Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,194,686 members, 7,955,565 topics. Date: Sunday, 22 September 2024 at 09:22 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Marital Problem (3899 Views)
Marriage Covenant: Relevance & Impact On Marital Success - SureHome June 2024 / Marital War: You Are My Girlfriend, Not Wife – Husband (Photos) / Please Advise Me On This Marital Issue (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: Marital Problem by Nobody: 10:01pm On May 22, 2020 |
Hunye:I'm sorry if it hurt you but it is the plain truth. With Love comes acceptance. If you can accept that he did nothing wrong, that he loves you and still loves you only then will you be able to let go and forgive the "offences" you thought he committed. Then you can revive the memories you shared, yes those memories you buried while trying to move on. Wake them back. Miss him and then apologize to him. Taking the children might seem difficult but that's because you see them as your husband's children not your, do away with that perception. See them as your gift. Your precious gift. In all, Acceptance is the key. Let go off the rope, accept your husband and your gift and enjoy peace. I wish you success as you fight back for your HOME. 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marital Problem by Uneed2talk: 10:25pm On May 22, 2020 |
Ariza:You have a good point, it was what I was subtly directing her to see but don't lie to her the man never did wrong. You think it's that easy to move past it like something terrible never happened. Yes the man and his mother took some measures to show they still love and respect her but it doesn't change the fact that they hurt her deep and deliberately too. Forgiveness is what you should direct her to look into because at least they took thought of her in their scheming. She can't be lying to herself or you that she can love her hubby and the kids just like that. It will take time before things can become normal again if at all they will, she need time to decide by herself not blackmailed into believing nothing was amiss. 3 Likes |
Re: Marital Problem by Nobody: 10:36pm On May 22, 2020 |
Uneed2talk:No one is blackmailing anyone here, I'm not her mother in law neither am I her husband. Thing is I really tried to be lenient with my words, I hate when people claim false victimhood. Yes she couldn't give her husband children YET, and he BOUGHT it elsewhere with his MONEY, yes it hurts but it could have been worse. She even had the choice to give a GO AHEAD before steps were taken, tell me how did the love she had for her husband for 10 years vanish completely at the thought of Sex and paid for Children? See, let me just leave this without going any further. You think it is blackmail because I told her, her flaws, lol the pity party has done enough pampering. Women should learn to tell themselves the Truth more often jare.! 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marital Problem by cococandy(f): 10:44pm On May 22, 2020 |
I don’t understand why your husband felt he needed to go outside for a baby. Was it confirmed that the problem was from you? If yes then maybe that’s understandable. Otherwise I don’t know why the blame should be all yours and why you had to suffer him sleeping with other women because both of you couldn’t have a child. Those saying he endured with you for 10 years are also blaming you for the childlessness. I would have felt a type of way too. The typical and classic woman-blame for anything that goes wrong in the marriage. Since he felt the need to go outside, you could have tried your luck with another guy too. Let’s see who’s fault it is for real. Does he have a baby now? Edited. Seen that he had a baby now. I’m still standing by my post. If he was the one with fertility problems, you won’t be given free pass to sleep with other men. You’re entitled to your feelings. Do what makes you happy. If the new man makes you happy, make sure you check all the boxes before committing to him. It also doesn’t have to be him. You’re young and you can be with anyone you want. Good luck. 9 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Marital Problem by Mariangeles(f): 12:02am On May 23, 2020 |
sisisioge: |
Re: Marital Problem by luwiizy(m): 12:18am On May 23, 2020 |
Hunye:and you ain't sure about the man you are about to go with... so what do you intend to do. |
Re: Marital Problem by HarunaWest(m): 12:21am On May 23, 2020 |
Jullima:Those vows are oudated Let face the new reality of life. |
Re: Marital Problem by Hunye: 6:33am On May 23, 2020 |
sisisioge: No I haven't met them. |
Re: Marital Problem by Hunye: 6:52am On May 23, 2020 |
Ariza: Why Should I be the one to appologise to him? He also did me wrong, you are trying so much to exonerate him and I feel it's not proper. Him and his mother wanted a baby at all cost without thinking about the emotional effect it will have on me. Although I understand because he is the only surviving male in that family. His grandfather was an only son, his father an only son, him an only son and all This people are late except him, at a point I was even thinking it's a family curse not until he had those twin baby boys. But I also believe he should have waited a bit, maybe we could have save up some money and do Ivf. But this other man is head over hills in love with me and I love him too, he proposed we will do Ivf immediately after marriage, we are not married yet, but he's been making contacts with his doctor friends discussing my medical condition with them and seeking for possible solution to my happiness. Why is it that nobody here want me to forgive and settle with this other man why? 4 Likes |
Re: Marital Problem by Hunye: 6:58am On May 23, 2020 |
Gaggi: No I don't want this on front page. The response I've been getting so far is ok and reasonable, it will help in my final decision. |
