babythug:
Many in-laws don’t have the required orientation that tells them they’re guests in their son or brother’s home. It’s an African concept and a war many wives will never win.

These tips may help you.
1. Note that on in-law matters generally you win some you lose some.
2. In some cases you’d have to stoop to conquer for peace .
3. Learn to choose your battles and be wise
4. Assert your authority over your kitchen at the least. Tell her in a firm voice that she cannot cook anything without your express approval. Don’t explain why to her just state it. If she does so nonetheless ask your husband to step in so there won’t be further chaos .
5. Ignore the gossiping it’s her nature and there’s not much you can do about it. Maintain your cool around your neighbours to avoid publicising your matters further

Your introduction sways in both directions as some people try to enforce their families on their partners and thinking it is some form of community. How can we reorientate ourselves?

mrblessed:
There is an ocean of difference between calling "her to order" and sending her packing for an indiscretion that should ordinarily warrant a little rebuke and correction. No matter how strict you are, there are some infractions you will pretend not to see. Not because you don't know what to do but because you can't possibly chastise a person all the time. The Op probably doesn't understood the immense reward that awaits her, if she endures and guides her sister-in-law to become a woman capable of taking care of herself.

I am not saying she should do the one or the other. I just reacted to you saying that "most women overlook and tolerate" what their siblings do. There is also a huge difference between calling one's sibling to order and one's in-law. The second is tricky. I can say a lot to my sis or bro and we will still love each other, the outcome may be totally different with in-laws.

@bold
She and her hubby agreed not to have live in in-laws but now they do and I doubt it is her job to raise her adult in-laws. All this talk of endurance. Not everyone came to this life to suffer.

GboyegaD:


Did you read the post you booked properly or you wanted to make some noise? Why dish for she isn't going to eat? In your house would you dish for for yourself and then throw it out without eating it? Most homes allow you to dish your food however, take only the portion you can eat at a time. You can't be wasting someone else's efforts.

@bold op exaggerated it
It do happen to have a little leftover when dishing food, our eating mood do varies, u mustn't always finish what u dish. Sometimes there is leftover, at times it is not enough, reason it is best to self dish. Someone that has stayed with op for more than 1 year, the op should know the quantity of food that girl consumes by now.

See great opportunity u are missing.

If it's me, by the time I finish using her head, she will become cook, cleaner, planner etc. Any outside fight or gossips concerning me, she will be my defender. Me, I go dey cruise with shakara.

U can even make the devil like u and do your bidding if u set your mind on it.

Start by going to saloon for hairdo.
Take her with u, u wanna fix acyclic, do so for her. U do 5k hair,do 5k hair for her, and allow her to chose. U can even snap her after the hair with your phone, she want to loosen her hair, do that for her, she will volunteer to do yours. U ask her to choose which food to cook for dinner,even if u don't like her,tell her Oya,let's go and cook.
Jist,u love watching naija dramas,a very good avenue to establish bond. By the time u finish with her, she will become your number 1 fan.

One day she will tell you about that Jonny who is disturbing her or Ben who disvirgined her. Never ever judge or condemn but listen. When she gained your trust, u can advice subtly.
That babe is your surest card to get your inlaw to love and respect you. During your dark days with your husband's family( sure it will come), she is your only way out.
Don't fukkk it up with this me and my hubby ish. It hardly happen in our society.

Be wise

frozen70:


Since your husband is not feeling her stupidity at home, face him squarely for her to leave your house

Don't confront your sister in law unless you know that your husband will back you

By the time you give your husband the heat he needs, he will exit her

What has this girl done that u are concluding she should leave? Op has said nothing meaningful to warrant that girl leaving that house.

sassysure:
See great opportunity u are missing.

If it's me, by the time I finish using her head, she will become cook, cleaner, planner etc. Any outside fight or gossips concerning me, she will be my defender. Me, I go dey cruise with shakara.

U can even make the devil like u and do your bidding if u set your mind on it.

