₦airaland Forum

GboyegaD:
Thanks. I do not need any interference just the way they see I do not interfere. Had a fair share at some point they asked questions I felt were not supposed to and had to remind my wife on our agreement. It is called fairness.

@bold:

A number of in-laws don't know how to balance activating their stake in the marriage and interferring.

This is mostly from the husband's side though.

@Your wife: that is what we are asking the OP if he is up to the task. His mother will be a bad MIL: when the wife calls on him. Can he objectively look at the issues and bring them to a head or would he go the route of 'my family members are saints so you are the problem' even when he knows the stuff they are made of?

Every one needs to protect their spouse from their families when necessary also.

But your Mom is right, your girl is loose very loose. Cohabiting with a guy who isn't married to her makes her cheap.And she's pregnant too? Lol. The only sad thing is she's only judged the lady and leave you out of the immorality you two are involved in.

Well at this point, Brother fast and pray. I only pity the lady because na she go suffer pass.

Don't worry, your mum won't disown you. Infact, you have no problem, but you see your girlfriend, she must get ready for future battle.

What do you take marriage for?
Foundations like this are a recipe for disaster! Shaky starts like is one of the reasons we have so many divorces. Root causes are often overlooked for superficial symptoms.

Having someone else represent your mother, while she's alive, is sending a wrong signal to your in laws, in particular.

Would your father allow the suggestion he's proffering, if he was in your mother's shoes?

Open up to your mother, and plead with her, since the lady is already pregnant.

Your mother is confused and raised a confused son.

If you and your fiancé are compatible, working and have no issues, go and get married or "shack up". That baby does not need you people's confusion.

Francis609:
posted few months ago about my mum doesn’t approve of my relationship with my fiancé ,after being informed by my sister that my fiancé started staying with me she left her house and came to stay with me in a single room she actually came to chased her away .

Well after reading all your comments which I really appreciated it and I concluded that I should allow my fiancé to go and stay with her friend until my mum leaves then she could come back. My fiancé was 2 months pregnant we decided to keep it a secret until after our wedding

I have planned to meet up with her family for introduction and traditional wedding during this pandemic with a small number of family member, we want everything to be done before her stomach start showing . I didn’t tell my mom but my dad was aware of that but i didn’t tell him about the pregnancy.

My mother was so happy to see her leaving and she told me about this girl that she want me to marry , the girl is from the same tribe as her and she is from a good family etc etc . I wasn’t even concentrating on what she was saying because my mind was busy thinking about my pregnant fiancé how she would cope staying with her friend and for how long she would be there because I wasn’t sure for how long my mother would be staying with me , fortunately she left after a week and my fiancé came back three days later.

So far we have been planning to meet-up with her people which my dad had agreed but my mum has been against the decision saying if I marry her , she will disown me , she is been saying a lot of things that I am just stubborn like my father and she regretted keeping me with her after her divorce , if she knew I will turn up to be just like my father , she would have had abandoned me with my dad that she is regretting all her money that she has had spent on me etc etc , actually she curse me.

I had informed my dad about what she said to me and he said I shouldn’t listen to her , what matter is I love my fiancé and I should go ahead with the wedding that his wife ( my step mum ) will be representing my mum , have told my dad that the idea is not bad but she is alive and I think is good for me to get blessing from both of them at that point I had no other choice and opened up to my dad about the pregnancy even taught he scolded me for getting her pregnant before marriage but he was so happy at the end and accepted that we should see her family as soon as possible.

I taught maybe if I have had also told my mum about the pregnancy , she would accept my fiancé and give us her blessing because she love her grandkids a lot and an additional one would have make her more happier but I was wrong , after I had informed her about the pregnancy all she could say was she should keep the pregnancy and after giving birth DNA must be done , if I am the father of the child we will go and collect the baby from her so she could be to move on with her life. I become angry with her and I asked her as a mother herself , how would she feel if she had given birth and her baby had been taken away from her or if it happened that any of my sisters got pregnant and the guy family want nothing to do with her but they only after her baby , she said it wouldn’t happen to any of her daughters because she has trained them well , she said lots of things that my fiancé is a loose girl that she was fully aware that she never liked her but she intentionally gotten pregnant thinking that she will change her mind so she can start liking her but that will not be possible.

I become angry with her but I didn’t say anything, I left her house and called my dad and I informed her about what she said , he said I should go ahead with the wedding without her and stick to his decisions that my step mum should represent her. I don’t know if it is possible to go ahead with the wedding without my mum being involved because the way she behaves if she doesn’t want something she will stick to her decisions no matter what , and my fiancé had been crying since because she doesn’t want to end up being a single mother .