Re: Marital Problem by Mariangeles(f): 8:15am On May 23, 2020 |
Hunye: Move on then. It seems your mind is already made up on whom you want to be with. Maybe the purpose of this thread was just to unburden your heart. Just make up your mind and get it over with. You and your husband would be fine in the end without each other. To me, I'd say if only you'd open up your heart to accept those children, you'd realize there's nothing much to it. In this life, once you've decided that something is not an issue, it is not an issue. We have the power to decide how things turn out. In Igbo land, some women who cannot have children choose and marry wives for their husbands so that they can have children for them. I have witnessed such a situation. Believe me, it is not that big of a deal. These days, people invest too much emotions in relationship. Never make important decisions based on emotions. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Marital Problem by realtalk19: 8:57am On May 23, 2020 |
Hunye: I prefer your husband to the widow. Your accepting the twins as yours may be a test of having your own kids. Your husband ment well. Most men would have thrown u out and remarried in your face. Be wise. Good and responsible men are very hard to come by and your husband falls into that category. He loves your dearly. Goodluck 2 Likes |
Re: Marital Problem by Nobody: 9:13am On May 23, 2020 |
Hunye:Alright, maybe he did wrong in your own perspective. But is this wrong too great to forgive? Remember he did nothing but BOUGHT children for you. If its the sex with the other woman you abhor, Madam you have also done it with another Man to. You are even now. Just let this go., stop making everything about you please. As for the other Man, lol Everyone sees beyond the perfect facade but you. That's why no one is encouraging you to move on with him. Like I've typed earlier he is your NEMESIS waiting to happen. The question is even if you get married to him, Do you have a future together? Don't fall for promises but act on certainty. All said, you have the right to whatever decision you make. It's your life, I wish you success. 5 Likes |
Re: Marital Problem by janvier27(m): 10:13am On May 23, 2020 |
I'm just wondering, loving and living with someone for 10years and you can't accept his children under this circumstance despite his efforts at reconciliation. I hope the husband gets himself together and move on. From wife's comments here, decision seems to have been made. At least she can accept and love the grown up children of the twice married man she knows very well. 3 Likes |
Re: Marital Problem by TheArchangel(f): 11:57am On May 23, 2020 |
Mariangeles:At the emboldened, you forgot to put that in the olden days, most women don't even love their husbands and doesn't care who they have sex with. Nowadays, they go their separate ways or IVF. Op, nobody should force you to accept a child that is not yours. Don't be blackmailed into accepting to be a nanny to your husband and his baby mama. It is obvious that you loved him prior to this and you were pressured to agree to the dalliance which felt like a betrayal. I'd say for the sake of your sanity, get the divorce and move on. Unless you do not give a fvck about him or whomever he slept with anymore and also taking care of kids is your sole purpose in life then go back. You'd think your husband and his mother won't try it again and again, lol. They will because they are desperate for kids and since you have accepted the first, why not the second, third and so on..... 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marital Problem by Hunye: 12:37pm On May 23, 2020 |
TheArchangel: Thank you so much. 3 Likes |
Re: Marital Problem by Mariangeles(f): 1:08pm On May 23, 2020 |
@Hunye, your rightful place is with your husband. Nobody can take it away unless you give it up. Ask your husband for some time, then take all the time you need to open up your heart. It is the easiest of the options. If he had betrayed you behind your back, it would have been different. Believe me, life is either easy or hard, depending on how you see it. There are times we need to make tough decisions that are favourable to us. Also, one thing I observed from your words is that you do not even love the widower. I believe you still love your husband. Try to work things out. Those kids are yours unless you reject them. There was an agreement, so don't let anybody make you believe they are not. The truth about life is, not everybody will be rich, not everybody will get married, and not everybody will have children of their own. All we can do is try our best to find solutions to what we call problems or learn to accept life as it is, live and be happy. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Marital Problem by Nobody: 3:13pm On May 23, 2020 |
Hunye: Hunye, your situation is a dicey one and I cannot even begin to understand how you feel. Your emotions are your emotions and I know you feel hurt and betrayed. It's not rational, it's emotional. But you gave him the go ahead to have children. Why punish him for it? Please and please, I'm begging you. Don't leave your husband. You will regret it. Maybe go for marriage counselling with your husband. It might help restore the love you seem to have lost for him. And who knows, maybe the twins might be a gateway for you to have your own biological children. Sometimes, the universe just works like that. You're not a bad person. You're just really hurt. Try and work things out with your husband first. At least, you'll know you tried. And if you still want to leave after it all, well, you did your best. |
Re: Marital Problem by luvmijeje(f): 3:34pm On May 23, 2020 |