Start by going to saloon for hairdo.
Take her with u, u wanna fix acyclic, do so for her. U do 5k hair,do 5k hair for her, and allow her to chose. U can even snap her after the hair with your phone, she want to loosen her hair, do that for her, she will volunteer to do yours. U ask her to choose which food to cook for dinner,even if u don't like her,tell her Oya,let's go and cook.
Jist,u love watching naija dramas,a very good avenue to establish bond. By the time u finish with her, she will become your number 1 fan.

One day she will tell you about that Jonny who is disturbing her or Ben who disvirgined her. Never ever judge or condemn but listen. When she gained your trust, u can advice subtly.
That babe is your surest card to get your inlaw to love and respect you. During your dark days with your husband's family( sure it will come), she is your only way out.
Don't fukkk it up with this me and my hubby ish. It hardly happen in our society.

Be wise

All what you typed is rewarding bad behaviour, and that’s why in-laws behave the way they do. They know wives would ALWAYS want to bend backwards and accommodate bad behaviour, in order for peace to reign in the house or not to upset husband.

This won’t work for every in-law. There are some in-laws that are not interested in living peacefully with their brother’s wife. Someone that will dish her own food and not eat it, doesn’t sound like someone that is rational. Most of these people are entitled because you’re married to their brother, sometimes stoop to conquer behaviour or pele pele can backfire and empower them.

Madam poster people treat you the way you allow them o. If you’re older than her, then treat her the way you will your younger sister. If your sister wastes food wouldn’t you rebuke her?? You don’t even need to bother your husband, handle that sh!t your self, nonsense. These people take advantage of the fact that you don’t want to shake the table and behave the way they want, inconsiderate and ungrateful.

How will someone dish the food you cooked, not eat it and then go and cook her own. If she doesn’t like the taste of your food, why dish it all? to add insult she’s also carrying your in house matter outside.

sassysure:
See great opportunity u are missing.

If it's me, by the time I finish using her head, she will become cook, cleaner, planner etc. Any outside fight or gossips concerning me, she will be my defender. Me, I go dey cruise with shakara.

U can even make the devil like u and do your bidding if u set your mind on it.

Start by going to saloon for hairdo.
Take her with u, u wanna fix acyclic, do so for her. U do 5k hair,do 5k hair for her, and allow her to chose. U can even snap her after the hair with your phone, she want to loosen her hair, do that for her, she will volunteer to do yours. U ask her to choose which food to cook for dinner,even if u don't like her,tell her Oya,let's go and cook.
Jist,u love watching naija dramas,a very good avenue to establish bond. By the time u finish with her, she will become your number 1 fan.

One day she will tell you about that Jonny who is disturbing her or Ben who disvirgined her. Never ever judge or condemn but listen. When she gained your trust, u can advice subtly.
That babe is your surest card to get your inlaw to love and respect you. During your dark days with your husband's family( sure it will come), she is your only way out.
Don't fukkk it up with this me and my hubby ish. It hardly happen in our society.

Be wise

Game Theory 101

Kai... and dem say make I no like you. How?

Jessicafyne:

All what you typed is rewarding bad behaviour, and that’s why in-laws behave the way they do. They know wives would ALWAYS want to bend backwards and accommodate bad behaviour, in order for peace to reign in the house or not to upset husband.

This won’t work for every in-law. There are some in-laws that are not interested in living peacefully with their brother’s wife. Someone that will dish her own food and not eat it, doesn’t sound like someone that is rational. Most of these people are entitled because you’re married to their brother, sometimes stoop to conquer behaviour or pele pele can backfire and empower them.

Madam poster people treat you the way you allow them o. If you’re older than her, then treat her the way you will your younger sister. If your sister wastes food wouldn’t you rebuke her?? You don’t even need to bother your husband, handle that sh!t your self, nonsense. These people take advantage of the fact that you don’t want to shake the table and behave the way they want, inconsiderate and ungrateful.

