₦airaland Forum

Nigeria’s Self-Styled OMs PART I

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vanguardngr.com/2016/04/nigerias-self-styled-open-marriages/amp/

Even then, emerging trends point to the fact that Nigeria is gradually catching up with the West in what is termed as open marriage. An open marriage is a union where the partners are permitted to have sexual relationships with other partners.

The terms of what is permissible for the two is often spelt out and the partners adhere to these rules. The plus side of this arrangement is that the partners get to enjoy the benefits of two worlds. First is the respect and social status that marriage provides and the other is the freedom to explore their sexuality without actually rocking the boat. While this may not actually be a common or detailed trend in Nigeria, what is true and now gaining ground is a practice where the husbands pretend not to know about their wives extra-marital affairs but bask in the benefit that such relationships offer.

However, more intriguing in this drama of infidelity are the men who are privy to the shenanigans of their wives and turn a blind eye to them. Every time, I come across such stories, I marvel at the level of depravation and immorality that must have gone into such an alliance. Several reasons have been postulated for such developments which to my understanding bothers majorly on finance and material gains and self centeredness.

More so when the men are no saints themselves. Once, in a conversation with a male colleague who is in his second marriage, he informed me that he could never divorce his wife on the basis of infidelity since he is guilty of same.

According to him, should he walk in on her and her lover, he would excuse himself and walk away, focusing more on her good sides. He insists this was a mistake he made with his first marriage and has vowed not to allow such a little thing ruin his happy home ever again, now that he is wiser. (Hmmm! Aren’t some of us just lucky?

I-N-D-A-B-O-S-K-Y!!!!!

The tory loooooooong.

Part 2.


https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vanguardngr.com/2016/04/nigerias-self-styled-open-marriages-2/amp/

According to the story, and some parts of which we witnessed, my friend’s uncle, happened to be an only boy of six children born by their parents. Naturally, his sisters’ worlds revolved around him. He was everything to them, their baby, their big brother, support and idol. Their parents had invested richly on him, being the only one to travel outside the country to further his studies. But things changed when Brother, as we fondly call him, met and fell in love with one of the village belles. They considered her a wayward gold digger and were not happy with their brother’s decision to make an honest woman out of her.

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For many years, it was a tug of war between Brother, his wife and his siblings who kept insisting that rather than marriage slowing down Sister, it had only empowered her to sink deeper into the pit of sexual immorality. For, though Brother was fulfilling his own responsibilities as husband and father, she was far from being grateful for her exalted position.

For a man that saw her through the College of Education and then the University, much was expected of her than what the sisters insisted she was dishing out to their brother. Their greatest pain, being that she thought she deserved and was entitled to everything she was getting and never failed to stick it in their faces whenever she had the opportunity. In and out of school, there was a trail of rumours and speculations about her chain of lovers and one particular one had it that while at the University, she dated a fellow student and lecturer for obvious reasons.



But, though Brother’s ears were full, he still stood his ground, maintaining that she was his beloved wife and mother of his children and above all else, he trusted her and until he had physical evidence of her alleged promiscuity, he had nothing to discredit her innocence.

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One would have thought that for his unflinching support, Sister would at least, muster the will power to shake off what now appeared to be a compulsive behaviour or addiction. Extra marital sex was pleasurable, especially where legit sex was not so regular as Brother was similar to the legendary “Ajala” who travelled all over the world.

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When the illness began, it was Brother again who took her to the hospital when it became clear that what they assumed was malaria and typhoid fevers had turned into an indescribable illness, travelling all round her body and rendering her immobile. At a point, Brother was said to have asked his wife if it was not the juju of the oracle at work, but Sister denied having crossed the line and maintained her unflinching devotion to her marriage vows.

. . . . . .

They said she even swore upon her life and those of her children, that she had not been unfaithful to him. But back in the village and amongst close relatives. . . . . It has been almost 10 years now. Sister has become even less than a shadow of her once beautiful self and has remained in the village, her once glamorous, rich life over.

Still, Brother insists that, had she confided in him, he would have protected her because of his love for her and her children. But beyond that, because he is no saint and is guilty of same offense. The only difference is their sexes, she is female and society does not approve of such laxity on the part of women.

Yet, there are men who willingly set their wives up for the sexual pleasures of other men, especially for material benefits and money.

The movie, Indecent Proposal readily comes to mind. While most of such relationship eventually break down after the ugly deed might have been done, some couples sometimes turn out to be two of a kind. A lady once told me that she took the decision to end her four year old marriage after she found out that her husband had deliberately set her up for a rump with the MD of one of the companies he did business with.


She had gone to the man’s office on his behalf that day and left highly embarrassed and humiliated after the man informed her that she was being used as a bait to win a contract. He told her that he considered her a sister and would never do such a thing with her, more so, she was someone’s wife. They had a big fight that night and then, she knew the marriage was over. She would rather prostitute of her own free will than be used as a pun.

However the couple in a story told by a close friend, lived up to their marital vows of “for better, for worse”. The husband was the love-vendor and took her to the clients and they made no attempt to hide their business from family, friends and neighbours. The “guy man” had brought his ludicrous trade from Oyinbo land where he’d been deported from after serving a jail sentence, and found a willing adventurer in a very pretty, young girl, old enough to be his daughter. They both died as a result of complications from HIV/AIDS a couple of years ago and the neighbours were glad to see their backs.

People should do what ever makes them happy. We never copy the positives of the West, only the negatives.

Following

zed7:
People should do what ever makes them happy. We never copy the positives of the West, only the negatives.

That is the main hypocrisy. We are not copying “The West”. This has been in Africa before the coming of The West, hypocrisy and ALL.

Open marriage bawo when single parenthood will do just fine. We aren't gonna get there, not in 190yrs to come?

Preeeeeeeeach it to the HYPOCRITES!
Amen!!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90Nu006jSfk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0zgsa3ijuY

Nigerian women are too financially and emotionally starved to have an open marriage. Money and love are very addictive to dem so the thought of sharing it with another woman is hard to imagine.

Na wa.

Fake report.

KanwuliaExtra:
Part 2.


https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vanguardngr.com/2016/04/nigerias-self-styled-open-marriages-2/amp/







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@KanwuliaExtra:
So what is your take? Do you do it, considering doing it or did it before? Any advise? For someone in the USA, open marriages cannot be any worse than normal everyday way of life seen in Yankee...

kurus:
@KanwuliaExtra:
So what is your take? Do you do it, considering doing it or did it before? Any advise? For someone in the USA, open marriages cannot be any worse than normal everyday way of life seen in Yankee...

I have given a lot of answers to your questions on and off NL. Not interested in repeating myself.

open marriages is the kind of Union were both parties get to have sex with each other and others outside the Union with the consent of both parties

I don't know how that is self-styled

I love this

.https://tobechispeaks./2020/09/04/sex-and-marriage-are-not-government-buissness/