₦airaland Forum

This topic is so wrong!! You Don't discuss stuff like this, this is why they say the internet does more harm than good.
Many will read this and many will start seeing women as some desperate object instead of a companion to love, cherish and care for.

sassysure:
U want to marry me
I am a married woman of course.

Just wanted to let you guys know it ain't easy on babes too. In dormitory, I was nicknamed one guys name because he couldn't give up. Till I went to uni.

He is one of my cousin's friend. Took my picture( don't know if its with his permission) from his house and enlarged. Hung in his sitting room.
When he finally got the message that I don't want to marry him, he went for another person. It was around Easter break and I came home from school, was jisting with a nebor when I saw a convoy of cars,asked and was told it's the guy. This guy still stopped, walked up to where me and the elderly woman were. Thank goodness for that woman. She deflected what would have hung me finally. I saw this guy with the wife drove pass me the next day, he stopped and came out to greet me. I have to involve the head of his family. I sneak in to my village towards late evening, use apiam way and enter my house through the backyard. Stay with my mum without coming out till I leave. All because of men. They will be at the compound with the elders and I will jump fence from the back and disappear straight to my mum's hometown.

Girls get it worst. They will ruin your reputation. They will go to beer parlour and make u the topic of discussion.
A babe almost blinded me with very long cane simply because her so called boyfriend wanted to marry me. His dad mandated him to marry me. Have never met the guy. Actually bypassed him on his way to my house to see me
He don't know me either. It wasn't easy for me at all. Some babes get guys who want to befriend them, I get suitors. Had few,very few guys who want to befriend me and all were outside my state.

Some will stalk you.

So when u guys are busy making it look like babes are all over you, know that your brothers are killing themselves over other women. They spent money, they can go to any length.

The way men aggressively pursued me actually had a very negative effect on me toward men cos it was suffocating and too clingy. Yeah, at a point my mummy got worried cos I never responded positively to any.

You want to know about what women pass through in the hands of men, u will never find it here, go to hair salon or campus and you will be shocked to see the level men( not boys) with money and class will go to have a babe answer his name.

This is an Igbo thing, Pélé

Sirvingeo:
It's prevalent in ladies . I even have a lady of 35 disturbing me for marriage and I'm just 28 oo. I can't narrate all the story .

abeg even if na small, Biko gist us

southniyikaye:
one of them is on this forum right now, we've chatted, she is extremely desperate. I know she will see this. She is ambitious and very desperate. You would've even come across her post on numerous occasions

Abeg I want meet her... Respondez

sassysure:
What I'm reading here make it look like ladies are the only desperate ones.


Have u ever seen a desperate guy who want to marry a lady by fire by force?
He is that lady's everyday nightmare.
Sometimes, u have to involve the elders to stop him from harassing you.

The worst is that they are very manipulative.

If they happen to be from the same village with you, all worst.

They will try to manipulate your parents through their family and friends, when they see that your family is the struggling type, they will introduce money.
Some are so arrogant they will go straight to your people with their elders without consulting you or even proposing first not to talk of u accepting their proposal.

As a young maiden, I saw it all. Some came to my school, sometimes especially during Christmas when u go home, u will wonder if father Christmas visited your house.
Is it gifts, they don't take rejection easily.

I had lots of suitors. If they were 10( trust me, I got more than that), 7 were very shocked I said no, then 5 started aggressive wooing using all manner of manipulations.

Most babes around me experience the same thing. It's worst when you enter higher institution. Get admission to study medicine, pharmacy or nursing and they will break your father's gate. U will get call from abroad( both genuine and fake abroaders )tire.

Most well to do men from my tribe don't accept rejection easily. It is a knockout on his image and they have this huge ego. And if you are wooing a girl for marriage, most times, your peers and family are aware of that.
So its a kind of challange and a hurdle they must cross by any means possible. What ladies dont know is that when such men finally nail you, you are simply a trophy at that particular moment to be discarded for another one.
When you say no,mean it and move on.

that should be btw 90s to 2007, right? Tell me the truth. Not in this century, I doubt.

Ulunne777:
First arrangee. Came back for Xmas and we finally met. He said if I agree before the end of the week we will marry. I refused, Oga wedded another woman end of the week. I marvel at women . You marry someone you are meeting for the first time in less than 3 days.

2nd Arrangee. Suddenly realized he was getting old. I was 19 and just got admission he was 34.There was nothing he didn't promise me even a car. My plans in life didn't have him in it. Will be disturbing me with midnight calls. #1 of his money I didn't see, an importer at that with so many shops. He doesn't give girls money lyk he said.His mum on meeting me for the first time told me if I won't marry him I shouldn't waste his time and money. I left him quick quick.
When I refused and left for school, he dated another girl that he paid for her school fee for 4 yrs including project and clearance then the girl absconded. I was on my way home from school when he met me on the road after 5 yrs to narrate the whole story and started begging me again.you and your mother should Eat your money. Nonsense

3rd was hellish. My lecturer. This man begged me at every opportunity until my course mates started laughing at us. He informed even his colleagues and they joined in begging me. He was in his 40s while I was in my early 20s.