How will someone dish the food you cooked, not eat it and then go and cook her own, If she doesn’t like the taste of your food, why dish it all? to add insult she’s also carrying your in house matter outside.

Well this would be me on so many occasions o (guilty). I would want to try and find out that I can’t get the food past my throat without retching (honestyl). sometimes. I don’t think I can eat peoples’ beans, soup, etc. I have disgraced myself over pasta and lasagna specially made for me in two other countries before. My fad has gone international . It is a deficiency that I have. All my people know this. I could sniff out and exclusively drink Coast milk as a child. They always wondered how I could tell it apart from Peak, Nido or carnation. My nose is weird. Now I hate all milk, but nobody cares to know this, sorry!

So my point is that I fit the bill of someone who would be served food, would taste and hate it, and just eat the meat. And cook my own or more likely buy my own. Without wishing to disrespect anyone, or to undermine their kitchen ownership and wifehood at all. I am not the best with peoples’ food. I actually can’t picture myself living in my married brother’s house, at all . But now thinking, if I lived there they would love me and my stay and always worry about what I would or wouldn’t eat, lol.
But all these “me and my kitchen” ladies are very boring to me sha. So much ado about food . In my house, people always have a blast (just don’t make me cook is all I ask! Sometimes I cook and magic happens, but I just don’t like cooking).

I'm sure you missed the point of the bold part you tried to emphasise. If she knew she wouldn't eat the food then why dish it only to eat the meat, abandon it and then cook the same meal afresh for herself? Does that even make sense if not to spite the wife?

xrayj:

If the man is not complaining, I see no reason why her kid sister can't dish food herself. In our family, u dish your food yourself, that was how we were raised!

merahki:



This would be me on so many occasions o (guilty)
I would want to try and find out that I can’t get the food past my throat without retching (honestyl). sometimes. I don’t think I can eat peoples’ beans, soup, etc. I have disgraced myself over pasta and lasagna specially made for me in two other countries before. My fad has gone international . It is a deficiency that I have. All my people know this. I could sniff out and exclusively drink Coast milk as a child. They always wondered how I could tell it apart from Peak, Nido or carnation. My nose is weird. Now I hate all milk, but nobody cares to know this, sorry!
So my point is that I fit the bill of someone who would be served food, would taste and hate it, and just eat the meat. And cook my own or more likely buy my own. Without wishing to disrespect anyone, or to undermine their kitchen ownership and wifehood at all. I am not the best with peoples’ food. I actually can’t picture myself living in my married brother’s house, at all . But now thinking, if I lived there they would love me and my stay and always worry about what I would or wouldn’t eat, lol.
But all these “me and my kitchen” ladies are very boring sha. So much ado about food . In my house, people always have a blast (just don’t make me cook is all I ask! Sometimes I cook and magic happens shaa, but I don’t like cooking).

I get all of that, it happens you start to eat and you know the food is not for you.

The wife doesn’t serve her, she dishes her own food, if you try someone’s food one or twice and you don’t like it, why continue dishing YOURSELF from the same cooking and wasting the food?? Can she do that in her own house that she lives with her parents? Why not just cook your own food and leave the ‘bad’ food for your brother and his wife.

Exactly! And for all you know, the op might be a young girl herself maybe in her early 20s just like the SIL and if that is the case, she should not be expected to take on the responsibility of raising one who is practically her agemate with a bad attitude!

Hathor5:


I am not saying she should do the one or the other. I just reacted to you saying that "most women overlook and tolerate" what their siblings do. There is also a huge difference between calling one's sibling to order and one's in-law. The second is tricky. I can say a lot to my sis or bro and we will still love each other, the outcome may be totally different with in-laws.

@bold
She and her hubby agreed not to have live in in-laws but now they do and I doubt it is her job to raise her adult in-laws. All this talk of endurance. Not everyone came to this life to suffer.

Jessicafyne:

I get all of that, it happens you start to eat and you know the food is not for you.

