your skull bro.. You definitely will not die of HBP but, depression and mental illnesses are earnestly waiting for you, which could lead to suicide or even homicide (if push comes to shove).. Just walk away.. Let it go.. You don't even need to divorce her you could just move out into a seperate apartment and life goes on.. If she wants a divorce, give it to her, if your pastors come to your house for diplomacy purpose, take them to a private place and tell them to Bleep-off and go and marry your wife if they so care about the marriage..

Life is a beauty gift you won't experience twice... Don't let one ruthless bi-polar Cunt ruin it all for you in the name of 'holy union' or marriage ..

Post No Bill

Farki:
Your wife is a horrible person, the fact that her entire family doesn't associate with her says as much. In my mind she isn't even your wife she's just staying in your house.

Get real couples counselling, not nairaland advice, let your wife see a psychiatrist for her obvious mental health issues.

Finally you really shouldn't have married her if you didn't fully like her but the past is in the past. Please marriage is not by force.

Just my opinion too. She might be mentally imbalanced.. She might not look it. The help of a psychiatrist and afterwards a counselor are needed ASAP.

bigcee:

Ah! I swear you're a dolt.

Me? How?

My own little advice is that OP try and get a small apartment for yourself if you can afford it since you said you financially ok ensure you send her at least half of the money you drop at home every month either for feeding or for one or two upkeep. Leave for a while and make sure she doesn’t know where you are but can reach you no amount of plead or beg ensure she promised to change completely then arrange a meeting with her the pastor and her mom if possible her dad as well let everyone be present and make her say it with her mouth. Just my own thinking thou. If not for anything your health state is important remember if anything happens to you she will continue her life and your kids will grow up.

Broz. Divorce sharp sharp .
I geh babe 4 you
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