I love my fiancé and I don’t want to leave her but I am so confuse to the point of I cannot concentrate anymore because I am depressed right now . I want to go ahead and do as my dad said but I am still asking myself , If I ever go ahead and marry her without my mother blessing would I ever be happy into my marriage because I don’t want to end up a divorcee like my parents , I want to spend the rest of my life with my fiancé and nobody else. I have been thinking since And I have lost sleep because of this issue sometimes I just wished that my mother could be an easy person to accept my fiancé even if she doesn’t like her but at least she could try to accept her for the sake of her unborn innocent grandchild in her womb.

Please help a confuse brother

SenorFax:
There is a reason God placed marriage blessings in the hands of the parent. He knew the children will always thought they are smarter. Unless you've been married, you need parental and God's guidance.

What exactly are you talking about? You mean he should sacrifice his peace of mind to massage the emotion of visibly seen tribal bigot?

If the so called mother (with all due respect) couldn't keep a marriage, how then can she advice one on how to keep one?

I bet you see her response and choice of words when the son asked her if she would say same if it was her own daughter

Femsyn:
Don't worry, your mum won't disown you. Infact, you have no problem, but you see your girlfriend, she must get ready for future battle.

What do you take marriage for?
Foundations like this are a recipe for disaster! Shaky starts like is one of the reasons we have so many divorces. Root causes are often overlooked for superficial symptoms.

Having someone else represent your mother, while she's alive, is sending a wrong signal to your in laws, in particular.

Would your father allow the suggestion he's proffering, if he was in your mother's shoes?

Open up to your mother, and plead with her, since the lady is already pregnant.

Plead with her on what exactly?

You must be a comedian

AFONAMARO:
Plead with her on what exactly?

You must be a comedian

Why not give your own advice, instead of calling people names and rubbishing other opinions?

I don't know why parents most especially ones born in mid 90's often attach too much
Importance to themselves.
Majority of our parents still live with the ideology of since I gave birth to you. You r forever subjected to me. Acknowledging and paying dues to your parents as the source of one's life is cool but when they start substituting dictatorial trait in disguise of love nd care then that's where the issue is when you clearly have a matured thoughts and mind of yours.

Do they ever realize giving birth to a child doesn't mean they are forever in control of his/her thoughts.

I v forever swore that no soul would ever come between anything that gives me joy be it human or material thing.


Bruh, go ahead and marry who ever makes you happy. But still continue to dey put her on the motherly love cruise ND pay dues when needed but go settle your love life.

Francis609:
Please help a confuse brother

U are a very confused fellow!
I only pity ur fiancee
Why did u get her pregnant since u know u run to ur mum for everything?
U just want to ruin d life of DAT girl.

Rozz:
The lady should just take a walk in peace, your mother will bring her alot of troubles

But she is pregnant.
U think it will be that easy for her to take a walk?

DontBullshitMe:
At age 33, you should be able to take decisive actions.

Honestly!
How can someone be above 30 yrs & still unable to make clear decision!

mrsteel:
But she is pregnant.
U think it will be that easy for her to take a walk?

ha!some ladies sef, dem never marry you finish, you don go carry belle mtcheww

bukatyne:
Also like Nin.gen said, ensure that you are willing and strong willed enough to protect your wife from your mother in future.

She will try to frustrate her: you will determine if she would succeed.

Most importantly, have you heard from God?

No need for d bold.
Someone like op that is incapable of making decisions can never protect anyone.

Rozz:
ha!some ladies sef, dem never marry you finish, you don go carry belle mtcheww

Love

mrsteel:
Love

who is at the receiving end now?

Rozz:
who is at the receiving end now?

Love can make one to do certain things.
Remember the first time u fell in love, the things u did with that guy

mrsteel:
Love can make one to do certain things.
Remember the first time u fell in love, the things u did with that guy

things I did indeed

Rozz:
things I did indeed

Lol

Your mum's reason might be flimsy but she just feels she has a hold on you and you must bend to her will. I think you haven't asserted yourself as a man of your own. That's why she can influence your decision.

I went through something similar but my husband is the type that stands his ground and doesn't allow interference.

You need to make your mum understand that your choice of a wife is your decision and you will appreciate her blessings.

Righteousness89:
I will be blunt with you!

It's Good to note, that you know you are confused!

I will never support pregnancy outside Marriage! It's a No as long as I am Concerned! Anyway, the deed has been done..

Your parents are not together, so You need to be very careful! So as not to carry over their issues to your Home..

Try to sit down with your mom and know her reasons for not accepting your baby mama..

What is your real reason for wanting the lady in question!
Did you pray about your Marriage partner?

Or you wanna marry her due to the pregnancy..


Marriage is not what you rush into anyhow!
If not you may end up coming back here to tell us another story of Wahala!

Calm down... ask God for Forgiveness for Fornication..