The wife doesn’t serve her, she dishes her own food, if you try someone’s food one or twice and you don’t like it, why continue dishing YOURSELF from the same cooking and wasting the food?? Can she do that in her own house that she lives with her parents? Why not just cook your own food and leave the ‘bad’ food for your brother and his wife.

Well...
Maybe she wants to see if she can it eat the next time around?
I dunno shaa.
For me I am definite my siblings- or cousins- or friends-in law’s problem with me and their kitchen is/will be that I don’t/will not eat their food at all. So maybe it’s hard to picture this?

freeze001:
I'm sure you missed the point of the bold part you tried to emphasise. If she knew she wouldn't eat the food then why dish it only to eat the meat, abandon it and then cook the same meal afresh for herself? Does that even make sense if not to[b] spice the wife?[/b]

Exactly! This is passive aggressiveness.

It wasn't about eating and leaving some over, rather the SIL would take food, eat just meat and then go and cook same food afresh! For what if not waste?

xrayj:

@bold op exaggerated it
It do happen to have a little leftover when dishing food, our eating mood do varies, u mustn't always finish what u dish. Sometimes there is leftover, at times it is not enough, reason it is best to self dish. Someone that has stayed with op for more than 1 year, the op should know the quantity of food that girl consumes by now.

freeze001:
It wasn't about eating and leaving some over, rather the SIL would take food, eat just meat and then go and cook same food afresh! For what if not waste?

Do u believe the bold?

Jessicafyne:

All what you typed is rewarding bad behaviour, and that’s why in-laws behave the way they do. They know wives would ALWAYS want to bend backwards and accommodate bad behaviour, in order for peace to reign in the house or not to upset husband.

This won’t work for every in-law. There are some in-laws that are not interested in living peacefully with their brother’s wife. Someone that will dish her own food and not eat it, doesn’t sound like someone that is rational. Most of these people are entitled because you’re married to their brother, sometimes stoop to conquer behaviour or pele pele can backfire and empower them.

Madam poster people treat you the way you allow them o. If you’re older than her, then treat her the way you will your younger sister. If your sister wastes food wouldn’t you rebuke her?? You don’t even need to bother your husband, handle that sh!t your self, nonsense. These people take advantage of the fact that you don’t want to shake the table and behave the way they want, inconsiderate and ungrateful.

How will someone dish the food you cooked, not eat it and then go and cook her own. If she doesn’t like the taste of your food, why dish it all? to add insult she’s also carrying your in house matter outside.

Every hatred from inlaw started from somewhere. No matter how bad it seems and look, beneath that exterior gragra, we all want to live in peace and harmony. That they will continue to hate u despite all u do is simply a big fallacy. U have not touched the right bottom.
U use your emotions to follow them instead of brainwork.

That girl is 20 yrs. The things relevant to her now are boyfriend, fixing hairs and nails and of course her school work.
That is exactly what u will use to get her.
Trust me, it has never failed.
If it's other family members, different approaches.

Her case is minute. I have seen worst. Gangs of family members plus their brother's former betrothed that the family want him to marry all living with them. The babe came in as extended family member who want to stay with them for her IT. The wife never knew and spoiled this babe with love and affection. By one month, confession here and there. Husband was outside the country for a 6 months course. So called betrothed confessed and begged for forgiveness. As for the rest of the girls, today, in their various home, it's this same woman they call when things go south for advice.

U will never lose with showing love and affection. It's like opium. Humans are wired to respond to affections as they receive it,positively or negatively.

U can only lose if u don't do it from your heart, if u give with one hand and take with the other.
If u allow your emotions to dictate for u. If your ego is way above your head.
My dear, I have seen so many,countless numbers of cases so bad but turned good because of how the woman reacted.