After I went out with him on a lecturers insistence, he was gulping okra soup ND telling me he can't stay a day without eating it. We drove over to his house where he claimed he wanted to pick something. This man inserted porn for meoo and started caressing me as his gbola has risen. God saved me that day. Anuofia..

One week later he called me that our wedding cards was out. See me see wahala, I had to inform my bf and parents. It was war. Laslas he started threatening me with my results in final yr. My lecturer friends had to warn him.

Almost a decade later, he isn't married yet which is his business anyway.

4th one that I was recommended to. On our first meeting the fool was squirming in his seat and when he could finally muster courage to talk had the guts to ask me if I was ready to bear children. I then asked him if that was all a wife means to him. Idiot. No introductions whatsoever.

They are plenty oo. Ulunne is a wife material oo. E NO get wetin I no see

My co- ulunne, you see men acting like we're the desperate ones, whereas they even more desperate.

I wish ladies will see all these stories and learn. Of course there are also stories of men desperate to be married for one reason or the other, but na our own plenty pass. See the way men talk about women any how cos of the attitude of some of us. Las las na we dey make men treat any woman dem see without respect and dignity. I wish we can just repackage ourselves. The sentimental talk of "they have sister, mother and daughter" no dey enter men again

greatbrian:
Funny thing is she never asked me for anything not even sub. Infact there was a time I had issues with my 2nd account and I needed flying to Lagos from kaduna. Charming still sent the money and even when I tried paying her back 2 days later or so, she refused it. I really dnt know why she was so into marriage. Personally, hv promised God no sex before marriage and apart I feel marriage is a life thing since in my Bible the only reasons for divorce or remarrying is adultery or death of partner. So I feel one really need to take his time and pray hard not even with the sad news that grace the front page of Nairaland about domestic violence in marriage and level of divorce in that magistrate court in Ibadan.

I understand you. Please talk to her. There's a way you can slow a fast-moving and desperate heart. I am 34 years old, and I think I am a strong believer in no-sex-before-marriage. I think you have work to do, given that you have said something nice about her. Other than her open weakness, look at what you can accept. I have to say there's no woman that is perfect. No matter who you meet, she will always have one issue, flaw or the other. And that's why love is our bridge for that.

If you like her, you will have to work with her. Once I like a girl and she has some admiring qualities, I begin to draw her attention on her weakness (as I would like her to draw me to mine, because sometimes, I may not know), so she can begin to work on them--in case I am going deep and possibly going to settle for her. Speaking gently and with empathy, point to her weakness, and let her understand your principles, and why you are taking your time as marriage is not a child's play. She'll understand you, I believe.

If you like her, let her know a man needs his time to himself. Sometimes, I want to stay alone, think and look over myself. Some women don't know that there's no successful man who doesn't have his time to himself, even when they are deeply and madly in love. Their time alone is necessary to groom their mind, work, and all that. All the mighty men we read their stories spend quality time alone. In fact, some of them have places they go alone, to think things over, plan and all that--despite being married. Let her understand! Recommend good books to her. If you still don't want her, let her know. Either as friends or goodbye.

By the way, I admire your stance and principle. God will give you the best. Amen!

Eileene:
oga don't use me to settle score o

btw how are you so sure of her age

:D

.

I read all the stories on here. And I had to pity the ladies Stop being desperate! Men will never respect you if you are . It doesn't matter whether you are 30 or anything. Have patience and don't rush to a wrong Guy ..Those that married in their early 20s to wrong partners are regretting and wished they had chilled down a bit. Because their dreams and freedom are taken away from them seems you don't know that most marriages are bondage. I have a lady that married at 24 got divorced at 32 and said she will never marry again. She had a very terrible marriage and wished had had never got married according to her ..She has 3 kids already. She said the biggest mistake she made was getting married early. Now she is the happiest woman in the world. Raising her kids if you like Call her a single mother, that's your headache. She is a happy single Mother. living well.. no troubles....Men came for marriage she chased all of them away.. all of them well to do. They will be begging. Because this lady is very responsible.. she has found her voice and found meaning in life within 3 years. But she will tell me she doesn't need Men anymore . The reason why those still in terrible marriage cant leave is because it's their husbands that feeds them. They are scared to leave. am a Man, but I can tell you Most Men are useless. A man go show you love but once u are married, then he changes.. he will be telling you what do you want again.. you are eating .. he is paying bills ..as if that's all marriage is made for
Well thats a topic for another day. so back to our "desperate" ladies ..please it's Rubbish. Don't be desperate.. look for money... Get a skill. Then you will be amazed it's Responsible Men that will come to propose.

