₦airaland Forum

The way this one is dying for my mention ehn. Don’t die before I give it to you o.

imam07:
I know I will see a lot of women and ladies on this trend condemning the man for financially assisting his siblings. Despite this same ladies can also sucking dry their boyfriend they met marry to. These same ladies and women complaining here are doing the same thing to their married brothers but they can condemn others.
The woman should be happy her husband has money to help out. What if your husband doesn't even have money to take care of u. What will u do.

Really? Does he have money to spare? He left a woman to be shouldering the bulk of the responsibilities while he spends his own on his people. That is wickedness. If he really wants to be fair, then let him pay the rent and school fees. The lady can brace up for feeding and some small small bills

ModestGal:
Me that I'm now dating first son nko? You are scaring me o. His family's responsibility is on his shoulder and I am happy hes taking care of his family especially his mother. But I'm afraid, I hope he doesn't turn like that. I do advise him to make sure his siblings are well taken care of, and wish he would secure them well enough

Don't be scared. People are different. Just pray he understands that you and your children are his first point of call when you eventually get married.

At some point I thought I was the one narrating this story. Persuade him into yieldful projects where he will keep on pumping his money into. Then you reduce the number of bills and loads you carry in the house with style.

Anni3e:
It is what I plan on doing, I am setting aside funds for my kids I would tell him, I hate keeping secrets. At least he won't say I did not inform him.

You could say you are investing/saving for your retirement and an inheritance for your children.

seanwilliam:
mehn this script sweet o

Nah its real life story, my mama would gladly tell you it tale

Karleb:
From the conjured story here, it's obvious you just want your husband to yourself alone forgetting he actually came from somewhere.


Do you know his family's contributions to what he is today?

He's only paying back his dues. Nothing wrong with that.

Total rubbish. Paying back, I agree but going to the extent of neglecting his family is just not fair.

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

Aunty, dont even inform hin u re buying any land, he will belive6u have money enough to take care of the home and anytime u ask for money he will ask why u did not use the land money. Pls ,pls and pls it is not a crime to save money for ur children,do it secretly, afterall he givea people money secretly without ur knowledge

Secondly,u need to lock up, and let him face all the responsibility U re making him less responsible by footing his bills, just make sure there is enough food in the house.
If light no dey, nne use torch dnt buy fuel
As soon as school resume send his number to the school to contact him for school fees,only bother about wat children will wear and take to school.

Wen he asks, tell him they slash salary because of coro or business no dey, him go wise up.

Save your money , if yawa gas tmrw none of the inlaws will accomodate u without insult. Pls save and save , do all this insurance investment they are long term and u cant withdraw anyhow.

Whatever u receive monthyl as salary or profit divide into 2, invest half ,the other half remove foodstuffs and upkeep if u have extra, open accoint for your children witout his knowledge. Stop acting like a man by carrying too much, let him be the man and do what men should do.

STARGREEN:
So the 2k stipend he's dashing them will hinder his progress? Will prevent him from building his own house?

Your mumu never do.

Anni3e

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

Men like these rarely change. My dad was very generous to his relations but not this bad.

She must have done her possible best for him to see reason but has failed.

About building a property, I think she should test the waters. She should tell him that she has bought land in so, so and so place and wants to start building. It must not be the actual land. She should inform him that the land and request he brings half the money or even something. She needs to know whether the man will support the idea or not. If he does not, does that mean she should not build? In the future, they may regret it.

She should go ahead and build. It is the man's fault that he does not know how to say no.

Briller:
Really? Does he have money to spare? He left a woman to be shouldering the bulk of the responsibilities while he spends his own on his people. That is wickedness. If he really wants to be fair, then let him pay the rent and school fees. The lady can brace up for feeding and some small small bills

the secret is a woman will never tell u the full gist. She will only mention the side of the story that favor her. But if his husband is spending on her parents and siblings,she will never come here to complain. I tell u the bitter truth.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

Just build a house in your name for future purpose

ProfAmaben:
I'm the first born of my family and happily married. I have 4 siblings with one staying with us, there is no indoctrination here, just common sense. I trained my kid bro by buying him an online udemy python programming course for $15, today he's doing well in Lagos, my junior sister is also doing well, I don't dash money but you must use it to acquire a skill

You have responsible siblings, some will come back with nothing, still expecting you to keep feeding them. In fact they will move in with you.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

Buy the land in one of childs name and start building for the future. If anything happens to that man na OYO be your case oh . You have been advised.

lilyheaven:
You have responsible siblings, some will come back with nothing, still expecting you to keep feeding them. In fact they will move in with you.

They know that I won't tolerate such, your siblings mirror your actions

Women live longer than men

TruthDefender:
Most people keep commenting : ' When he dies, you and the kids won't get anything from his family" etc or something to that effect .

I notice even misguided men without much life experience are echoing these sentiment.

Question : What makes y'all so sure the husband will die first ? Why not give your advice with an open mind ,one way or the other without mentioning his imminent death. You are not God. The female may end up dying first. What the happens to the man and his kids,that she claims he's neglecting.

Think outside the box while giving your opinions..

So that the child can claim.it as his own? Buy land, have a will. Let people you trust or your children know about the land.

jerry4me2003:
Buy the land in one of childs name and start building for the future. If anything happens to that man na OYO be your case oh . You have been advised.