Remember, everybody in that family will not accept you.
It's your job to make them love you, period.
And don't forget, u can never ever separate a man from his family. They were there before u.
The same way a man will never separate you from your family. So why fight them. You have already failed before u start. So why not use one stone for two birds.
Don't be selfish. If it's your cousin, u will do more than that. Not to talk of your sister. We are Nigerians and we know how this works.
Sometimes we women are the cause of our marital woes. A very simple thing we wanna blow it out of proportion.
The only thing u own as far as that man is concerned is his rod. I'm not even sure of that anyway. The rest is shared. EOD

xrayj:

@bold op exaggerated it
It do happen to have a little leftover when dishing food, our eating mood do varies, u mustn't always finish what u dish. Sometimes there is leftover, at times it is not enough, reason it is best to self dish. Someone that has stayed with op for more than 1 year, the op should know the quantity of food that girl consumes by now.

How do you know she exaggerated it? Did you miss the post where she eats the meat and then cooks the same food she wouldn't eat? She's just been wasteful. Take the story the way it is told.

sassysure:

Every hatred from inlaw started from somewhere. No matter how bad it seems and look, beneath that exterior gragra, we all want to live in peace and harmony. That they will continue to hate u despite all u do is simply a big fallacy. U have not touched the right bottom.
U use your emotions to follow them instead of brainwork.

That girl is 20 yrs. The things relevant to her now are boyfriend, fixing hairs and nails and of course her school work.
That is exactly what u will use to get her.
Trust me, it has never failed.
If it's other family members, different approaches.

Her case is minute. I have seen worst. Gangs of family members plus their brother's former betrothed that the family want him to marry all living with them. The babe came in as extended family member who want to stay with them for her IT. The wife never knew and spoiled this babe with love and affection. By one month, confession here and there. Husband was outside the country for a 6 months course. So called betrothed confessed and begged for forgiveness. As for the rest of the girls, today, in their various home, it's this same woman they call when things go south for advice.

U will never lose with showing love and affection. It's like opium. Humans are wired to respond to affections as they receive it,positively or negatively.

U can only lose if u don't do it from your heart, if u give with one hand and take with the other.
If u allow your emotions to dictate for u. If your ego is way above your head.
My dear, I have seen so many,countless numbers of cases so bad but turned good because of how the woman reacted.

Remember, everybody in that family will not accept you.
It's your job to make them love you, period.
And don't forget, u can never ever separate a man from his family. They were there before u.
The same way a man will never separate you from your family. So why fight them. You have already failed before u start. So why not use one stone for two birds.
Don't be selfish. If it's your cousin, u will do more than that. Not to talk of your sister. We are Nigerians and we know how this works.
Sometimes we women are the cause of our marital woes. A very simple thing we wanna blow it out of proportion.
The only thing u own as far as that man is concerned is his rod. I'm not even sure of that anyway. The rest is shared. EOD

Some are not happy with the choice of partner or sometime feel the new party wouldn't make them feast on their family member's wealth the way they used to. In essence, some hate for no right reason.

sassysure:

Every hatred from inlaw started from somewhere. No matter how bad it seems and look, beneath that exterior gragra, we all want to live in peace and harmony. That they will continue to hate u despite all u do is simply a big fallacy. U have not touched the right bottom.
U use your emotions to follow them instead of brainwork.

That girl is 20 yrs. The things relevant to her now are boyfriend, fixing hairs and nails and of course her school work.
That is exactly what u will use to get her.
Trust me, it has never failed.
If it's other family members, different approaches.

Her case is minute. I have seen worst. Gangs of family members plus their brother's former betrothed that the family want him to marry all living with them. The babe came in as extended family member who want to stay with them for her IT. The wife never knew and spoiled this babe with love and affection. By one month, confession here and there. Husband was outside the country for a 6 months course. So called betrothed confessed and begged for forgiveness. As for the rest of the girls, today, in their various home, it's this same woman they call when things go south for advice.

U will never lose with showing love and affection. It's like opium. Humans are wired to respond to affections as they receive it,positively or negatively.

U can only lose if u don't do it from your heart, if u give with one hand and take with the other.
If u allow your emotions to dictate for u. If your ego is way above your head.
My dear, I have seen so many,countless numbers of cases so bad but turned good because of how the woman reacted.