Decimus:
Why do most of you ladies always put YImu or Yinmu infront of that YIM?

Shrugs....

So what do you think should be there

Maziaugment:
My own story is somehow similar to yours, she will always disturb me with marriage stories, how her friends are successfully married bla bla, as a hustling guy I no send her, our problem started when i adviced her not to bow to the pressure of my mates are getting married, my mates now have kids and she was just 24 then. She broke up with me around November 2017 with the reason that I'm still a hustling guy, I'm from Ebonyi State while she is from Anambra State and she can't marry far from home. I moved on with my life, around March 2018 she got married to one guy that's from Rivers State, the marriage didn't last up to 6 months and they divorced. She's back to Anambra single to stupor seeking my face... Sometime in April she came to my house without giving me a prior notice she was coming, after scolding her never to try it again, I still walked her out, because I know what she wants now. Make we date and probably I fit marry her but that one no go work out..

Sometimes I wonder why people reject one another

Met one girl one time, mehn I really like the babe somehow, then she sef package herself like good girl. When she enta me, see say this guy dey ok for am, e never even reach 2 weeks, she don dey talk marriage. Marriage wetin? She said, we should get married in 3 months time, that she love me, she is ok with me. Me I was like, me I can't marry a woman in 3 months oh, I need at least 2 years, may my eye dey ground know wetin I dey buy. She was adamant, pestering me all the time, later she said she will give me 6 months, that she spoke to her pastor, he wants to see me, yen yen yen, that it's not how long we date that matters. So far we are good with eachother, it will work. Omo my brain just dey uninstall the program straight. I japaaaa. Go find mumu wey you go marry for 3 months na, no be me. She get big yansh oh with nice shape , but I can't take dat risk, neva. Before person go marry beautiful problem. Like 6 months later, I saw her FB, she don marry one short guy like that. Like another 1 year later, divorce don enta. Baba God thanks a billion!

adedayoa2:
one was so desperate that after some years he got married and i was still single, he was like shebi you see, you're still single, you should have married me. I told him, presntly i am still single, even if you still ask me to marry you, i will still say 'no'. He is still avoiding me, after many years.

Truth be told most of you have very wide pussy so no man can marry you

I am happy for you

Blackmann001:
Yes na... In abt 2 years time... Pepper never rest!

CsRockefeller:
Sir, please marry that Lady, I tell you, God will continue to shower his blessings upon you, you will prosper and sour like an Eagle.

Almost same scenario with my Dad and till today, he never lacks.

Marrying that lady might be one of the biggest mistakes in his life: let's not be sentimental please.

Dude made a wise decision.

zuby4real10:
She was so desperate to the extent that even if she wants to give or collect something from me she has to kneel small. Always calling me her husband. She is more than 100% nice and submissive.she is the only lady that I have ever see that didn't wait for her man to introduce her to his family. I don't even know how she got my mum's number nd start communicating with her. I single handed sponsored her 3 years NCE education. From the comments I am seen here on nairaland is as if as I am the only man that sponsored a lady's education with out regrets uptil date. My only problem with this lady is that she and her family are so poor to the extent that they see me as their meal ticket, as if as am the best thing that ever happens to them. I thinked about the liability of marrying this girl and her family own I run. Uptil now the lady is still waiting and begging for me to come back. She is always asking what she did wrong. I beg I no fit kill myself, love and loyalty alone can not sustain a marriage cos they can't pay bills.

God have mercy . So , the only reason is bcoz her family is poor ？ if at all you ar rich or richer than dangote believe it that someone was of a help to your success . You might be the helper they pray for but hear your self . God will give that lady richer and humble man than 。 oh no

Decimus:
Yes, there are women like that.

Just go to school and be gainfully employed, have a great career, or have something reasonable that fetches you money and don't be a liability. Then you won't lack suitors even into your 40s.

Bad advice.

mustausman:
Please a good Samaritan should help a brother with a token to get some foidstuffs.I am a private school teacher , no dime since march.... God bless the giver....

GTB, 0464929698,I.B.

I was about sending you 1k from the little I have but I decided to check your posts. In a comment you said you teach in kaduna, in another comment u said u teach in kebbi. You evn dropped two different account numbers.

Stop doing this and blocking those who are really suffering, it's not good. I have once been very penniless without food to eat in the past so I know how 1k can go a long way for people.

ravensckar:
Honestly, when I read one-sided write ups like these, I feel appalled. Ain't there two sides to a coin any more? The so-called 'desperation' from ladies may not always be what you think. It could be a way of saying their own mind is made up. They have no more time to waste.