Seek divine Guidance on your Marriage..

If you get divine approval, then you go on and Marry Her. If you didn't, do not marry!

How can he receive divine approval on things like this??

Francis609:
posted few months ago about my mum doesn’t approve of my relationship with my fiancé ,after being informed by my sister that my fiancé started staying with me she left her house and came to stay with me in a single room she actually came to chased her away .

Well after reading all your comments which I really appreciated it and I concluded that I should allow my fiancé to go and stay with her friend until my mum leaves then she could come back. My fiancé was 2 months pregnant we decided to keep it a secret until after our wedding

I have planned to meet up with her family for introduction and traditional wedding during this pandemic with a small number of family member, we want everything to be done before her stomach start showing . I didn’t tell my mom but my dad was aware of that but i didn’t tell him about the pregnancy.

My mother was so happy to see her leaving and she told me about this girl that she want me to marry , the girl is from the same tribe as her and she is from a good family etc etc . I wasn’t even concentrating on what she was saying because my mind was busy thinking about my pregnant fiancé how she would cope staying with her friend and for how long she would be there because I wasn’t sure for how long my mother would be staying with me , fortunately she left after a week and my fiancé came back three days later.

So far we have been planning to meet-up with her people which my dad had agreed but my mum has been against the decision saying if I marry her , she will disown me , she is been saying a lot of things that I am just stubborn like my father and she regretted keeping me with her after her divorce , if she knew I will turn up to be just like my father , she would have had abandoned me with my dad that she is regretting all her money that she has had spent on me etc etc , actually she curse me.

I had informed my dad about what she said to me and he said I shouldn’t listen to her , what matter is I love my fiancé and I should go ahead with the wedding that his wife ( my step mum ) will be representing my mum , have told my dad that the idea is not bad but she is alive and I think is good for me to get blessing from both of them at that point I had no other choice and opened up to my dad about the pregnancy even taught he scolded me for getting her pregnant before marriage but he was so happy at the end and accepted that we should see her family as soon as possible.

I taught maybe if I have had also told my mum about the pregnancy , she would accept my fiancé and give us her blessing because she love her grandkids a lot and an additional one would have make her more happier but I was wrong , after I had informed her about the pregnancy all she could say was she should keep the pregnancy and after giving birth DNA must be done , if I am the father of the child we will go and collect the baby from her so she could be to move on with her life. I become angry with her and I asked her as a mother herself , how would she feel if she had given birth and her baby had been taken away from her or if it happened that any of my sisters got pregnant and the guy family want nothing to do with her but they only after her baby , she said it wouldn’t happen to any of her daughters because she has trained them well , she said lots of things that my fiancé is a loose girl that she was fully aware that she never liked her but she intentionally gotten pregnant thinking that she will change her mind so she can start liking her but that will not be possible.

I become angry with her but I didn’t say anything, I left her house and called my dad and I informed her about what she said , he said I should go ahead with the wedding without her and stick to his decisions that my step mum should represent her. I don’t know if it is possible to go ahead with the wedding without my mum being involved because the way she behaves if she doesn’t want something she will stick to her decisions no matter what , and my fiancé had been crying since because she doesn’t want to end up being a single mother .

I love my fiancé and I don’t want to leave her but I am so confuse to the point of I cannot concentrate anymore because I am depressed right now . I want to go ahead and do as my dad said but I am still asking myself , If I ever go ahead and marry her without my mother blessing would I ever be happy into my marriage because I don’t want to end up a divorcee like my parents , I want to spend the rest of my life with my fiancé and nobody else. I have been thinking since And I have lost sleep because of this issue sometimes I just wished that my mother could be an easy person to accept my fiancé even if she doesn’t like her but at least she could try to accept her for the sake of her unborn innocent grandchild in her womb.

Please help a confuse brother

My dear, just take it calmly

I will advise you hold on till you get your mum to give you her blessings

You see mothers, don't joke with their spirit's living or dead

Don't rush things with her, let you and your woman start living and keep orayiyfor God to chanve her mind

Don't rush for any marriage ceremony, it can be kept on hold

Your mother is bittered over her issues with your dad and she is carrying the bitterness all over every thing that relates to dad

Your dad is giving you the go ahead because of the dislike he has over your mum, saying that your step mum will represent you is like pouring fuel in a fire that needs to be put out

Your dad has lived his life. Learn to live your own life

Continue to show love to your mum and let your woman Continue to show love to her irrespective of her stand against her

Your mum knows that she deliberately pregnant herself but it's an old trick that your mum knows

Just suspend everything for now while living and planning with your woman

Mothers are some thing else and need to be handled with utmost care and caution

You are not her target but your wife, but what affects your wife, affects you

Take your time and don't give the devil a chance