Remember, everybody in that family will not accept you.
It's your job to make them love you, period.
And don't forget, u can never ever separate a man from his family. They were there before u.
The same way a man will never separate you from your family. So why fight them. You have already failed before u start. So why not use one stone for two birds.
Don't be selfish. If it's your cousin, u will do more than that. Not to talk of your sister. We are Nigerians and we know how this works.
Sometimes we women are the cause of our marital woes. A very simple thing we wanna blow it out of proportion.
The only thing u own as far as that man is concerned is his rod. I'm not even sure of that anyway. The rest is shared. EOD

Okay. Each to his own.

I can never tolerate what I can’t from my younger sister from my younger sister-in-law because she’s an in-law. Na marry I marry, I no kill person. Bending over backwards to reward bad behaviour in order for ‘peace’ to reign is a lifetime job. Life is too short for that, marriage is not supposed to be suffer-head, we make it more difficult than we need to, if everybody treats each other the way they want to be treated all these in-law wahala will not surface. Why do I need to bribe someone with hair and trips so she can behave decently towards me??

I understand that families are different sha, maybe you need to do all that to live in peace, At the end of the day we’ll all log off and live our real life so everyone should do what works for them.

EOD

I am not in a position to assume the contrary especially since I am not in their home. It is also not out of the realm of possibility when a person is determined to be silly or plain troublesome.

xrayj:

Do u believe the bold?

GboyegaD:


Some are not happy with the choice of partner or sometime feel the new party wouldn't make them feast on their family member's wealth the way they used to. In essence, some hate for no right reason.

Thank you! Some in-laws don’t just have love at all, if you like donate your kidney, they will never appreciate. In fact the more you try to ‘win’ over the more they know they can treat you like dirt. There are some that you can get in your corner or make to like you, for others just leave them, mind your family and be cordial to them, that’s the best you can do.

xrayj:

What has this girl done that u are concluding she should leave? Op has said nothing meaningful to warrant that girl leaving that house.

Because you are a man you are understanding it from a man's angle

Jessicafyne:

Thank you! Some in-laws don’t just have love at all, if you like donate your kidney, they will never appreciate. In fact the more you try to ‘win’ over the more they know they can treat you like dirt. There are some that you can get in your corner or make to like you, for others just leave them, mind your family and be cordial to them, that’s the best you can do.

Cordiality is the key. The ones that doesn't want to fall in line, leave them where they belong. I don't know why we put to much of our concerns on in-laws in our society. They have no hold on our homes. As a guy, no in-law can harass anyone in my family of procreation. Not my family or my wife's family.

GboyegaD:


Your introduction sways in both directions as some people try to enforce their families on their partners and thinking it is some form of community. How can we reorientate ourselves?

I do agree with you! And at the risk of sounding biased I dare say our men folk seem more guilty of this. They typically expect the wife to be accepting and tolerating of all their family members and shenanigans. Some would even offer their wives up to be walked all over like a mat.


Back to your question , hopefully upcoming intending couples are more observant of these and will do better as in-laws themselves. Young people (as seen on Twitter and the likes) are also working concertedly (albeit unconsciously) to rid us all of the general entitlement mentalities that these kind of behaviours stem from!

Wives too are more brazen and outspoken and quick to assert themselves even at the risk of losing their husbands and marriages as a whole. “We” all are now fully aware that marriage is not the ultimate in life

sassysure:
See great opportunity u are missing.

If it's me, by the time I finish using her head, she will become cook, cleaner, planner etc. Any outside fight or gossips concerning me, she will be my defender. Me, I go dey cruise with shakara.

U can even make the devil like u and do your bidding if u set your mind on it.