Now, let me shock you with my own story. When I met the lady I'm married to today, she told me straight up that she's not in for any long term relationship. She's almost done with school and that if the relationship won't lead to marriage, I should jejely excuse her. Me being the 'guyman' that I was then, I wanted to chop and clean mouth. I sha played along with the intent to chop until I'm full. Now, therein lies my confusion; the said lady in question was everything I wanted in a woman (beautiful, educated, well behaved, God-fearing and highly industrious). But I have just one problem; I wasn't ready for marriage. Money no dey, even the job I was doing then, salary was around 70K.


She sha encouraged me that we should pull our resources together and that we'll survive. Long story cut short, I decided to give it a shot. After all, person wey dey ground no get anywhere to fall to. We got married in less than 4 months of dating. When I mean married, I mean a proper and elaborate wedding. Brethrens, today we're still together. Yes, she's not perfect just like I'm not as well, but we are still happily married.

It was later I understood the reason for her 'desperation'. She had wasted too much time dating some Bleep boys, hence, she felt she has no more time to waste. To her, if it's not going to lead to marriage, then, she shouldn't even venture into it. What we guys see as 'desperation' to some ladies, it's called making up their mind.

Don't blame it on us you got her wrong. Most guys talking about desperation here met DESPERADOs. Like the kind of 'we die here's or 'me or noone'.

Your wife gave you an option, these gals wud take your name to ritualist if you are not smart or prayerful enough. You must be tactical with Breaking up with them or them go curse your bloodline.

zuby4real10:
She was so desperate to the extent that even if she wants to give or collect something from me she has to kneel small. Always calling me her husband. She is more than 100% nice and submissive.she is the only lady that I have ever see that didn't wait for her man to introduce her to his family. I don't even know how she got my mum's number nd start communicating with her. I single handed sponsored her 3 years NCE education. From the comments I am seen here on nairaland is as if as I am the only man that sponsored a lady's education with out regrets uptil date. My only problem with this lady is that she and her family are so poor to the extent that they see me as their meal ticket, as if as am the best thing that ever happens to them. I thinked about the liability of marrying this girl and her family own I run. Uptil now the lady is still waiting and begging for me to come back. She is always asking what she did wrong. I beg I no fit kill myself, love and loyalty alone can not sustain a marriage cos they can't pay bills.

I think she will be a good wife if you take away your fears. Empower her to take Care of her family

one 17 year old girl was disturbing to take her to my mum

Raalsalghul:
Marrying that lady might be one of the biggest mistakes in his life: let's not be sentimental please.

Dude made a wise decision.

It is a Yes or No situation. It is hard to tell how things would turn if they marry. Honestly, I have come to term marriage as a risk, a venture. You can't always know where it will lead and how it will go. Make God help us single men

obinna58:
Sometimes I wonder why people reject one another

not meeting up to expectations leads to rejections bro

Eileene:
If only they knew that being desperate makes them even more undesirable.

u can't force marriage on anyone

what is the use of pinning marriage on a man just because ur clock is ticking then after d wedding u two start living lyk strangers.No happiness nothing.

in this life we are going to live only once

societal pressure has a lot to do with this.

But one should not live unhappily just becos u want to please society that will still turn around and castigate u wen things go wrong.
life is too short jare

why USD called desperation
They can't help themselves

Onyi22:
Chai!!! See as guys they insult ladies..
Useless guys on Nairaland

Message me lets talk

Raydos:
Well I have no experience, But my Sister Is going through this right now, She was a Very pretty girl back then in School to the extent almost every guy want a piece of her, But she turned them all down!!

There was even one brilliant guy that really loved her so much that He even went as far as Writing Exam for her, Imagine taking that risk for a lady?? He doesn't even care if he get caught and get rusticated! He loved .y sister so much

But upon all these, My sister still turned him down, The reason For this is not farfetched, She was a very Pretty girl and she feel she can settle down anytime she want, She think guys will always want her cos of there pretty face!!

Fast forward to 7 years later, She's not Yet married now, Depression Has finished her, She couldn't celebrate her 34th birthday last year, instead she just Stay indoors and cry all day!!

I really feel bad seeing her cry, It moved me to tears, She's isn't as attractive As she was when she was 25!!

This is sad

adewumiopeyemi:
I wil move on. But I no she wil come begging I wount chat her up or even call her but she wil know something is missing in her life
I wil make sure I disconnect any way for me to. Come closer to me

COnfirm

Na so them dey do

Maziaugment:
not meeting up to expectations leads to rejections bro

People understand reasons for things, you don't have to reject anyone. Give life Value.

drmikeadams:
Am happy for u,,most men go carry additional problems add their own in d name of marriage.

exactly. Like my brother once told me... he said life is a journey, as a man you need to look for someone to help you in the journey not someone to slow you down.

obinna58:
People understand reasons for things, you don't have to reject anyone. Give life Value.

Thank you!!!