Twoclans:
Madam you need to be strategic .Do not allow your husbands people deprive you of your man and your marriage.

I understand what you are going through because my mother went through the same thing. My father was the only son that survived after the biafra war claimed two of his brothers.Naturally his sisters turned to leeches and felt very entitled.My father built houses for those of them in their husbands houses so that they can be comfortable,he sent some to school from primary to university and even secured a job for them.When he passed away some of this his sisters did not even stay a second by his grave when he was been lowered .They left the grave side to go and drag and arrange food for their husbands families that would be coming in group for the burial. They did not give two fu.cks about their benefactor.

Their brother(your husband)sleeps beside you ,he eats your food ,he makes love to you.I hope you understand the power you yield over that man above his relatives.Bring in your A game.Show him love,give him good food and good sex let him not even have the chance to pick their calls.When you finish making good love to him ,in the middle of the night whisper the investments he need to focus on while massaging his back.

My mother married at a young age of 16 she did not know her left from her right.The moment she found her foot in the family she started directly her husband accordingly even at that it was not easy for her because his sisters fought her to a standstill

I wish you the very best I know you can sort yourself out all you need is to seat and strategize.

she really needs to sit tight

Why is it always about 'When something happens to him' ? Why not ' When somerhing happens to the Op' ?

Women always wishing their husbands dies before them.

I salute una ooo.

ibkayee:
Well, no it isn't

The premise of the thread is not about the fact that she's paying bills, she's complaining about her husband not putting his immediate family first financially, neglecting them as a result.

The same woman you want to make out has an issue sharing bills is the same one that has been planning for the both of them to save for their children's future and wants to invest money into getting a property?

I get it though, it's an easy narrative to latch onto for a lot of you

you don change

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

I keep telling my
husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the
money on something, he would say I am turning him against
his family.

Acidosis:
you don change

Lol change how?

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.
Modified:
For those quoting me wrongly always bear in mind that family is blood however bad yours could be.
Helping family will never spot his progress unless he has no plan.

In spite of how you twist a wrong...it never make a right for Candle bears no cost lighting Another.

STARGREEN:
Helping family will never spot his progress unless he has no plan.

Abeg, read the post again and see where she said "THEY HAVE NO House of their own"

Not always true. But if you say lots of women cause their husband's untimely death and by design,live longer Then i do agree 100 %

Sterope:
Women live longer than men

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

wife material 100 yard...I wish am ready for marriage i for wife u but since i no dey ready,make better person go for her please

cedricksly:
it is better to keep mute and be assumed a fool than open ur mouth just like u did now to clear all doubt of you being a fool... So the woman has no right to lament right?? If u like ignore and neglect your immediate family and spend all you have on your life extended family... When u die, automatically you place your kids and wife in suffering... Shey na u love ur family pass ode... OP pls I dint support buying properties without the knowledge of you husband, it has broken so many homes... Make him see reasons why he should invest in his immediate family..

Why name calling? Because we view her on different lens makes another a fool? Why pontificating on issues beyond your comprehension?
You just demonstrated that though you maybe educated in mind but sadly not in morals. Well.

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

I don't know how old you are; but these are words of Wisdom.
Words of elders the Igbo's say they are words of wisdom; Op, kindly adhere to these advise and you will experience happiness,peace and prosperity in your marriage. Your husband has a kind heart but he needs wisdom of som1 like bukatyne to bring out the best in him.

myk2mic:
Learn from the experiences of others, read slowly and learn from what the op is saying, if u keep helping others to ur own detriment, u wld have urself to blame in yrs to come.

You can't helping your siblings and lack in days of needs. Never, i repeat never. Even if they are demons. The first line of defense in days of lack is your family. Your wife can divorce you but your siblings will never do so. No human being can separate me and my siblings, nothing is too big for me yo give them. We suffered too long together, you can't just come from no where and start to form limits. Your siblings you fail to raise will pull you down. As you grow, let them grow too. @op.,let your husband also ask from them and see their response.

Ubiman:
What of his own fucking family that issued out of his loins and was crafted with the love of the woman he calls his wife? Dead brain commentator! �

I couldn't read meaning to this.
Could you please kindly explain.

Nackzy:
Aunty please listen to my advise, Make Sure you save money that can get you a land out up a structure, Everything should be in your name i repeat everything should be in your name, make it look like u want to build a house for people to rent, please don't let any of them know..i mean your husband and his family...Many years later f anything happens Godforbid. You'll come out smiling

, I bet you, this advice will end your marriage and send you to that house you built in your name. The day you start having your own accord in marriage, prepare for divorce.

adontcare:
Such men only regrets in their grave. After everything, they must kill him

I swear, you know this TRUTH

I had a Paternal billionaire Uncle (direct younger bro to my dad) who used to do this same things for my younger uncle and their Married sisters ( my aunt's). He was literally their lifeline. But then he died last year(his wife was also deceased) and guess what that younger uncle of mine said "that he foolishly killed himself" ( coz he died of HIV complications) someone that was your life's pedestal. To make it worse, one of my aunt's was even shouting "he didn't give me enough while he was alive, now he's dead let me enjoy it" damn! Na then i know say this World no be here oh! Real Wicked!!!

Men live more recklessly than women.

TruthDefender:
Not always true. But if you say lots of women cause their husband's untimely death and by design,live longer Then i do agree 100 %