Start by going to saloon for hairdo.
Take her with u, u wanna fix acyclic, do so for her. U do 5k hair,do 5k hair for her, and allow her to chose. U can even snap her after the hair with your phone, she want to loosen her hair, do that for her, she will volunteer to do yours. U ask her to choose which food to cook for dinner,even if u don't like her,tell her Oya,let's go and cook.
Jist,u love watching naija dramas,a very good avenue to establish bond. By the time u finish with her, she will become your number 1 fan.

One day she will tell you about that Jonny who is disturbing her or Ben who disvirgined her. Never ever judge or condemn but listen. When she gained your trust, u can advice subtly.
That babe is your surest card to get your inlaw to love and respect you. During your dark days with your husband's family( sure it will come), she is your only way out.
Don't fukkk it up with this me and my hubby ish. It hardly happen in our society.

Be wise

This only works when the said in-law is open minded and not there to typically cause conflict.

This seemingly nice act gesture that you’ve mentioned there can also be interpreted by a mischievous person as “ see how my brother’s wife is wasting and being frivolous with my brother’s money”

It’s down to the individual really.

babythug:


I do agree with you! And at the risk of sounding biased I dare say our men folk seem more guilty of this. They typically expect the wife to be accepting and tolerating of all their family members and shenanigans. Some would even offer their wives up to be walked all over like a mat.


Back to your question , hopefully upcoming intending couples are more observant of these and will do better as in-laws themselves. Young people (as seen on Twitter and the likes) are also working concertedly (albeit unconsciously) to rid us all of the general entitlement mentalities that these kind of behaviours stem from!

Wives too are more brazen and outspoken and quick to assert themselves even at the risk of losing their husbands and marriages as a whole. “We” all are now fully aware that marriage is not the ultimate in life

I sometimes feel is about how some men grew up. They witnessed their mother abused and their father wouldn't do anything about it. For me, no one talks to is anyhow let alone my mom because my dad wouldn't take it easy with you and so is his cousin. For that reason, none of my siblings will try that with my wife and she too wouldn't.

My principle is I deal with my siblings as my siblings and we focus our conversations on me and vice versa. We don't talk about our marriages as that was how we grew up. As such, my wife knows we will have issues if she discusses me or us (our family) with any member of her family and I wouldn't discuss her or my family with my siblings.

GboyegaD:


Cordiality is the key. The ones that doesn't want to fall in line, leave them where they belong. I don't know why we put to much of our concerns on in-laws in our society. They have no hold on our homes. As a guy, no in-law can harass anyone in my family of procreation. Not my family or my wife's family.

Thank you. You sound just like my brother. I have an older sister-in-law, my brother’s wife and I can’t do that in their house, my brother will not even tolerate that, one thing we were raised and taught is not to waste food. To also be gossiping about my brother’s wife and his home to the neighbours, where they all live?? It’s a no no, my brother loves his privacy like mad, the day he knows he will personally drop me off at our parents house.

Jessicafyne:

Thank you. You sound just like my brother. I have an older sister-in-law, my brother’s wife and I can’t do that in their house, my brother will not even tolerate that, one thing we were raised and taught is not to waste food. To also be gossiping about my brother’s wife and his home to the neighbours, where they all live?? It’s a no no, my brother loves his privacy like mad, the day he knows he will personally drop me off at our parents house.

This is the way things should be. No unnecessary sense of entitlement.

mrblessed:
Would you send her back if she were your sister? Why is it difficult for most women to tolerate and overlook some of the excesses of the their in-laws as they would do to their siblings? I don't support her misbehaviour but it is something that has to do with growing up, something that is not supposed to warrant you scheming to kick her out.

Everyone at one point was thoughtless and carefree, yet we were guided by someone until were able to get our acts right. Since you have pointed out some of her misconducts, why not discuss with your husband to caution and advise her, instead of announcing your misguided thought of seeing her leave your house. She is just 20 and an undergraduate, haba, she won't live with you forever.

Truth is that it's better to avoid live-in inlaws. They can come and spend a week, month and go. But coming to settle there for a year and even causing problems is not acceptable.

Everybody should live in their houses and let a couple especially a newly wedded one have peace.