Op, oya do this : breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in breathe out. Relax, take your time. Please don't rush into another marriage. Marriage no tire you. Enjoy being single. Enjoy the power you have to make a decision that will only affect you. Enjoy your freedom. Go out, have sex. After all that write the names of the two men on a board. Then list their pros and cons. Always have it at the back of your mind that it's possible the first guy is impotent. 3 Likes |
Re: Marital Problem by mignone(f): 5:45pm On May 23, 2020 |
Hunye:Do u know what else he might be hiding from u? Better pray well to receive a direct leading from God. Marriage isn't about d sweet times alone. 1 Like |
Re: Marital Problem by mignone(f): 5:49pm On May 23, 2020 |
Hunye:Have u thought about this other man's children? Have they accepted u? If they don't, na war o. Once again, think deeply |
Re: Marital Problem by McWordsworth: 8:30pm On May 23, 2020 |
@ OP, you said your newfound co-adulterer is "Godly"? Wonders! What is godly about marrying a married woman? Obviously you have loose morals. |
Re: Marital Problem by Hunye: 9:16pm On May 23, 2020 |
McWordsworth: Chief judge, Kindly drop your advice. That will be more beneficial to me than appointing yourself lord. And yes! my morals are loose, that's why I need your advice to correct it. 4 Likes |
Re: Marital Problem by McWordsworth: 9:36pm On May 23, 2020 |
Hunye: Well, I'll tell you the truth. Your husband sought your permission before "going astray". It was a permission you granted. Whatever you have against him can't stand in that regard. In your case, he hasn't let you go, he's still exerting his authority (spiritual & physical) over you. So nothing good will come out of the abominable affair you're trying to build with that new adulterous snake. 2 Likes |
Re: Marital Problem by drmikeadams(m): 10:04pm On May 23, 2020 |
as usual this one dey find supporters wey go encourage am to go share toto outside,cos she thinks d New man get small money pass em hubby,after some months e go come bak here open another thread. 3 Likes |
Re: Marital Problem by Prof0fficial: 10:41pm On May 23, 2020 |
don't marry the new man yet continue the friendships and no official marriage till its more obvious you are his wife. I can't imaging a man cry because of woman its a sign of desperation and dangerous emotion. a man is not supposed to be too emotional over choosing a partner such emotion doesn't guarantee a long lasting marriage. its a red card. 1 Like |
Re: Marital Problem by frozen70(f): 2:52am On May 24, 2020 |
Hunye: I don't see the reason why you can't forgive your new man from hiding such from you He has his reasons and he has asked for forgivenes You have to forgive him and move ahead You didn't tell us who among you and your husband that has a medical condition over child bearing Your husband loves you but he needs a child outside you and even if he says he won't marry the woman, don't believe him, it's rare to get a mumu woman that will have a child for a man and drop the child for him and walk away One day, he will bow to pressure and marry that same woman But if he wants to be sincere, both of you can go for adoption since you can't afford IVF Alternatively, inform your family that you are no longer inttested in the marriage and wants to pull out and look for another man It's now left for the two families to accept it and end the marriage As for your new man, he already has children, if after one year, you can't have a child, go for adoption so that in future, you will have a child which will be the synergy for both of you as it's possible your step children will grow to find their ways But get to know his family and make enquiries if truly he is a widower |
Re: Marital Problem by eyinjuege: 5:20am On May 24, 2020 |
Hunye: Do what your mind tells you to do. I'm not sure what advice you really need again, especially since you seem to have your game plan. We all make mistakes in life, so if you find out this new relationship is a mistake, just own it like a boss and take your L in peace. He might surprise you though, and you guys might have a good marriage |
Re: Marital Problem by cococandy(f): 6:20am On May 24, 2020 |
janvier27: Can you imagine accepting kids your wife had for another man after 10 years of marriage because you guys couldn’t have kids together? If you can’t imagine it, then I don’t see why this is too hard for to not imagine as well. 3 Likes |
Re: Marital Problem by Romangalactic(m): 6:39am On May 24, 2020 |
cococandy:Is it himself or his wife that will be financially responsible for kids she had for another man? 2 Likes |
Re: Marital Problem by Atk1nson(m): 6:45am On May 24, 2020 |
@Hunye, a very tricky situation indeed, However, I'll suggest you try this, replace the complex situation with a similar but simpler analogy For instance, will you resign a job you no longer like to take up a possible job with an employer who is yet to provide you with an offer letter and hasn't disclosed terms? Use an analogy your are conversant with and scale up your response to match the current scenario I wish you all the best and may the good Lord give you wisdom and grace not to fail at this time |
Re: Marital Problem by Acidosis(m): 7:24am On May 24, 2020 |
Would you continue to love this new man if after 10 years, there's still no child? He's got kids already and probably won't be as bothered as you. He would go any length in words may not mean he would abandon his children's school fees to sponsor an IVF. If your answer is yes to the emboldened, I think you can go ahead and marry your new lover. Another way is to date him for say 6 months and try to get pregnant before taking any vow. If it doesn't come naturally, I would advise you to discontinue the relationship if you desperately need a child. At this point, you may find yourself loving your ex husband again (but it may be too late to return). |
Can You Marry A More Successful Woman? / 10 Signs That You Have A Ghost In Your House / Should A Woman Give Her Husband Her Whole Salary?
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 105 |